Good news, Buck. We can get propane to the nursing homes by diverting it away from the Museum of Modern Art. If anyone asks it was a tough choice Arlen getting some winter weather and everything going to hell is pretty perfect
Bobby: Willie Nelson is alternative, he has long hair. Hank: Now you take that back. I followed that man from country western to country to adult contemporary and that’s as far as I’m going.
Remember that time we snuck in and mowed the field before the groundskeeper could. The look on his face right before we apologized.
Joseph (to Bobby): Your mom's as cool as most people's dads. Bobby: It's like that book they took out of the school library -- I've got two dads! Hank: No, you don't!
Needs improvement? I have never needed to improve on anything in my whole life Now slow down, Peggy. They won't fire you. You're a substitute teacher, they'll just stop calling Peggy's such an amazing character
Cotton's friend at the VFW (Jeter the Beater): In my 35 years at Tom Landry Middle School, I spanked thousands of students. Shaping their character and preparing them to die in wars overseas Peggy: Actually I only spanked once Cotton: She's just being modest. She's the first teacher since they killed LBJ to stand up to them draft dodgers!
I tell you what, this rodeo has worked out pretty good for both our sons. I haven't heard the words prop comic since Bobby picked up a rope. And it keeps him away from the video games. He was playing this Tomb Raider game where he was a girl
Hank after winning the Blue Flame of Valor award: "As a young boy, I always dreamed of winning the Super Bowl. Then, as most of you know, that dream was crushed along with my ankle in the class 2A state football championship. Well, I knocked around for a while, sowed my oats, got a job at Jeans West. Long story short, one day at JW, I sold a pair of Jordache to a man who would change my life. To quote Dr. Luther King, I had another dream. To sell propane and propane accessories. The name of the man and the distributorship that made me dream again? Strickland."
Bill: Why would Bug (Dale's dad) be in the gay rodeo? Hank: Well the guy is 60, maybe he couldn't make it on the regular circuit. It's like those guys who have to play European basketball or (with a tone indicating his disgust) Canadian football
Hank: He has the nerve to give me flex time. That's what they give pregnant women and other disableds. Bobby: What's a tattler? Hank: It's a meter that tells the boss when the driver stops and for how long. It's designed to prevent goof-offs, lunch breaks, unscheduled stops -- all the things the drivers' union fought so hard for Peggy: Oh, my lord! Hank: What? Peggy: The stove! It's not propane, it's electric! Hank: No! Peggy: Yes! Hank: Well, it had better be self cleaning, because I think I'm gonna vomit.
Hank: This whole not working thing is gonna give me a heart attack, I tell you what. God that'd be embarrassing. Hank Hill found dead, not working.
Hank: Boy this a choice cut of North Carolina pine. The perfect wood to honor our veterans Peggy: It will be under 600 pounds of sand. Don't blow our budget, Hank. Use that Hank: Particle board? Yeah if you want to throw out your float in five or ten years
Hank: You get to a build a Habitat for Humanity house for driving drunk? I've been on the waiting list for two years
Ted: Cigar? Hank: Don't mind if I -- oh, you probably didn't realize this, but this is Cuban. I'll just go ahead and destroy it for you. Kahn: AHHHH! Hank: Ted, you fixed the raffle! I could go to jail for this!
Hank: I'm sorry, Kahn, but I couldn't stay there. I just didn't feel comfortable. That's why I left Jeans West, that's why I don't bowl on Tuesday nights, and... oh, forget it. You wouldn't understand. Kahn: Oh, yeah, you're right. I always feel comfortable everywhere I go. You know, my original name is Smith. I just changed it to Souphanousinphone when I moved to Texas!
could have sworn I posted this a while ago but couldn't find it, Little Horrors of Shop is so elite Hank: One thing hasn't changed. Kids need shop. Carl: Who's going to teach them? Hank: The only man handier with a coping saw than Carl Moss. Carl: Jack Shermer? Hank: What? Jack was all flash. I coped circles around- me! I'll teach shop and I'll do it for free.
Peggy: Bill I had no idea you spoke Cajun. Perhaps thats because I try not to ask you questions Don Meredith: So you must be Hank Hill Hank: Mr Meredith, I have admired you from your playing days to Monday Night Football to your iced tea commercials Don Meredith: Well my mom always calls me Don or Donnie Hank: Wow that's a great story Mr. Meredith Hank: You know I built a 10-foot Alamo beer can too Don Meredith: Did you spot weld it or hot glue? Hank: Weld! Don Meredith: Ha, that's the only way to go
Hank: Let's go Bobby it's almost 10. With the Dallas traffic we won't get to the airport till noon and that flight leaves at 4 with or without us Bobby: The turkey smells good. Can I hold it on my lap to sniff for the ride? Hank: The turkey rides up front with me away from the rear defroster. I just talked to your grandma and I went out on a limb and promised moistness and smokiness Peggy: You will buy Luanne a ticket at the airport. And it is not going to be easy, because the day before Thanksgiving is, in my opinion, one of the busiest travel days of the year Curbside check-in guy: Did you pack your own bag and have they been in your sight at all times? Hank: Well I had to set them on the curb when I unloaded them from the trunk Guy: But they were in your sight? Hank: No I had my back turned Guy: But just for a moment? Hank: Well I'd say it was more like a minute than a moment Peggy: Oh for god's sake just say they were in your sight Hank Hank: Peggy the man is an official of the United States airlines, I'd be committing perjury Kahn: Hey Hank! Look Minh, it's the early birds. Hey Hank, our flight the same time as yours. I saw you leave your house at 10 AM. We leave 5 hours later. You're still waiting, you dumb redneck Hank: Yeah, okay. Happy Thanksgiving Kahn: Oh yeah, you too Hank: Excuse me sir, Hank Hill. I would like to volunteer my services in any way necessary to help get this plane off the ground. So, put me to work
This might be my favorite ep. Hank: Bobby's only been around rich people for a few hours and he already looks like that kid on the paint can.
Bill: I didn't know you sewed, Hank Dale: Sewer Hank: I am not sewing. I am upholstering, which is one of the five original industrial arts
Trip Larsen: How would you like to ride in a hot air balloon? Hey I don't have to tell you it's powered by propane Hank: Well that's one of the eight uses of propane I haven't experienced first hand Hank: Peggy, I feel like Neil Armstrong up here. I can see everybody's gutters, and they look great!
Hank: I bought some steaks here yesterday and they weren't very good Mega-lo-mart employee: Maybe you cooked them wrong Hank: Ugh. You don't know me so I'll pretend I didn't hear that Hank: Co-op huh? All those VWs in the parking lot I just assumed it was a Unitarian church
Hank: Hey there Bobby, I'd ask you how your day was but since you're the boss I already know. Difficult and rewarding
Hank: I can't just leave work ten minutes early on a Friday afternoon Hank: I have a job as assistant manager of Strickland Propane. My day begins at 9 and ends at 5. Not 4:50 Bill: Come on, Hank. Let's go moon the lobby from the glass elevators Hank: We are at this hotel as guests Dale: My god, Hank. Can we ever have a party you don't poop? Bill: Yeah, you still owe me one from high school. When the whole team mooned Belton and you just held up a sign saying "good game"
Hold on, I know what’s going on here. You don’t need to use my bathroom, you’re just gonna go die in there.
"I still remember the first date with Peggy all those years ago. Man I wished that handshake could have lasted forever"
Hank: Gentlemen, I'd like to make a toast. To a man who's backyard soil was of a consistency which made for hassle-free excavation and had no interfering sewage lines