How are you gonna differentiate between the two when you just said you haven't run into that before I mean my grandma did it for my grandpa but that's kind of where it stopped for my family. My mom won't do that shit for my dad and none of my generation does it save for my cousin and her husband but they're a bad example of everything
I didn't realize that "making a plate" in the african-american culture included bringing somebody dessert. I thought it meant literally putting multiple items of food as you would for a main course (say during Thanksgiving dinner) on a plate for someone and deliver it to them.
same difference. And like I said my wife often does it for me. I used the recent example because it just happened a few days ago. But yea, my wife will make my full plate for me. Not always, and I'll also fix hers sometimes (recently its all the time since she's pregnant and I want her off her feet as much as possible) . But I definitely appreciate it when she does it. Didn't realize it was a 'cultural' thing until the big debate about it a while back
if i was at a social gathering with like a buffet style spread, and there was some guy waiting around hungry expecting his wife to bring him his plate, i would think it was really fucking weird and antiquated. i guess the whole expecting the woman to do it, is where it gets kinda gross to me
No it's not This is the difference. It's typical for someone to bring someone else dessert. It's no different than anyone bringing someone a beer for example. What's not typical (kids & special needs people aside) is an adult making another adults plate full of different types of food.
gender roles are almost universally annoying and weird i dont want my wife picking out my food from a buffet, she doesn't know what i'm hungry for and I don't know whats available, she'd probably get me some bullshit salad or fruit that I don't have time for
I have a few stories but we'll just go with the relevant one. My brothers and I barbecued a brisket, some pulled pork, and some grilled chicken for a bbq I had in FL last summer after I finished the bar exam. My dad's Muslim and also doesn't eat red meat, so I made the chicken specifically for him but made more than planned. I tell everyone explicitly to leave chicken for my dad for once he gets back from his run. Even left a note where you get plates (don't eat all the chicken - some people don't eat red meat or pork). My family's philosophy is basically "if you help, you eat" for those who are family. Either buy the food, cook it, prep it, clean after, get dessert, buy booze, or whatever. Just contribute. Guests are good. They've ridden this guest thing to death, don't think they have paid for anything since he came around. So while I cook, he comes out with his fat ass and basically bitches that it's taking too long. My family also drinks a ton. I had a blender full of pina colada by the grill bc it was August in Florida. They just take the thing in the house and drink it all. Don't make more, just finish it and leave the blender in the sink. I have to go make more, then they ask for another. We run out of rum and whiskey and my grandma asks him to pick some up since he just got back from the convenience store to get chips. They refuse because they drank too much already. So my younger brother has to go. Then when the food is ready, usually we do ladies, kids, and guests since they don't eat that much anyway and we're courteous people. We have no kids save for their daughter (who is a sweetheart), so he uses that to go up and just starts picking up a bunch of food. And 15 minutes later we're all sitting down basically chastizes her for not making him a plate. That's usually something you do at home, just does it in front of like 12 people including some guests. So when people are getting seconds, she asks what he wants. He says he wants chicken. Knowing this would happen, I put aside a few pieces in the kitchen just to save for my dad since I knew people are assholes and leave a note asking not to touch the plate. She takes the side plate and gives him that. My dad comes back from his run and is hungry. He goes outside, and there's no chicken. My dad comes in and asks about the chicken. I say there should be a side plate. He says there isn't one. I go to the kitchen and the note is on the floor. I ask who ate the chicken. He says nothing. I ask my cousin. She says she took the chicken. I ask why, and she says that I could always make more so she didn't see what the big deal was. My dad hears this and literally kicks them out of the house. Straight up pulls a Martin. Takes their plates from their hands, throws them out, grabs their shit from the den, and throws it outside. My aunt gets upset and he says "You can leave too if you want". Pretty sure at this point they haven't talked to him since.
Its pretty typical where I come from. We're not talking about going to Golden Corral (lol) and having someone go fix your food for you like a toddler. Its usually at a family gathering/cookout or something. You always let the kids and the ladies go first (unless you have little kids then you go through the line with them and make their plate) so as a guy you're not rushing to the food line when its ready. Then your wife says 'hey babe I got you some food'. You go 'thanks sweet cheeks, preciate you, you need anything?' and that's that.
More highlights - the time their kid broke a ceramic vase at my dad's house that was made by my grandpa like two weeks before he succumbed to cancer at a hospice, then proceeded to say that it wasn't that nice of a vase/seemed to be replaceable (which lead to him banning them from his house after the chicken incident) - they stiffed me on a $80 bar tab because "i'm a lawyer". it was my 2L year. then they left a bottle of vodka in my backseat that spilled and it almost got me arrested like three weeks later when I got stopped for a rolling stop. - they trashed my cousin's mother in law's house so bad she kicked them out and she called her son "a lazy good for nothing nigga who needs to get a job". if your mom calls you that then god damn you really are that
throwing them out in the middle of party is so fucking awesome my family of passive aggressive cacs would never do that and its complete bullshit that they wouldnt
This. She's going to go through the buffet line in a linear fashion and load up on all the misc. bullshit early too early in the line and not leave enough room for any of the good stuff that's always there at the end of the line. Whereas, I would do my due diligence ahead of time, mentally map out where my food is going to go, and then create a masterpiece of food on my plate.
honestly he just got really hurt by that and talked to my grandma about it, but he was really disappointed by it more than anything. its just bad form
I just know how I was around when my dad passed, and something like that would have set me off. It almost makes me angry just thinking about myself in that situation.
my family excuses tons of stupid shit and people being selfish assholes because "they're family" pretty sure I'll gradually stop inviting people to family parties as I get older as they piss me off eventually it'll just be me and my wife throwing parties for our cats going to be awesome
Like I said this isn't a full buffet situation. But even if it was my wife knows what I like for the most part. And even if she got it wrong I still appreciate the thought.
i'm thinking of stories and laughing my ass off. my grandma roasts him regularly about how he's unemployed "i haven't been able to catch up on scandal i've been busy" "how are you busy? you got no job and all you do is eat and play video games."
I stopped inviting some cousins to cookouts because they never helped with shit and were always first in line to eat, even before the kids and old people. These dicks would get in line for seconds before everyone got through once.
lmao that isn't too far off this happened a few weeks back when i went home to visit when my grandma was in town. my other cousin graduated from college with a journalism major () and wasn't doing well in interviews for jobs in nyc. my aunt's reasoning was that interviewers were intimidated by her because she's an attractive, smart, black woman (i know. its insane) my grandma: "have you seen the women in nyc? there's smarter, prettier, and blacker women than her. yall need to calm down" my dad damn near died laughing
Man the family around the holidays thread probably got lost too. Just another reason to start it over again
My gf's highly conservative parents are finally coming to visit after 2 years for Thanksgiving. We are going to keep a running tally of how many times we are told that we are living in sin.
My family is a bunch of sarcastic assholes so if you fuck up and do something stupid, you will hear about it for years. Also, my sister is the most unforgiving person on the planet, you wrong her once and you are fucked for life, so there is no living down dumb shit in my family. Provides for non-stop entertainment and makes family events always worth attending, even the ones with family I don't like or speak with.
Same. After that dude cashed that second pitcher of pina colada like it was mixed solely for him I would've snapped.
I've had my sister, mother, grandmother, and aunts all make me a plate and bring it to me. It usually occurs at family gatherings for holidays/parties/birthdays/etc. I've also had girlfriends so the same for me. It is quite common for the women in my family to do this (we are Italian). I also happen to date women that grew up in the same sort of environment, so it's not unique or weird for them either. Its gender roles and no one thinks it's weird or disrespectful.
but what if I think gender roles are dumb antiquated constructs to maintain the dominant male power structure?