My favorite thing ever is when people forget they aren't muted. "This is a dumbass idea, this shit will never work...........oh shit." All around silence for fifteen seconds. "Ok, let's continue."
Not annoying, but the IT guys are all huge NFL fans and all play fantasy football together and they leave the tv in the breakroom on the NFL network and will "boo" anyone that tries to change it while they're in there. I haven't witnessed it personally yet because I go home for lunch but I heard about it yesterday and went and talked to one of them. She-Asshat went and tried to do her normal white trash thing and just change it so the 5 of them in there all booed her. Apparently it's not just her and they'll do it to anyone. I don't know why, but that is just really funny to me.
There's also someone on that has some kind of phone issue where it's just digital noises/interference with random words mixed in. No one even asks her to repeat what she said. Everyone just moves on.
Really big fan of the delay where everyone is quiet for 2 seconds then 18 people try to talk at the same time.
So many conference calls leave me wondering why the hell I was included in this? I introduce myself, listen (don't really listen) for an hour, then hang up. Thanks guys. Productive call. Wonder how many other people just did nothing for an hour.
Got caught one time when you dialed in it asked you to announce yourself so I did. What I didn't know was that it recorded that and when you left it announced "Oracle has left the meeting". I bailed 20 minutes into a call when I realized it was a waste of my time. Got a call later, needless to say. Now I either say nothing or use Craven Morehead to announce myself.
When it gets to be too annoying, I usually just assign him an inventory task at an account where we keep a shit ton of consignment to get him out of my hair. Of course, two days later, that email will go out. "Just wanted everyone to know that all consignment inventory at General Hospital has been reconciled! Have a great weekend!" And like 7 people will be CCd. lol
Oh boy, a new one! So I noticed that it smelled like burnt toast up here yesterday and I walked through the break room on my way to the bathroom and saw an old woman and some guy talking in there. When I came back through I noticed she had a really, really burnt piece of of toast on a plate. I thought nothing of it at the time. This morning I smelled it again and unfortunately so did all the women around me who all immediately started freaking out as if something was on fire. Well, 30 mins ago me and my coworker were getting some tea and when we left that old woman came in and sure enough a few mins later our whole area smells like burnt toast and the freakout starts again. Asshat smelled it this time and is walking around just dousing people in shitty air spray that he uses to cover his cigarette odor. Told him to fuck off with that shit. So, from all that I've gathered there is an old woman who loves the fuck outta some burnt ass toast and gives zero fucks about it.
Always loved it when someone went in the break room and burnt some popcorn. That has to be the worst fucking smell. One time I went in the break room and see some women in there with windows open fanning towards them. It smelled awful in there and I asked what happened. They said someone had warmed up some fish.
It really isn't even that bad. It smelled like burnt toast for a bit thats it. You'd think it was the end of the world with these people. They were just all walking around sniffing and bitching but never once going to where the only possible place for the source of the smell could come from. There's no telling how long that old lady has been eating burnt ass toast here but little does she know she is about to get bitched at by complete strangers for it now.
We have a guy that will come in an microwave flounder and steamed broccoli. Worst smell ever. He also eats egg salad two or three times a week. A real vile motherfucker, that one.
People will just leave their food in our break room fridge for weeks. The janitors are supposed to clean it out once a week but hardly ever do so it'll smell on occasion. If I see a takeout bag in there for two days straight I'll throw it in the trash because that person is never going to come back for it.
Someone forgot to remove the popcorn popper bag from the plastic covering a few weeks ago. People on the floor below us could smell it. Was on the verge of literally being a burning bag of popcorn. No one owned up to it. Shocking.
Never had anything that bad. Only weird smell was this Indian guy that would eat soup for breakfast. Not like smelly soup or anything he'd eat like Dinty Moore or Campbell's chunky at 8 a.m. It would make it all soupy smelling and didn't mix well with the coffee smells.
We had a diet coke explode in our freezer. No one ever claimed responsibility so two women just cleaned it up.
When I worked in Charlotte a guy in the warehouse would bring in big pans of garlic chicken twice a week and cook them at work to "save money on his power bill" because the break room had an oven and range. When I say garlic chicken, I mean he made the entire office and half a 50k sq ft warehouse stink of garlic. That shit stopped after about three weeks because everyone was about to kill him.
Find it funny you call a guy asshat as an insult. We call this girl asshat, because 1 guy called her that to us explaining that he'd like to wear her ass as a hat. She does have a really nice ass.
That shit blows my mind how break rooms will have oven/stove and then people bring shit in and cook it on their lunch break.
Hey guys if anybody needs me I'll be in the break room making some homemade lasagna. Lisa, I forgot my cutting board, do you still have yours in your desk drawer?
The fat bible thumper who takes a 7 minute casual stroll for her daily exercise loves her Jimmy Dean morning breakfast sandwiches. Have had to smell that crap every morning for the last month as she tries to lose weight apparently. Apparently her family goes to Tijuana Flats every Friday night, and more often than not she brings in leftovers Monday morning. Woof. Oh, and our microwave is 10 feet away from all the cubes so you can't get away from the smell. A couple women argued about the nastiness of the larger department kitchen and we broke off and created our own. It does have its benefits as it's typically clean and there's never a wait.
You know your family has made it when you can afford to eat sub par Mexican food every Friday night. Gotta save Applebee's for special occasions I guess
Fat office women who won't shut up about their "diets" yet continue to eat like shit make me irrationally mad. Congrats on eating a salad three days in a row for lunch, that double cheeseburger meal you've got now plus the piece of cake you had for breakfast today aren't gonna help you shed that last 75 pounds. Please stop talking to me about your "South Beach diet."
Answer the email but please send the response via Skype Chat. Then I'll answer you back through email.
We have a woman who, for whatever reason, has a cell phone that makes this weird sound when she comes off mute on a conference call. It sounds like a "bloop" of sorts. It's been like that for months and people still laugh and make the sound on our weekly conference calls that shes on.
Get chewed out for using dip in the office while keeping my spit bottle hidden. Instead of going outside every hour for 10-15 minutes like the cigarette smokers, I just stay at my desk and work. No one see my bottle or knows I'm dipping except for the occasional spit every 5-10 mins. Having a supervisor come to my desk when some coworkers and I are bullshitting for a short period and saying, "alot of lolly gagging going on here" to later see here walk to the back, and almost an hour later to see here still fucking off back there Just having lingering bosses as a whole is annoying when you still do your job not matter how much you may be doing other things. Covering down on someone else's job and then being expected to continue to do it while the other person browses 9gag. Having a supervisor asking you to do something for them, and then see them browsing the news and not doing anything of importance.
I work with all women. Although I realized that everyone complains, I never fully understood the magnitude of the complaints until I bought the business. One of the women will literally complain about anything. She will tell me how she needs money because she is pregnant so I offer her overtime. If she accepts the offer, she complains about actually having to work. If I do not offer her extra hours she complains that she needs the money. She was/is really attractive (which I initially thought was a positive at the worst) and has always used her looks to compensate for her lack of abilities. I have known her since high school and I could not believe she got into the graduate school that she attended because she is marginally intelligent at best. She is completely lazy and inefficient 99% of the time, but always tries to look like she is working her ass off. She gives meaningless compliments constantly to try to convince me to forget that she is lazy and stabs me in the back when I am not in her direct presence. She refuses to accomplish tasks and procrastinates constantly then does not understand how I can do three times as much as she does and not have to stay late. She is lazy to the point that I pretty much have to leave when she is at work because she will allow me to do my job and to do hers. I need to fire her, but the other employees do not understand that her "niceness" is fake and her way to manipulate people into doing what she wants. To make matters worse, she is a few months pregnant and is already acting like she is the only person that has ever birthed a child. TL;DR: I worked with an attractive, lazy female that hates to be managed, but cannot accomplish mundane tasks without being managed.
Listening now because GirlTalk has dominated my music for years. Also, the Scott Melker Project isn't terrible if you like the mashups.
Zero chance. I am married and being faithful is very important to me. Also, I despise her to the point that I hate being in the same building with her and she has no idea. I wonder if there is a moral protocol for hoping that she gets put on bed rest or decides to be a stay at home mom. Even if I were to be interested, I am no longer college Hide and Seek Champ, I am now bald and weigh 222 on a 5'10" frame. It's not like people are lining up to give me opportunities to cheat and my wife is significantly more attractive than I will ever be at this point.