Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. Menelaus

    Menelaus The Red-Haired King
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    Waze is lying to me!! - my wife after missing a turn on the way back to NYC a few weeks ago.

    Waze also found us a nice gas station in Queens for her to breast feed our newborn. Added an hour to our trip home but hey!
     
  2. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb Living rent free in Jigga's head
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    Was a very scary day when my (then) girlfriend figured out that her stylist also cut my previous girlfriend's hair. Things ended about a month later - I've always wondered what was shared.
     
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  3. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
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    Yea that's a death sentence if the ex had the same stylist.
     
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  4. colonel_forbin

    colonel_forbin Well-Known Member
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    Completely separate accounts, with me paying for the house and her car (both in my name). But she pays her student loans which is basically a second mortgage and contributes to her 401k, so it's a wash with near equal spending money after that.

    But we've also only been married a year so it's largely a product of just not getting around to it.
     
  5. SpartanGA

    SpartanGA Well-Known Member
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    just bigger budgets and purchases.
     
  6. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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    N: Nurture dependence. Make her depend on you for rides!
     
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  7. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    My wife has spent $800 on groceries for thanksgiving. There are 7 of us here. We could probably feed 25 people.
     
  8. dump

    dump TMB’s premier expert on women’s CBB
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    congrats on your meals for the next week or so
     
  9. SpartanGA

    SpartanGA Well-Known Member
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    Let her know how you feel.

    report back
     
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  10. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    C091D4C1-2D2E-44C1-84FB-453D3A3C8781.jpeg
    Not much to it
     
  11. SpartanGA

    SpartanGA Well-Known Member
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  12. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    Spa
     
  13. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Wouldn't be having that stress or even the conversation if you had separate accounts :twocents:
     
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  14. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    My wife is looking at some lighting. Our house is old and doesn't have neutral wiring, so I told her to stay away from anything with smart features. She asked if that meant lights that turned on by clapping

    :loldog:
     
  15. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Need to respond by saying clapping them cheeks
     
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  16. Rabid

    Rabid Fan of: DQ Treats
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    We have a joint bank account. My wife has no idea what her PIN is which works for us.
     
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  17. NineteenNine

    NineteenNine Divers are, in fact, wankers. It's science.
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    Wife books a tee time for 12:10 this morning. I tell her I want to leave the house by 11:10. She’s just now getting dressed.

    :blowup:
     
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  18. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    I don’t think you are going to make it.
     
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  19. NineteenNine

    NineteenNine Divers are, in fact, wankers. It's science.
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    What will happen is we’ll get there in time to just barely stretch, she’ll play like shit and cry about it. I’ve seen this movie.
     
  20. Ralph

    Ralph Well-Known Member
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    Pacific timezone? :idk:
    Mountain timezone? :ohdear:
    Central timezone? :ohshit:
    Eastern timezone? :killme:
     
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  21. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    and you will have to retrieve every balls…even your own
     
  22. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    That last comment has a double sense if you did not catch it. But I meant it in the purest way
     
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  23. NineteenNine

    NineteenNine Divers are, in fact, wankers. It's science.
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    Spoiler alert: itshappening.gif
     
  24. NineteenNine

    NineteenNine Divers are, in fact, wankers. It's science.
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    Mountain Standard.
     
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  25. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Feels like the only way to right the ship now is to make a good ball washing joke at the next station
     
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  26. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    My wife’s snickerdoodle candy cane gingerbread body scrub is so filled with sugar that our shower now has an ant infestation. Nothing a terro trap won’t fix in 48 hours, but stupid shit nonetheless.
     
  27. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Nothing like cleaning your body with sugar
     
  28. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
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    Wife backing in the garage tonight. It had rained so she couldn’t see with her camera because of water on the lens.

    She hits the trash cans and I go and tell her to stop. She says she can’t see so I go behind her to try and help her, and get yelled at for that as well.

    I’m an asshole
     
  29. SpartanGA

    SpartanGA Well-Known Member
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    dick
     
  30. Funshot Residue

    Funshot Residue Mammoth Stabber
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    An asshole that is lucky to be alive. Confined space + female driver + non forward gear = flat Jigga
     
  31. The Hebrew Husker

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    As I’m getting ready for work this morning my GF tells me she’s decided to go into the office too, so I should wait for her. The following happens when I tell her I’m ready to leave:

    - “Wait for me, I just need to find my jacket and grab my lunch”
    - She gets into her car and then realizes she doesn’t have her keys
    - She runs inside to find her keys, I have to go back in and shut off every light she left on.
    - The grand finale….she backs directly into the trash can.
     
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  32. Festus McBadass

    Festus McBadass Cool ass dog and 5 star recruit
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    And it’s your fault for rushing her. Asshole.
     
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  33. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    Driving home from a trip. About 90 min from home.

    Wife: can we stop? Baby needs a change and I have to pee.

    me: sure

    pull into rest stop that is jam packed.

    her: I’m also hungry, can I grab a quick snack.

    me: sure. But let’s make it quick. We are only 90 min from home

    her; I just want chips

    Me: come out of bathroom to find her in the longest line at the rest stop that is easily 30+ min long.

    “We are leaving”

    her: I just need a quick snack.

    me: we aren’t waiting 30 min for Wendy’s when we are 90 min from home.
     
  34. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Asshole
     
  35. The Hebrew Husker

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    Looking back at my Ring, because I was going to send her the video as a troll. The best part might be the fact she stopped right before the trash can and waited for a car to go by then proceeded to back into it. For the record she has a backup camera.
     
  36. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    uhhhh we are waiting...
     
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  37. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    The progressively louder and faster beeping probably distracted her from looking at the camera
     
  38. The Hebrew Husker

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    Unfortunately you can’t see much. Since she stopped before hitting the trash can, she basically idled into it. So all you see is her car stopping, then backing up and stopping again. Might need to figure out an alternate angle for when this surely happens again in like two weeks.
     
  39. The Hebrew Husker

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    lol the only sort of “defense” she will get from me is clarifying that for whatever reason her car doesn’t beep when it gets close to anything. At least that I’m aware of.
     
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  40. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Wife just realized next weekend is Christmas
    She's now freaking out cause we are going out of town this weekend, she is supposed to work all week next week, and she claims none of her shopping is done.
    Though she started shopping before Thanksgiving
     
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  41. tylerdolphin

    tylerdolphin My spoon is too big
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    Does she know about Amazon dot com?
     
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  42. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Yea
    But even though her phone is logged into our account, she literally sends me screen shots of stuff on amazon.com and asks me to order it
    :awshucks:
     
  43. Daddy Rabbit

    Daddy Rabbit obviously silly and not productive
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    Screenshots and not a link at least?

    :roll:
     
  44. tylerdolphin

    tylerdolphin My spoon is too big
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    This is blowing my mind. I kinda have beef with Amazon because of how easy they make it to order shit
     
  45. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Hell, half the time I find it cheaper than the screen shot she sends me
     
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  46. SpartanGA

    SpartanGA Well-Known Member
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    :drunk:
     
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  47. Pharm

    Pharm Right Handed
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    My parents bought My kid a powerwheels type Jeep for his birthday.

    my wife threw away the charger.

    Try explaining that to a two year old
     
  48. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    by mistake?

    it’s his first experience in women managing anything car related so that lesson should be valuable for him later in life. Just do it yourself
     
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  49. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Get the saw and teach the kid about the Flintstones
     
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  50. Pharm

    Pharm Right Handed
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    yeah by mistake