Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. Rabid

    Rabid Fan of: DQ Treats
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    I fucking wish.
     
  2. Fat Drunk & Stupid

    Fat Drunk & Stupid Barning Hard
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    Utility companies hate him!
     
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  3. EagleDuck

    EagleDuck Well-Known Member
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    I totally feel you. But at the same time, enjoy it. The day will come when you sit down on the couch in your empty house after the kid(s) are all out on their own and wonder, “what the fuck am I supposed to be doing now?”

    Empty nesting is the balls but it hits hard and fast.
     
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  4. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    that turtle definitely lost half a leg in Vietnam
     
  5. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    I'm honestly impressed the party favors were completed in that time
     
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  6. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    I legit think I’m going to have a breakdown about this in about 2036. My kids drive me up the wall, but I’m bored as fuck after an hour or two reset without them.
     
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  7. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    Oh. It’s all worth it for the few hours this kid will be smiling and running around with his friends in the pool. It’s going to be our first time in it. I was just fucking exhausted last night and in no mood to be told I wasn’t being supportive of a day long arts and crafts project and hear about how stressful her day was as well.
     
  8. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    Pup had a surgery today to correct the issue, and our vet called it a “twat tuck.”
     
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  9. Boom TittyMilk

    Boom TittyMilk User Formerly known as Big R
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    I wouldn’t put it up there with pussy in terms of bad words. but lol at feeling weird about saying lady parts then throwing down twat multiple times.
     
    Dump likes this.
  10. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Glad to hear about your dog's vagina, tegg
     
  11. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Wife had a rough day at work this week. I'm legitimately impressed at how many people she's been able to retell the story to. It's astounding. Like more people than I even know.
     
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  12. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    The biggest boost to my marriage and happiness, by far, was my wife’s change in attitude towards work. I have no idea what happened, but she stopped bitching in the second half of 2022 and shit is way easier on the whole these days.

    She still complains about being tired 24x7. Can’t win em all.
     
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  13. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    Thanks. She’s doing great.

    185D5399-D1FC-423A-94FE-A37A8BC8888A.jpeg
     
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  14. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    Sorry to break it to you but she now has a work husband she can vent to.
     
  15. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    As long as I don’t have to hear it…
     
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  16. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Better than a work boyfriend. At least that dope's also not getting laid
     
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  17. bigred77

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    Man Im jealous as hell
     
  18. Simon Templar

    Simon Templar Well-Known Member
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    My wife has work wives which mean they gaslight each other and now I have to hear about all the things each of them are pissed about.
     
  19. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    It’s within the first year, they are still in the honeymoon phase. I mean he said himself she is always tired now.
     
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  20. beerme

    beerme Well-Known Member
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    .
     
    #17220 beerme, Feb 18, 2023
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2024
  21. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
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    My wife made promotional posters for her Roller Derby team’s next match and they heavily feature an incredibly attractive player from their team, so that’s a nice unintentional bonus in my house right now.
     
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  22. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    [​IMG]
     
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  23. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    So yesterday she decided she was gunna make the guest bedroom into a "she room".
    Whatever, as long as it's still a guest room, imo

    I drug out an 8 foot long dresser/mirror set that is out on the curb for free

    Today, she went to town and fucking filled her suv with shit for this room.
    Like a cabinet, a chair, a mirror, and God knows what else.

    I'm avoiding looking at bank or credit card accounts to keep from getting mad.
    I've drug so much shit out of that room this evening that I am gunna have to haul away tomorrow, and I just went in there and it feels more clustered up than yesterday
     
  24. beerme

    beerme Well-Known Member
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    6 Ways To Turn Your Bedroom Into A She Shed
    1. Fill it with plants and fresh flowers. ...
    2. Create a decadent reading nook. ...
    3. Add fairy lights. ...
    4. Create a princess canopy for your bed. ...
    5. Paint it the color of your dreams. ...
    6. Add lots of impractical but beautiful things.

    I’d like to see a photo of this room upon completion.
     
  25. tylerdolphin

    tylerdolphin My spoon is too big
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    My wife sat here not really saying a lot while our daughter was awake. She just put our daughter to sleep on her chest and suddenly it's like she ate parrot food and can't stop talking. Problem is she's whispering now and I can't understand a word she's saying. I'm getting bits and pieces and faking the rest.
     
  26. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
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    I know she didn't grow up with access to even white people mexican food but my wife is the slowest taco assembler I have ever seen.
     
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  27. HuskerInMiami

    HuskerInMiami Well-Known Member
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    I used to be that way, and I think that's why I don't look now. When we moved to florida and she was in med school, we were super broke and i was counting every penny. I remember when we had 5k in our account and I felt like a god. Now I don't ever check our accounts, but I think it's because I fear it'll be like it was several years ago and i'll stress out.

    I was being charged a $20/paycheck (for not getting my health screened, which I did) fee for something at work and I didn't notice it until 3/4 through the FY. I explained that it was an error and they were super confused how I wouldn't have noticed it on my paycheck. I told them I never looked at my paychecks and they fought me hard as hell to refund me.
     
  28. tylerdolphin

    tylerdolphin My spoon is too big
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    I'm kinda the same. It's not uncommon for me to go a month between opening my banking app.

    A guy who I used to work with broke his phone while we were at sea. We weren't far from an island that would have phones so he shot in and got a new one. Within a few hours his wife was calling wanting to know what he bought. He told us she checks on their banking multiple times a day and knows to the cent what's there. I just can't mentally live my life that way.
     
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  29. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
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    Thanks to beerme for my 40k like; a paltry number of likes for a 2009 OG TMBer but proud of it none-the-less.
     
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  30. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Damn , I was so close
     
  31. beerme

    beerme Well-Known Member
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    I aim to please… except for with my posts of which I’m At a whopping 9000
     
    WhiskeyDelta likes this.
  32. NineteenNine

    NineteenNine Divers are, in fact, wankers. It's science.
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    My wife is unable to assemble a burrito without overstuffing it by a factor of 3.
     
  33. SpartanGA

    SpartanGA Well-Known Member
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    There is a joke in there somewhere
     
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  34. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
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    Not something stupid aside from being incredibly frustrating.

    all my wife’s friends have been wearing the on cloud shoes and telling her how great they are but she hates spending money. For Valentine’s Day I bought her a gift card so she had no choice. Next day she found a pair she wanted and then radio silence.

    In an attempt to stop her from procrastinating I found 2 stores very close that she can go try them on. Still nothing.

    Today she says one of her friends said she should go try a pair on and order so she’s going to.
     
  35. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Very jealous every time one of you talks about your wife not liking to spend money
    Pretty sure it's my wife's favorite thing on earth
     
  36. SpartanGA

    SpartanGA Well-Known Member
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    I am baffled at this. what woman doesn't like to spend money to this level of procrastination?
     
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  37. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
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    Her dad was super controlling over money with her growing up and when we were younger money wasn’t great at times so she has some bad memories
     
  38. NoNatty

    NoNatty Keyboard Cowboy
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    My wife went to go heat pizza up. She put the whole box in the oven and almost set our house on fire. 7ADD7640-4DC2-4FAB-A33A-C38DE2174E3D.jpeg
     
  39. IHHH

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    That is a good one, it’s a really good one.
     
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  40. Jimmy the Saint

    Jimmy the Saint The future is a benevolent black hole
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    I think we might have something to rival “tried to send child to school with a gun”
     
    #17241 Jimmy the Saint, Feb 25, 2023
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2023
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  41. LSUTigers1986

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    Nvm
     
    #17242 LSUTigers1986, Feb 25, 2023
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2023
  42. goheels10

    goheels10 Well-Known Member
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    Wtf… maybe she was trying to off you and make it look like an accident
     
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  43. Snakes

    Snakes clumsy interloper
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    Sometimes we put the pizza box in the oven on the lowest setting. My guess is that was her plan but she broiled that sumbitch :laugh:
     
  44. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    I had a roommate once who put one of those microwaveable mini pizzas in a microwave for 20 minutes once. After about 10 minutes the entire first floor of the house had been filled with smoke. I was crawling on the ground to the kitchen to turn off the microwave. I could barely see anything five feet in front of me when I opened the door from my bedroom.
     
  45. HotMic

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    Found the perfect tweet to describe my wife

     
  46. Arrec Bardwin

    Arrec Bardwin La Araña Discoteca
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    Yeah if you keep it under 200 it’s not a problem and is a good way to keep the pizza hot if you’re waiting on someone or something l.
     
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  47. jbr

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    It’s bonus payout season in the jbr house. We both agreed that $250 was reasonable to splurge with and the rest goes to 529s, savings, etc.

    095E6EF4-0607-4871-ABE7-295C7942805B.jpeg

    It’s the principle, people. And the lack of respect because she knows rules have never applied to her.
     
  48. Boom TittyMilk

    Boom TittyMilk User Formerly known as Big R
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    Looks like you get the freedom to spend 160.82 with the remaining budget.
     
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  49. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    Psh. I’m the man of the house. I spend what I want.

    In true stereotypical fashion, she has no idea about our household finances and probably doesn’t even have logins to the banks, Amex, etc.