As Taffy said they began with “Dear penthouse” but went on to say “you’re not going to believe this” so it was a play on that. Thanks for making me explain the joke.
I am sure there are like 20 equivalent r/ for erotic x that's virtually the same thing. Not going to look because I want to eat dinner tonight and not have brush burn tomorrow. Big day, might even get out to grocery shop.
Ok, ok. Here goes: Dear Penthouse, I started an onlyfans last September because I have moved away from home for university. After things started to gain a bit of traction, I started to get messages in my Reddit inbox from men asking if I was looking for a sugar daddy. Most people in the sex work world know that the majority of these offers are just low-effort scams from guys trying to fool newbies... but this situation was different. This man didn’t introduce himself as a sugar daddy but just started off by buying videos from me (that white panty pissing vid was actually a custom forhim, how romantic)- however he always paid me way more than what I asked for, say $50 for a $20 vid. This led on to him buying me more things like sending money for takeaways or food shops- this was all just in exchange for me pretty much just texting him. After a couple of weeks he asked me if there was anything I really, really wanted. By this point I had enough evidence that this man probably had too much money and no where to spend it. So I told him that I really needed a new iPhone as my battery was getting crazy bad and that a better camera would really improve my content. To my complete and utter shock he agreed and said he’d buy one. He did a load of research, said he’d buy me an iPhone 12 (as it had just come out at this point) and that I should on the largest GB as I’d need it for videos etc. I literally couldn’t believe it. He said he’d send the money to my PayPal (about £1500) and that I could go buy it that weekend. However, he had been sending me money to a PayPal account with a fake name and although small sums were ok, this new large amount combined with my account being new, meant it was flagged by PayPal as being potential money laundering and my account was locked. I was so stressed that I had his money trapped, so I sent it all back. The only other way he could get this money to me was by sending it to my normal PayPal... with my real name. I had never had access to this much money in my life ever and so I stupidly did it and gave him my normal account (big mistake). Once the money was in my account I felt like the fucking bees knees- a man had just sent me a ridiculous sum because I talk to him- “this sex work shit is easy” I thought. However, as every sex worker knows, even if you show your face (which I had also showed him after a few months), there’s nothing quite as revealing as giving out your real name. This wasn’t a problem for a few weeks and I just enjoyed my new phone and other money he sent me, he had been paying my rent for a few months by this point too. However things started to get a bit weird and he was finding out a lot of information about me from just googling me. He very quickly found my university course and what city I lived in. He was starting to get quite possessive at this point too, upset if I wouldn’t FaceTime, jealous of me giving attention to other people etc. After a while, he announced that he would be visiting where I live for work and you’re not going to believe this but he demanded that if I didn’t meet him for dinner, he would find me himself. Again, you’re not going to believe this but he was in cyber security and could have 100% found me and I still believe that. Now this whole time, the sugar daddy knew I had a boyfriend but he thought he was my little secret, when in actuality my boyfriend knew about this arrangement the whole time. Now my boyfriend is about 10000% more sensible and level headed than me (he could have killed me for getting myself into this situation and by this point, I could have too) and so he devised a sort of emergency plan should I ever need to get out of this arrangement and let’s be honest, threatening to finding me was probably a good time to pull the trigger. We decided that because this guy cared about me so much, to the point where he wanted no harm to come to me, that I would announce to him that my boyfriend had found out about him and had threatened to break up with me. I spend about 2 hours on FaceTime to sugar daddy, crying fake emotionally exhausting tears telling him that my relationship (and life) was over and somehow, somehow this worked and he backed off. I think it was because I was such a mess (not the kind of mess you’d want to sleep with), the fun was over of him being “secret” and he realised it would probably be best to leave me and my now very messed up personal life alone. He’d texted every now and then apologising for playing a part in my agony and continued to pay my rent for another 2 months. I didn’t block him because I had to be very careful to follow my story and give him that Stockholm syndrome bullshit as he had enough information to properly ruin my life. In that time he did pay off a blackmailer in Bitcoin for me (another story) and thankfully harsher Covid restrictions made it harder for him to come to the U.K.- he was in Australia. Eventually things just fizzled out, and that’s it. That’s my dumbass sugar daddy story. Rest assured you really don’t need to tell me how stupid I was.
Lost me at “for university” and “food shops”. I can’t think in an accent. 1/10 would not continue to read.
Rosie that was a great story, sorry you had to go through all that now I know why you can’t follow my dog to n insta but she is damn cute
“proves that women [can] look stylish even if they don't shave their body hair” - I forget that this attitude is the norm because I choose to live in a complete bubble.