My dog started chasing people on a bicycle. No matter what I tried, he wouldn't stop. I finally had to take his bike away from him
My kids won't sit still for a meal ever so my wife and I have made the point to have Dad Joke Dinner. We all sit there and come up with dad jokes of our own which gets the kids' attention. These are some recents, including some created by my offspring. What's the name of a tiny pig? Spoiler A pygmy Where do people keep their shoes? Spoiler Two feet in the air What did the cow say to the pig? Spoiler Moooooooove Where does a horse go to get his hair cut? Spoiler Great Clip Clop What is a horse's common greeting? Spoiler What up mane? How does a sheep play baseball? Spoiler With a baaaaa aaat. Spoiler Laffy Taffy ain't got shit on us.
Dad Joke Dinner: Son: what did the rooster say to his wife? Wife: I know but I’m not going to say it. Son couldn’t think of a punchline Spoiler want some cock?
Why was the zookeeper so mad at the monkey for throwing poop at the dolphins? Spoiler Cause he did it on porpoise
Dirtier than usual but told to me by a dad at Easter. Guy was having chest pains. Went to the doctor. Doctor said “I’m gonna need you to stop masturbating.” “Why?” asked the man. “So I can examine you,” replied the doctor. One more. What’s the difference in a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? Spoiler one snatches your watch, the other watches your snatch
Back in ancient Greece, a famous playwright walked into a tailor and said "Hey I need you to mend this pair of pants. The tailor says "Euripides?"
Last weekend I went to a wedding. Two antennas got married on a roof. The wedding ceremony itself was OK but the reception was INCREDIBLE
I'm in a band and the other day we played the Beatles "Come Together." After I walk up to the mic and go "Thanks, that one's starting to come together." ..... And I got NOTHING!!!
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you? Spoiler " "Pop," goes the weasel.
Cost of pie in Jamaica : $4.30 Cost of pie in the Bahamas : $3.25 Cost of pie in Aruba: $5.30 Those are the PIE-RATES of the Caribbean
Little know fact that you can tell an ant’s gender by throwing them in water. If it sinks, it’s a girl ant and if it floats, boy ant.
What's the difference between a rooster and EdmondDantes mom? Spoiler Rooster says "cockadoodledoo" Spoiler Ol ed's mom says "any cock'll do"