Advice on dealing with asshole neighbor

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Why?Pokes, Oct 3, 2019.

  1. Why?Pokes

    Why?Pokes Take me back to the kine
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    We have a neighbor that lets his chow-chow roam wild across the subdivision. The fucker goes wherever he pleases, pisses on everyone’s stuff, chases cars on the street, and antagonizes everyone else’s dogs.

    I somewhat feel bad for the owner cause he’s a single dad, works all the time, and it’s a rural neighborhood so ideally it shouldn’t be a huge deal.

    Unfortunately for us, we’re the closest house, and the dog desperately wants to play with our pups. Over the last ~10 mos, we’ve been going back-and-forth with the owner because his dog comes over at all hours of the day (including 1am-6am). It wakes our pups up, they start barking, and we struggle to get a good night’s sleep. The owner keeps promising to fix the situation but nothing’s changed. We’ve been hesitant to call animal control because it’s a small town and we don’t want a bad reputation.

    The last two days I’ve reached a boiling point. The dog has begun ripping our lawn to shreds and damaging the sprinkler system. As an example, this patch used to be all grass:

    576AE135-27A8-4E1B-A1E3-47A7432A4034.jpeg

    I’m so pissed off I probably would have beat the thing senseless had I caught it in the act. We’ve tried everything short of legal action: pleading w the owner, yelling at the dog, spraying it with a hose, etc... We even got a quote on building a fence around the property line but it’s just way too much money at the moment.

    The way I look at it, we’ve got two options left, either call it in to animal control/police, or consider suing the guy. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and/or have any advice?
     
  2. bro

    bro Your Mother’s Favorite Shitposter
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  3. BrickTamland

    BrickTamland You're not Ron...
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    Beat your neighbor senseless, not the dog.
     
  4. cutig

    cutig My name is Rod, and I like to party
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    Pretty easy solution imo. Call animal control.
     
  5. BrickTamland

    BrickTamland You're not Ron...
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    But seriously, I have no serious suggestions to remedy your situation.

    Have you considered blowing him?
     
  6. Voodoo

    Voodoo Fan of: Notre Dame
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    Give neighbor one last ultimatum. You’ll call animal control if he doesn’t have the problem fixed in XX days. Also, he needs to pay for your sprinkler and lawn repair.
     
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  7. Cornelius Suttree

    Cornelius Suttree the smallest crumb can devour us
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    hopefully that poor dog doesn't get hit by a car

    what a shitty owner
     
  8. Roy

    Roy Well-Known Member
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    Don’t listen to these guys telling you to blow him OP.

    I’ve tried that route before and it doesn’t work.
     
    #8 Roy, Oct 3, 2019
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2019
  9. cutig

    cutig My name is Rod, and I like to party
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    Nah just call. He's obviously not going to do shit about the problem
     
  10. kennypowers

    kennypowers Big shit like a dinosaur did it
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    The guy is still responsible for his own dog. It’s his responsibility to build a fence, have a pen, or keep it in the house. Just because you buy land out in the sticks doesn’t mean you have free reign to let your dog roam around all over the neighborhood.
     
  11. blotter

    blotter Aristocratic Bum
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    It didn't cross my mind at first but I agree with the suggestion of sucking your neighbor off
     
  12. BrickTamland

    BrickTamland You're not Ron...
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    Have I ever told you guys the story about how I got endless free blowjobs when I lived next door to Fabulousthundercock ?
     
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  13. Voodoo

    Voodoo Fan of: Notre Dame
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    This is also acceptable but I feel bad for the dog.
     
  14. Duck70

    Duck70 Let's just do it and be legends, man
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    Animal control is now the move
     
  15. dallasdawg

    dallasdawg does the tin man have a sheet metal cock?
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    i would be so mad if that happened to my yard
     
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  16. Detlef Schrempf

    Detlef Schrempf Back to Back to Back AAU National Champs
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    I’d be really tempted to go do the same shit to your neighbors yard.
     
  17. Why?Pokes

    Why?Pokes Take me back to the kine
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    I’ve actually considered a less drastic version of the blowjob option—figured if we buttered him up with a nice bbq and cooler of beer he’d be more inclined to do something about it. Lady Pokes flat out refuses and it’s all I can do to stop her from going nuclear on him.

    Will animal control deal with it if he’s not on the property when they come out? Worth it just to officially document the problem?
     
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  18. Tiffin

    Tiffin ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    Gotta pee on the dog to assert your dominance.
     
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  19. 20/20/20/20

    20/20/20/20 running thru the house with a pickle in my mouth
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    Yeah, that would be infuriating. I would be so pissed that I would probably go straight over to the neighbor’s house, force my way inside, find that motherfucker, and blow him right then and there. Just to teach him a lesson that I’m not someone you fuck with.
     
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  20. dallasdawg

    dallasdawg does the tin man have a sheet metal cock?
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    what?! fuck no, don’t do that. like, ever

    take all the pictures. get 3 bids from services to repair the sprinklers and lawn. take highest bid over to his house and demand payment. then call animal control
     
  21. fetumpsh

    fetumpsh Well-Known Member
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    Give the dog the blowjob.
     
  22. lfriend

    lfriend Well-Known Member
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    Have you considered giving owner and dog rimjobs? If so and no dice, antifreeze.

    E: to clarify, feed the antifreeze to the owner. Not the dog.
     
  23. VaxRule

    VaxRule Mmm ... Coconuts
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    He’s trying to keep the dog away from his property.
     
  24. Marty Kaan

    Marty Kaan By any means necessary
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    poison
     
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  25. fetumpsh

    fetumpsh Well-Known Member
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    Go heavy with the teeth.
     
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  26. VaxRule

    VaxRule Mmm ... Coconuts
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    Serious response: burn your house to the ground, collect the insurance and go buy a condo.
     
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  27. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    If you really want to get the point across, have lady pokes blow him. as he's finishing, immediately grab his cock and start sucking the fuck out of it.
     
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  28. Duck70

    Duck70 Let's just do it and be legends, man
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    “HEY! What the hell? Get outta my hou...oh...OH MYYY”
     
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  29. VaxRule

    VaxRule Mmm ... Coconuts
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    I know from being Fabulousthundercock ’s neighbor that this is why his blowjobs don’t work.
     
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  30. fetumpsh

    fetumpsh Well-Known Member
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  31. Wu

    Wu Nope.
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    Call animal control on your neighbor
     
  32. DriveByBBQ

    DriveByBBQ Well-Known Member
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    Get a dog bigger and meaner than the one you feel threatened by.
     
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  33. Colin Robinson

    Colin Robinson Semi-Well Known Member
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    The guys saying animal control are right. I would call animal control, walk the dog catcher to your neighbor’s front yard, and then give him a toothy blowjob so your neighbor can see and know you really mean business.
     
  34. juice

    juice this a cult, not a clique
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    Step up your wardrobe game. Go to express and have an chick employee help you chose 3-4 jeans (about 60.00 each and make sure they fit well). Then match 3-4 long sleeve dress shirts, make sure you buy at least one long sleeve that stands out like Red (about 55.00 per dress shirt). Next select 2 belts with nice buckles ask the employee to help you with it (20.00 per belt).Then buy 2 dress shoes black and brown (about 70-90 each). Ask her for help picking out 4-5 t-shirts buy them at any other store you want, just make sure there stylish.

    Next is accessories. No its Not gay to add stylish accessories to your wardrobe. Purchase one of those leather fossil watches black or brown (75.00 each). Add a few clean bracelets (15-40.00). Purchase 2-3 necklaces with unique pendants (doesn't have to gold/silver, 20-50.00 each
    Don't know if you have hair or not but go to a salon and have a female advice you on what haircut style will fit you best.

    Then go to your local gym and sign up. Work out 3-5 times a week if possible. The last thing you gotta buy is that family packj of trojan condoms from costco cause you're going to be banging chicks left and right.

    Good luck
     
  35. Duck70

    Duck70 Let's just do it and be legends, man
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    I die every time
     
  36. Colin Robinson

    Colin Robinson Semi-Well Known Member
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    Can we get a dislike option? I really want to dislike this post. Consider it disliked. Post, I dislike you.
     
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  37. Kirk Fogg

    Kirk Fogg "Tell them what they've won Olmec!"
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    You pleading with the owner was the ultimatum. Next time just call animal control and have them haul the dog away.

    As for your yard, get a landscaper to give you a quote to fix everything and tell your neighbor he has a few options: 1) pay this quote (up front) to fix the damage, 2) get a quote elsewhere that you agree with, 3) help pay for a fence, or 4) settle the dispute in court.
     
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  38. Houndster

    Houndster Well-Known Member
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    You’ve got to make him blow you then you euthanize the dog because you’re his owner now (or you can euthanize the owner, whichever’s cheaper)
     
  39. blind dog

    blind dog wps
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  40. southside

    southside Well-Known Member
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    After like 15 years, I still can’t decide if “unique pendants” , “clean bracelets” or “one that stands out like red” is my favorite part.
     
  41. Joe_Pesci

    Joe_Pesci lying dog-faced pony soldier
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    That's what OP should say to the guy, but in the tone of gangsters that are like "it would be a real shame if someone burned down your business here"
     
  42. Emma

    Emma
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    Trap it in a cage, kennel etc, take it to the humanes society, either tell them it's a stray, make them aware of the situation and that it's constantly in your yard and in the street and that you fear it may be killed, and inform your neighbor where it is
     
  43. This is the correct answer.
     
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  44. infected donkey

    infected donkey Arkansas Razorbacks
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    Your dog has cause civil damages and we're done being civil pay to fix this or we take you to court and win.
     
  45. lfriend

    lfriend Well-Known Member
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    I would definitely not get into the game of trapping another person's pet. Anonymously make the call and let the people who are paid to capture the animals do it.
     
  46. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Why does the OP make his dogs sleep outside at night?
     
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  47. Why?Pokes

    Why?Pokes Take me back to the kine
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    We don’t. They’re crated in our bedroom which has a door out to the patio. He comes around in the middle of the night and sniffs at the patio door which makes our pups go bonkers.
     
  48. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    Light a bag of his dogs poo on fire on his front porch and then ring the doorbell and run and hide in the bushes
     
  49. EdmondDantes

    EdmondDantes Both winner in league and apparently at life, haha
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  50. Pelican Grove

    Pelican Grove You know me
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    Couple of questions:

    1. What age range is this dude?
    2. You know what he does for a living?
    3. Has he always been pleasant with you and your wife?
     
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