George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 15s15 seconds ago I say I won't be caught dead in a Hyundai but someone could put my body in 1 so FYI if they find me in a Hyundai I was put in it after death
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 12m12 minutes ago I'll straight up wear a wonder bra when I'm playin' sports and a sports bra when I'm wondering I don't give a shit anymore. #thuglife
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 14s15 seconds ago There's no way I just saw El Chapo standing in front of Home Depot. OR DID I????????????
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 1h1 hour ago Sending prayers up for my friend Vonte', whose girlfriend blinded him with science Sunday night.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace What the hell are "brownie points" and can I trade that shit in for actual brownies?
@MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to C-Span they'll just set up a camera and leave that shit broadcasting they don't give a damn.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 37m37 minutes ago Shout out to legal pads. Are there illegal pads? "I didn't know I was writin' on an illegal pad!" --"Save it for the judge, asshole!"
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 58m58 minutes ago Someone just tried to take me to a Domestic House of Pancakes so I punched em in the damn face. You know I only eat international pancakes!
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 44m44 minutes ago Just mixed Cialis with LSD and had sex with a rainbow for 2 days. George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 52m52 minutes ago Dear @KelloggsUS please make more commercials & whatnot with Toucan Sam he is delightful I only buy Fruit Loops 'cause of him do it now. George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 56m56 minutes ago Dear @ProcterGamble Mr. Clean is creepy as hell please don't put him in any more commercials & whatnot I haven't slept in three days thank U
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 55m55 minutes ago How come they never made Minor League Chew so the young kids could spend a few years learning how to chew gum at the Big League level?
Lived in Tuscaloosa when I was in the 3rd grade. Took a field trip and got to shake that racist old man's hand. :lookatme:
I know. Ibsaw you guys talking about it on the first page and thought I would tell my super awesome story about me shaking some decrepit old man in a wheelchair that is famous for not letting black people in the University of Alabama and survived an assassination attempt.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 9h9 hours ago A fun prank is to trip someone when they walk past & while they're on the ground you release the army of bees you've been training since May
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 12s12 seconds ago You just know there was an eighth dwarf who couldn't be defined by one word so they cut his complicated ass outta the movie.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 1m1 minute ago Shout out to garments. Don't call that shit clothes, y'all. It's garments. Call it clothes around me I'll roundhouse kick your mouth off.
@MrGeorgeWallace: Thankful for y'all with the jokes and the likes and the retweets and the banter and the porn spam and whatnot. Love my Twitter fam!
George Wallace– Verified account @MrGeorgeWallace Shout out to Jeeves. Ain't no one asks him SHIT anymore. 6:37 PM - 7 Dec 2015
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 7m7 minutes ago When you think about it we're all spending the weekend at Bernie's in our own way.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 1m1 minute ago I hear somethin' on the roof! It's my neighbor Dwayne tryin' to break in again but it's fun to pretend it's Santa
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 3m3 minutes ago I'll straight up eat breakfast while watchin' Dinner for Schmucks and eat dinner while watchin' Breakfast Club I don't give a shit anymore.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 4m4 minutes ago We grew up so poor we could only play Dungeons. Arkie Proud
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 3m3 minutes ago FYI I will no longer be joining Coldplay in the Super Bowl halftime show due to a contract dispute & a sinkin' feeling that it's gonna suck.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Feb 5 Wow. I just saw 50 Shades of Black. My people will never win an Oscar again!
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Feb 4 Shout out to the next to last Mohican. You never hear about him. I got your back, next to last Mohican.
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace Feb 3 Shout out to things that are clinically proven. Don't you step to me with no shit that ain't clinically proven and whatnot.
No idea how to copy and paste Twitter but he just posted this and it's fucking phenomenal. "I'll straight up get to Kokomo slow then take it fast I don't give a shit anymore."
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 1m1 minute ago The hardest part of measuring Trump's package is sneaking a ruler into Chris Christie's mouth.
This fucking slayed me for some reason George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 1h1 hour ago FYI my tweets over the next 3 years will all be based on the novel "Push" by Sapphire.
"I'll straight up tan myself in a nail salon and nail myself in a tanning salon I don't care what the public indecency laws say."
@MrGeorgeWallace 15s15 seconds ago Ring the alarm! George Wallace is straight up gettin' to 2nd base tonight!
George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace 2m2 minutes ago What's your favorite urethane? Mine is polyurethane. That means "many urethanes" in Spanish. Never step to me with just one urethane.
@MrGeorgeWallace 1h1 hour ago Riding around on a Roomba all day. Just gotta sprinkle dirt in the direction you want it to go. $2000 cheaper than a Segway. I B thinkin'.