yeah i mean i get there is some sort of medical line. i was just saying i think the term alcoholic carries a lot of weight to it for what seems pretty arbitrary
crazy timing of this thread. 1) I'm trying to figure out if I should quit drinking. Definitely answered yes to C, A, and G. I just have the worst hangovers. My body doesn't handle alcohol well, at all. I think I have an allergy. I drink anyways. I keep "planning to go to the doctor to get an allergy test" but I usually put it off because I don't want the results of a potential allergy to limit options in my career (I am a Marine and medical results can limit options, hard to explain). I know that if I was told I had an allergy to something and that it was severe I'd likely stop but I don't want to go just yet. I don't drink all the time, but I definitely have a problem with binge drinking. I'm at the point though, where the hangovers don't make the good times worth it. I've been hungover for a full 24 hours. Unable to eat or drink anything without throwing it up. Had the shivers. It's all terrible. I know it sounds like I should drink less but it really isn't what you'd expect. 2) my father, and his father were both alcoholics. the angry kind. I know this increases the likelihood that I end up the same way. My Dad is a true addict. My father use to smoke. He quit, however when he did, he started drinking more. That led to a divorce (which as a 16 year old, I was happy about). He quit drinking and he became addicted to gambling and spending money. He lies all the time. Nobody knows how bad the problem is (how much he is in debt) and no one of my family trusts anything he says because of how much we know he lies. 3 out of 5 of his children have cut him out of their (and their family's) lives. I refused to do that, but I'm at the point where I too, want to cut him out. He's semi-admitted he has a problem and has vowed to quit gambling/spending money. I'm sure he will, but now I don't know what the addiction will manifest itself in. He refuses to go to meetings, either AA or GA (gambling anonymous). I feel like I'm dealing with a child, and that I have to be a parent to my parent...who is more than twice my age. It's created a huge rift in my family and it really sucks. I think I need to go to al-anon. Just thinking/talking about all of it feels like a huge weight. He already sees a psychologist and a psychiatrist and he agreed to take me to meet them. I want to go so I can tell them that he is probably lying to them. As a family member, it's extremely hard to deal with this, and my own issues. I'm also in the midst of a move to another country. There is a lot going on, and I don't want to abandon him, but I've accepted I can't help. Getting my hopes up routinely isn't healthy for me and I have to do it. I'm going home one more time before i move and hopefully to meet with his doctors, and then I have to do it. May is going to be bittersweet. Very excited for the move, and to live in Germany for 3 years, but dreading leaving my father behind. addiction sucks. it's really hard.
just 1 drink a day is an alcoholic. there isn't a magic number EDIT: just saw all your posts and it seems like people covered this distinction. Binge drinking is correct.
Thats scary. I definitely average more than 14 when Im on dry land. Dont really binge and Im dry for 3 weeks to a month at a time though so I guess I got that going for me. Still need to cut back.
this isn't really true according to most accepted definitions of alcoholism but I don't want to get too nitpicky
1) Just do your best in trying to figure it out. This isn't something that happens overnight. If you're ready, you're ready. If you're not, you're not. Is there some sort of counselor you could talk to first instead of going straight to an allergy test? 2) I think you going to Al-Anon could be beneficial. Give it a shot. Also, I think going with your father to see his psychologist could be very helpful, but let the therapist guide the discussion and don't be accusatory. Talk about how his actions make you feel. But remember not to make accusations. Hard to do, but you'll both get more out of it.
yes and your post referenced alcoholism which is not the same as alcohol dependency again, not trying to nitpick, but moderate alcohol use, even daily, is not generally seen as an issue by most medical and mental health providers/researchers, this can also fall under criteria for alcohol dependency
A member of our Al-anon explained his struggle with codependency this way.... His daughter was a Crack addict. He realized he was doing the EXACT same things she was, with the exception of smoking crack. For example: She would sneak out of her house in the middle of the night and go to dangerous neighborhoods to go buy Crack, he would sneak out of the house in the middle of the night and go to dangerous neighborhoods to find HER. She would find new and creative ways to hide her stash in the house, while he would find new and creative ways to hide his wallet. She would constantly look through his cell phone to see what conversations he was having with her mother and sister (about her) , and he was always searching through her cell phone to see if she was trying to talk to dealers (or other non-desirables) He always said he was just as sick (if not more so) than she was. It really made a lot of sense the way he explained it
He also used to read this at meetings : My name's (insert your addicts name here) . I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you. My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you. My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action. And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again. Stop being surprised. I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
i mean, this is a nonsense argument, but most medical/mental health professionals will treat these two things as disparate but with overlap
I've always wondered where I fall. I've never gone off on anything major, like had to go to rehab or burned bridges with family but I've really done a lot of coke/acid/mushrooms/whatever at random points. I don't do any of it now but I really liked getting fucked up years ago. One thing I've noticed is a lot of addicts have had something fucked up happen to them (physical or mental abuse as a child/a traumatic death/etc.) I never had that but if somebody had something and offers, I can't not do it and do it to extremes. I like altering my mind too much. I have had to end a lot of unhealthy friendships
there's a decent correlation between trauma prior to adulthood and substance abuse, like 25% of people had a potentially traumatic event in that window
Yep. My ex had an abusive father and an enabler of a mother. Her dad was addicted to painkillers/alcohol and their relationship never recovered. Her brother is bipolar, yet she has trouble accepting that she has it too. In our last conversation she blamed me for her "unhappiness" and claimed she wasn't depressed. She's obviously very sick, but I can't be there to "help" her anymore
i did something similar, wouldnt call it psychotherapy, but it was a 120 day out patient program. they were in classroom settings 4x week and made you understand your brain, to the extent it could be understood and how alcohol/drugs impacted the cognitive aspects. it worked for me because i was "ready" for treatment. it was supplemented with 1 on 1 therapy until my therapist made it clear she didnt want to continue treating me (fuck that story). i found this program beneficial because it came from the educational side of things, but also held you accountable for an extended period of time with urine tests. 30 days isn't going to work for most people. really should try to be clean for at least 90 days, so the brain can adjust. it's los angeles based, but maybe they can refer people to a similar program in their region if you're looking for help. http://www.matrixinstitute.org/
Hello. My name is BTurns and I used to have problems with alcohol and drugs... I will share my story. This will be long so bear with me. I was one of those guys who AA didn't really work for me. It was a thought of something telling me never again because something has a power over me that I could not conquer myself. Dumb thought process imo. It works for some people. Good for them. But it never worked for me. Started in HS just smoking pot at 16. Drank here and there. Didnt really think much of it. Enjoyed weed way better. Senior year of HS and coke was introduced to me. Didnt think much of it either. Did a bit. Left it alone. Then college hit. Started smoking more and exploring drugs. Really started exploring pills, blow and drinking. ALOT. brother ended up in rehab for blow. My roommates all ended up on pills. I will get back to that later. I really started to enjoy drinking. My childhood wasn't bad but I moved alot and always felt out of place. Only time I really started feeling accepted was when I drank with my buddies in college. By 19 I was well known with my group of friends that I never got carded at bars. Was arrested black out wasted in a bar and don't remember anything. Woke up and I was there. Was really enjoying Xanax and had started really experimenting with blow at this time. A couple months later I got DUI number one. With a quart or moonshine in the truck. Didnt change anything in my ways. Kept doing what I was doing. Ended up doing alot more blow. Love the feeling of booze and coke. Started getting involved in slinging it a bit. Did alot of really dumb stuff. Put a huge strain on my relationship with my mother. Was really bad. Got another DUI. This one I ended up in rehab for 30 days and did 2 weeks in jail for. Decided i needed to get out of the house I was living in because ibwas being surrounded by people doing drugs constantly and move close to campus so I could walk to class. Kept right on drinking but changes my mindset on drugs... Or so I thought. Kept going back. Every time. Blow is fucking amazing with booze. But there is not a worse feeling craving more and watching the sun come up. Graduated college. Ended up moving to Savannah. Bartending on Tybee Island. My drinking really went up a notch here. I think there was maybe a totally of 10 days in a 9 month period I was sober. Just a complete blur. My drinking was out of control. Ended up getting DUI number 3. Thank god it was in GA and TN doesn't share info. So I was charged with 1st offense in GA with time served. Decided to "clean up my act" and focus on a real job. Spent about 3 months sober. Ended up getting a management job with the restaurant franchise I worked for for the last 6 years. Moved to Valdosta. Ended tried to really focus on work. For awhile. But kept drinking. Thinking I "had it under control". Would only have a few drinks most of the time. I discover my " limit" between drunk and blackout. And I would teeter that line. And I started drinking again. Luckily there was a bar near my house. Super easy. Ended up with a promotion to go to Augusta. I was extremely depressed at this point. Bad breakup. Didnt know anyone. The store was in horrible shape. Wasn't in a great relationship with my parents still. DUI number 4 hits me... Luckily there is an alcohol court here. Spent 2 years with an alcohol scram monitor on my acnke and another year and a half being piss tested for booze. As well as two different stints of rehab. Intense outpatient and extended outpatient. This is where I really got to work on myself. I got to find out alot about me and grow as an individual. I learned that my problem wasnt booze and drugs, it was how do I live without those things. I spent 10 years learning how to be an adult socially and professionally with the comfort of alcohol. I essentially didn't know any other way to live. I think the hardest it hit me of how terrible ibhad been living my life was when a very good friend from back home who got really strung out of drugs died from that heart infection from shooting up. And he was the second one to die. I had another buddy die when I first got to Valdosta. And of course that didn't help matters. But that moment of being sober and living through life really has taught me how to actually enjoy and live life. My relationship with my folks is even better than its ever been. I spent about over 4 years sober learning how to live again. My counselor was amazing. Dr. Al Jones. If you need a great guy and in the Augusta area. He is your man. He breaks down addiction as a science and really tries to emulate why its so fucking stupid that you let something like this have you rather than try to tell you how a system may work for you... Possibly. Btw, completion of the program lowered my 4th DUI offense to wreckless driving. Amazing. Do I still drink today? Yes. Do I ever drive? Hell no. My drinking today is having a beer or two a couple times a week while watching TV before bed. My age has really done a number on my party days and after a few drinks, I'm usually ready for bed. I rarely ever drink liquor and I haven't done a hard drug recreationally in over 5 years. I'm pretty proud of myself. I don't rely on it to get me through my day to day. I don't rely on it to make me feel better socially. It's just there as a wind me down and because I really enjoy the taste of a good IPA. Hope this helps someone. If anyone has any questions, I'm open for discussion.
This is a crap theory imo. EVERYONE has that one person in their family that has some sort of substance abuse issue. Whether it's a great grandfather or an uncle on your mom's side. Sure, you may be "predispositions" to it but they have done studies where the correlation between users with non user and people related being predispositioned is the same.
that's why he said some, not all, and it's on a spectrum also there's a lot of science behind certain people being more prone to risky behaviors + substance abuse
Some people may have genetic predispositions but in those with first hand experiences of an addicted parent you would think that would be enough of an eye-opener to the reality of things that they would make better choices. I am not arguing that people don't have genetic predispositions, just that they should be used as an excuse.
Not me personally (seriously), but a close friend and Iraqi war veteran is addicted to and abuses pain pills. While serving, he was involved in some sort of tank explosion or something of the sort, hurt his back and was honorably discharged. I, along with everyone else, can tell within an instant when he's on the pills. He likes to drink and and take them and of course ends up getting destroyed, often making a fool of himself. It is sometimes impossible to carry on a conversation with him because he asks the same questions he asked you just the day before. I was recently told that he was caught stealing $$ out of our friends mother's purse. His wife is an incredibly sweet girl but she doesn't really have a backbone when it comes to this stuff. She apparently said she didn't want to talk about him getting caught stealing. We have gone on vacation with them twice and on both trips he had to call a pharmacy to get more pills. He has even asked me if I can get them from my mother-in-law who suffers from debilitating arthritis. I know he's asked our other friends for them as well. His behavior can sometimes be erratic and he will tell half-truths. I am sure it all factors into him suffering from PTSD as well. A couple guys that are closer with him, including myself, have kicked around the idea of talking to him about it, but don't think he'd have a good response. I think he'd have a much better response if it was his parents and his wife talking to him. I'd say we're reasonably concerned, though the last few times we've been with them, he's seemed fine.
That's not how we are as humans. We have a tendency to emulate what we grew up around because that's what we were subconsciously taught. It's what we know unfortunately, more times than not, its how we learn to cope because its easiest in more ways than one.
Thanks for sharing - this particular part of your post reminded me of a recent Radiolab podcast on addiction. If you aren't familiar with the show Radiolab kicks ass. Worth a listen for sure. http://www.radiolab.org/story/addiction/
Tbh, I really don't like watching or doing a whole lot with rehab shows and the like. Ive been there. I know it. I agree with some stuff because it worked with me and I don't with other stuff because it didn't. But I don't really like dwelling on my past and thinking about my old problem. Im probably in the minority but I don't really have a need to keep thinking about it and I know where I came from and where ibworked my self to where I am today. And I'm happy with that. Content with where I am. And glad I can progress in life without even considering if alcohol or drugs will be a factor.
Pretty long, so spoiling for scrolling sake. Spoiler One of my oldest friends is really struggling with his drinking. He was one of those "if I drink one, I drink 13" type guys when we were in college, but I never really understood how bad it was until I heard stories from some of our other friends who lived with him. Most of us believed that it stemmed from a relationship he had with a girl who cheated on him. He seemed to have it under control though (always had good grades and graduated from med school). He got married about three years into med school to a girl we went to HS/college with and sure enough, she cheats on him and they've finalized their divorce. He had bought a house for them a bit out into the suburbs, while everybody else in our group was still living in the city. After I got back from Korea, I found out about all of this when we went out for the night while I was visiting, and after he started drinking, I honestly did not recognize the person I was with. A guy that had always been very reserved and thoughtful turned into this aggressive, depressed asshole that got kicked out of a bar. I ended up having to drive him back to his house at the crack of dawn so that he wouldn't miss his morning shift. To his credit, he quit drinking himself for a couple of months, and I tried to be helpful by spending time with him on NFL weekends (we always drank coffee). After a while, he decided to try and see if he could handle it again, but it got worse and culminated on NYE. He clearly showed up to the watch party for our semifinal game drunk, ended up passed out around the time the game started (with our friends parents there watching all of this) and generally would have nonsensical conversations when he happened to be awake. At one point, he clearly stole another friend's booze after we cut him off. He's now on try number 2 of not drinking, and again I'm trying to spend time with him so he doesn't feel like he's all alone, but you can see how much all of this irks some of my friends. They feel awkward because they don't think they can drink around him and it limits our ability to go out because we'll naturally want to spend time at a bar or somewhere. I guess I want to know that my approach is the correct one, but I also think we need to find a way for him to be able to go out without feeling like he has to drink. I feel guilty/like an asshole for even thinking that way.
I'm an alcoholic and have battled with cigs for a long time. My company random drug test so I had to give up weed for the most part. I think I'm past the cigarettes and most likely won't ever smoke one again. I don't drink daily, but I can't go 4 days with out a drink. Once I open the flood gate I drink till I pass out 70% of the time. Mostly weekends, but I also do that by myself. If I could smoke weed 2 or 3 times a week I would probably never drink again. I know I have a problem because it has affected family time and work performance. Never had a drink while working, but I've showed up hungover many times. Since I was 17 I've probably never gone more than 10 days without drinking. I'm in my mid 30s now