Corporate Speak Thread_2024-01_Finalv11-GB.PPTX

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Gin Buckets, May 6, 2015.

  1. Corch

    Corch My son got the Denver Nuggets jeans
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesDenver NuggetsCleveland CavaliersCleveland Indians

    I fucking ripped my boss to death on our employee engagement survey.
     
    Where Eagles Dare likes this.
  2. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    Jan Levinson-Gould: Sports metaphors are one of the ways women feel left out of the language of the office. Now, I know this might sound silly, but many women ask to go over it, so, "fumble" means...
    Phyllis: Mistake.
    Meredith: Slip.
    Jan Levinson-Gould: Right. "Par for the course" is a golf term. It means "right on track." "Below par" means "worse." Wait. That should mean better. That doesn't make sense.
    Kelly Kapoor: What about "second base"? Like, if Michael said he got to second base with you, does that mean you, like, closed a deal?
    Jan Levinson-Gould: Excuse me?
    Kelly Kapoor: I mean, that's a baseball term, right?
    Jan Levinson-Gould: I don't know what Michael was talking about. I don't know.
     
  3. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
    Donor

    Some in our organization got certified.
     
    #253 Redav, Jul 9, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2019
  4. Bruce Wayne

    Bruce Wayne Billionaire Playboy
    Donor
    Michigan Wolverines

    How much work is involved getting certified? Is it worth it?
     
  5. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
    Donor

    Like a week of classes. I don't really use. I guess it depends on what your company wants to do with it
     
  6. Mr. Bean

    Mr. Bean Well-Known Member

     
  7. Zebbie

    Zebbie Hey Mike, guess what I have in my underwear?
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersChicago CubsDallas StarsTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    I'm insane now
     
  8. BellottiBold

    Donor
    Oregon Ducks

    You have got to be kidding me
     
  9. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
    Donor
    UCF KnightsMiami MarlinsOrlando MagicMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersWWEOrlando CityTennisSneakersBig 12 Conference

    Thats amazing.
     
  10. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
    Donor
    UCF KnightsMiami MarlinsOrlando MagicMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersWWEOrlando CityTennisSneakersBig 12 Conference

    Saw this comic. Thought of this thread.

    [​IMG]
     
  11. OHW

    OHW Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG
    Nebraska CornhuskersSan Francisco GiantsDemocrat

    tech company term that's really starting to get to me - calling the testing environment the sandbox

    "Is that through QA yet?"

    "It hasn't made it there, it's still in our sandbox."

    *shoots up office*
     
    Bay Bandit, 42yard, slogan119 and 7 others like this.
  12. leroi

    leroi -
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksGrateful Dead

    i can top that, i think

    when i joined my current org i realized everyone referred to the testing environment as the "production environment," like where people "produce things."

    i tried to explain that the term "production environment" typically refers to the live environment and is explicitly not for testing, and got: "Uh well that's what we call it here."
     
  13. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
    Donor
    UCF KnightsMiami MarlinsOrlando MagicMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersWWEOrlando CityTennisSneakersBig 12 Conference

    my biggest pet peeve term right now is the misuse of the word "insight".

    I'm sorry creative department...but you googling shit and coming back with "Millennials use their smart devices a lot" (or some other readily available common knowledge) isn't insightful and doesnt make you sound smart. Apparently we have a lot of people by saying "we provide insights" makes them sound smarter.
     
    brahmanknight likes this.
  14. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington Football TeamAtlanta United

    That makes no fucking sense
     
  15. Tony Ray Bans

    Tony Ray Bans Most Overlooked. Most Overbooked.
    Texas Tech Red RaidersDallas Cowboys

    That is hilarious. They could have chosen any weird name to call test/dev but they chose the only word that literally means the opposite of what they mean.
     
  16. Baron

    Baron Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Cincinnati BearcatsCincinnati RedsCincinnati BengalsTennisTiger WoodsFC Cincinnati

    do you work for a startup?
     
  17. leroi

    leroi -
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksGrateful Dead

    nope
     
  18. Larry Sura

    Larry Sura Tuyuq. Fratzy
    Donor TMB OG
    Auburn TigersAtlanta HawksAtlanta FalconsUSA Rugby

    It's all about that problem, insight, solution.
     
  19. OHW

    OHW Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG
    Nebraska CornhuskersSan Francisco GiantsDemocrat

    seems like it's only a matter of time until this causes a big problem with someone new
     
  20. BayouMafia

    BayouMafia Thought Leader in Posting
    Staff Donor
    LSU TigersTexas RangersNew Orleans SaintsFulhamDulwich Hamlet

    I mean you can do some fucked up shit and be like what the fuck but test is test and production is production
     
  21. Tony Ray Bans

    Tony Ray Bans Most Overlooked. Most Overbooked.
    Texas Tech Red RaidersDallas Cowboys

    I feel bad for people new to the industry that work there and will have learned things totally backwards. Not to mention how hard their job has to be when they call customers and sound like they have no idea what they are talking about because they switch those terms. I feel like it wouldn't matter how hard you insist Production is test/dev lol
     
    leroi and BayouMafia like this.
  22. Flagpole

    Flagpole ps your cunt is in the sink
    Donor
    Vanderbilt CommodoresAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta Falcons

    Can't believe it is already March! Wow!
     
  23. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesTampa Bay Rays

    Agree our developers say it. Started putting it on marketing materials forcing us to have to explain what the fuck that means at conferences and meetings.
     
  24. BellottiBold

    Donor
    Oregon Ducks

    You can't be a developer without using "sandbox" regularly. But yea I can see how it is annoying as fuck
     
  25. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    This thread needs to be more lean. Who wants to oversee a kaizen event to find muda and identify some areas ripe for process improvement? Where are our Six Sigma blackbelts. Are you all in?!
     
    dukebuckeye, Redav and Corch like this.
  26. OHW

    OHW Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG
    Nebraska CornhuskersSan Francisco GiantsDemocrat

    You know what works better than Kaizen to find inefficiency? Give the task to the laziest member on your team. They're the best at finding steps you can skip. <3 lazy team members so much
     
  27. Baron

    Baron Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Cincinnati BearcatsCincinnati RedsCincinnati BengalsTennisTiger WoodsFC Cincinnati

    These are all hot button items.
     
  28. OHW

    OHW Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG
    Nebraska CornhuskersSan Francisco GiantsDemocrat

    "When do we need this by?"

    "End of March, but our drop dead date is 4/15."

    "So 4/15, but 3/31 if possible? Got it."
     
  29. Corch

    Corch My son got the Denver Nuggets jeans
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesDenver NuggetsCleveland CavaliersCleveland Indians

    Even though I'm out of corporate I hate how much I still relate to this thread
     
  30. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    You're not in corporate? Maybe stay in your swim lane.
     
  31. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
    Donor
    UCF KnightsMiami MarlinsOrlando MagicMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersWWEOrlando CityTennisSneakersBig 12 Conference

    Well who's got the bogey on this then? We can take this offline.
     
  32. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    Thread title still makes me laugh whenever I see it.
     
    BellottiBold likes this.
  33. ohhaithur

    ohhaithur e-Batman
    Donor

    Time flies when you're having fun amiright!
     
  34. pbfp2008

    pbfp2008 Angry Ol' Man
    Donor
    Kansas JayhawksKansas City RoyalsKansas City ChiefsArmy Black KnightsBig 8 Conference

    Each team has a silo'd approach when we'd get far better ROI if there was a cross-collaborative effort across the enterprise.
     
    Bay Bandit, Baron, Redav and 2 others like this.
  35. dukebuckeye

    dukebuckeye I’m OK with your low opinion of me.
    Donor TMB OG
    Ohio State BuckeyesCleveland BrownsColumbus Blue JacketsCleveland CavaliersCleveland Indians

    Sent: 3/29/2017 4:37:44 PM
    Subject: Caution!! Buliding 2 / Building 3 Courtyard

    To All Building 2 andBuilding 3 Tenants:

    A Canadian goose has laid her eggs in the courtyard between the buildings near the pond. Unfortunately, we cannot displace the eggs at this time because of the Federal Law, the Migratory Bird Act, as well as the Ohio Revised Code. We will need a permit from ODNR to move eggs and we do not have one as of yet. Please use caution if walking in or through the courtyard, as you may know, geese are known to be aggressive if they feel threatened. We have been told the geese may stay there for approximately 40-45 days. We apologize for this inconvenience.

    Thank you.
     
  36. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    Thank you for sharing this. It's about time that we start cross collaborating on communication instead of working in silos.
     
  37. Fecta23

    Fecta23 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Oregon DucksSeattle MarinersPortland Trail Blazers

    Taking this "offline" doesnt even make sense. One of my top 5 least favorite.
     
  38. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    Wut? It's related to conference calls. Take it off the phone...off the line...offline.
     
  39. Fecta23

    Fecta23 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Oregon DucksSeattle MarinersPortland Trail Blazers

    I hear it used in person 90 percent of the time. Someone asks a question during the meeting and they say " I can answer this offline", which doesnt make sense because you were not on the line.
     
    Sub-Zero and BellottiBold like this.
  40. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    Right. It's colloquially used now to mean in a later setting.
     
    Swim Cantore and steamengine like this.
  41. steamengine

    steamengine I don’t want to press one for English!
    Donor
    Duke Blue DevilsHouston AstrosKansas City ChiefsLiverpool

    Sometimes it's necessary to let the team know you're playing devil's advocate before you declare that it may indeed need to be taken offline.
     
    Sub-Zero, Boo MFer! and Fecta23 like this.
  42. Mitch Cumstein

    Mitch Cumstein yells at cloud
    Donor
    Boston BruinsTampa Bay BuccaneersBoston Red SoxMinnesota Golden GophersNew England PatriotsFlorida State SeminolesBoston CelticsJacksonville Jaguars

    a lot of blocking and tackling today
     
    steamengine and Sub-Zero like this.
  43. Mitch Cumstein

    Mitch Cumstein yells at cloud
    Donor
    Boston BruinsTampa Bay BuccaneersBoston Red SoxMinnesota Golden GophersNew England PatriotsFlorida State SeminolesBoston CelticsJacksonville Jaguars

  44. Mitch Cumstein

    Mitch Cumstein yells at cloud
    Donor
    Boston BruinsTampa Bay BuccaneersBoston Red SoxMinnesota Golden GophersNew England PatriotsFlorida State SeminolesBoston CelticsJacksonville Jaguars

    swim lanes
     
    steamengine and Sub-Zero like this.
  45. Mitch Cumstein

    Mitch Cumstein yells at cloud
    Donor
    Boston BruinsTampa Bay BuccaneersBoston Red SoxMinnesota Golden GophersNew England PatriotsFlorida State SeminolesBoston CelticsJacksonville Jaguars

  46. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    This guy clearly doesn't have enough skin in the game. Team, let's level set and work on a PIP (performance improvement plan) for Mitch.
     
    slogan119 likes this.
  47. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

  48. OHW

    OHW Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG
    Nebraska CornhuskersSan Francisco GiantsDemocrat

    When we have to put an emergency bug fix or something else into production, it's called an Emergency Deployment. Everyone calls it an "emer" for short. Just in the past couple of weeks, I've seen people writing it in emails as E-mer. It makes me feel angry.
     
  49. Mitch Cumstein

    Mitch Cumstein yells at cloud
    Donor
    Boston BruinsTampa Bay BuccaneersBoston Red SoxMinnesota Golden GophersNew England PatriotsFlorida State SeminolesBoston CelticsJacksonville Jaguars

    Sorry. I was on mute.
     
    Sub-Zero, steamengine and Boo MFer! like this.
  50. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    "HAHA! We were wondering if you fell asleep on us!"
     
    42yard, Joe_Pesci, ohhaithur and 6 others like this.