“Ah yes, let’s get a large pickled jalapeño to go with these fried chicken tenders that I’m going to cover in hot sauce” - me earlier today picking up lunch, prior to sharting myself 10 minutes ago while working out
I don’t remember the details but I do remember thinking “damn she is a saint” so I’m glad your relationship decision making is better than in other areas of your life.
Probably best case scenario but the other day after a long night of drinking the day before I was about to jump in the shower. Before stepping in I felt a fart coming on so I got into a nice squatting position and low and behold projectile shit on the bathroom floor. Immediately I did a crouching wipe over the toilet and rinsed my feet off just to be safe, then took the bathroom rugs to the washer and started it. I then proceeded to clean the bathroom floor with some sanitary wipes, hot water and soap. When my wife came home she asked where the bathroom rugs were. She was quite pleased when I told her that I was washing them as washing the bathroom rugs was something I think I did exactly 0 times time in the previous 2.5 years we’d been together. I should’ve just let her think I was being a good guy and doing a little extra around the house but a couple weeks later I broke the news that I had actually shit myself after trusting a fart. This was about 3-4 months ago and I still haven’t heard the end of it. Women and their inability to relate.
I think the pandemic has weakened sphincters across the nation. We very well may be on the cusp of widespread pants shitting with no plan to counter what is about to be unleashed. Years of holding it in has been erased by the proximity to your home toilet over the last 12-14 months and your lower GI tract knows it. I, for one, fear the day I am forced to go back out into the world because I am not sure I have the butthole control to survive.
That’s a fair question and it’s not something I normally would do but at the time it was this: and it really backfired. Literally.
i looked through this thread and i guess i never told this story 3-4 years ago i went to the movies with this girl from tinder. after the movie was over i noticed my stomach was fucking killing me, so while i was driving us back to my place i tried to let out a silent fart. it was silent but there was also a bit of shit. at this point i realized there was no turning back so as soon as i saw my first opportunity (a public park) i whipped my car into the parking lot and told the girl id be right back. so i kinda penguin waddled to the nearest spot where i knew the coast was clear behind a tree. keep in mind it was like midnight. i pulled my shorts down and just unleashed the fury of 1000 shits all over the ground. used my boxers to wipe and just left them there. luckily none of the shart got on the shorts, so i was in the clear smell wise other than what was on my leg. i walked back to my car nonchalantly and acted like nothing had happened. told the girl i was tired and needed to take her home, but i think she knew because she said ok and we didn’t talk the entire ride home. dropped her off, blocked her number out of shame, and to this day i still wonder if that girl knows i shit my pants with her in my car
She absolutely knows. You quickly turned into a public park and waddled away from the car without explanation
Eating nothing but take out and drinking nothing but beer will do that to ya, and that's how I like to vacation.
I've shared this story before in another thread: July of 2018, I was hit by a Nissan Armada in a Chick Fil A parking lot. Went flying about six feet. Taken to an ED in Amberlamps, but amazingly nothing was broken. Pretty bad road rash and really sore, but overall lucky. In the ED, they stripped me to make sure I was OK. As I was about to be discharged, the wife started helping me get dressed. She told me I couldn't put my boxers back on though, as I had shit myself. The Armada literally knocked the shit out of me. 40wwttamgib
This man might be on to something. I have had some close calls in my life previously, but have never full on shit my pants......that is until recently. I was watching the Lightning game Wednesday and indulged in several alchoholic beverages and threw in one additional for closing out the series. Woke up and went about my day as any other. I happened to finish a case the same time a coworker did and we agreed to meet up at a cajun place. My friend enjoys spicy food, the spicier the better. I am admittedly a pussy in this department and can do some hot wings, but I don't go looking for crazy heat. At any rate, we got an app and our entrees. It had some kick, but nothing out of this world. We finished up and went our separate ways. I was about 30 minutes from home. 15 min into it, it began. The sea was angry that day my friends. I briefly contemplated pulling over into a fast food restaurant or something of that nature where I could curtail a disaster. I chose poorly. 5 mintues from home was excruciating. I was sweating, I turned the AC on full blast. I was fidgeting and clenching with all I had in me. 3 minutes from home I realized this was going to be a photo finish and wished I had just stopped somewhere. I had my seatbelt off, my pants undone, my keys in my hand. Everything I could possibly think of to make my transition into the house as quick as possible. I clicked the garage door opener 42 times to make sure I wouldn't have to wait a single second on it. I parked and I'm not even sure I turned the car off before making a full on sprint to the bathroom. I turned around to sit and the dam broke. It started before my pants ever got all the way down. I had already shit my pants because I couldn't hold it a second longer to get them down. However, to add insult to injury this was happening all in one fluid motion as I was removing my pants and going to sit. It continued coming out as I was sitting on the seat so the shit that was just unleashed on the seat I immediately proceeded to sit on. So now I not only have I shit my pants, I shit on the toilet sit and then squashed it everywhere sitting down. To be honest, I was relieved to at least have done it in my house in my bathroom. I just took my pants completely off and since they were already soiled decided to use them to wipe the floor and clean up the secondary damage to the seat. I took them to the shower to use some soap and water to clean them as well as myself before they went into the washing machine. I will wear this badge as an honor as I now join the club.
Was at home but I came pretty damn close to having a contribution. Was washing the dishes. Had a feeling come in all of a sudden of needing to shit. Went to grab my phone and could it about to come out. Got to the toilet just in time to get sit down then just straight ass pissing.
I’m really gonna need one of you guys to shit yourself here soon. Haven’t cried from laughing so hard in here in awhile. Hoss Bonaventure
Went camping with a girl I've been dating around a month. For some reason decided to have the 2nd cup of coffee before hiking out back to the car. Originally thought I'd make it to the parking lot where there were facilities but each wave hit with more intensity, and I finally told her it was time. Ran off the trail into the woods and dispensed what looked like chocolate froyo. Luckily she brought toilet paper (she's a keeper). She then told me this story about the last guy she dated shitting himself and said "I'm only telling you this cause you'll never meet him, it's pretty embarrassing". I said "It's not embarrassing at all...let me tell you about a group of internet friends I have" "Guys are so dumb" Yep.
It wasn't even that embarassing...just a standard story of a dude trying to push his limits and failing.