Grief...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by TrustyPatches, Apr 4, 2021.

  1. miles

    miles All I know is my gut says, maybe
    Donor

    Whenever my mom goes (hopefully not for a while) I’m gonna be a wreck. Sorry for your loss.
     
    Dump, -Asshole- and TrustyPatches like this.
  2. Daniel Ocean

    Daniel Ocean I only lied about being a thief
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    UCLA BruinsDenver BroncosLos Angeles KingsSneakersBook Club

    Just learned that my god mother (aunt on fathers side) passed away yesterday and another of my favorite aunts growing is in a coma and has a couple weeks to live. These two women were extremely important parts of my life growing up but as an adult we grew apart.

    My god mother moved first to Washington then to Florida so we weren’t in each others lives besides birthday cards and calls. My other aunt got divorced from my uncle and she mostly stayed with her side of the family.

    I don’t know how to grieve these two women. Like I said as a kid they were extremely important parts of my life but as an adult not as much. So I’m feeling the beginnings of the end of my childhood. Of relationships that once meant everything but are now gone forever. I feel like I should cry but right now I’m numb. I’m not looking for sympathy I’m just attempting to work through my emotions.
     
  3. Homo Erectus

    Homo Erectus The important thing is, you think I'm attractive
    Donor

    Sorry D.O.

    It's depressing when realize that no part of your childhood is really around anymore or at least nothing you remotely recognize. Trying to determine if you feel sad or nothing is a psychological gut punch.
     
    #253 Homo Erectus, Feb 18, 2023
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2023
    Bar None, Dump, -Asshole- and 3 others like this.
  4. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City ChiefsAustin FCTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    I lost my mother when I was 18
    At 44 I still have dreams that she is still around, but lately it's like she was gone like she had faked her death and ran away for 20 years or something. It's very weird

    26 years and I will still wake up crying from these dreams
     
  5. theregionsitter

    theregionsitter Well-Known Member
    TMB OG
    Notre Dame Fighting IrishChicago White SoxIndianapolis ColtsColumbus Blue JacketsColumbus Crew

    I've just realized that once the wedding season phase of life ends then you go right into death season. Its been one after another now as I turned 34 then 35
     
  6. Daniel Ocean

    Daniel Ocean I only lied about being a thief
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    UCLA BruinsDenver BroncosLos Angeles KingsSneakersBook Club

    Life is a never ending circle. I’m going to a birthday party for a one year old while I mourn and grieve. Life goes on. Also Homo Erectus (not saying you’re implying this) but I am sad I do feel something I just don’t know how to feel it or if I have the right to feel something. I don’t know if I’m grieving my childhood or them.
     
    Bar None, Greybeard, a.tramp and 3 others like this.
  7. steamengine

    steamengine I don’t want to press one for English!
    Donor
    Duke Blue DevilsHouston AstrosKansas City ChiefsLiverpool

    What happened to your mom if you’re ok talking about it?
     
    bigred77 likes this.
  8. Homo Erectus

    Homo Erectus The important thing is, you think I'm attractive
    Donor

    My bad. Wasn't trying to say you weren't feeling anything. When stuff like that happened to me I sort of felt lost as much as overwheming sense of loss. Hard to pin down things and it just blurred into depression.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is...Nothing matters, eat @ Arby's
     
    Daniel Ocean likes this.
  9. Daniel Ocean

    Daniel Ocean I only lied about being a thief
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    UCLA BruinsDenver BroncosLos Angeles KingsSneakersBook Club

    like I said I didn’t think you were implying that we’re good
     
  10. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
    Donor

    My grandfather shot himself when I was 21. I still have dreams where I'm trying to save him from his depression 20 years later. They're not great!
     
    #260 Redav, Feb 18, 2023
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2023
  11. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City ChiefsAustin FCTexas Tech Red Raiders alt


    She was a physician who had self diagnosed/self treated/monitored diabetes.
    She died of a heart attack at 48 years old caused by an undetected heart disease, that many of our Dr friends told us later was probably easily delectable and probably caused in part by the diabetes.
    If she had only ever actually had a physician she regularly visited for stuff it would have been detected..... problem is most, if not every physician doesn't ever do that.
    It was quite a gut check for many of the doctors that were close friends of the family/I grew up around.

    Most every physician I know well right now is the exact same way.
    I try and tell them, but they ain't gunna listen. Literally everyone else in their world thinks they are the smartest person they have ever known and treats them that way.
     
  12. Greybeard

    Greybeard Livin' the dream.

    Grief is a very difficult, very personal process. I think we have societal expectations as to how we're supposed to deal with it, and sometimes it doesn't happen that way. Sometimes you go full all-the-stages, sometimes it's nothing really visible outwards. Depending on what else you have going on in life at the time, etc.
    I lost pretty much everyone older in my family starting with my father between my mid 30's and mid 40's, culminating with my mother and maternal grandmother six weeks apart right after Christmas. I was numb, on autopilot. Executor of my Grandmother's estate while trying to process both of their passing, etc. It's been over ten years and we've lost my mother in law and brother in law on my Wife's side in the intervening time.
    You process what you can, when and how you can. Sometimes it's in little pieces here and there, sometimes it's by the book. Hang in there D.O, there's no right or wrong way.
    I've felt guilty for how I've handled things at times, but you'll honor their memories by how they pop up in thoughts, conversation, and stories with those who you care about. Hang in there.
     
    VTA, Dump, -Asshole- and 1 other person like this.
  13. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
    Donor

    Never thought about it but gotta be weird as a physician finding a PCP. Having to tell a colleague your most personal and embarrassing issues with your body, especially as a woman. I guess that's why the self diagnosis stuff is such an easy fallback.
     
    bigred77 likes this.
  14. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
    Donor

    My mom lost a sister to ALS, a mother to cancer and a father to suicide (the one I mentioned above) in an 11 month period. She has said she had to have been in something like shock because she felt like a zombie going through it. I guess that was her brain's way of protecting her from too much bad input. It just glossed over a ton of stuff during that time period.
     
    Greybeard, Dump and VTA like this.
  15. Daniel Ocean

    Daniel Ocean I only lied about being a thief
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    UCLA BruinsDenver BroncosLos Angeles KingsSneakersBook Club

    I don’t know if “dying of a broken heart” is real but my uncle just passed away. He was my aunt’s (god mother) husband who just passed away a couple weeks ago. When I spoke to him after she passed he sounded okay. Today they found him dead in his kitchen. They’d been together as long as I remember.
     
  16. NineteenNine

    NineteenNine Divers are, in fact, wankers. It's science.
    Donor
    ArsenalTiger WoodsSneakersDallas Mavericks altTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    It took my dad a year, but it happened to him too. It’s like concentrated grief can almost poison you.
     
    Funshot Residue and Daniel Ocean like this.
  17. Daniel Ocean

    Daniel Ocean I only lied about being a thief
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    UCLA BruinsDenver BroncosLos Angeles KingsSneakersBook Club

    I feel like I need to break down and cry but I just can’t for some reason. Every time I come close something happens and I feel like I need to hold it in.
     
  18. DriveByBBQ

    DriveByBBQ Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Alabama Crimson TideTiger WoodsBirmingham LegionPGAGrateful DeadUnited States Men's National Soccer Team

    The will to live is a very real thing. Sorry for your loss and hope you can find comfort and peace in your time of grief.
     
    Daniel Ocean likes this.
  19. Greybeard

    Greybeard Livin' the dream.

    Very sorry for your loss, Daniel Ocean. I think it is very real, the heart wants what the heart wants especially after so long together. Breaking down will happen when you least expect it. A song on the radio while driving, something else to trigger a memory, etc. Hang in there.
     
    Daniel Ocean and Funshot Residue like this.
  20. Gizmoandsooz

    Gizmoandsooz Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Utah JazzNew York JetsMinnesota Twins

    What an confronting thread.
    Let the best memories of your loved ones shine through.
    Lost an uncle to cancer back in january 2013. The other uncle passed away from cancer in february 2021.
    Since then i've let the cool memories of my loved ones shine through.
    Sorry for your losses.
     
  21. Bo Pelinis

    Donor TMB OG
    Nebraska CornhuskersKansas City RoyalsKansas City ChiefsBig 8 Conference

    Fuck. Today.
     
    Daniel Ocean likes this.
  22. TrustyPatches

    TrustyPatches Life is is a bunch of ups and Caleb Downs
    Donor
    Alabama Crimson TideChicago CubsNew Orleans PelicansWu-tang

    A very good friend took his own life last week. Every time I picture him in my head he’s smiling and I just can’t wrap my head around it. Hearing the news was as jarring a thing that’s ever happened to me.

    Talk it out brothers and sisters, please.
     
  23. Daniel Ocean

    Daniel Ocean I only lied about being a thief
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    UCLA BruinsDenver BroncosLos Angeles KingsSneakersBook Club

    sorry for your loss
     
    Ray McKigney and TrustyPatches like this.
  24. -Asshole-

    -Asshole- TMB OG Reject
    Donor
    LSU TigersNew Orleans Saints

    Very sorry to hear this.
     
    Ray McKigney, FTK and TrustyPatches like this.
  25. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City ChiefsAustin FCTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    Today would have been my father's 75th birthday

    6 years, I miss him
     
    kinghill, -Asshole-, Bar None and 9 others like this.
  26. DriveByBBQ

    DriveByBBQ Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Alabama Crimson TideTiger WoodsBirmingham LegionPGAGrateful DeadUnited States Men's National Soccer Team

    My Uncle passed away the last Sunday in April at the age of 63. Among other things, he was a

    - Commodities trader on the floor of the Chicago stock exchange (big arbitrage guy)

    - US Army Veteran (said they were flying over the Gulf of Mexico headed for combat to fight the Sandinistas and got the call to turn the plane around)

    - Minor league hockey defenseman (until he took a skate to the eye)

    - PGA club professional (missed qualifying for the U.S. Open by 2 strokes at East Lake)

    - Honorary Key West local and avid angler of pretty much anything swimming.

    - My Dad’s (RIP) best friend and the reason my parents met.

    Pretty much the perfect Uncle, had a huge heart, and always down to have a good time. Love him and will miss him.
     
  27. texasraider

    texasraider thanks
    Donor
    Texas RangersKansas City ChiefsDallas Mavericks altTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    Lost my dad 12 years ago and I have a recurring dream about him faking his death. It's really really odd. I was executor of his estate and part of the dream is trying to round up the money from his estate to give back to him.
     
  28. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City ChiefsAustin FCTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    I've had the same recurring dream about my mom, it's always weird like she just shows up at the house one day
     
    -Asshole- likes this.
  29. texasraider

    texasraider thanks
    Donor
    Texas RangersKansas City ChiefsDallas Mavericks altTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    Mine is definitely more of a scheme where he wants everyone to still think he died except for me.

    It’s extra odd because I sat with him at the hospital after they took him off life support. I’m glad I was there but I’m also glad my mom and sister weren’t. It’s a very traumatic experience.
     
  30. DDB

    DDB Some men just want to watch the world burn
    Donor TMB OG
    Alabama Crimson TideMiami MarlinsMemphis GrizzliesNew England PatriotsTiger Woods

    I lost my father when I was 9, trying to process grief as a child is almost impossible, so most children just compartmentalize it. I lost a child in 2019, and my mom in 2020, the last few years have been dark at times as I’ve had to learn to cope.
     
    kinghill, DriveByBBQ, ARCO and 12 others like this.
  31. soulfly

    soulfly Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Seattle MarinersSeattle SeahawksBarcelonaSeattle SupersonicsSeattle SoundersSeattle Kraken

    Fuck, man. I couldn’t imagine.
     
    -Asshole- and bigred77 like this.
  32. Gunners

    Gunners Nicking a living
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesBaltimore OriolesWashington WizardsWashington Football TeamWashington CapitalsArsenal

    liking this is just feeling for your pain
     
  33. TrustyPatches

    TrustyPatches Life is is a bunch of ups and Caleb Downs
    Donor
    Alabama Crimson TideChicago CubsNew Orleans PelicansWu-tang

    Damn man that’s a rough hand. I hope you’ve been able to find your peace.
     
    Greybeard and bigred77 like this.
  34. soulfly

    soulfly Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Seattle MarinersSeattle SeahawksBarcelonaSeattle SupersonicsSeattle SoundersSeattle Kraken

    I came in here because I was all down about my cat and my mom’s lifework (company) getting third-party purchased by a company she never would’ve sold to, and has been directly fighting against for at least a decade.

    I’m going to exit and put some perspective on things.
     
    bigred77, Dump and SD_Irish like this.
  35. DDB

    DDB Some men just want to watch the world burn
    Donor TMB OG
    Alabama Crimson TideMiami MarlinsMemphis GrizzliesNew England PatriotsTiger Woods

    The worst part was she died in the hospital alone during the height of covid, because visitors weren’t allowed. She died from heart failure, but never getting that closure, the chance to say goodbye messed me up for awhile.
     
    Gunners, Greybeard, bigred77 and 4 others like this.
  36. SD_Irish

    SD_Irish El Mas Chingon
    Donor
    Notre Dame Fighting IrishUSA RugbyUnited States Men's National Soccer TeamSan Diego Padres

    My grandmother died alone in the hospital with COVID at the very beginning of the pandemic when doctors still didn’t exactly know what we were dealing with. I had to say goodbye over a conference call with the nurse holding the phone near her while she was intubated. It was awful.

    To this day, I still get pissed when I hear assholes downplay COVID like it was nothing or brag about how they took no precautions or bothered to get vaccinated.
     
  37. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City ChiefsAustin FCTexas Tech Red Raiders alt


    Bro, same here with my dad
    We went out to dinner for a break from the hospital icu when I got the call from the doctor that they were recommending pulling the plug
    My mother had passed almost 20 years earlier, but my sister couldn't make it there in time, and I was there holding his hand as it ended.

    Sucks man, but I feel you
     
  38. IV

    IV Freedom is the right of all sentient beings
    Donor TMB OG
    Alabama Crimson TideUAB BlazersDemocratAvengersBirmingham LegionUnited States Men's National Soccer Team

    Lost a friend this week, just fucking sucks
     
    ARCO, bigred77, Dump and 8 others like this.
  39. Joey Freshwater

    Joey Freshwater Slingin The Pipe Since 75
    Donor
    Alabama Crimson Tide

    Sorry to hear that man. I hope you can enjoy and find peace with all the good times and memories you have of them. Growing up and watching friends die is fucking shitty.
     
  40. IV

    IV Freedom is the right of all sentient beings
    Donor TMB OG
    Alabama Crimson TideUAB BlazersDemocratAvengersBirmingham LegionUnited States Men's National Soccer Team

    Thanks, appreciate this place to just say it out loud as it were.
     
    timo and -Asshole- like this.
  41. Wicked

    Wicked Next One's Comin' Faster
    Donor
    Iowa HawkeyesChicago Blackhawks

    Sorry man. My condolences.
     
    Dump, wes tegg, IV and 1 other person like this.
  42. Daniel Ocean

    Daniel Ocean I only lied about being a thief
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    UCLA BruinsDenver BroncosLos Angeles KingsSneakersBook Club

    sorry for your loss
     
  43. TrustyPatches

    TrustyPatches Life is is a bunch of ups and Caleb Downs
    Donor
    Alabama Crimson TideChicago CubsNew Orleans PelicansWu-tang

    Lost a coworker and close friend last night. Worked 5 years with him and carpooled for the last two. Cancer. Saw him two Tuesdays ago at the grocery store and told him that Thursday I’d be by to watch the game and I did not follow through with that. He fell ill that weekend, was sedated and never woke up.

    Do not fucking miss an opportunity to spend time with someone who is sick because they can leave in the blink of an eye and you will be left with that regret.
     
  44. Beeds07

    Beeds07 Bitch, it's Saturday
    Donor
    Notre Dame Fighting IrishSt. Louis CardinalsSt. Louis Blues

    Truer words have never been spoken. I’m sorry for your loss. I feel like it’s starting to really hit my high school age group. Remember your good times.
     
    Greybeard, -Asshole-, timo and 3 others like this.
  45. Beeds07

    Beeds07 Bitch, it's Saturday
    Donor
    Notre Dame Fighting IrishSt. Louis CardinalsSt. Louis Blues

    Monday is going to be a rough one. It’s the first Christmas without either parent, plus my mom’s birthday is Christmas. May plan is to reach personal records for drinking and weed. Early with my nephew and his family, then just a lot of bourbon and weed.

    Wish me luck gents.
     
  46. blind dog

    blind dog wps
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksGreen Bay PackersWu-tangCoors Light

    hugs <3
     
    Funshot Residue and Beeds07 like this.
  47. Daniel Ocean

    Daniel Ocean I only lied about being a thief
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    UCLA BruinsDenver BroncosLos Angeles KingsSneakersBook Club

    stay safe brother
     
    -Asshole- likes this.
  48. repoocs

    repoocs Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet
    Donor
    Notre Dame Fighting IrishCincinnati RedsCincinnati BengalsXavier Musketeers

    Thinking of you, man. Hope you find some joy with your nephew and his family. You're my second favorite ND-adjacent smooth talking brother.
     
    Beeds07 likes this.
  49. Oranjello

    Oranjello Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Green Bay PackersNew Orleans SaintsGrateful DeadMississippi Rebels

    Coming up on the fourth anniversary of the unexpected loss of my dad. About 18 months after that, I lost one of my closest friends. Both were groomsmen.

    Last time I saw dad in person was in my hometown, and I’ll be there next week on the anniversary of his passing. One of the last concerts I attended with my buddy where we had the luxury of clowning around was Paul Simon.

    Just watched the We Are the World doc on Netflix.

    The one-two punch of (1) Lionel Ritchie passing along a story from his father about coming “home” to an empty house where the people are missing, plus (2) hearing Paul Simon sing his line in the song near the beginning of the credits…

    Dagger to the heart. Lost it.
     
  50. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
    Donor
    New Orleans PelicansNew Orleans SaintsMississippi Rebels

    Hang in there brotha - as you know I've been through some rough shit and I'm always available anytime you're going through anything that you need someone to vent to or get out of town, whatever.