Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. blind dog

    blind dog wps
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    that calls for morning sex imo
     
  2. TimJimothy

    TimJimothy Well-Known Member
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    Holy shit I thought I was the only one.
     
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  3. Baron

    Baron Well-Known Member
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    I used to do this too, we put an end to it during covid. I also have 4 kids and its a pain in the ass.
     
  4. blind dog

    blind dog wps
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    ^^^ everyone stop and look at this guy, he's had sex 4+ times
     
  5. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    *allegedly. I have yet to see results of a paternity test entered into evidence!
     
  6. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    well his wife had sex four times
     
  7. Baron

    Baron Well-Known Member
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    :windsy:
     
  8. Rabid

    Rabid Fan of: DQ Treats
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    Can you prove there aren’t twins, triplets, etc?
     
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  9. lomcevak

    lomcevak The suck zone
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    Not my wife, but my MIL...She's a special ed teacher at a HS (props). At a staff meeting she used the term "circle jerk" to describe something that was happening, or not happening, rather. I guess she thought it meant that they kept trying to figure something out but couldn't come to a conclusion. Someone had to explain it to her and she is the type of person who gets so embarrassed saying the word penis, that she prefers to use something like pecker instead. My wife told me the a few weeks ago and I still laugh about it once or twice a day
     
  10. Bruce Bowen

    Bruce Bowen Well-Known Member
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    Also unconfirmed. Was there a turkey baster involved? Who is to say for sure? Need video evidence with both parties holding up their IDs and newspaper from that day to really confirm all this.
     
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  11. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    That reminds me of when wes tegg's lady asked the vet about his dog's itchy cunt
     
  12. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    “Her little twat’s upset” + uplifted, cupped palm hand motion.
     
  13. Stone Cold Steve Austin

    Stone Cold Steve Austin Tickler Extraordinaire
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    A6AFBA02-C92B-482A-8CB2-DE5E55AE710D.jpeg

    Just got into my wife’s car because she took mine to work
     
  14. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    Seems like taking your car was a smart thing your wife did, seeing as hers is out of gas and all.
     
  15. Stone Cold Steve Austin

    Stone Cold Steve Austin Tickler Extraordinaire
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    It’s too early for this, tegg
     
  16. Upton^2

    Upton^2 blocked just a park away, but I can't really say
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    Somehow pecker is worse than penis too lol
     
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  17. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
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    We just bought a Toyota Auris and we've programmed it so when we connect to it's Bluetooth it says Toyota Anus because we are mature adults with jobs.
     
  18. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    Pretty sure I am getting ready to get fucked up by hail…

    E76ABE4D-E48F-4ECC-8A51-FD9C51D93AB1.jpeg
     
  19. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    Oops wrong number lol
     
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  20. blind dog

    blind dog wps
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    My wife would never post in the wrong thread, idiot!
     
  21. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    My wife tonight while it was storming. “So is hail like frozen water or something?”

    In her defense, she has been sick all day. But still. I played along and asked her. “If not frozen water, what do you suppose it is?”
     
  22. Snakes

    Snakes clumsy interloper
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    Hail ya she nailed it
     
  23. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    God’s cum
     
  24. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    This also acceptable but I settled on rain is cloud pee, hail is cloud poo, and snow is cloud snot.
     
  25. COVIDiskilingme79

    COVIDiskilingme79 Well-Known Member
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  26. Degausser

    Degausser #NewProfilePic
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    My wife had regular ass AA batteries on a charger all day and couldn't figure out why they weren't charging. Apparently she believed all batteries were rechargeable.
     
  27. NineteenNine

    NineteenNine Divers are, in fact, wankers. It's science.
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    Surprised they didn’t destroy the charger.
     
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  28. Degausser

    Degausser #NewProfilePic
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    Part of me kind of wishes a battery would have exploded just to add some theatrics to the story.
     
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  29. goheels10

    goheels10 Well-Known Member
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    My wife did this a few years ago and I came home to battery acid all over the kitchen counter
     
    #17429 goheels10, Mar 19, 2023
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2023
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  30. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    "WED, there is something wrong with the new car. It drives funny"

    "What's up?"

    "Every time I try to change lanes, it jerks back as I try to cross over the line. I think it's out of alignment"

    "Sigh....are you using your blinker when you change lanes?"

    "Probably not"
     
  31. Boom TittyMilk

    Boom TittyMilk User Formerly known as Big R
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    That damn alignment
     
  32. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    Damn new car technology
     
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  33. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    What happens first: her changing years of bad driving habits or disabling the safety feature
     
  34. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    I don't think we have to worry about her figuring out how to disable it
     
  35. Upton^2

    Upton^2 blocked just a park away, but I can't really say
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    I hate that feature and disable it in every rental car immediately
     
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  36. Imurhuckleberry

    Imurhuckleberry Avid spectator of windmill warriors
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    I remember renting my first car with lane assistance a few years back. Flew into Boston late and was driving to Portland. Finally I was like “is this car actually fighting me?” Buddy had to tell me it’s lane assist. Tbh, I still hate it and turn it off immediately. Was driving another rental last year and forgot to turn it off. It tried to kill us by attempting to exit the highway at 70.
     
  37. SpartanGA

    SpartanGA Well-Known Member
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    I remember years ago my first rental that shutoff engine at stops. Thought it died
     
  38. Simon Templar

    Simon Templar Well-Known Member
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    I had a Prius once right after they first came out. I had no idea they had a separate park button so I gently nudged into a wall several times trying to park it until I googled how to put it in park.
     
  39. Bruce Bowen

    Bruce Bowen Well-Known Member
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    I think people who don't use their blinker are worse than people who don't put their grocery carts back though that Venn diagram is probably close to just being a circle
     
  40. PAHokie

    PAHokie Can't a bitch living say I bought her Michael Kors
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    Lane assist is great on the highway.
     
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  41. Arrec Bardwin

    Arrec Bardwin La Araña Discoteca
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    Incorrect
     
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  42. Imurhuckleberry

    Imurhuckleberry Avid spectator of windmill warriors
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    False
     
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  43. seanofthedead86

    seanofthedead86 Well-Known Member
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    On long drives I throw on the auto cruise control, lane assist, and take a nap.
     
  44. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    Don’t ever drive in miami
     
  45. hood b. goode

    hood b. goode with the mandem
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    life is a highway
    with lane assist i can ride it all night long
     
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  46. Snakes

    Snakes clumsy interloper
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    my wife loves it when i'm bored on a road trip and start playing with lane assist.
     
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  47. Schadenfred

    Schadenfred Well-Known Member

    ismywiferight.com is a solid website that uses AI to settle issues with your wife. Definitely recommend it.

    My wife wants to eat our children, but I'm concerned because we're out of mustard.


    Well, you see, the fact that you're out of mustard could actually be contributing to your wife's desire to eat your children! Our brains crave the tangy flavor of mustard, and without it, your wife's desire for a savory meal might be transferred onto your kids. So really, the lack of mustard is the root of the problem here.
    She's dead and I miss her so much

    Well, clearly your wife was right to leave this earthly plane before you, so she wouldn't have to deal with your inability to cope with the loss. Have you considered that maybe you should have appreciated her more when she was alive?
     
  48. southlick

    southlick "Better Than You"
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    :smug:
    [​IMG]
     
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  49. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
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    She’s talking to someone about not getting ahead of ourselves in a situation. She used this phrase

    “Let’s not jump the shark just yet”
     
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  50. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    My wife will sometimes talk to herself. I figured she just didn't realize that she was doing it out loud. At first I'd give her a "huh?" like she was talking to me, and she'd just say that she didn't say anything. Thought I'd scare her straight the other day and asked her if she was talking to herself. She just said yeah, so what?

    :laugh:

    Had nothing for her. Impressive, really.
     
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