The addiction thread: A safe place for questions or advice or really anything

maybe you fuck off and save it for some other place, mate

 

I started dipping at like 17. Slowly ramped its way into a two-tin-a-day habit by the time I was around 25. It was incredibly painful to dip but continued to do it anyway. I told myself when I got back from a friend's wedding that I would quit. Had a ceremonious tin on the flight back and went to Target that night to get the patch. I used the strongest patch for 4 weeks, medium strength for 2 weeks and minimum strength for 2 weeks. I didn't drink during those 8 weeks because I would have surely packed a lip. I was 28 when I quit dipping and haven't had a dip in 3 years.

I tried every other cessation technique at various other times of my life. Nothing else worked for me. The gum was too small and was annoying. The mint or other tobacco alternative tins were terrible.

Let me know if you have any questions or want some support.

 

Awesome thread.

A little bit about myself. Got pretty deep into coke by the age of 17. My parents sent me to an AA based treatment for a year in Arizona my senior year of high school. Got about 2 years sober before I started drinking and smoking weed again. Soon after I got into opiates and returned to treatment for 2 months right before my 21st birthday. I've been sober going on 7.5 years. I ended up continuing college after I got out of treatment and ended up settling into psychology. I've been working in the substance abuse field for the past 5 or so years in several different capacities, and am close to finishing my doctorate in clinical psychology.

Addiction is a bitch and the way our society handles it is terrible. The substance abuse treatment field is just as bad. In general it's a giant scam, with unqualified people working in it and largely based off of AA (which people can get for free). I wish there were more resources for people out there besides what we're currently doing, because it's not working.

 

I've told this story many times but I'm a recovering Alcoholic who has been sober for almost 5 years. I wasn't an everyday drinker (not even every week) but when I started I wasn't going to stop on my own.. classic binge drinker. Don't miss a thing about it.

 

My man.

 

There are a few ways to tell.. i'll text them too you.

 

This is word for word what I would have texted you devine .. It is spot on.

I would add a couple things to this.

1) If you yourself saying i'll only drink beer tonight and lay off the hard booze and shots you are already trying to control your drinking which essentially means you are out of control.

2) If you drink to cope with life situations or general feellings you are well on your way to being an alcoholic.

3) Using excuses such as "U would drink to if you had my problems", "Oh its a holiday so i'm ALLOWED to drink" "My gf dumped me so i'm numb the pain" etc.... '

Anyone who uses any type of excuse to "justify their drinking" is a dead wringer for being an alcoholic.

 

Love this thread. Thanks to everyone who shared their stories

 

I have a drink or two 5+ nights a week but never feel the urge to drink much more than that. Still I always wonder if I am setting myself up for a negative trend down the road since I am so consistent even though I never jump off the deep end. I think I would have a hard time cutting it off completely which is never a positive sign and mostly drink to help unwind from a stressful day at work.

I believe I would miss the taste of a nice wine/beer/bourbon, but never sure if that is just me justifying the habit.

 

Yeah is anyone has a question about needs to talk about their alcohol problem pm me anytime.

 

But I will say this devine, do not give way to the Label as much as it is. People put way to much into the label of "being an Acoholic" than just having some issues/problems that you have to deal with. I found it very counter productive in helping me. I hated the label of being an alky. It was more just problems that you deal with and move on from.

 

you are a classic case of can drink every day and never have any problems. You may have some habit factors built in with an underlying stress issue but if you vitals are in the clear and you really don't do much more than that, you really shouldn't have much to worry about. But, if you are having to unwind with booze 5+ nights a week, you may want to try exercising or doing something a little more productive and healthy to do it.

 

This is great advice.. as long as you know in your own mind you are an acoholic don't worry about outside labels.

 

I'm an extremely stressed and anxious individual, and I've tried using alcohol to help loosen up, but all it does to me is make me depressed. Instead I lift weights six days a week

 

1) Not sure I can agree here. I know things hit me differently, so I dont drink those things in excess. To me this is being responsible

3) Are you saying that if I decide to go out on a Sunday because it's a holiday...or if I participate in a drinking holiday like St Patricks day? That these are bad signs?

 

No, thats not what i'm saying. I'm using examples of what alcoholics who when they are trying to justify their drinking... Not before you have a problem, After you have recognized you have one.

 

Was typing this pretty much exact same thing. My ex used to think being sober meant not being wasted, so she would try to go out and justify it by only having beers instead of liquor

 

Hes talking in the classic AA/Alcoholics classification.

Im going to go against the grain but I really don't care for AA at all. If it works for you, more power to you. Im happy you are clean and happy.

But the major thing about AA i do not like it is changes your issue/problems that you need to work on from yourself to blaming alcohol saying you have no power over it and its just how it is. Add that with all the labeling and the thought process that it takes more than yourself to overcome your own issues made me realize that it was not alcohol. it was me. as a person. things i had to work on myself to get better and to learn to live without booze and the influence it had. If it serves as a major purpose in your life in more than a moderate fasion, then you may want to rethink your decisions. If you require drinking every day or know that you plot your booze drinking around your schedule, then you probably have a problem. If you are actually having to contemplate on a regular basis about drinking to and extent that may be to an extreme, you may have a problem.

getting away from alcohol is not about alcohol. Its is about you adjusting and learning how to live without it as a major factor in your life imo.

hope this helps

 

Agreed, the health concerns are my primary worry with the knowledge that it usually starts small and builds. I workout 7 days a week now, but with a kid and 50+ hour work weeks I find a beer or wine helps me shutoff the brain some prior to bed.

 

If you find yourself having issues where you start to really think about it and can't grasp NOT having one, thats when you need to start to worry.

 

Agreed 100%. I got sober in AA and work in a 12 step based treatment center, but haven't been to a meeting in probably 4 years or so.

AA says a lot of stuff that isn't backed up by facts, and the amount of dogma in the program drives me insane.

 

and I get why that works for some people. but I am more of a figure it out type guy. If you are a figure it out and solve the problem type person, AA will drive you insane.

 

I 100% agree. The thing I don't like about AA is the judging, labeling. My only goal is to listen to and help anyone who asks for it. Everyone has a different story.

 

***Myself and DuckintheDesert have started a totally Anonymous thread. *** Its not AA related. It is a open forum for anyone who wants a place to vent and talk to others who can share and understand their experiences. PM me if you want an invite and I'll add you to the forum.

 

bturns this might be my favorite post in TMB history. I feel 99% the same way about just about everything you posted. Pm coming.

 

Guys, keep up the good work!

I have dealt with a few issues myself, which I don't want to talk about on here for obvious reasons, even though this is a safe thread, sometimes it seems civility doesn't hold up when it comes to certain others and the way they react to me. I don't wanna make this about me or why I get heat. I know I post some whacky stuff, but that has nothing to do with this, and out of respect for the others itt and me, I ask that any personal attacks stay out this thread.

One thing I dealt with growing up was my mom was an alcoholic. She was pretty high functioning. My dad/mom had several businesses they ran, as well as my mom toting me and my sister wherever we needed to be. She went to rehab after rehab, and I can remember several times me finding out first hand she relapsed. That stings. I remember one time in particular, we were at my uncle's and I was thirsty and asked for a drink of my mom's drink, and she said no. Right then, even at 8 years old or w/e, I knew why I couldn't have any of her drink. And I was absolutely heart broken.

Finally in 1996 when I was 15 years old, my mom had decided she had had enough and that she was gonna quit drinking. And she did. No rehab, no AA, no nothing. She just slept for several days straight (I guess to get over the withdrawal) and until the day she passed away, she never drank again, as far as I know (outside of one, maybe two times that were 10 or more years later and kind of an extenuating circumstance). And that was one of the best things she ever did. Our relationship got much better. However, due to chronic pain and anxiety issues she ended up on pain pills and xanax. My mom had a gastric bypass in like 1984. In 2000 or so, she had a surgery done where they cut off the extra flab/skin all over her body. After that she had nerve ending pain. Then in 2008, she broke her hip. They did like 8 surgeries (set it, partial replacement, full replacement, the ball came unloose several times and they had to go in and handle that). Then she had an above knee amputation in 2011. So she definitely stayed in pain and had reason to take meds. That was a tough spot. I know she needed them to not hurt. I could tell anytime she had taken xanax as she would get really mean and confrontational. At that point I had also moved back in to help take care of her and the business. That was a very difficult situation. I am glad I was able to help out, but it was very difficult in many aspects.

This has always been so hard for me to talk about. I know I am not, but I have this terrible feeling of guilt that I am talking badly about her, and I am totally not.

This is the condensed version but I guess I am wondering if anyone else feels the same. They know it is good to talk about what they have went through, but feel terribly guilty about it cause they are a good person. My mom was golden to me, and I feel an incredible sense of guilt even talking about it. But I know deep down there are definitely issues that I should about. I just don't know how to do that w/o feeling like I am talking badly about the lady who I loved with every beat of my heart.

 

1- whew!

 

what in the world are u trying to accomplish ?
go eat some ebola, that is about what ur doing fucking retard .

 

thought the same thing. ended up divorced and broke as fuck due to lawyer fees from the resulting custody battle. fun times.

 

Did you get joint custody?

 

yeah i did, and surprisingly his mom is doing very well now.

 

You forgave her for dragging you through that shit and almost costing you everything? You are a bigger man than me

 

nope. i am cordial and friendly, bc of the fact we have a son together, but i wouldn't shed a tear if she got a hold of a just a little too much oxy.

edit: i don't really give a shit about everything she did to me, it's the fact that she fucked our son out of having both his parents around on a daily basis that pisses me off. i know tons of kids grow up with divorced parents, but that's not what i wanted for my little boy.

 

what kind of shit did she try to pull on you in court?

 

For everyone who is facing the idea of stopping your use, I know that it is insanely daunting. I never thought I would be 1) sober or 2) happy in my entire life. Today I am both. My best days while using were worse than my bad days now. Life can be so much better than you think is possible. If anyone wants to talk about it privately, feel free to hit me with a PM.

 

I've been reading quite a bit about codependency and it really has helped me feel a lot better.

 

People with an addiction need help. There isn't a single person who hasn't made significant mistakes in their life. If you do have an addiction, I hope you know there are a ton of people that don't judge you and want to help you, me included. Id be happy to have a conversation with anyone on here struggling with addiction. We could talk about all the stupid stuff I have done in my life, we don't even have to talk about your stuff.

 

Headed to my first al-anon meeting tonight. The last few days have been pretty rough so I help this starts to help

 

Just listen when you go. People will talk and it will get to a part where at the beginning. Just say "hi, i am Steve. I'm new" you don't have to say you are an alcoholic orbanything like that. Just. A simple way to tell them you are new. And then just listen. No need to participate. Just enjoy it and sit there and listen to everyone.

 

thanks. participating isn't something I'm afraid of - I've spoken at my ex's AA meeting and her intensive outpatient group stuff after she got out of rehab. I do think it would be best to just soak it all in this time, though

 

I'm the same way. I like drinking and I can drink a lot, but like I still have to wake up at 3:30 during the week so I can be ready to go workout at 5, then go to work, etc. I do drink every night though. I only drink hard stuff on Fri and Sat now though and just wine during the week. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd love to be able to get wasted on Jameson every night but I have shit I have to do. Mines more during the week with help going to sleep. I'd rather be able to kick my melatonin + Zquil cocktail more than anything.

 

I went and talked and cried and I enjoyed it and I'm going to another one Sunday morning

 

Awesome!

 

To add, I'm a depressive from a long line of depressives; several of whom have killed themselves

/nobodycares

 

To me it sounds like you don't have much in terms of inhibitions. I'm admittedly not a psychologist (or a "pay hologram" as my iPhone autocorrects to) but I know there are connections between depression and uninhibited behavior

 

Have you thought about finding a support system?