Some comedian named John DeBoer is here but he can’t work teams lmao wtf He also has a bass mounted on the wall behind him
So far he said covid was like castaway, and held up a stuffed monkey head that is his Wilson, then showed us his Superman pajama pants and said he came dressed for his 5:00 onlyfans show right after this.
“I like to pick in people in the front row. You all say ‘I don’t wanna be in the front then.’ Well ask Lincoln how that worked out.”
Ok he redeemed himself with kids names jokes the parents naming their kids stupid things would be proud of.
Oh I forgot the best part. They checked your name at the door to the lunch room. If you didn’t accept the Outlook invite you didn’t eat.
Lots of drunk driving jokes at the expense of Wisconsin and some regional Fargo jokes, which is a good 4 hours from here. Weird stuff, man.
Had a new woman start in my unit last week. Been training her, especially this week with all her orientation crap out of the way, she can dedicate her full shift to training. I swear to fucking God it's going to take a lot for me not to go off on her for being a fucking dumbass that refuses to listen half the time.
Everyone loves me here. My now-former manager wanted to take me with her to her new location, but I accepted another job offer before she could get a chance to fire the person I'd be replacing lol. Everyone here is pissed the practice administrator didn't make a better effort to keep me around after the assistant director and current manager presented a plan to the director that I would have strongly considered.
They sent out an email to all the prize winners from the virtual holiday party asking for the address they want their stuff shipped to. They put everyone on to instead of BCC. This is going to get annoying. There will be at least a few reply alls.
This whole area is searchable by owner name, so if I’m ever curious I just look it up. Aka I don’t have to wait for some bozo to spill the beans on their address for me to judge them. It was a joke.
We had our annual senior leadership conference this week. For the first night cocktail reception/dinner they invited the people who took early retirement during the pandemic since most left without any kind of significant sendoff due to COVID protocols. As they were calling the people up one by one for a little speech and gift one guy was no where to be found, and later we found out he had never left the hotel to come to the reception. Guy has been retired for a year but took a flight to DFW, spoke to no one, ghosted the party, then flew out the next morning. I have to respect it.
they did Strange guy. On the day he retired I had an email exchange with him that afternoon where we joked about the Saints vs Falcons (he ran our Atlanta operation) and talked about upcoming projects, then I sent another reply the next day and got the auto-reply that he had retired and was no longer with the company.
Our office is split into two divisions. One side practies one type of law, the other side does a different type. There is almost zero mixing of staff or anything like that. Our side is a partner and 4 associates, the other is a partner and a single associate (we shall call her Izzy) who is the weirdest person I have ever encountered. 1. She eats like a todler (more on this later). If it's not chicken fingers and fries, she doesn't eat it. 2. When she met my newborn. She got right up into his face and started meowing like a cat. Just loud meows again and again. It was the strangest thing. This brings me to a happy hour we did a few months ago. It was the senior associate's birthday on my side of the office so the managing partner treated the whole firm (like 15 total people) to drinks and an early dinner. One of our main sources of clients joins as well as this senior associate is the point person for cases that come from this source (We shall call him Bart) . At the happy hour, the Bart orders a steak. Drunk and sloppy Izzy sees the steak arrive at the table and shamelessly asks to try a piece of Bart's steak and makes a big show of saying she doesn't care which piece she gets, she just wants to try it. Bart is clearly a bit confused, but agrees and cuts her a piece of steak. Izzy takes a bite (FROM HIS FORK) chews for a second, and immediately spits it out in a huge show of disgust. She then stares directly at Bart and says with a straight face, "That was the most disgusting piece of steak I have ever tasted, you cut me a terrible piece. I wouldn't feed my dog that trash." Everyone just stares at her for a good 60+ seconds before she calmly turns around, finds our waiter, and orders another drink.
not at all. a 4/10 at most. Here is where it gets really strange though. She's got a long term boy friend (but still lives with her parents), and cheats on this guy all the time. She literally spends half her day hitting on other attorneys via Linked In. Yea, you read that right.
Let's now talk about the fundraiser. A few months ago, her boss/partner (Jeff) hosts a fundraiser at his house for a person who plans to run for governor. Izzy obviously attends. The night ends and EVERYONE has gone home. The only people remaining at the home are the Partner who lives their, my boss/partner (Joe), his wife, and you guessed it. Izzy. Jeff and Joe are obviously extremely close so it's not a surprise Joe and his wife are still there helping with clean up and having one last drink. However, Izzy has taken it upon herself to assume she is part of the inner circle and is hanging out continuing to drink and be very awkward. Jeff and Joe/Joes' wife are waiting around for Izzy to finally get the idea, exchanging good byes, shuffling towards the door, ANYTHING to get Izzy to realize it's time to go home. Nothing, she just remains on the couch talking with no intention at all of going home any time soon. It gets to a point that Joe has to pull Izzy aside and let her know that the party is over and she needs to go home now. He then walks her to the door, opens it, and says good night.
Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry and Elaine are waiting on Kramer to pick them up from the house party and he gets lost.
And that brings me to another story. About two weeks ago, she comes out of her office complaining that she is exhausted after handling a pretty basic hearing that morning. She proclaims to the entire office that after that 5 minute hearing in front of the judge, she is done working for the day. One of the other associates on my side of the office then calmly tells her that each associate on our side of the firm does 2-3 of those type of hearings a week minimum. We honestly never see her working. The other day I walked by her office and she was shopping for thongs. She deliberately designed her office to have her screen face the door but still spends most of her time shopping online.
So now the thanksgiving story. This one is a two parter. The Friday before our office thanksgiving, Joe and Jeff send an email out that anything left in the fridge after friday afternoon will be thrown away to make room for the thanksgiving leftovers. Monday rolls around and Izzy has put a bunch of new food into the fridge into a drawer that she labeled ("Izzy's Food, DO NOT TOUCH"). Nobody else has a labeled drawer. She took it upon herself to do this after she claimed that someone stole some of her clementines with zero evidence to actually back it up a few months ago. So on Monday, Joe is throwing away anything left in the fridge as promised to make room for the thanksgiving leftovers and finally notices that there is a drawer full of food (somehow he didn't notice the label). Here is how that convo played out. Joe "Whose food is that in the middle drawer of the fridge?" Izzy- It's Mine Joe- You either need to take it home or throw it away Izzy-No, it's brand new food, just leave it in my drawer Joe- We sent an email on Friday that said the fridge needed to be empty for the Thanksgiving lunch Joe (realizes that Izzy just said "HER" drawer)- wait a second, who said you could claim 1/5th of the fridge for yourself? Izzy- People were stealing my shit, so I put my name on the drawer so people would know the food wasn't communal. (Our office doesn't even have communal condiments, let alone communal food) Joe- If you think people are stealing your food, what is a label going to do to stop them? Izzy- Why do you care? It's just a single drawer Joe- Because nobody told you that you could have a drawer to yourself and you were told to remove all your food from the fridge anyway. Izzy- No. I don't think I'm going to do that. Last thing we heard because it was the end of the day and it was just getting more and more awkward.
Can you post a celebrity lookalike or something? I have a picture in my head, but I need this to be accurate
Part 2 of Thanksgiving. Our firm got BBQ catered for thanksgiving from a place near my house so I was asked to pick it up. We were supposed to get a bunch of sliced brisket, sausage, pulled pork, and a bunch of sides. However, due to a mixup, the restaurant forgot to make our order and there clearly wasn't enough time to smoke a bunch of meat for 15 people. Instead they whipped up a bunch of day old shredded pork and brisket that they cook in a cuban style sauce and whatever sides they had to make up for the mistake. It was all delicious. They also gave us all of this food FOR FREE. So while it wasn't exactly what we ordered, everyone understood that mistakes happen and made the best of it. This includes multiple employees who are vegetarians, who were counting on sides such as Green Beans, Corn, and baked beans to supplement the salads they were bringing from home. Not Izzy though. She took one look at the food on her plate and threw a complete 5 year old hisst fit. Was literally sitting at the table with her arms crossed and making gutteral sounds every few seconds to show how pissed off she was. She was sitting next to me so I took the bait. Asked her what was wrong. Izzy- It would have been nice to be consulted about the menu, because this is some bull shit. Me- Well, I'm not sure if you heard, but there was a mixup at the restaurant and this was all they had. I'm sorry about that. Izzy- Well, it's a fucking joke that everyone knows I only eat chicken and turkey. Me- Don't you eat steak? the Brisket is beef, it's just a different cut than steak. Izzy- This is fucking unacceptable. Me-Next time I'll stop by McDonalds for you and pick you up some McNuggets.