I just shit my pants at work.**Now with fart stimulation**

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Hoss Bonaventure, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
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    Lol like none of this is true.
     
    Clown Baby likes this.
  2. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
    Staff Donor
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    Literally all of it is
     
    Clown Baby likes this.
  3. Cabs

    Cabs eatin' fried okra with Oprah
    Donor

    I feel like we don’t talk enough about how much boom sucks. Have you tried lemonparty.org?? lol!
     
    Lipp, Dump, Redav and 5 others like this.
  4. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    Idk about you but I talk about it pretty much weekly and that still might not be enough
     
    Lipp, Dump, undrtow and 5 others like this.
  5. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    You did claim to not fart in front of your wife which I find weirder than shitting yourself in front of. Do u tho
     
  6. Butthead

    Butthead narmas, narmas

    Hoss I think it's time to consider a dietary change
     
    Joey Freshwater, Dump and letan like this.
  7. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    No u
     
    Dump and Butthead like this.
  8. fuxstockings

    fuxstockings Wayne Tinkle and the Beavers
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    Definitely have to fart by the third date to make sure you’re not with a psycho
     
  9. Detlef Schrempf

    Detlef Schrempf Back to Back to Back AAU National Champs
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    What is wrong with you?
     
  10. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
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    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    Nothing. The fact that you guys go out of your way to fart in front of your wives is so strange.
     
  11. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    It’s not like I plan it out. If I have to fart then it’s a comin’
     
    BrentTray, Lipp, letan and 6 others like this.
  12. Beachy Toast

    Beachy Toast He wants you too, Malachi.
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  13. gilstein21

    gilstein21 Tight Rip 26 Seal Right
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    I’m pretty sure my wife farted in front of me before I did to her. Since then, it’s been rip city
     
    Nole0515, Lipp, Fuck this and 6 others like this.
  14. Butthead

    Butthead narmas, narmas

    :yousoright:
     
  15. Tro lo lo

    Tro lo lo You kids must be from the suburbs.
    Donor
    Syracuse Orange

    Same. We were on like our 4th date, on our way back to her place and she laughed so hard, she let one loose. The look on her face was priceless. I've been cutting loose ever since.
     
    Dump and Hoss Bonaventure like this.
  16. Detlef Schrempf

    Detlef Schrempf Back to Back to Back AAU National Champs
    Donor

    I’m pretty sure I fart on my wife almost every night in bed
     
    Fuck this, zeberdee and Dump like this.
  17. Butthead

    Butthead narmas, narmas

     
    Goose likes this.
  18. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q, Ohio
    Donor

    is it really love if you cant shit with the door open?
     
    Lipp, spagett, Tiffin and 4 others like this.
  19. RockHardJawn39

    RockHardJawn39 #FranklinOUT
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    Penn State Nittany LionsSan Francisco GiantsPhiladelphia 76'ersPhiladelphia FlyersLiverpoolWrexham AFC

    Close call this morning:

    Was taking a piss and started to let out a fart. Had to quickly pinch the dick, drop the pants, and sit down. No damage to underwear.
     
  20. dump

    dump TMB’s premier expert on women’s CBB
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    do you hotbox her
     
  21. Funshot Residue

    Funshot Residue Mammoth Stabber
    Donor

    I believe the vernacular is "dutch oven", good sir.
     
  22. Detlef Schrempf

    Detlef Schrempf Back to Back to Back AAU National Champs
    Donor

    No, I just let it sneak out of the small lifted portion of the covers until she hits me and goes, “you asshole!”
     
    Ric Flair, Nole0515, One Two and 6 others like this.
  23. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb Living rent free in Jigga's head
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    Veteran move right there
     
  24. Bo Pelinis

    Donor TMB OG
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    Pretty early in our relationship I dutch ovened the wife just to make sure she really loved me.
     
  25. skiedfrillet

    skiedfrillet It's not a lie if you believe it.
    Donor
    Clemson Tigers

    My diet of strictly only chili cheese dogs makes my farts especially potent and I Dutch oven not only my gf but also my two dogs as well. However my dogs also return the favor so it’s fair game with them
     
  26. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

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    I fart on other people's wives
     
    letan, BrentTray, GordoBombay and 3 others like this.
  27. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
    Donor

    I’m more concerned that Mrs Boom has never heard him fart in 16 years and she doesn’t find that the least bit alarming. Or has he been seeing as gastroenterologist all this time at her request as cover? “They can’t figure out what’s wrong with me.”
     
  28. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    She’s heard it happen. I don’t just go proactively ripping ass in front of her.
     
  29. Ric Flair

    Ric Flair The Nature Boy

    You know your farts are bad when your dogs are sleeping under the covers, you let out an SBD fart, and they wake up and run out the room.
     
  30. RockHardJawn39

    RockHardJawn39 #FranklinOUT
    Donor
    Penn State Nittany LionsSan Francisco GiantsPhiladelphia 76'ersPhiladelphia FlyersLiverpoolWrexham AFC

    It helps that I was working from home in pajama pants. If I had pants and a belt at a urinal it could've been disastrous.
     
    Ty Webb likes this.
  31. Phil Brickma

    Phil Brickma 4th cousin to Ed Orgeron's step-sister
    Clemson TigersAlabama Crimson TideAtlanta BravesGrateful DeadLiverpool

    I shit my pants while doing an internship at Congaree NP in 2010 trapping feral hogs. I was by myself that day and used my boxers to wipe my ass. I then buried the boxers, and I've always wondered if anyone found them, they rotted or or some sick animal ate them. Who knows?
     
  32. Capt Wigs

    Capt Wigs Well-Known Member
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    The new term is covid test.
     
  33. GordoBombay

    GordoBombay Well-Known Member
    Nebraska CornhuskersEverton

    When I was about 13 I was staying at my aunt and uncles house one summer for a week, on the last day I woke up in the morning and something felt really weird. I stuck my hands down the back of my shorts and realized that I had shit myself. Since it was the last day, everyone was up and about showering, packing their bags and what not for the trip back. I didn’t know what to do since I couldn’t get away with disposing my shitty underwear anywhere so I crumpled up my underwear and stuffed them into the corner of my suitcase. We had a 4 hour drive home back to Nebraska and the whole way everyone was complaining about the awful smell and nobody could figure out what it was but I knew. As soon as we got home I unpacked my shitty underwear and snuck out the back door to toss them in alley dumpster.
     
  34. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
    Donor TMB OG

    Just full on pooped my pants 4 doors down from my house. Held it in for about 1.5 miles, but the only options left were to shit in my neighbors yard or let loose in my pants. Out of neighborly respect, I chose my pants.
     
  35. RockHardJawn39

    RockHardJawn39 #FranklinOUT
    Donor
    Penn State Nittany LionsSan Francisco GiantsPhiladelphia 76'ersPhiladelphia FlyersLiverpoolWrexham AFC

    I had a wipeable fart in the hotel parking lot today before driving home. Had to go back inside and use the lobby bathroom. 4 hour drive home so I was pretty nervous. Thankfully made it home. Blessed
     
    tjsblue, bertwing, Champ and 16 others like this.
  36. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    I've posted several times itt, but this is exactly why I go running on this park/trail that has two bathrooms at either end. I can probably make it about a mile if I know a shit is coming, haven't had any incidents in a few years now.
     
  37. Fidelio

    Fidelio Well-Known Member
    Donor

    keep up the good fight gents
     
  38. Whammy Business

    Whammy Business Well-Known Member
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    Not all heroes wear capes.
     
  39. bro

    bro Your Mother’s Favorite Shitposter
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    you deserve a medal good sir
     
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  40. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Just gambled and lost. Working from home so I believe it qualifies through a loophole.
     
  41. Whammy Business

    Whammy Business Well-Known Member
    Donor

    :beerchug:
     
  42. Beachy Toast

    Beachy Toast He wants you too, Malachi.
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  43. prerecordedlive

    prerecordedlive Sworn Enemy of Standard Time
    Donor TMB OG
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    Do you guys have like a pants-shitting quota?
     
  44. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
    Donor
    Kansas State WildcatsSeattle Kraken

    Turns out I had unexpected diarrhea and that was the canary in the colon mine
     
  45. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q, Ohio
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    this reads like complaining. I laugh every time I see this thread bumped, even before I open it.
     
  46. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    I just went to pee before going to bed
    Fart felt wet, luckily I clinched it off before it caught my underwear, but still had to do the instant pull down, check, turn and sit to blow unexpected liquid which subsequently left me much more awake and now sitting here channel surfing for no reason other than I am suddenly more awake than I was 10 minutes ago
     
    bryix, tjsblue, bertwing and 15 others like this.
  47. prerecordedlive

    prerecordedlive Sworn Enemy of Standard Time
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    Fate would dictate that I almost shit my pants waiting for my wife to leave the house this morning. I always see her off to her car in case she needs help loading things but she just dicked around to an exponential degree today and I almost paid for it.
     
    tjsblue, bertwing, Tiffin and 12 others like this.
  48. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    That’s what happens when you...talk...shit.
     
  49. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
    Donor

    A number of times I'll be fucking around in my garage and think "oh I need to fart... oh no I have to go inside."

    There's never anything in my pants but it's really annoying having those stealth ones you don't see coming and you have to do the last second emergency but clinch and go inside
     
    Ric Flair, Dump and 40wwttamgib like this.
  50. prerecordedlive

    prerecordedlive Sworn Enemy of Standard Time
    Donor TMB OG
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    I see now that telling my internet friends that I almost pooped in my pants is a like magnet. I’m going to fill my pants to the brim to finally get over the 2:1 ratio.
     
    tjsblue, ~ taylor ~, bertwing and 3 others like this.