This is a moving target imo Depending on behavior, my love/hate/preference for each kid swings wildly throughout the day
My step-dad (dislike using that label these days) came into the picture when I was two. I have two younger half-brothers (also never use that label). He tried his hardest, but there was always a subtle difference in treatment growing up. It worked both ways, because I also harbored some resentment and had to deal with what-iffing about life with my bio-dad (always use that label now). At least in my case, the years of him being there for me and vice versa resulted in an incredible bond. I’d argue that the difference is now completely negligible and has been for a long time. He’s my dad. We’ve had some emotional conversations about it all over drinks the past few years I think all you can really do is be mindful of it and act appropriately. Thanks for tuning into extrapolated general big truth rant based an anecdotal experience
Yeah. I came into my sons life when he was a year and a half. He doesn’t remember anything without me. I do more with him than anyone in his life. I always stay mindful to always say yes when he wants me to play. But he’s a strong willed boy that is stubborn as hell and pisses me off a lot. But I love him and would do anything for him regardless.
Shout out to all the stepdads out there, doing the Lord's work. I was a stepson to a narcissistic borderline personality disorder stepfather starting from around 4 years old until my mid 20s, so I'll share a few random thoughts. The only familial role more difficult than stepdad might be stepson. They're both pretty brutal and when you toss in a co-dependent enabling ex-wife/mother...ooo baby! we got a toxic stew going!. It's fucking tough and nearly impossible to navigate successfully. The mother also needs to be an active proactive participant in making the thing work, it isn't all on the stepdad. Pretty sure the stepfather and stepson relationship dynamic is unique to the humans and doesn't exist anywhere else in the animal kingdom. On some level, the two will compete for the attention and admiration of the mother/wife. The Stepfather has a responsibility as the parent to check his ego and prioritize the well being and development of the child. The onus is also on the mother to set boundaries and expectations at the onset of the courtship. Marbles I don't know how old your stepson is but be mindful that the potential for trauma is heightened during what Freud coined the "Oedipus Phase". "The Oedipus complex is a theory of Sigmund Freud, and occurs during the Phallic stage of psychosexual development. It involves a boy, aged between 3 and 6, becoming unconsciously sexually attached to his mother, and hostile towards his father (who he views as a rival)." Basically all little boys fall in love with their mothers at some point and the addition of a new male into the structure during this period is super problematic and usually leads to trauma for the child.(abandonment, shame, self-worth, etc..) My advice to stepdads; - Listen to your child - Be consistent - Don't demonize or attempt to poison his relationship with his biological father - Check your ego and don't compete - It's hard to overstate how bad he will want to subconsciously emulate your actions. Lead by example, talk is cheap - Just love him, be candid and respectful. Do your best to provide him with the tools and framework necessary to grow into a happy, well-balanced adult Also if you had a fucked up childhood and want to be a good parent to your children. I highly recommend "Growing Up Again Second Edition: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children" https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?as...e=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_JRKYD03ZC28DT7TYC7TE That fact that you're self-aware, mindful of, and demonstrating concern for your relationship with your stepson is a huge positive from my perspective. Best of luck.
Thanks man. My little girl just woke up so I’ll respond. The thing I’m blessed for is that me and my sons dad are really good friends. That’s made things easier. The other thing seems a bit problematic. Me and my wife went through a rough patch with her depression but it’s better and we grew really close. My little boy saw that and seemed to be really jealous and start fight for attention of my wife. It’s gotten better but I was worried about that because he’s such a mommas boy. I do feel like the whole relationship between my wife, my son and my sons bio dad all being really close makes things easier. My son tells me he loves me all the time which means the world. I think he ignores me disciplining him which as a step dad will prob be a long process of give and take. I think he still views me as a play mate most of the time.
Yo this baby is taking her sweet time coming out. Been here since 830 last night and probably only 3cm dilated.
In the last few months I pulled out my PS3 and NCAA 2011 and my 7-year old has been playing it. Today I realized Nebraska is still in the Big 12 in the game and the Big East is still a football conference. He was actually interested to learn about realignment.
I thought it was best to leave it all on for a while. Good for the skin. We left it one for a couple hours.
and with a diaper on too! much appreciated! i cringe at the naked newborn photos people post on social media.
So couple weeks later and today we said goodbye to the little guy. It was time. After a lot of thinking and consideration and looking at resources provided by the vet, we felt it was best to explain it to the 5 year old and most importantly give him a chance to say goodbye. The last thing, I realized, would be to sneak it by him and tell him after the fact that his cat was suddenly gone. I couldn’t imagine if he felt he never got to say goodbye. So I gave him that chance and he kinda understands we won’t have him anymore and he will miss him. But I’m happy I was able to talk with I’m about it.
Today he asked about the playoff at the end of the season and didn’t understand it only being one game.
I think the move here is to get a pet goldfish. Those things usually have a short shelf life and there's no emotional attachment. Teach your children about mortality without all the complicated questions.
Today is the one year anniversary of my Dad's passing. I've been a Dad for approximately 6 weeks. I know getting to meet his grandson, the son of his only son, would have been extra sweet. It feels a little unfair that the three of us will never have the chance to be in the same room together, but I'm the link between the two of them and we're all connected.
I'm in love. Our baby girl is perfect. Her and mom are rockstars. Got to come home today. Couldn't be happier. Each day gets better and better.
My mom taught a high school autistic student, Alex, who spoke Hopi and had a perseveration to Native American culture. The class took a field trip to a cultural fair on Alabama's campus and I tagged along as an extra chaperone. We're walking around a crowded courtyard outside the student center and all of the sudden an authentic Native American drum circle ceremony fires up, first nation dancers, traditional garb and regalia, the real deal. When Alex hears it he has a euphoric come apart, takes off across the courtyard, fully commits and busts into the ceremony dancing and singing in lock step. Hell, he might of been the best one out there. He definitely got some strange looks at first but everyone quickly realized the authenticity of his enthusiasm and they welcomed him to participate. It was a very cool moment.
My 2 and a half year old will be choosing between A Wrinkle in Time and The Golden Compass shortly for bedtime reading. I can’t do another night of Five Little Monkeys, Pottysaurus, Tiny T Rex and the Impossible Hug, etc. Expecting this experiment to go well
Delivery room for our second was awesome. Had a separate closed off room with a futon, tv, little table to eat on. Wife went into labor at like 6 pm, didn’t deliver till 11am next day. I may or may not have got a few hours of sleep in there.
Had my wallet on the counter, my typically “solid” mannered 3 and a half year old daughter just started grabbing money and ripping it up #signofthefuture
Update: Can't do zero pictures. Just not going to happen. I have a really old version of The Complete Tales of Winne-the-Pooh that has a few black and white drawings I pulled out after. It worked and was enjoyable to read. Going to need to track down more chapter books with some artwork. I found the following list of chapter books for pre-schoolers but am not sure how many are decent and meet the artwork requirement: https://www.whatdowedoallday.com/50-chapter-books-for-preschoolers-and-3-year-olds/ Think I'm going to take him to the library this weekend and investigate further. I also want to keep mixing it up, because I will be crushed when he stops having fun reading his favorite Sandra Boynton books like Dinosaur Dance and The Going to Bed Book. Feel like we've got a cohort of dads to toddlers here and obviously posters who have walked this path already. Any advice or book recs?