nice humblebrag about being a two income household... my wife's "paycheck" isn't withholding anything either
My wife says her social security number like 2222-111-33. How does everyone else’s wife or significant other pronounce their social security number
Welcome to my hell I had never been even close to late to anything in my life before meeting this woman
And it's not just that, it's the things that make you late.....for example, last evening before leaving Chez Frez for dinner- Shower-check Dressed-check "Oh but I just need to water these plants and frost this cake real quick"
“Go ahead an call the Uber.” <<Uber driver and I chilling in the driveway for five minutes.>> “Sorry!”
We had our engagement party (which is basically our wedding reception as well since we're going to do a courthouse wedding. The plan was we were both going to stay mostly sober to keep a handle on the 5 different groups of people at this party but flash forword 90 minutes in and she's doing shots with her friends, leaving me to organize 60 people I don't know. She's been stressing this party for weeks and I'm glad she had a good time but a little warning of "I'm going to take a walk off the map now" would have been nice.
This exactly. I will say though I briefly dated a girl before that was the opposite - we had to leave at an overly specific time for everything - movies, parties, even random things like meeting friends at the damn Oxford Chilis during the day for drinks. "If we don't get there on time other people get to pick their seats first and then we could end up next to.......girl she was unhappy with at the time" - and if we didn't hit that target time the world was ending. Apparently there is no middle ground.
Another classic in that scenario: "Just go ahead and I'll meet you there since you're obviously in a rush" Code for "lets just argue at the restaurant/party in front of everyone"
Playing Come As You Are from Nirvana and wife is trying to make up her own lyrics, stretching single syllables over several words me "you can't do that" her "ok well i've never heard this song"
A few days ago the wife decided to bake cookies based on a recipe she saw on Pinterest. After pulling them out the oven she mentions to me that they aren't flat cookies and have a fluffy texture "almost like a muffin". She asks me why I think they are fluffy and of course I don't fucking know. She's going on with theories and mentions that maybe it's because the recipe called for muffin mix. Uhh...yeah that's probably why they're fluffy almost like a muffin. Tasted good tho.
Her: this rice isn't cooking right Me: how much rice did you put in? Her: I don't know Me. What about chicken broth? Her: I don't know Me. So you kinda winged it? Her: do you want to come in her and finish it? Why don't you just cook your own meals from now on. Me: :boythatescaledquickly: She is 7 months pregnant and blamed it on that though and all was fine later.
Freakness:I'd like to go to Athens we haven't been in awhile Freak: You know what would be a lot cooler Freakness: What Freak: Going to Austin *insert gif of Matthew McConaughey pounding chest* Freakness:those seem really different financially Freak: Freakness: please stop sending me MEMES
3 hours head start getting ready, doesn’t matter. We’re late. I’ve learned getting upset is a waste of my time. Being someone who’s always been anal about punctuality due to my slight anxiety, it’s my personal daily hell.
I hope my wife’s maid of honor enjoys tours of our master bathroom and closets because they’re fucking sparkling clean and organized in anticipation of her visit
My wife sent me a text at 7:30 (eastern) saying she stopped with a couple girlfriends at the Mexican restaurant for a quick bite and asked if I wanted something. I’m currently still waiting on my Fajitas.
I've had soemthing similar happen. Her: I'm going to dinner with some co-workers I'll text you to see what you want and bring you home something Me: sounds good Two hours later walks in the door with no food. Me: what did you get me Her: oh I forgot, I'm sorry Me: dang, I'm hungry I wish you would have let me know. Her: if you were so hungry you could have got your own food. Me: but you said...as I'm grabbing keys to car to go get food and anger eat McDonalds
That’s better than my wife texting me “I’m hungry” when I’m upstairs and she’s 10 feet away from the fridge. Bitch it ain’t my problem.