Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. Crepeswithasmile

    Crepeswithasmile Well-Known Member
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    it's like walking through a petting zoo, except all the animals are hopped up on bath salts and haven't been fed in days. they may look cute and friendly, but one false step and you're being torn to shreds before you even know what the fuck happened.
     
  2. texasraider

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    Wife on the phone in the other room.

    her: Babe, who’s the president?

    me: Donald Trump

    her: no, not Donald Trump, the one on the west wing
     
  3. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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    At least she didn’t ask who’s president on 24 because that’s like a fifteen minute conversation about succession
     
  4. WillySaliba

    WillySaliba Well-Known Member
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    Killed me, still laughing.
     
  5. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    what are the chances she would vote for Jed Bartlett if she had the option?
     
  6. Homo Erectus

    Homo Erectus The important thing is, you think I'm attractive
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    Whats wrong with that? I would vote for him lol
     
  7. texasraider

    texasraider thanks
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    I’m not sure if she’s even seen the west wing but probably 100%
     
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  8. CUgator

    CUgator Well-Known Member
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    Got my wife a spa gift certificate. She booked an appointment a few weeks ago. Yesterday I got the reminder text.

    upload_2020-2-22_12-42-48.jpeg
    upload_2020-2-22_12-43-7.jpeg
     
  9. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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    It must suck to be married to dbl
     
  10. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    Jesus Christ, I am a little mad at your wife right now
     
  11. dump

    dump TMB’s premier expert on women’s CBB
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  12. ohhaithur

    ohhaithur e-Batman
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    If you're here to say that you *wouldn't* vote for Jed Bartlet you can self-ban yourself from this board
     
  13. texasraider

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    :roll:
     
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  14. NineteenNine

    NineteenNine Divers are, in fact, wankers. It's science.
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  15. beist

    beist Hyperbolist
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    holy shit I wish I could get my wife to cancel one of her saturday spa/hair/nails/chiropractor/probably just cheating on me appointments that easily. She notifies me maybe three weeks in advance during a fragmented stream of texts while I'm at work and my reminder text comes when she puts one of the kids in my hands and goes to get ready. I think I'd have to fake a work emergency complete with putting on a suit and leaving the house to get her to cancel anything.
     
  16. Imurhuckleberry

    Imurhuckleberry Avid spectator of windmill warriors
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    Though I miss on demand pussy I don't, by any stretch of the imagination, miss this shit. Got me all triggered now.
     
  17. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    CUgator i have to applaud you on the response at the end GO GET THE MASSAGE. If you would’ve tried to explain to her that you really didn’t mean it the way she took it, it would’ve been another 20 min conversation with a wall.
     
  18. Hank Scorpio

    Hank Scorpio Globex Corporation, Philanthropist, Supervillain
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    Nice humble brag about having a wife that was willing to sex you
     
  19. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Wait, did some guy say being married = on demand sex?

    Lol, he's obviously never been married
     
  20. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    on demand pussy doesn’t exist unless you like to pay for it
     
  21. El Tiburon

    El Tiburon Well-Known Member
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    Nice humblebrag about getting divorced within two weeks of marriage.
     
  22. Funshot Residue

    Funshot Residue Mammoth Stabber
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    Homie, you win the thread. The lack of cursing on your part also points to likely sainthood. I would have lost my grip. Good on ya.
     
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  23. CUgator

    CUgator Well-Known Member
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    this is probably only a top 5 post for me in this thread.
     
  24. Funshot Residue

    Funshot Residue Mammoth Stabber
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    Didn't she hit you (in a vehicle) once upon a time?
     
  25. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    :roll:
     
    JeremyLambsFace likes this.
  26. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    Women can be so infuriating sometimes
     
  27. Festus McBadass

    Festus McBadass Cool ass dog and 5 star recruit
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    Sometimes?
     
  28. CUgator

    CUgator Well-Known Member
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    Indeed she did!
     
  29. Hank Scorpio

    Hank Scorpio Globex Corporation, Philanthropist, Supervillain
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    Bump the post please
     
    -Asshole- likes this.
  30. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Is there a pool for the next text received? If so, I'm going with: we're in a fight
     
    Ty Webb likes this.
  31. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    i am going with: asshole
     
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  32. CUgator

    CUgator Well-Known Member
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  33. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    You should start to document anything that happens in your life, get around 500 pages worth of content and then present it to some executive working for Netflix. Ray Romano had a show for years and Debra was definitely not as funny as your wife
     
  34. Hank Scorpio

    Hank Scorpio Globex Corporation, Philanthropist, Supervillain
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    This would have had the makings of a hit sitcom in the 90s
     
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  35. THF

    THF BITE THE NUTS, THUMB IN THE ASS!
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    You might be married to my wife.
     
  36. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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    This isn’t really responsive to the thread title but a fun bit I did recently. We were watching Mrs Doubtfire and my wife was playing on her phone through most of the movie. Every 20 minutes or so, I’d look at her and say “wait! Robin Williams IS Mrs Doubtfire?”
     
  37. burnttatertot

    burnttatertot butt tuck zoomies
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    :doge:
     
  38. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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    What are you too good for pre-Bond Pierce Brosnan?
     
  39. burnttatertot

    burnttatertot butt tuck zoomies
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    I don't know who that is so yes, yes I am.
     
  40. NP13

    NP13 MC OG
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    don't know who Pierce Brosnan is?
     
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  41. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    that answer is all kinds of wrong
     
  42. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    let’s stone this fucking asshole, I always wondered if I could do this type of barbaric act. The answer is yes
     
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  43. burnttatertot

    burnttatertot butt tuck zoomies
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    We went over this a few months back guys, remember, when I told I never seen Top Gun and you lost your collective minds.
     
  44. devine

    devine hi, i am user devine
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  45. devine

    devine hi, i am user devine
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    Oh my
    God
     
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  46. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    you mean the new version of top gun right? Surely you have witnessed the original top gun?
     
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  47. devine

    devine hi, i am user devine
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    That text thread is my favorite post in here.
     
  48. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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    Then have I got news for you, my man. Robin Williams IS Mrs Doubtfire
     
  49. devine

    devine hi, i am user devine
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    And there have been a lot of good posts!
     
  50. devine

    devine hi, i am user devine
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    Mods pls ban, he clearly didn’t learn his lesson
     
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