A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit, what will you have? The rabbit says, I’m not sure. I’m only here because of autocorrect.
Patient walks into his psychologist’s office and says, sometimes I feel disrespected. For example, my relationship with my sister is like Lucy treats Linus. The psychologist responds, have you been tested for a peanuts analogy?
Do you know what my Grandmother said right before she kickers the bucket? "Hey Grandson, watch how far I can kick the bucket."
Why does the Norwegian government put barcodes on the outside of all government boats? Spoiler So when they return to port they can just Scandinavian.
What do you call a caveman fart? A blast from the past my 6 year old hit me with that one this morning
You’d think that with the tropical nature of the product, pirates would love Capri Sun…but they’re drawn to the Hi-Cs. Also, you’d think Orange would be their favorite flavor because of scurvy but it’s actually gRAPE
Saw a massive huge stereo system at a garage sale. It had a note on it that said “Volume stuck at full blast.” But it only cost $1. And I thought “you can’t turn that down.”
I was going to say, no way is one of those getting away with the identical graphics, depending on who was first.
The sounds from a musician on stage bounces off the auditorium walls to surround the audience. The sounds from a pigeon on stage does not do this. The reason is a coo sticks.
A diehard Mariah Carey fan bought her a parcel of land as a present. How did the diva respond? “I Don’t Want a Lot For Christmas.”
If you are at the library and you get hit on the head with a book, you have only your shelf to blame.