I just shit my pants at work.**Now with fart stimulation**

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Hoss Bonaventure, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q, Ohio
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    pics or it didn’t happen.
     
  2. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    Haven't answers the question: working as a lineman. On a very public road, very exposed. Trying to be respectful of the neighbors. In retrospect, fuck em.
     
  3. Fat Drunk & Stupid

    Fat Drunk & Stupid Barning Hard
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    Nope

    ETA:
    I've suddenly turned too old to understand how to imbed gifs.

    Time to take me out back and shoot me.
     
  4. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    I have wish I could give you scratch and sniff. I didn't know what else to do so I put the who schebang in my trunk. Big mistake
     
    40wwttamgib likes this.
  5. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    I remember those willy-nilly days
     
  6. tylerdolphin

    tylerdolphin My spoon is too big
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    Leave it on the side of the road, duh
     
  7. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    You could probably just dump off a boat. Where I live,I'm installing fiber to mc mansion hell. And I'm new. So,yeah, in the future I'm an animal be the shit falls where it may. But it was pouring and...well, so was my ass. I was trying to be respectful. Big mistake
     
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  8. tylerdolphin

    tylerdolphin My spoon is too big
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    Certainly a rough position to find oneself in
     
  9. Montclaire de Haviland

    Montclaire de Haviland Getting ripshit on run ham

    Like nothing ever before, hence the post. Next closest was shitting on the sidewalk in NYC. Otherwise, there's a church I deflied twice. Their parking lot, if the ly have a cam, has me dropping a log and defiling a sinner gal. So be it
     
  10. ClemPson

    ClemPson Well-Known Member
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    Absolutely disgusting that someone would shit in a plastic grocery bag.
    Next time be a little more environmentally friendly and use a paper bag or reusable bag.
     
    Lip, Dump, Prospector and 1 other person like this.
  11. Ric Flair

    Ric Flair The Nature Boy

    I drank alot one Friday night recently. We went to Chickfila for lunch and on the way home while riding shotgun in my wife's new Yukon I felt my stomach rumble a bit. I had to sneeze and when I did a lot of liquid was released. I told her what I did and she started laughing thinking I was joking. Luckily we were 2 minutes from the house and I had to sit in liquid shit for that long. She kept thinking I was kidding until I went to get out of the car and there was a small brown puddle in the seat. I had to take the walk of shame straight to the shower while she went inside to clean the leather seats. I felt so bad but shit happens.
     
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  12. The Blackfish

    The Blackfish The Fish in Black
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    521ECC03-7CF1-4274-80E9-7C7EC2AC10D9.jpeg

    Son had an accident today (not shit) and my fart betrayal a few months ago came back to save the day.
     
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  13. Fat Drunk & Stupid

    Fat Drunk & Stupid Barning Hard
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    Father of the year!
     
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  14. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    Pants Shitter of the Year lmbo
     
  15. ramszoolander

    ramszoolander Known for Buns
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    I had a pretty bad food poisoning/stomach bug on Friday. Just ridiculous pain up high on my torso, and the filthiest liquid shits for all day. I drank about a gallon of water and it just kept. coming. out. Same on Saturday and Sunday, but just less.

    Saturday, slightly better. Sunday, made the mistake of ice cream before bed. Shits were so raw Monday morning that I was on the toilet off and on for two hours. Worst part, though, was that I sort of scratched my butthole to stimulate a fart. Two days in a row got wet shits on my hand doing this. Fucking sucks.

    Still have diarrhea but at least not as bad.
     
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  16. Funshot Residue

    Funshot Residue Mammoth Stabber
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    I'm scared to ask, but what is this, and why did you do it twice?
     
  17. Stone Cold Steve Austin

    Stone Cold Steve Austin Tickler Extraordinaire
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    WHAT
     
  18. Seavie

    Seavie Loading tweet...
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    Man I don't think that's how farts work?
     
  19. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    Everyone knows farts are ticklish.
     
  20. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Sort of scratched sounds like playing it cool that you're shoving your finger up there
     
  21. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    WTF
     
  22. Funshot Residue

    Funshot Residue Mammoth Stabber
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    If we can't get "Fart Stimulation" added to the goddamn thread title what are we even doing?
     
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  23. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    Hoss Bonaventure
     
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  24. gilstein21

    gilstein21 Tight Rip 26 Seal Right
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    What the fuck is this scratched my butthole to simulate a fart shit?
     
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  25. bro

    bro Your Mother’s Favorite Shitposter
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  26. ARSENAL

    ARSENAL Well-Known Member
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    Rocking usually gets the poop flowing for me. I’ll tickle my brown eye next time to see if that helps too.
     
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  27. Louis Holth

    Louis Holth but we also just might be those motherfuckers
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    What in the hell? We need some answers here.
     
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  28. John McGuirk

    John McGuirk member of the blue tiger club
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    Not once, but twice, guys
     
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  29. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
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    In fairness - he said "two days in a row" - there's no telling the final count here.
     
  30. ~ taylor ~

    ~ taylor ~ Well-Known Member
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    Why oh why would you introduce dairy into that maelstrom?
     
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  31. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
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    And right before bed :roll:

    itt we learn ramszoolander just enjoys shitting himself from time to time - not shaming.
     
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  32. ramszoolander

    ramszoolander Known for Buns
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    lol

    I'm serious. No idea why that seems to get things going. And yes, I'm dumb, not sure why I did that twice. It has been a miserable week.

    I am happy to report that my 2am poop was the first normal one I've had in a week. #smallvictories
     
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  33. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    I too scratch my butthole with phallic objects to stimulate farts
     
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  34. Funshot Residue

    Funshot Residue Mammoth Stabber
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    "Wish in one hand, ramszoolander in the other"
     
  35. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    Yeah that’s why you do it.
     
  36. bryix

    bryix youth pastor at the meat church
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    I read the title change as fart simulation and came in here thinking it was about the new Alexa program called Big Fart that my 3 year old loves. She makes fart sounds on command and describes them. "Would you like to hear a squelchy fart?"

    We love it too.
     
  37. ~ taylor ~

    ~ taylor ~ Well-Known Member
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    I don't like that
     
  38. gilstein21

    gilstein21 Tight Rip 26 Seal Right
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    Talk about the ultimate scratch and sniff.
     
  39. Louis Holth

    Louis Holth but we also just might be those motherfuckers
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    I did have liquid diarrhea this week for a couple of days, but proud to report my sphincter stood strong in the face of certain doom.
     
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  40. letan

    letan Just looking for the gator board
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    I am fucking crying laughing right now. Holy shit at that story. The insanity to have dairy before bed when your stomach has been fucked plus scratching farts out of your ass? Just an insane one, two punch
     
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  41. Tiffin

    Tiffin ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    Against my better judgment I'll stand with ramszoolander here. Not sure I've ever barehanded it, but while pooping I will occasionally take some paper in my hand and give a my brown eye a bit of a jostle and it does help encourage the flow of things.
     
  42. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q, Ohio
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    [​IMG]
     
  43. Tiffin

    Tiffin ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    Learn to be comfortable playing with your balloon knot, brother.
     
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  44. ~ taylor ~

    ~ taylor ~ Well-Known Member
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    So this is affirmatively a thing? How weird.
     
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  45. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    You didn't even shit in your hand?
     
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  46. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    I mean think about it.
    Dude is over here shitting liquid and then he tells us he's sticking his finger up his butthole to help get things going?

    I'm not sure, but I don't think oll ramszoolander is a smart man
     
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  47. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    Turd Ticklin’
     
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  48. One Two

    One Two Hot Dog Vibes
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    I keep a plunger next to my toilet for toilet clogs and fart stimulation
     
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  49. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    I've never in my life heard of someone priming the pump for bathroom purposes
     
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