Choose your squad - Animal warfare edition

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by $P1, Feb 16, 2023.

?

Pick 2

  1. 50 hawks

    10.2%
  2. 10 crocodiles

    1.7%
  3. 3 brown bears

    23.7%
  4. 15 wolves

    16.9%
  5. 1 hunter w/rifle

    16.9%
  6. 7 buffalo

    5.1%
  7. 10k rats

    44.1%
  8. 5 gorillas

    45.8%
  9. 4 lions

    15.3%
  10. 1 mini-Ditka

    3.4%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    Exactly. The rats aren’t just going to switch into a unified kill mode.
     
    Dump and Boo MFer! like this.
  2. CUAngler

    CUAngler Royale with Cheese
    Donor TMB OG
    Clemson TigersAtlanta Braves

    I think y’all are selling the crocs short. I’d take them and the hunter.

    I’d jump in a lake with the crocs and either tread water or ride on ones back far away from land. The other 9 would fuck up anything that tried to enter the water.

    I’d take the hunter because he would be the only thing that could potentially end me from far away.
     
    Brocephus and wes tegg like this.
  3. Stone Cold Steve Austin

    Stone Cold Steve Austin Tickler Extraordinaire
    Donor
    Alabama Crimson TideAtlanta Braves

  4. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    In your dreams, loser!
     
  5. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
    Donor
    Texas RangersDallas Stars

    youre in an arena so good luck with that
     
  6. electronic

    electronic It’s satire!
    Donor
    Georgia BulldogsSeattle MarinersCharlotte FC

    I feel like the answer has to be the hunter and the rats. There’s no way to survive an hour against either of them otherwise.

    The others at least you have a bit of a chance. Without the hunter, I’d take the hawks for sure.
     
    wes tegg likes this.
  7. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
    Donor
    Texas RangersDallas Stars

    Even if the rats weren’t killing (they would if they were being harmed) they’d cause enough chaos that my hawks would just rip the fucking heads off of any other animal while they’re paying attention to the rats
     
  8. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    “Rats are equipped with large teeth and administer painful bites when threatened. Healthy rats typically avoid people and prefer to be active when buildings are quiet. However, when cornered, they will lunge and bite to defend themselves. The saliva of some species of rats carries hazardous diseases, such as leptospirosis and Hantavirus. In rare cases, rat bite victims may contract rat-bite fever. Humans bitten by rodents are also susceptible to tetanus infections.”

    Arenas are circular. No corners. So much for your killer rats. Those little fucks will just scurry away from the action.
     
  9. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    ^ Source: Orkin
     
  10. electronic

    electronic It’s satire!
    Donor
    Georgia BulldogsSeattle MarinersCharlotte FC

    Hunter is still going to get off 2-3 shots before the hawks get to him.
     
    Dump, wes tegg and ashy larry like this.
  11. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
    Donor
    Texas RangersDallas Stars

    hed be worried about the hawks first unless he’s just on a suicide mission because even if he kills me while covered in rats he’s going to die from my hawks in less than a min
     
  12. electronic

    electronic It’s satire!
    Donor
    Georgia BulldogsSeattle MarinersCharlotte FC

    Hey captain literal, if you’re analyzing it this way, 99% of the animals would attempt to flee first.
     
  13. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesTampa Bay Rays

    The more I think about it, I think you are right.
     
  14. electronic

    electronic It’s satire!
    Donor
    Georgia BulldogsSeattle MarinersCharlotte FC

    OP didn’t say your opponent at were trying to survive for an hour - just that they’d be trying to kill you.
     
    Craig Pettis likes this.
  15. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    It’s ok to admit you’re wrong sometimes, bud. Your e-friends will still like you.
     
  16. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
    Donor
    Texas RangersDallas Stars

    I’ll take my chances that several hundred rats all over him would buy me enough time for my hawks to rip his head off :twocents:
     
  17. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
    Donor
    Texas RangersDallas Stars

    You can argue your second animal but you have to take the hawks or you’re absolutely dead
     
  18. electronic

    electronic It’s satire!
    Donor
    Georgia BulldogsSeattle MarinersCharlotte FC

    THE HAWKS WOULD JUST FLY OUT OF THE ARENA!1!1!!?

    - Boomfer
     
  19. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington Football TeamAtlanta United

    /owsley post
     
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  20. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
    Donor
    Texas RangersDallas Stars

    i don’t even think they would even if it weren’t a hypothetical they’re predators themselves
     
  21. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    Right. Unlike rats.
     
  22. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington Football TeamAtlanta United

    Think a lot of people are overlooking this.

    You take a guy with unlimited ammo and long range & he's going to be fucking up lots of folks
     
  23. electronic

    electronic It’s satire!
    Donor
    Georgia BulldogsSeattle MarinersCharlotte FC

    Very disappointed that I can’t choose between 100 duck sized horses and 1 horse sized duck.
     
    ARCO, Jax Teller, Dump and 5 others like this.
  24. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    Yes, the hunter absolutely has to be one.
     
  25. Homo Erectus

    Homo Erectus The important thing is, you think I'm attractive
    Donor

    Depends what kind of rifle. Is it an assault rifle or an old hunting one? How does it load?
     
    jrmy likes this.
  26. fuxstockings

    fuxstockings Wayne Tinkle and the Beavers
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesAtlanta Braves

    Distance from each other at the beginning of the brawl would have to be considered. I'm skeptical that one hunter with unlimited ammo could take down any of the big boys if they started 100m apart.
     
    Hoss Bonaventure likes this.
  27. jrmy

    jrmy For bookings contact Morgan at 702-374-3735
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksAtlanta BravesDallas CowboysNational LeagueAvengersBarAndGrill

    What kind of rifle

    We talking bolt action or automatic
     
    Homo Erectus likes this.
  28. poor paul

    poor paul Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Wrexham AFC

    If he kills you the game is over though, presumably.
     
  29. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    The only thing the rats would be good for is a diversion because there’s 10k little snacks running around.
     
    Boo MFer! likes this.
  30. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    Right. A guy with an AR vs 3 bears and 5 gorillas? Only way he’s a factor is if he’s able to hide until the other animals take down the bears and gorillas.
     
  31. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
    Donor
    Texas RangersDallas Stars

    If you can sprint, roll, dive, etc for less than a min he’s dead when the hawks get to him

    that’s assuming the rats haven’t already messed up his concentration completely
     
  32. racer

    racer Yuma, where I work in software.
    Donor
    Iowa HawkeyesKansas City ChiefsLas Vegas Golden KnightsWatfordOlympicsFormula 1

    ^never saw Willard
     
  33. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    Movie rats. If we picking movie animals then I’m going with 3 cocaine bears and the gorillas from Congo
     
    Jax Teller and Boo MFer! like this.
  34. angus

    angus Well-Known Member
    Donor

    None of these animals is going to instinctively protect you so there has to be an assumption of control over them. 10k rats wiegh as much as a bull elephant.
     
    Dump, electronic and arrdub like this.
  35. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    Ok so regardless then no combo can make it an hour because any combination would be overrun. Rats versus the rest of that field is just literally east kills.
     
  36. poor paul

    poor paul Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Wrexham AFC

    3 cocaine bears and 10,000 Master Splinters
     
    Jax Teller, Dump, ashy larry and 2 others like this.
  37. Taffy

    Taffy Token Brit poster
    Donor

    Let me tell you a little something about hawks...
    Those bastards will fly away and leave you with a freezer full of frozen chicks and a garage wall covered in bird shit at the first opportunity they get
     
    ARCO, Dump, BuckeyeRiot and 6 others like this.
  38. Manny

    Manny I love Lip

    A silverback gorilla is like 450l-500bs max. Brown bear would out reach and be twice as heavy. Gorilla picks are suckers.
     
    fuxstockings likes this.
  39. IV

    IV Freedom is the right of all sentient beings
    Donor TMB OG
    Alabama Crimson TideUAB BlazersDemocratAvengersBirmingham LegionUnited States Men's National Soccer Team

    10k rats and 50 hawks easy
     
    fucktx likes this.
  40. Manny

    Manny I love Lip

    Lake Placid Crocs imo.
     
    Jax Teller, Dump, Henry Blake and 2 others like this.
  41. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    How many of these bad boys you taking:

    :stan:
     
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  42. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    So you just out there hoping the rest of the list gets annoyed while going straight for you?
     
  43. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
    Donor
    Texas RangersDallas Stars

    you think hawks couldn’t easily rip the faces off of any of those animals? Because they absolutely would and quickly
     
  44. WC

    WC Bad Company, ‘til the day I die.
    Donor TMB OG
    North Carolina State WolfpackAtlanta BravesCarolina PanthersCarolina HurricanesUnited States Men's National Soccer Team

    Going Buffalo for the outer circle, and gorillas for the inner/air defense.

    Good luck.
     
  45. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    No I don’t because they don’t do it already. If a hawk could rip the face off of a bear they’d be doing it and eating lots of bears.
     
  46. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
    Donor
    Texas RangersDallas Stars

    a group of 50 hawks >>>> 1 hawk

    they absolutely could and would. And if you don’t pick the hawks you’re going to die. This doesn’t say real life situations or the only one on the list that would do anything immediately is the human shooting
     
  47. skiedfrillet

    skiedfrillet It's not a lie if you believe it.
    Donor
    Clemson Tigers

    lost in this is what kind of defense do you have? bc if you have an umbrella you can just hide under that from the hawks and you'll be fine
     
    Jax Teller, ashy larry, Dump and 2 others like this.
  48. Old_Gregg

    Old_Gregg Well-Known Member
    Donor

    Feels like people are missing part of the scenario. It says all the others attack you, not each other. So if you don’t pick the hunter, then he only has to worry about the two you do pick. Hawks or rats(under your control) seem like they would be necessary or the hunter will kill you.
     
    poor paul likes this.
  49. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    You got 50 of them. 3 bears and 5 gorillas with each swatting down 6 each before getting killed isn’t that far of a reach. Hawks would have to make multiple dives over and over again without getting hit once which wouldn’t happen. 6 eagles can’t take down a bear or gorilla.
     
  50. skiedfrillet

    skiedfrillet It's not a lie if you believe it.
    Donor
    Clemson Tigers

    do the animals have unlimited stamina or are they gonna get all exhausted after like 30seconds of action
     
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