I have seen a good amount of posts about TMB dudes who have gone through or are going through infertility. A lot of times you don’t see too much support areas for the dude or partner of the birthing person. So I am creating one here. Maybe it helps someone. Our story is we were trying for 3 years or so before starting infertility treatments. Did all the non medical stuff first like cycle tracking and scheduling sex (the best kind). Eventually knew we had to do more. We had 3 failed IUIs including one early term miscarriage. I can’t really describe how hard it is to have a monthly reminder that you’ve failed to do something you want more than anything. It’s a strain on life. It’s a heartbreak on a repeat cycle. It sucks. But as the guy/partner we stay supportive. went to IVF which was a journey. The amount of injections I’ve given my wife I lost count. We tried to have fun with it by creating a little clinic with spa music in a spare bedroom. thankfully IVF #1 worked. He’s 7 now. We had a second once since the old fashioned way. And with the current laws in some states, I just can’t imagine not having this option. so the journey sucks and was the hardest period of my life (or one of them anyway) and I’m hoping this gives someone here help, hope, and support. Will answer any questions I can. I know there are others here. oh and full endorsement to ACRM in Atlanta.
I’ll throw in as well. We did multiple cycles, implantations, harvesting, etc and no kids. We’re not sad at how it turned out. But it took a while to get to that point. My best story from all of this is the “having to go to the room to watch a movie and fill a cup.” I did my business, and like a 13 year old, turned the volume up all the way on the TV for the next guy’s video.
It’s tough to know what’s real in the times of grifter social media influencer, but anecdotally it certainly feels like there’s enough difficulty and stories of lack of success around me that I think there’s an underlying problem… likely from a wide range of things including the fact people are waiting until they older to even start trying
There have always been issues but people were reluctant to talk about it. Only when my wife couldn’t carry did we find out just how common it is.
My wife and I also went through IVF and our little man will be here in less than 2 months. It took 3 egg retrievals and then 2 transfers but totally worth it. Thanks former company for paying for most of it before laying me off! It wasn’t easy to jerk off at 6:15 AM but I powered through. First time I was done in 10 minutes and the lady had this surprised look on her face. I learned to peruse TMB or read some of those Hustler articles for 20 minutes before getting into the action.
Two weeks away from the birth of our first. Went through three IUIs before IVF. I feel lucky because we only had to do one retrieval and the first embryo took. We’ve got five more on ice.
I have three all via IVF. Went through five IUI attempts before IVF. Found out in the Drs office right before our first procedure that they had messed up the medication and weren’t going to do the procedure because of it. Darkest of dark days. Second attempt took and led to twins. Had two more procedures not take and third procedure lead to a miscarriage. Had our third on our last embryo. Been through it all, really bad and really good and $50k+ later glad for the end result. My advice would be to vet your Dr. Incredibly well. Their staff and bedside manner can make for a great or awful experience. Our Dr was the only one within two hours so we settled despite some red flags and regret that. Also seems like IUI never works. If I could go back I would skip straight to IVF and every person I have talked to in real life who’s been through it agrees.
We had fertility issues. Tried everything progressing up to IVF finally. That worked the first time. It was a really tough time for us and if IVF didn’t work, i’m not sure where I would be today. I had come to grips with not having kids, but my wife had not. Very tough times. my girls are 10.5 years old now.
Folks with eggs on ice that live in red states really need to keep up with local laws Extremely fucked up, sorry to all needing to make such choices
So many friends dealing with problems now, almost all are just professionals who put career/education first. It’s heartbreaking honestly Do not recommend waiting to 35+ to have kids, I give that advice to everyone now
Appreciate the responses and stories. I don’t know but anecdotally but I agree it’s super common. More of our friends have had gone through some level of it or have had a rainbow baby (as we did). I wonder (without evidence I’m just speculating) if years of birth control can make it harder for the body to flip the switch. We started trying basically at age 29 or so. Maybe that’s too late to start too because of how long it can take. But yeah it almost feels like a majority at this point.
Our 3rd or so IUI “worked” in the sense we were told we got pregnant but it was quickly over. Possibly ectopic but it was early so hard to tell. But yeah i don’t know anyone that I know of that had a successful birth from IUI. pretty much I know people who got pregnant with ovulation tracking and medication or IVF. But not IUI that I know of.
Two IUI pregnancies from ACRM in Atlanta on the 1st attempt, 2nd scheduled to be born Wednesday (boy). 2yo girl happy and healthy. We're incredibly fortunate. So many more have gone down this road than many realize. Wife is 36, they told her last spring she needed to get on with it if she ever wanted to do it again, and off we went.
Big shout out to Institute for Reproductive Heath in Cincinnati..They did all the work for our surrogacy.
I have a family member very close to me going through it. Currently doing their second implantation after the first one didn’t take. I think they have 3 more fertilized eggs after this. Things were going smooth until that first embryo didn’t take. Now we are just kind of crossing our fingers hoping for the news that they are pregnant.
We have a six month old boy through IVF. Overall not a bad experience other than wasting six months while they treated my wife when it was my issue the entire time, which came after a year of trying on our own. The clinic is like 20 minutes from my house, so jacking off at home, throwing on my clothes and trying to fly through morning traffic with my sperm cup to beat the 30 minute deadline was hilarious and stressful. We ended up with five embryos that survived the freezing — two had various problems that would have led to unsurvivable birth defects or miscarriages, one had Down syndrome, and two healthy males. Kinda wild and basically made me not want to ever try to do it naturally, especially since we’re both 35 now and are higher risk for Down syndrome anyway.
It’s kind of crazy at how complication likelihood rapidly increases with the mother’s age once she gets above like 30.
Had 2 friends go through the process. 1 went through everything and when they went in for the implantation, they found out they were actually already pregnant. They just had their 3rd child. Not sure what they did with their eggs/embryos that they no longer needed. Other friend had a miscarriage after the first implantation, but has had 2 successful IVF pregnancies since.
Thanks for starting this thread. My wife and I are going through this all right now. Hoping things line up for our 3rd attempt at IUI this weekend. This shit fucking sucks. We don’t have great care locally so have to drive to Indianapolis to do this, which isn’t an awful drive but after 2 back surgeries for me, 5 hours round trip in the car isn’t great. Then all the stress leading up to the appointments and then the anticipation and stress following the IUI. It really wears on you. I know it’s fairly common, unfortunately, these days but still hard to not feel alone. Especially with friends and family all seemingly having kids at once while we keep trying and failing.
Keep the faith. My first one was our 3rd or 4th IUI. I know way too much about this stuff now. She was 36 just about to be 37 so it was high risk. She had an inverted cervix, and also her being a black woman, she has fibroid issues. I’ll never forget leaving the first ultrasound when the doctor told us her fibroids were going to be a major scare. I left there not optimistic at all. Now she’s about to 19 months old and it’s amazing. we have tried for #2 and have done about 6 IUI. she is currently at the doctors for her checkup on the 4th day of her period and they counted 3 on onside and 2 on the other. So next week will be go time. keep your heads up, it’s rough. But remember be the strong one for her because she’s really hurting
This is the one thing I really learned over the last few years. I always recommend to younger people we know now, if you want kids, don’t wait too long
We were fortunate enough for IUI to work for our first. She takes that medication they give, don’t remember the name. We were really hoping last month would work. I posted in the one thread but her brother had committed suicide on Saturday/Sunday and our impregnanation was Wednesday which was actually his birthday. We were hoping that all the stars would shine on it
anecdotally but most folks I know that have dealt with infertility started TTC sometime in their early/mid 30s.
This is 100% me. I always told her I never give my best “samples” that early. I would wake up at 5am take a nice long shower, do some overnight emails, and than go into action
got 3 eggs on ice. Took the risk of not fertilizing them because they are stored at a facility in Florida and that state is too politically extreme/unstable to trust not trying to harm us. Just getting a taste for the retrieval process, the pricing, etc was exhausting. Made me want to move to other countries where there is more public subsidizing.
In the moment it’s impossible not to feel alone or a sense of failure. And like I said it’s a monthly reminder. But stay hopeful and be optimistic you are doing everything you can. If the subject of IVF comes up, it will be scary and overwhelming at first but it’s pretty straightforward as far as the steps. Just stay supportive and know that the kids you see on social media you have no idea their journeys and some of them likely went through this as well (even if they don’t say it).
Getting her IUD out in July right after wife turns 31 to start trying. We want 2, possibly three. I'll be 35 in March, nervous AF reading this. Have a strong urge to hit the gym, have lost 30 lbs in the last year but making me feel like I will need to be in the best shape of my life. Good luck to everyone having challenges
I always recommend to guys now, check your sperm NOW before you try and start. My numbers were good but the apperearence were really bad. I had what the called Tapered Heads on about 85% of them. So a sperm would technically look like this: --> Mine was --| so it would have a hard time penetrating the eggs. So I got on some pills in 3 months the tapered heads were gone.
We had our first basically first month trying, no issues or anything when my wife was 29. Started trying for the second. After 8 months of tracking ovulation cycles, etc and no luck we went to fertility clinic just to make sure no obvious issues. Wife started doing regular bloodwork and taking some progesterone to support it. Got a positive a few weeks back. All in all our situation is nothing compared to what some in here have experienced, but even that short period still just caused a ton of stress on my wife and sadness when you see that rejection. Keep the faith as there are lots of examples of magic happening on its own even after hope is seemingly lost.
Before our first kid, everytime she got her period, if I looked at her the wrong way I was getting cursed out and given the cold shoulder for a few days. It was a lot. The romance was dwindling and I was hurting from it all. But as the guy, we have to be strong because as hard as it is for us, it's harder for them. I'll never forget when I got the news, she lives part time in South Florida near her family and Im up in Orlando area. She called me at like 8pm that night and we were chatting and 5 minutes in I get a text message and Im like why the fuck did you text me and she was like open it. And it was the pregnancy stick. Still brings a tear to my eye.
Thought I would check in to this thread as infertility and the entirety of the roller coaster it brings has been my life for about as long as I’ve been escaping to this board. -3 years of rabbit fuckin on top of mixing in tracking everything -me motility issues and count issues -her pcos and heredity history of miscarriage -2 failed IUI’s After that we took a pause and leaned into each other. Embraced the idea it wouldn’t happen but that if we were happy and not worrying about it the shit may happen. Nope. -2 years later get rolling on IVF. Oh shit insurance decided not to cover it but we’re going to roll with it -Successful first IVF And then from there I’m one of those that life went the other way. Engine primed, I suppose. A few years later we had two kids out of nowhere that we probably weren’t ready for because of how hard we had to fight mentally, physically (her), and financially to get there. That said, it’s given me the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my three kids. The pressure for those in it and going thru it is real and dm me if you ever need to gripe or ask questions I probably won’t know the answer too but might have an experience with. A few last random notes that’ll make more sense for those in it: Spoiler -When going thru IVF most of the crankin I had to do was in a basement with zero internet. The first time the excitement of rummaging thru the 3 dvd’s was enough but I learned to offload content after a 2nd run on the less than gently used dvd of “big ass black milfs”. The day of our extraction I felt like I was in a king suite because I could look up whatever I wanted. My mother in law was there for emotional support for my wife and to be there with her coming out of surgery. After they called me back she said “good luck” to me and I spent a few minutes going “wait, did you wish me luck to jack off? I have internet again” -Implantation process was amazing and they really focused on creating a zen relaxing environment with acupuncture, making it an intimate experience with her and I. Was cool. (And probably needed after the stress of getting there and the rising pharm costs to get her body just right) -My biggest regret is not getting more professional counseling help thru it all. They offered it for free and encouraged it and in hindsight I understand why. -To that note I’d consider kicking this one to the private board. Or maybe I just need to unload more on one of the mental health threads but even though 1 in 8 deal with this and it needs to be talked about in public, think we could be of better support to each other walking this journey over there.
Forgot about the progesterone. I thought I was going to break a needle off in her butt trying to squeeze that thick, oily mess out (not a euphemism, shockingly).
My wife and I did three rounds of IUI after trying to get pregnant for two years. One resulted in pregnancy, but she miscarried. It was the kind of miscarriage that most women don’t even register because it occurs before they realize they were ever pregnant. But we were tracking everything so we knew and that was upper difficult. We decided we were gonna stop trying and then do IVF in the fall. Lo and behold, the day she graduated from residency, we found out she was pregnant again. The pregnancy was difficult. My wife was admitted to the ICU with respiratory problems for three days after graduation. It was probably overkill but she was beloved by her colleagues who insisted she be admitted so they could look after her and the very new pregnancy. My parents moved us from Kentucky to Georgia during that hospital stay because we were obviously preoccupied. She had gestational diabetes and a slew of other complications that made the pregnancy difficult medically. On top of that, she’s an OB GYN who has seen every thing that could possibly go wrong in a pregnancy. And was being seen as a patient by her new colleagues, who she did not know nearly as well as those from residency. It was a very sticky, stressful situation. But now I am sitting here this morning with a beautiful, week-old baby girl in my lap, and all that struggle and pain of the last three years was worth it.
Congratulations man. Don’t know you but incredibly happy for you. Really nothing like those first few weeks with your first kid. Enjoy it and soak it all in. I’m in my urology training so see a lot of male infertility. This thread hits on a really underserved population as most people don’t really think of the guys in this situation (understandably, it’s harder on women of course). Glad there is growing acceptance and discussion in this area, it will only lead to improved mental health and acceptance by the general public.
Exercise helps sperm. So does eliminating smoking (or nicotine) and alcohol. Also if you are someone that goes to the sauna all the time, need to stop that if you are trying to have a kid. Regular sauna or hot tub usage basically makes guys infertile. It’s reversible once you stop doing it, though. but yeah, if you already have good sperm with what you are currently doing, it just doesn’t really matter from the guys perspective. There’s plenty of other reasons to focus on eliminating that bad stuff or working out thought of course.
it took us 8 years to have children. Multiple miscarriages that resulted in procedures, etc for my wife. We did IUI's. Went to UNC and Duke specialists when we lived in Raleigh. We talked about IVF for months. We never got the right feeling to move forward with it. We were told the HSG test can often flush everything out. We did that and I think 2 months later my wife was pregnant. I've got two kids now and she's wanting to go for the third but I'd rather cut my balls off with a buck knife than go through another pregnancy. Shit is so fucking stressful when you're this high risk.
I’m about $50k in for testing, three IUIs, meds, one retrieval, and one implantation. We had no coverage.
To be fair, $27k of that was a lump sum payment for the retrieval/transfer under our doctor’s shared risk program. Basically, that capped my costs for up to 5 retrievals and all resulting transfers. Of course, we got pregnant on the first transfer so the doctor made bank, but I was happy to limit the potential damage if we ended up having to retrieve or transfer multiple times.
I've got an 11yo that I'm crazy about. We were lucky and didn't have to do anything extra to get pregnant. It took a couple years but ultimately happened naturally. I watched a family member and her husband go through a very difficult pregnancy, all the pain it caused...and then they decided on a second and it was just as difficult. I think the emotional damage it did to their relationship was ultimately the demise of their marriage a year or so after the second was born. I'm crazy about my kid but I guess I was never so in love with the idea of kids that risking his mom's life and all the emotional struggles that come with it would have ever occurred to me. I think it's true that some people are parents long before their kids are born and plenty of others grow into it. Anyway, god speed to all of you going through it and have fought to bring your kids into the world.