Nothing too crazy. She is out of my house. It's been easier. I've got the kids 70% of the time. I don't really believe her but in March her schedule is going to change to where its 50/50. No legal stuff. I know I'm rolling the dice, but I think she's scared I'll lawyer up and make it harder in her...and vice versa. So we did agree on no courts/lawyers. Hopefully that will all pan out. She's still terrible at being on time and communicating. That will never change. I document everything just in case.
The moment she gets enough money and sees you will another girl that your kids like and respect as a mother, you'll need an attorney.
This is fine however get a post nup signed ASAP. That is the option you give her. You either carve out time next week to get the post nup worked out with “our” lawyer or you hear from my lawyer. Like Monday or Tuesday. You’re potentially risking living in poverty until your kids graduate by not doing this.
Then if he agrees to use the funds on an attorney, I’d throw in a little to help with it and sure others would too. You seem too good of a dude to let a bitch get those children.
It’s tax time. With that many kids you should have a chunk coming back that you can use to get a lawyer if you are so inclined.
Initial consult with a good attorney will likely run him a few hundred. Get the lay of the land and then decide the best course for his position and finances. Even if he ultimately chooses not to move forward with any litigation, he'll be more knowledgeable about any lines in the sand and his rights and her rights wrt the children and support. I think it is a wise investment, but I'm admittedly biased.
My best friend got taken to the cleaners in court because he was in the same boat money wise and his wife was the one who initiated the divorce, but there wasn’t any cheating or any type of bad feelings between them she just got much more because she had met with a lawyer and he didn’t because he was trying to save money for the uncertain future he was facing. Just a bad situation
Bumping for those who may have a need for help. Some advice here and being able to vent helped save my marriage. Hope all is well
Things are good. We are seeing counciling every 2 months now. Even though we don’t have too much to discuss because we are communicating well and working as partners in all aspects.
Helping more with house stuff and little more with kids. Picked up a little slack with the kids, but I was already helpful in that aspect
Man that sucks. As others have pointed out in here, it would be far worse to raise your kid in a home where she doesn't see what a healthy and loving marriage is, you'd only be setting her up to expect the same when she grows. If it's not healthy for you, it sure isn't healthy for her. Good luck.
Anon345 Sorry to hear you're going through some shit man, but I think you'll get some good advice in here. I haven't personally gone through a divorce myself but I think I can say with 100% certainty that staying in a toxic relationship for the sake of your daughter will only have negative effects. Not only will you end up resenting the mother of your child even more than you maybe already do, but you will create a less than ideal environment for your daughter. I know you don't want to sacrifice time with your kid, no (good) parent would, but you have to do what's best for her and that might mean separating with her mom. I wish you nothing but luck my man
The fear of not seeing your kids every day is heart breaking. It seems like most problems are centered around alcohol. Maybe give her a chance and tell her you want to live healthy sober lives together. It may start the two of you on better new path that is better than you ever imagined. If she is open to it then it’s worth a shot. If shit is still bad then you’ll know what to do. How old is your kid? Not judging because we used to do it to, but there comes a point where mom and dad don’t need to be out until 2am. PM me if you feel the need to talk more. Best of luck and I’m here to help
Imo, if shes able to come 100% clean, then you can working it out. Tell her how great of a partner she is 90% of the time and how she's the absolute perfect mom 100% of the time. Tell he you really want a family. Tell her that all is forgiven if she can come clean. Ask what she needs from you. How can I be better? Tell her you've got to be able to trust each other. Tell her if she wants a family, shes got to come clean and just be honest. I don't need details right now, just need to know if you've been unfaithful. Do we need more date nights? More us time? Less alcohol? Better friends?
The first problem you mentioned was clear sign of insecurity. Like most people she probably self medicates with alcohol from time to time. She’s got to work on herself and overcoming those insecurities. Just like I’m sure you have a thing that needs improvement. If things are good 90% of time then I think you should have honest conversations with her and try to work together. I’m a firm believer when things are sour all alcohol needs to be eliminated for a good bit. Remove the alcohol and find new outlets together that can build her confidence.
Also read The way of the superior man. Might need to adjust some energy. Sounds silly, but read the book and you’ll understand
I think this is a solid post. What do you think her reaction would be to going sober for a while? What would yours be Anon345?
Her blowing up accusing you of cheating probably means she’s cheating or at least thinking about it. Given the dude dropping her off and the lie about being locked out, id think she has already cheated
Leaving should be your absolute last option - no one wants to see their kid less. That would kill me, and I assume most every parent in here. Is couples counseling an option? The dishonesty is a killer, is it that she is still somewhat immature? with the going out and lying? Honesty and a lot of communication can help - wish you the best of luck.
You don’t have to forgive if something happened. However, if your going to get to healthy place you have to find a way to accept it. Accept it happened and move foward. You and her have to decide if it’s going to be as a unit or as individuals
Your decision to make. No right or wrong answer to it. I certainly don’t fault you and would probably say the same.