I just shit my pants at work.**Now with fart stimulation**

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Hoss Bonaventure, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. lechnerd

    lechnerd They say Monaco is a sunny place for shady people
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    This is a weird thread.
     
    One Two likes this.
  2. bro

    bro Your Mother’s Favorite Shitposter
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    this is the best thread on the board
     
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  3. 941Gator

    941Gator TMB's resident beach bum
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    get off your lazy ass and diagnose Emma
     
  4. Todd Bonzales

    Todd Bonzales Sex with old ladies for money aaaand bear traps.
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    I think the thread where we rated actual poops was more fun. Phenomenally immature and weird, but fun nonetheless.
     
  5. Tommy Callahan

    Tommy Callahan Well-Known Member
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    Yeah. I could get really detailed but I’ll refrain.
     
  6. Cheshire Bridge

    Cheshire Bridge 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
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    You want to start the 2019 version?
     
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  7. spagett

    spagett Got ya, spooked ya
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    Leggggooooo
     
    40wwttamgib likes this.
  8. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    I had a dream about doing this last night, and boy was it vivid
     
  9. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    Did you wake up covered in shit like after a piss dream?
     
  10. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    No. I woke up in a panic, took a smell/moisture check, and then realized that I was neither 4 nor 94 years old
     
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  11. Tiffin

    Tiffin ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    I crapped the bed once in college. I was, however, incredibly sick and having fever dreams.
     
  12. sc_chant

    sc_chant Be A Dog
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  13. devine

    devine hi, i am user devine
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    I shit myself twice last night but luckily I was at home
     
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  14. 941Gator

    941Gator TMB's resident beach bum
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    Waited too long or released some pressure?
     
  15. devine

    devine hi, i am user devine
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    No. Both were farts that went bad because of dehydration I think
     
  16. 941Gator

    941Gator TMB's resident beach bum
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    Did your girl make it out alive?
     
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  17. Capt Wigs

    Capt Wigs Well-Known Member
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    Bent over to pick something at work and fart tried to sneak out. It wasn't a fart. Clenched just in time.
     
    Wu, One Two, dblplay1212 and 3 others like this.
  18. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q, Ohio
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    Best thread on the board. :roll:
     
  19. devine

    devine hi, i am user devine
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    Washed both pairs of shorts. Nervous to check them
     
  20. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    Can we get an update?
     
  21. spagett

    spagett Got ya, spooked ya
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    Did you wash off the pool and then throw them in the washer or did you throw them in with poop on the shorts?
     
  22. bturns

    bturns a better poster than Bertwing
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    Come on now... we both know devine threw them in with the poo and continued to shit in the washing machine since it was right there...
     
  23. One Two

    One Two Hot Dog Vibes
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    Now that the search function is fixed I can bump this thread.

    A few weeks ago I was violently ill. From 5am until 5pm that day was shitting and puking my guts out. And it wasn’t like “oh you’re about to poop better go get on the toilet,” it was “you have 7 seconds to be on the toilet and then you’re gonna have to guess which end it’s coming out.” Needless to say we lost a couple of boxers during those 12 hours.

    Fast forward to the next morning. I wake up, get out of bed and thought “I’m feeling a lot better, might be able to make it to the office.” I immediately shit my pants upon finishing the thought. Decided to burn a sick day.
     
  24. spagett

    spagett Got ya, spooked ya
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  25. bro

    bro Your Mother’s Favorite Shitposter
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    upload_2019-12-27_16-9-24.gif
     
  26. Soup

    Soup Legend in the making
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    I’m in a current battle with the flu. I haven’t been eating at all, mostly liquid diet. It’s led to the same on the other end. Several sharts over the last few days.
     
  27. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

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    It's purely a function of our dystopian work culture that there are so many fecally befouled people at the office during viral season
     
  28. One Two

    One Two Hot Dog Vibes
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    Bananas and chicken broth (chicken noodle soup qualifies).
     
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  29. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

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    My stomach bug jam is plain 'gurt, banans + crushed up nilla wafers and i can't wait to get sick every year
     
  30. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    Sop it up with a bunch of bread and crackers. That’ll make ya have a solid turd. It’s science.
     
    spagett and popnfresh like this.
  31. spagett

    spagett Got ya, spooked ya
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    We have a long secluded hallway leading to our bathrooms at work.

    I turned the corner a while ago and saw some guy holding his butt and scampering to the bathroom. No way he didn't poop his pants. Only noobs hold their butts to prevent poop.
     
  32. HatterasJack

    HatterasJack Is your refrigerator running? It's Mike Hunt.
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    The flu can do a number on the digestive system. When I had it a few years ago I had it coming out of both ends. Was in the shower when one hit me instantly and I just shit in the shower because there was no use trying to run out and get to the toilet. Not my proudest moment.
     
  33. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    So you just Kelly Clarkson’d
     
  34. Soup

    Soup Legend in the making
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    I’d like to be able to say I fought the battle and won, but at 6:30 am this morning at my desk I coughed and shit myself. I swear I felt it run up my back.
     
  35. Louis Holth

    Louis Holth but we also just might be those motherfuckers
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    It’s impossible to not enjoy a grown man shitting himself.
     
  36. Joe_Pesci

    Joe_Pesci lying dog-faced pony soldier
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    Wolfsburg

    Ate something bad last night, most likely some bad chicken

    I just hit the glorious pants shitting while simultaneously puking milestone
     
  37. Tiffin

    Tiffin ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    Achievement unlocked.
     
  38. Soup

    Soup Legend in the making
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    Welcome to the club, we’ve got jackets.
     
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  39. Prospector

    Prospector I am not a new member
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    Wtf #1 why are you at your desk at 6:30?
    #2 ON A SATURDAY NO LESS
     
  40. Soup

    Soup Legend in the making
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    currently on a Tuesday through Saturday schedule.
     
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  41. Capt Wigs

    Capt Wigs Well-Known Member
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    Are they brown?
     
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  42. Stone Cold Steve Austin

    Stone Cold Steve Austin Tickler Extraordinaire
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    White with a brown racing stripe
     
  43. Todd Bonzales

    Todd Bonzales Sex with old ladies for money aaaand bear traps.
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    Really proud of you.
     
  44. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
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    shitting while puking is definitely the pro move because at least you have something to catch the shit

    only amateurs puke while they’re shitting unless they have a trash can nearby
     
  45. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb Living rent free in Jigga's head
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    If given the choice as written above, shitting your pants would be the amateur move
     
  46. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
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    sure, IF you have a trash can

    but if you’re in a public stall you’re not going to have one so pants shitting is the pro move
     
  47. Bo Pelinis

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    If I'm sick enough to puke and shit simultaneously I am not going to be anywhere near a public bathroom.
     
  48. Bo Pelinis

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    Home double ejection move is to dump in the toilet whilst puking into a bucket and crying.
     
    Redav, Jimmy the Saint, ARCO and 12 others like this.
  49. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    Toilet is close enough to the bathtub so I just yak into there.