Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Probably, but still, no

 

I respect that...I've been with the Mrs. for 19 years. Been there, done that

 

Yes I had this same conversation.

"How often do you jack off?"

"Ugh why do you watch porn? Why don't you just think of me while you do it?"

"Why do you even need too? We have sex so much!"

 

I'll find pictures on Facebook or imgur that I want to fuck on my phone or that I know and then I'll find a porn star that looks like them on my iPad and set them down beside each other and that's like my new thing now.

 

Tried and true.

 

How does one achieve a fractional sex point Celemo? Is that some tease and denial kink?

 

About 3 times per 2 weeks

 

Jigga would kill for that frequency

 

Creepy

 

:Feelsgoodman: to be with a chick with a high sex drive. Averaging about 7-10 times a week

 

"Have you ever had sex? I have it felt great. It felt so good when I did it with my penis." -John McGuirk

 

I love some old fashioned irony

 

sounds tiring

 

Once you marry her that will no longer happen

 

One time I was banging this chick from work and I went over there to do the deed and she asks if I want to watch porn and bang. Of course I agreed, thinking she wasn't exposed to some things and this would be more background noise while I got a domer. I was wrong. So wrong. She went right for the squirting section on porn hub. I became very uncomfortable.

 

And somehow this move at least kind of worked out for her.

 

Thought you were a man.

 

I not 40. I'm not a man.

 

I dated this girl for a while. She was really a... nasty freak. She just loved to get down with sex all the time. It was like... anytime of day, she was like, "Yeah, let's go! I'm so nasty!" And I'd be nailing her and she'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me! Cool!"

 

Did you fuk her with ur pecker?

 

Only on Wednesdays

 

So said the guy who knew the best way to hide a body

 

Who has time for that? Xbox is calling me

 

You guys are mean

 

Standoffish

It's a prerequisite

 

Do u need a safe space

 

Probably averaged jacking it once a day since I was 12.

 

At least. Probably closer to 2 if you include all forms of ejaculation.

 

my average is totally dependant on the activity of the SJU thread

 

Hiding bodies is congress 101

 

Haha

My girlfriend is so dumb she doesn't even get this. You should explain it for her please.

 

I usually just count the one form

 

Driving home from dinner, as you approach the house the wife says "Pull over by the mailbox and you can check the mail, you know, probably for the first time ever"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To respond "Oh, you mean like...", naming a few household chores that the wife never does, turn to page 63
To have a peaceful evening, turn to page 102

 

Girlfriends cat is laying on its back on the ground

GF " That's weird that cats hearts are in their stomach"
Me "What are you talking about?"
GF " Look, you can see her heartbeat in her stomach"

I look over, she thought the cats stomach rising and falling from breathing was its heartbeat.

 

Holy shit that's stupid.

 

This woman also has a masters degree. Not in Anatomy obviously.

 

My inability to go to page 102 is likely a contributing factor to me being single.

 

I would give this post 50 likes if I could

 

wait, thats not normal?

 

Not all master's degrees are equal. It is known.

 

My wife teaches Pre-K and has 24ish kids so you don't really text or call unless its important. The first week of each quarter I'm always swamped at work. My MIL knows all this. So on Tuesday (which is a day she picks up kids so me & wife would think its important if she tries to get in touch with us) I get a text that says "Call me when you can talk." So I can call her thinking she can't find my kid's soccer gear or something. Nope she wants to talk to me about this awesome deal she found at the grocery store, fucking oatmeal was on sale. And she only wanted to talk to me b/c she had already tried to call my wife (who said she was too busy to talk).

FTR it was 6 boxes for $.99/each when they are normally $2.50 (I had her buy me 0 boxes)

 

Tuesday my wife shut our garage door on my car as I was backing out. She was 15 feet behind me, in our driveway, looking directly at me as she did it

 

thats a pretty good deal