The addiction thread: A safe place for questions or advice or really anything

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by fattus, Feb 3, 2016.

  1. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    I can only imagine. My thing is that 12-step and AA seems religiously driven. I'm staunchly opposed to the Jesus aspect. Is there a similarly successful alternative. I can dig spiritualism and higher powers, but Jesus is no go
     
  2. Daniel Ocean

    Daniel Ocean I only lied about being a thief
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    the meetings and groups I attended appeared to focus more on spirituality than religion. It stressed acknowledging that there was something greater than you. Call it god call it a higher spirit I don’t remember them pushing it having to be a Christian god.
     
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  3. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    Thx. I've tried it before and it was oppressive distasteful. I'm not powerless or weak. I do say fuck it because I'm weak and hedonistic
     
  4. fattus

    fattus Well-Known Member
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    Montclaire de Haviland

    When I first started going to AA I hated it. I was raised with such an ingrained belief that God = religion that it was hard for me to see AA as anything but a religious cult. I always believed there was a power greater than myself, which I will refer to as God because that is how I choose to. Anyone can refer to it how they wish. I didn’t like God and I definitely didn’t think God cared for me in the slightest. My problem was my conception of God wasn’t my conception at all. I was believing that God was what everyone else told me it was. I was believing that God was what religion dictated. It took me a really long time to start believing in and trusting my God. For a while I didn’t even have God as a higher power that could restore me to sanity. My higher power was the fellowship of AA. The group conscious was my higher power. Surely a group of alcoholics like me who could stay sober were greater than just me. And they are. Over time I began to trust my God and together with those people in the group that I trust they are things I lean on when I need it.

    AA is not religious. There are people in AA who are. If you go to a meeting that is dominated by Bible thumpers you’re in the wrong meeting. Go to some different ones until you find a group you can relate with.

    As for powerlessness over alcohol, that is something only you can decide. No one can tell you what you are or how you feel. If you want to control your drinking and can do so, our hats are off to you.

    AA is a group oriented entity. Each group is autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole. The experience varies a lot from group to group. My suggestion is to try some other groups with these three things:

    1. Willingness to try something new.
    2. Honesty with yourself.
    3. Open-mindedness.

    These three things are essential.

    Please do not hesitate to ask me anything. I can only promise you three things: I will always be honest, I will never tell you what you are or how you feel, and I will never tell you that you have to do anything (but I will make suggestions).
     
  5. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    Fuck, man. Thanks. That's was powerful and I appreciate you taking the time. I hate this about me and didn't think it would ever come to this. I used to denigrate people in this situation like it couldn't have ever become me. I watched it as a kid and said never. Here I am
     
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  6. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    My thing going into it is a distrust if people. I think people in general are kind of slimy. I worry about trusting being vulnerable.

    Sounds like bullshit, but sincerely. I don't know how to decipher who's sincere
     
  7. Daniel Ocean

    Daniel Ocean I only lied about being a thief
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    if you need help go to some meetings at different places at different times. Find something that clicks with you. You’re acknowledging that you need help and that’s honestly that’s a huge first step. Now don’t let your pride/mind/stubbornness (whatever you want to call it) put unnecessary obstacles in the way of getting help.
     
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  8. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    Fair. I know it and have. It's not stubbornness, it's weakness
     
  9. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    I've got a lot of fuck it to me I've tried like hell, then fuck it.
     
  10. NoNatty

    NoNatty Keyboard Cowboy
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    check out smart recovery.
     
  11. fattus

    fattus Well-Known Member
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    I hear that. It’s insanely difficult for me to be vulnerable and to trust people. I just basically said fuck it, nothing else is working out for me. I’ll just give it a shot trusting someone. I didn’t end up trusting very many people. But I have found a few that I trust 100%. And, honestly, it’s made all the difference.
     
  12. Tommy Callahan

    Tommy Callahan Well-Known Member
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    My mom is one of three girls. The oldest has always been wild as can be. Burned down an apartment in college. Took 5+ years to graduate Alabama. Married once then quickly divorced. Married again and was married for 25 years but ended up leaving him. Went to rehab in spring of 2010 and actually has done pretty well in terms of staying sober. But as weird is this sounds it was better when she was drinking. Has one of the worst spending problems ever imagined and comes out of it with just shit. Blown through trust fund and got a house foreclosed on when the middle husband was clearing several hundred a year

    Couple weeks ago went to treatment to try and help her get through the spending/insecurity/whatever other issues she has. Went awol yesterday and blamed it on Covid. It really grinds at my mom and she tries to be the fixer, especially with their parents gone.

    Know this is rambling but it feels good to get it out there. Quite a frustrating situation and has been for at least a decade
     
  13. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
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    I was pretty bad during COVID when all my locations had to close and didn't have anything I could really be working on. I was probably going through a magnum of vodka every two-three days.

    Taking the cross country trip and starting to regularly dog sit for friends (whether it was the added responsibility or just general enjoyment) got me back to a normal social drinker.

    Not remotely claiming that's an ideal route for everyone but that's what resulted in me making an adjustment.
     
  14. The Milkman

    The Milkman Send lawyers, guns and money, shit has hit the fan
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    Sorry to hear that buddy, I have similar issues in my family. This book helped me deal with it better.

    I Am Not Sick, I Don't Need Help! How to Help Someone Accept Treatment - 20th Anniversary Edition https://a.co/d/34SxzIy
     
  15. fattus

    fattus Well-Known Member
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    Nothing gets you out of your head more than being of service, no matter how insignificant it may seem.
     
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  16. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    I don’t think I’m an addict or an alcoholic, but covid has absolutely ratcheted my consumption up probably 2-3 fold. Without the constraints of the office, people, structure, etc, I’m drinking 5-6 nights a week. I’m usually just catching a good buzz with a few hazies (and packing on the pounds because of it). Sometimes I will get into the bourbon too and that’s when stuff gets a little sketchy for my liking.

    I have to eventually stop drinking for my health and my family. I just like beer too much.

    I struggle with it a lot because it doesn’t impact anything (yet) in my daily life, but I know this habit is not good for me.
     
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  17. fattus

    fattus Well-Known Member
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    Not all heavy drinkers are alcoholics. If you decide to quit or control it, go for it. If that works, great! If not, there are resources available.
     
  18. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    Fucking re-tread. Btw, thanks all gents, particularly fattus and Danny, but to all. PaulK, shout out. Tried to reply to a dm but not savvy.

    I blather, so: like for most in pool/darts, there's a sweet spot. I swear to Christ booze gets me to a sweet spot in coherence and...control over my mind. Calmness, clarity, it's like finally hitting the dial perfectly on a snowy radio. The frequency is perfect. For a moment.

    Reading the med student/lawyer threads, asking seems dicey, value has, well, value

    But wtf? End of my input. Confounded. Alcohol calibrates my brain, basically. But then it's zombie ants.
     
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  19. fattus

    fattus Well-Known Member
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    Yeah I get that 100%. I definitely had my sweet spot where everything seemed right. Unfortunately for me, I blew right past it every goddamn time :)
     
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  20. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    Hey chief. Sorry I blew you off. Played it cool for a bit, then tried rewarding myself. Fact is, I love it. Tried calibrating. I miss that exact sweet spot when my mind works the way I want it to. Is there something similar or no?
     
  21. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    That's the main question. How is there not something by now?
     
  22. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    When I dial in, I taste it. Its like settling in to a comfy seat. I have no fear, no animosity, the world is spinning perfectly and even people that honk before the reflection of the light hits the ground will be peaceably explained why their reaction was less than stellar. That, I can do. That's what I want. Without it, I've put out fires, blah blah blah. Its all blah blah blah. I'm probably getting fucky. But that line is immutable and perfect.
     
  23. fattus

    fattus Well-Known Member
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    All good, brother.

    I love it, too, and I miss it. I probably always will. I tried calibrating every way I could possibly think of. I just wanted it to be like it was. I chased the dragon for years but never caught it.

    So why did I stay quit this time? I ran out of things to try. There was nothing left. So I finally stopped fighting it.

    Is there something similar? I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but there is something similar for me. The only times I ever feel right are when I’m being of service to another, probably because I can get out of my own head. So I do as much as I can. I just picked up another panel at a homeless shelter yesterday.
     
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  24. npndne

    npndne Well-Known Member
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    There is a podcast called Back from Broken (by Vic Vela. On Spotify + Apple Podcasts) that you should check out. In particular the episode with Kevin Griffin—author of “One Breath at a Time” which is a Buddhist approach to the twelve steps. It may give you a more palatable perspective on the god hang up previously discussed. The same hang up was why my first couple of years of my sobriety were done so largely on my own. It’s not sustainable and I am coming to find more openness and understanding in why AA is as effective as it is.

    Kevin Griffin was a professional drummer and talks frequently how that sweet spot can drive us as “professional drinkers” (which is an easier to stomach explanation for us drunks). As someone who entertains customers and sells into an industry where people expected the play hard to back the work hard, I felt like there was certain parts of my identity that relied on it. But for me maintaining that sweet spot got harder and harder as I become a full blown alcoholic. The game of maintaining a perfect drunk became more important than why I started playing it to start.

    Found a lot of comfort in Griffin’s stories. Give it a listen and/or read.
     
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  25. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    Think you got me beat. Respect. I reach points where I just can't. And I still do. And I always will. But I'll probably just just drunk because fuck it. Respect. Huge respect. Fucking strong, man.
     
  26. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    Guessing I might be a tough case. My brother got married when I was 11. I was late because I was drunk. That's fuck up.
     
  27. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    Give me some time to read. Appreciate the response. Cool?
     
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  28. fattus

    fattus Well-Known Member
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    I’m going to check that out. Thanks for the recommendation!
     
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  29. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    Thanks. I'm going to look into this because I think the "sweet spot" is a huge impetus. Easy peasy lemon squeezy with booze because the threshold on ourselves is seemingly less.

    I don't have a damned thing worthy of response tonight. But I'll check it and it's appreciated
     
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  30. ARSENAL

    ARSENAL Well-Known Member
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    You were drunk at 11? No judgment.
     
  31. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    I was hoping to get some insight on potential pharmaceuticals. I despise the companies and its annoying getting stared at by confused therapists. A few beers calibrates. Fuck.
     
  32. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    Yes. Wasn't the first time. That was a monument in time that is easily irrefutable.
     
  33. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    I clearly remember riding my bicycle back to my parents house. Absolutely hammered
     
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  34. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    The pictures are fantastic. I never got fitted. The pants were waaaay to short. My haircut was fucking bullshit. I was drunk
     
  35. fattus

    fattus Well-Known Member
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    I understand this completely. I said it for six years.
    I’ve heard similar stories in meetings. The beauty of the fellowship is that you’ll always hear your own story if you listen.


    I’ve got to get to bed now. I have a really long drive tomorrow. Thanks for sharing. I know those feelings all too well. There is a solution if you’re willing to do the work. Even the furthest gone among us has been able to recover.
     
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  36. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    The bride was beautiful and honestly the coolest person ever. To this day
     
  37. fattus

    fattus Well-Known Member
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    I am not a doctor so I have no advice about that.
     
  38. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    Fair. Thanks, man. I appreciated you before. I've been a maron fan forever, and I dig than you try, too. You did, what, probably a year ago the last time I bugged out. I'm still probably not going to buy in. And I don't know why. I want to know why there is a point I feel great. If I can, anybody can. I love that feeling. I want everyone to at least know it. It's possible. It sure as shit isnt with booze. And it sure as shit isn't with Jesus. So what is it? Love, babe. Thanks again
     
  39. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

  40. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    Yes.

    Rural kid. My dad was a white collar executive for a huge company. My neighbors were all the kinds of guys that owned drywall companies and made even more money. I drove cars home because I could see. Fucked up
     
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  41. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    Fwiw, it was awesome. At the time
     
  42. RonBurgundy

    RonBurgundy Well-Known Member

    I’ve had great success with naltrexone for craving reduction.
    Acamprosate is second line, haven’t had as much success with that historically.
    Disulfiram is fantastic at “punishing” alcohol intake, but some of my most prolific alcoholics drink right through the suffering.
    If you do have seizures, topiramate is a great option too.

    Disclaimer, etc: none of this is medical advice, I sell toilets for a living.
     
  43. Daddy Rabbit

    Daddy Rabbit obviously silly and not productive
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    It helped me tremendously
     
  44. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    I'm always in the market for toilets. Not physically dependent. Its the fuck it I'm getting smashed aspect, which is probably out of your wheelhouse
     
  45. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    I think I may have misconstrued. The booze calibrates, but doesn't solve. Meaning I take the time to make the bubble in a level do it's job, but of course it's shit. But I think it looks okay. Make Sense?
     
  46. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    Why would it. I don't know how to go about asking. And most docs aren't really listening. How do I direct the question, I guess
     
  47. Mr. Bean

    Mr. Bean Well-Known Member

    Shoutout to those who made are making it thru the holidays sober, if that’s what you’re trying to do. Almost there.
     
  48. Butthead

    Butthead narmas, narmas

    Detoxing from alcohol sucked so bad. They gave me librium, which helped I guess? I think I slept about 3 hours in 3 days
     
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  49. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    How much were you drinking to need to detox?
     
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  50. Butthead

    Butthead narmas, narmas

    Like a liter per day. Do not recommend.
     
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