George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Jun 11 Shout out to those swimmin' pool noodles for helpin' folks not die and bein' delightful as shit.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Jun 10 Real talk, I just don't think EVERYBODY was kung fu fighting. A bunch of 'em were maybe.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Jun 9 You can tell how much someone has their shit together by how many of their clocks and appliances are still blinkin' 12:00.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Jun 10 A fun prank is to call a friend & ask if their refrigerator's running then smash through their window & start hittin' em with a baseball bat
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Jun 1 Shout out to lanyards. You ain't shit if you ain't wearin' a fly ass lanyard, conveniently displayin' credentials and whatnot.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Jun 11 Shout out to Gandalf, runnin' around in a nightie hittin' folks with a stick and whatnot.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Jun 8 A good prank is to shoot a friend in the stomach they wouldn't expect that shit at all 'cause of the friendship.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace May 6 Did y'all know witches make only 70% of the salary warlocks make despite doing the same evil-ass magic? That's some bullshit right there!
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace May 31 Crazy how the most unrealistic thing about Ghostbusters is that a black person would sign up for that shit.
@MrGeorgeWallace: Sad to announce I'm stepping down as Treasurer of the Aryan Brotherhood's Las Vegas chapter.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 2m2 minutes ago Shout out to barn raising parties. Why do only Amish people have those? Every party should end like that, with a fly ass barn sitting there.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Jun 18 I'll straight up wear cargo shorts to ride a bike and biker shorts to load cargo I don't give a shit anymore
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Jun 16 If I lived in Germany my catch phrase whenever I walked away would be "Later hosen" and folks would laugh and laugh and eat strudel and shit
George Wallace– Verified account @MrGeorgeWallace I ran into the Stanley Cup again today. I was the only thing that was black at the parade. Me and the puck & whatnot. 4:05 PM - 19 Jun 2015 111 RETWEETS277 FAVORITES
@MrGeorgeWallace: I coulda told y'all that #dolezal lady was white. She never called in sick. She wasn't late for shit all the time. Dead giveaway.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 51s51 seconds ago I am not expected to be selected in tonight's NBA draft due to poor workouts. I appreciate privacy during this difficult time
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 20s21 seconds ago Shout out to rear view cameras on cars. Before that shit we had to turn our heads around like peasants and whatnot.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 4h4 hours ago I'll straight up rock in a recliner and recline in a rocker you think I give a shit?
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Jun 22 Folks freakin' 'cause Obama said the N word. How's that different from when John Adams said "cracka-ass cracka" at the Continental Congress? Maybe the best thing Moxin24 has ever done.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace This country went to hell when kids stopped wearin' those propeller hats. Let's put some damn propeller hats on these nasty ass kids.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Whoever Granny Smith was she was good as shit at apples. They don't name apples after people unless they were good as shit at apples.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Shout out to royal babies. I'm so sick of all these peasant babies everywhere. If your baby ain't royal get that shit outta my face.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Jun 29 Shout out to people with fly-ass hyphens in their names. You ain't shit without a hyphen up in there. Gotta get me a hyphen and whatnot. TobiasFunke-Analrapist
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 43s44 seconds ago My favorite era in history was two years ago when everyone was calling shit "cray cray". Those were the days.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 18s18 seconds ago Just sayin' cardboard is gonna have to pick a side when the shit goes down between cards and boards.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Jul 1 It's sad 'cause the Village People shoulda had a doctor in the group, dancin' around in a lab coat and whatnot. It's all they were missin'.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Jul 2 I'll straight up do laundry in a panic room and panic in a laundry room you think I give a shit?
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Jun 30 Please support our Kickstarter. We're only open on Sundays and we don't care who you screw.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 17s17 seconds ago "The Wallace Show" (formerly Cosby Show) Episode 71 - Theo eats the last piece of cake late at night. George doesn't rape anybody.