Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    Miami DolphinsChelseaMiami Heat

    Past experiences

    Me - you need to leave you’re going to be late
    Wife - you aren’t going don’t rush me

    This morning
    Wife - we’re going to be late why didn’t you say anything
     
  2. burnttatertot

    burnttatertot butt tuck zoomies
    Donor
    Washington State CougarsSeattle MarinersNew York MetsSeattle SupersonicsMetal

    That's the only one I've heard of, so yeah.
     
    Rabid likes this.
  3. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    Miami DolphinsChelseaMiami Heat

    Update

    said something this time.

    got yelled at.
     
  4. PaulKemp

    PaulKemp Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG

    Refuses to watch anything with subtitles for the 11+ years we’ve been together. Walk in on her watching The Circle Brasil o Reality tonight with English subtitles
     
    CF3234, brolift and Hatfield like this.
  5. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
    Donor

    My wife and I have a really small kitchen so it’s tough for both of us to be in there at the same time.
    Me: I’m going to go make an omelette for breakfast
    Her: oh ok, do you mind if I go make oatmeal real quick and then I’ll be out of your way?
    Me: sure
    *makes her oatmeal and I go in to make my omelette. Literally before I get the eggs on the stove she’s back in there cleaning up her oatmeal bowl and blocking my way to the sink and the fridge*
    Her: why do you look grumpy?
     
    PAHokie, mal630, tjsblue and 8 others like this.
  6. Daddy Rabbit

    Daddy Rabbit obviously silly and not productive
    Donor
    Tennessee VolunteersAtlanta BravesNashville PredatorsGrateful DeadBonnaroo

    Maybe she was using the tight quarters as an excuse to rub her ass on your crotch. She really wanted to fuck, but you're worried about scrambling the wrong type of eggs.

    SMDH
     
  7. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
    Donor

    She got her wisdom teeth out 2 days ago. She is not in the mood to fuck
     
    BayouMafia and Funshot Residue like this.
  8. Daddy Rabbit

    Daddy Rabbit obviously silly and not productive
    Donor
    Tennessee VolunteersAtlanta BravesNashville PredatorsGrateful DeadBonnaroo

    Percocets are basically aphrodisiacs
     
  9. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City ChiefsAustin FCTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    They thought us that in freshman orientation
     
    LetItSoak, Skiddly, Dump and 3 others like this.
  10. Funshot Residue

    Funshot Residue Mammoth Stabber
    Donor

    I feel this. We have a larger than average and very open kitchen. Yet somehow when I am at the range or particularly the main prep space, the dishwasher being emptied becomes a matter of national security. Holy hell it ticks me off. Like you followed me in here to get in the way? Really?
     
    blind dog, CF3234, ARCO and 15 others like this.
  11. WillySaliba

    WillySaliba Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Philadelphia 76'ersArsenal

    Same with my kitchen and then add large dogs. One always lays near the fucking sink, coupled with people, I get fired up.
     
    One Two and Funshot Residue like this.
  12. tylerdolphin

    tylerdolphin My spoon is too big
    Donor
    Miami HurricanesNew York YankeesMiami Dolphins

    This must be a common thing. My wife can be sitting in the couch for hours but the second I start to do something in the kitchen I'm twisting and weaving everywhere and having to ask her to slide out the way.

    I did a very exaggerated "throw my arms up and back away to make space for her" thing once while I was cooking and it didn't go well.
     
  13. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City ChiefsAustin FCTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    It seems to be a trait in women
    Mine can sit on the couch watching tv/talking on the phone all damn day while I'm outside working in the yard or some outdoor project. But the fucking second I come inside suddenly all the laundry needs to be folded, the dishes need to be done, the kitchen floor needs waxing, bathrooms need sanitized, walls mopped, etc etc
     
  14. Funshot Residue

    Funshot Residue Mammoth Stabber
    Donor

    Goddammit boys I think we've discovered a new gene of some sort.
     
  15. Kylebw1

    Kylebw1 UNC ACC Champs
    Donor

    They just think we’re going to mess up their kitchen.
     
    Dump, One Two and Imurhuckleberry like this.
  16. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City ChiefsAustin FCTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    No,
     
  17. mal630

    mal630 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesTiger Woods

    Do you wives/gfs friends constantly flake on plans? I feel like we are batting .850 on her girls nights falling apart. Typically I make plans since I know I have a free night with her over at a friends house, her friends all bail and then she is sad that I'm going to get dinner with one of my buddies.
     
  18. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City ChiefsAustin FCTexas Tech Red Raiders alt


    All the damn time

    I always look forward to my night with just me and my boy hanging at home,, and them bitches ruin it
     
    mal630, PAHokie, Dump and 5 others like this.
  19. Funshot Residue

    Funshot Residue Mammoth Stabber
    Donor

    If my friends bailed half as often as hers do, they wouldn't be considered friends. Hell it happened today. She had plans to go run with a good/close girl friend and homette just completely ghosted her until minutes prior to the arranged meeting time, when she sent a text saying it was "too cold". Like I apologized for them constantly letting her down. Damn if I understand.
     
    mal630, Dump, DistantFactor and 5 others like this.
  20. THEBLUERAIDER

    THEBLUERAIDER Well-Known Member
    Donor
    St. Louis CardinalsTennessee TitansNashville PredatorsMiddle Tennessee State Blue Raiders

    Shit like this happens to my wife all the time.
     
    mal630, Dump, One Two and 3 others like this.
  21. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
    Donor

    My wife's friends are generally pretty good (aside from the one who is a "I'm 5 minutes away" and hasn't left the house type) but a lot of them have young kids now so the percentage is dropping
     
    mal630 likes this.
  22. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City ChiefsAustin FCTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    So Friday I get home to an unlocked front door, wife out shopping with her sister
    Yesterday I am out in the yard getting ready to mow when the wife leaves for a baby shower and locks me out of the house

    I ordered one of these yesterday

    Limited-time deal: Smart Lock Fingerprint Door Lock, hornbill 5-in-1 Keyless Entry Keypad Door Lock, Smart Locks for Front Door, Biometric Door Lock with Fingerprint, Reversible Handle|Passcodes|Free App|IC Cards
     
    blind dog, tjsblue, mal630 and 14 others like this.
  23. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Notre Dame Fighting IrishCleveland BrownsMontreal Canadiens

    oh my god, exactly the same. That is one I did not expect. Something is always wrong with one of them so it falls apart 4 hours before the event
     
  24. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Notre Dame Fighting IrishCleveland BrownsMontreal Canadiens

    motherfuck….and then she acts like shit when I go with the plan in place (meaning no plan or tacos when she is not home) which leads to me telling her that I would’ve made better plans if she was not supposed to go out which leads to « well, If I knew my presence was going to bother you that much I would have gone out »
     
    #13074 IHHH, Nov 7, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2021
  25. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City ChiefsAustin FCTexas Tech Red Raiders alt


    Are you married to my wife?
     
    Hatfield and IHHH like this.
  26. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Notre Dame Fighting IrishCleveland BrownsMontreal Canadiens

    not married yet, she is just my gf. She is telling me right now that she is ready to break it off with her husband.
     
    #13076 IHHH, Nov 7, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2021
  27. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City ChiefsAustin FCTexas Tech Red Raiders alt


    Ohh please do :beaver:
     
  28. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Notre Dame Fighting IrishCleveland BrownsMontreal Canadiens

    I know you don’t mean that, we love our women
     
  29. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City ChiefsAustin FCTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    It's pretty obvious you aren't married
     
  30. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
    Donor
    Kansas State WildcatsSeattle Kraken

    Smart locks are must haves IMO.
     
    CF3234 and mal630 like this.
  31. Festus McBadass

    Festus McBadass Cool ass dog and 5 star recruit
    Donor
    Georgia BulldogsAtlanta BravesAtlanta FalconsAtlanta United

    Put the Christmas tree up already.
     
  32. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    Miami DolphinsChelseaMiami Heat

    The lock we installed when we moved I just died so we got a WiFi one that I can operate and check status on directly through my Ring app. It’s great
     
  33. Jack Bauer

    Jack Bauer Damn it!
    Donor
    Michigan WolverinesMinnesota TimberwolvesMinnesota VikingsMinnesota WildMinnesota Twins

    We hung our Christmas lights outside over the weekend. Still have a bunch of yard trash to put out, but I’ll be fending off her requests to pull that stuff down from the attic until Thanksgiving.
     
  34. Imurhuckleberry

    Imurhuckleberry Avid spectator of windmill warriors
    Donor
    Florida GatorsSan Francisco GiantsGolden State WarriorsSan Francisco 49'ers

    Fify
     
    BayouMafia and IHHH like this.
  35. Marbles

    Marbles Trudging the road to happy destiny
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta Braves

    Yeah. We would’ve but my son was at his dads this weekend.
     
  36. TimJimothy

    TimJimothy Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Kansas State WildcatsKansas City Royals

    Brief background;
    - my 9 year old has been obsessed with fishing this year. It's been great...love it. It gets us out of the house, and has been a lot of fun.
    - we own a couple dogs, and my wife and her parents spoil the shit out of them with fancy treats and toys, etc. Fine, no problem there.

    Yesterday, wife comes home from the store and proudly trots out to the living room with a package of some sort. She shows my 9 year old, excitedly, who kinda gives her an excited reaction...but not nearly as much excitement as I could tell she was expecting. So next she shows me the bag. It's a bag of fancy, expensive fish flavored dog treats. I scrunch up my nose, for obvious reasons, which prompts a bad look from the wife. She proceeds to open the bag and be absolutely surprised at how terrible the treats smell. It instantly fills the living room with dead fish smell. She bought the treats because my 9 year old loves fishing, and she was sure he'd be excited about them. She didn't expect them to have a strong, fishy odor.

    Yeah, fish dog treats smell like....fish. I put on my shocked face and joined the crowd.
     
    blind dog, Tug, OZ2 and 18 others like this.
  37. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
    Donor TMB OG

    It’s holiday hair appt day

    :ohdear:
     
    Ty Webb, Henry Blake and a.tramp like this.
  38. Marbles

    Marbles Trudging the road to happy destiny
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta Braves

    Christmas decoration day. Fully expect to be bossed around getting things just right.
     
    Clown Baby likes this.
  39. NineteenNine

    NineteenNine Divers are, in fact, wankers. It's science.
    Donor
    ArsenalTiger WoodsSneakersDallas Mavericks altTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    Wait, this is a thing?
     
  40. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
    Donor TMB OG

    It’s her regular hair appointment with the addition of “I want my hair to look good for the holidays” so I’m bracing for even worse sticker shock. I’ve already threatened divorce if there are any product charges tacked on.

    The $300 hair cut/color is something I will never just accept quietly. I’m pretty sure I complain about it at least annually in this thread.
     
  41. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
    Staff Donor
    Atlanta BravesDenver BroncosChicago BlackhawksBirmingham LegionMississippi Rebels

    Lady Tegg and I get our hair cut by the same girl, and she drives to Montgomery to get it colored for about $150 less than it would be here. I have zero complaints.
     
    blind dog, Ty Webb, Menelaus and 5 others like this.
  42. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
    Donor TMB OG

    I’ve cut my own hair for 10 years so at least that’s a savings

    :mulletsmug:

    I wish I still needed to pay to go get my hair cut

    :tebow:
     
    Struggler, Dump, Willpépé and 3 others like this.
  43. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
    Staff Donor
    Atlanta BravesDenver BroncosChicago BlackhawksBirmingham LegionMississippi Rebels

    I have to get mine cut every 4 weeks. Totally worth it having a great head of hair.
     
    blind dog, Menelaus, Dump and 2 others like this.
  44. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
    Donor

    I just shave my own head every week or so
     
  45. SpartanGA

    SpartanGA Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG
    Michigan State Spartans

    whats the round trip to Montgomery
     
  46. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
    Staff Donor
    Atlanta BravesDenver BroncosChicago BlackhawksBirmingham LegionMississippi Rebels

    Hour fifteen each way.
     
  47. SpartanGA

    SpartanGA Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG
    Michigan State Spartans

    2.5 hrs and the gas and car mileage for $150.
    Why not
     
  48. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
    Staff Donor
    Atlanta BravesDenver BroncosChicago BlackhawksBirmingham LegionMississippi Rebels

    It’s like once every two months and she does other shit when she’s there, too. It’d be every month if she were doing it here.
     
    Ty Webb and SpartanGA like this.
  49. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
    Donor

    There are a lot of things that I don't ask the price of, and my wife's haircut is pretty high on the list. Make her cut mine to defray some of the cost tho :mulletsmug:
     
  50. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
    Donor
    Kansas State WildcatsTexas Rangers

    Woah, my wife just left for her holiday cut.
     
    One Two, ashy larry, jbr and 6 others like this.