WolverineJack's take on ASOS. Now AFFC

Tyrion:

-Dornishmen are visiting, Tyrion doesn't have a good feeling about it.
-The Tyrells and the Dornishmen don't get along and will be at the wedding together, hopefully some shit goes down.
-Little Cersei grabbed and twisted baby Tyrion's penis, what a bitch.
-They want The Mountain dead and are investigating if Tywin gave the orders.

 

Arya:

-Lord Beric's men fucked up some Mummers.
-Would love to see them show Lord Beric fight some people on the show.
-Lord Beric has been brought back to life 6 times now.
-"The Rains of Castamere" makes an appearance.
-Gendry joins the brotherhood, wish he would have stayed with Arya.
-The Hound is back, more fighting please!
-The Hound sees that he is outnumbered and leaves. Boo
-Heard wolves howling, whats up Nymeria.

 

Bran:

-They are now within at least 50 leagues of the Wall, wonder if they will cross paths with Jon.
-Bran should be a history major, kid knows too much.
-Making camp at the holdfast in the middle of the lake.
-Can't help but smile when reading about Hodor.
-There are men in the village beyond the lake, wonder who they may be.
-Hodor is going crazy, should get a golden globe for this scene in the show.
-""Nothing." Bran shook his head. "I don't know." But he did. I reached for him, the way I reach for Summer. He had been Hodor for half a heartbeat. It scared him."- Bran. So he can warg himself into humans too?

 

Jon:

-So the Wildlings are currently in Brandon's Gift, Bran is currently in The New Gift.
-Ghost still hasn't returned, :(.
-So it is Jon and the wildlings that are in the village right by Bran's holdfast. No fucking way bro.
-Lol, they heard Hodor shouting. HODOR!
-Jon remembers too about the pathway through the water, good listeners these Stark boys were.
-Summer be fucking Wildlings up! Jon fucking them up too, makes off on a horse.
-Jon got shot in the back of the leg. He thinks the wolf was Robb's but thinks better of it.
-Headed back to Castle Black, to warn his brothers. Will he make it there the same time as Sam? When the Wildlings show up will he help them out of love for Ygritte?

 

Dany:

-Chapter opens with Khaleesi on the verge of battle.
-Gave the Unsullied a Commander. Grey Worm is his name.
-Tens of thousands of slaves from Astapor are now following her, holy shit.
-Yunkai are retarded, Unsullied are gonna rape em.
-The Titan's Bastard, cool name bro.
-Dracarys, bitch is getting crazy with her Dragons.
-Interesting move by Dany, attacking before the time hack she set for the Yunkai.
-Dadrio Naharis, don't know what to think of this swaggin mofo. Don't think they should trust him as Jorah says.
-Damn, that was harsh, poor Jorah, friend zoned.
-Rhaegar defeated the Red Viper in a tourney, nice.
-Talk about the tourney Rhaegar won and crowned Lyanna(story from Bran's chapter.)
-Talking how Rhaegar took Lyanna cause he needed her, interesting. Is that what started Robert's rebellion?
-Took several thousand captives in the battle, only lost around a dozen of her army, hot damn!

 

Arya:

-I wonder if Thoros and Melisandre know each other.
-They are back on the High Heart Hill and the old dream lady shows up.
-She says the Old Kraken King has died, Balon? Haven't heard anything of this.
-Edric Dayne or Ned, says that he is Jon's milk brother, that they have the same mom, Wylla.
-Thoros says that he saw in the flames that Riverrun had been or will be overtaken by the Lannisters, Robb and Cuntlyn wont bet there though, they will be at the twins for Edmure Tully's wedding.
-Arya runs away and runs into...........THE HOUND! hahaha, should be a good duo, wonder how many times she will try and kill him? Wonder what he means to do with her?

 

Jaime:

-So Jaime is being sent back to King's Landing.
-Would be so awesome if Jaime was to find out Lancel had been fucking Cersei while he was gone.
-Jaime is worried about Brienne, hoping that she fights off the rapists.
-Weird dream, probably his worst fear, denied by his sister and father and facing ghosts of the past.
-He wants to go back and take Brienne, definitely not like him.
-Brienne is fighting the bear in the bear pit! They gave her only a tourney sword, fucked up.
-Jaime hops in to help fight the bear, hell yeah.
-Bear dies by crossbow, gay.
-Brienne still has her maidenhood.

 

Lady Cuntlyn:

-I want a direwolf.
-Fuck impressing that old dementia fucked Frey faggot, do whatever you like, you are the King of the North.
-After the wedding Robb plans on going North, back to Winterfell.
-Robb is suggesting Jon should be his heir, hell yeah. Fuck you Cuntlyn.
-She compared Jon to Theon, fuck that shit. Grey Wind was even pissed.
-"I don't have to. I'm the King."-Robb, take that you filthy cunt.
-Shout out to Jorah.
-Balon is dead, got blown off a fucking bridge, haha.
-Balon's brother Euron is the Kraken King now.
-Robb has a very good strategy to take back Moat Cailin.
-So it is written and set in stone, Jon is now the heir to Winterfell should Robb die in battle.

 

Sam:

-Needs to lose some weight, one horse dead already, heading south with Gilly and here babe to the wall.
-Small Paul shows up, as a wight.
-Sam kills Small Paul, but a dozen more wights show up and are about to get Gilly and the babe. Sucks for them.
-Scene straight out of the movie Birds. Ravens started attacking the wights. What is this about?
-Some dude riding an Elk saves Sam and Gilly. His fingers were black and cold, hard as stone. What the fuck?

 

Arya:

-Girl has some real balls trying to kill The Hound.
-They cross a river, the host that crossed them lost a man and The Hound paid them with Beric's IOU. haha
-Love the hatred The Hound has for his brother, would like nothing more then to see him rip his heart out.
-The Hound is taking Arya to the Twins to get the ransom money.

 

Jon:

-Seems to think he made the right choice by leaving Ygritte and the Wildlings.
-Pit stop at Mole's Town, got a new horse and some food.
-Mance is spreading the Wall thin so no one will be at the gate at Castle Black.
-Only around 40 Crows at Castle Black, with 120 wildlings about to invade, hot damn.
-Jon hears the news of The Old Bear,
-Jon confesses he laid with Ygritte, they don't seem to care.
-Jon hears the news of Winterfell, , Theon is still alive it seems like.
-Jon now puts the grey direwolf he saw in the village to be Bran's, thinks Bran could be a warg.

 

Lady Cuntlyn:

-Finally arrived at The Twins. Another one of her chapters again, I hate her.
-Grey Wind knows something isn't right, isn't listening to Robb.
-Robb isn't taking Grey Wind with him, don't like that, not one bit.
-Lord Frey doesn't seem to pissed off.
-Edmure's wife to be seems to be decent looking, good for him.
-So Theon is being skinned, little by little, haha.
-Robb is still planning on heading north after the wedding.

 

Arya:

-They have acquired a wagon since the last chapter.
-They are almost at The Twins.
-Get through the gate, still amazed no one has asked The Hound to remove his hood.
-The wedding is going on as they arrive.
-Felt like a filler chapter.

 

After this soccer shootout I'm reading all night, thanks for the comments brethren.

 

Lady Cuntlyn (again, fuck you GRRM):

-At the wedding reception, the food sucks. Plenty of booze though.
-Once again, Grey Wind isn't with Robb. Don't like it.
-The Greatjon is drinking everyone under the table, haha.
-The bedding begins, sucks for the wife.
-Ummmm, holy shit..
-So the reception was a trap, and Robb is dead, , fucking kidding me, fuck you GRRM, I hope after you finish all the books you die the worst death imaginable.
-A Lannister always pays his debts, tis true. "Jaime Lannister sends his regards." The Rains of Castamere were playing. Pretty spooky.
-Good for Cuntlyn to slit that retards throat, even though it was just a retard.
-Chapter ends with Cuntlyn going crazy and steel to her throat.
-Me thinky it was Roose Bolton who teamed up with Frey and Lannisters. How in the bloody hell is this mess gonna work itself out?
-I hope Grey Wind tears some mother fuckers throats out.

 

Can definitely see that being the end of season 3/part 1.

 

Arya:

-Hears Grey Wind howling, poor Robb.
-The Hound is a beast, killing 4 Freys.
-Arya is so close to her mother but yet will probably never see her again for sure now.
-"His axe took her in the back of the head." The butt of the axe I hope?

 

Yea, I mean why make the Starks the main characters/families and kill them all off. Fucking fat ass no good piece of shit.

Another point, so going back to the last Davos chapter and the deal with the leeches being thrown in the fire and him naming them, Joffrey should die next.

 

I just kept rereading the page were it happened to make sure I was reading it right. I yelled FUCK really loud, but I'm in the reading mood so I'm just gonna keep going. Would have thrown the book but I don't want to get a new kindle fire.