Corporate Speak Thread_2019-03_Finalv7-GB.PPTX

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Gin Buckets, May 6, 2015.

  1. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
    Donor TMB OG
    Florida State SeminolesChicago CubsReal Madrid

    It’s also important to consider if sales come from recurring business and/or customers, or are one-time sales.
     
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  2. leroi

    leroi Rival Shark Boat Captain
    Donor

    good for you, War Grundle
     
    War Grundle likes this.
  3. og543ss

    og543ss ready to party? by party I mean smoke cigarettes
    Donor TMB OG
    Pittsburgh PenguinsPittsburgh SteelersPenn State Nittany Lions

    Stakeholders
     
  4. og543ss

    og543ss ready to party? by party I mean smoke cigarettes
    Donor TMB OG
    Pittsburgh PenguinsPittsburgh SteelersPenn State Nittany Lions

    I don’t understand how you be foreign and work in corporate America.... so many idioms.
     
  5. spagett

    spagett Got ya, spooked ya
    Donor

    Upward mobility
     
  6. Joe_Pesci

    Joe_Pesci How can less be more? It's impossible
    Donor
    Wolfsburg

    Sounds like someone's personal culture needs to be more inclusive
     
  7. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
    Donor
    Tampa Bay Rays

    That’s good knowledge.
     
  8. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb A donut without a hole, is a Danish.
    Donor
    Nebraska CornhuskersChicago CubsChicago BullsDetroit LionsChicago BlackhawksTiger Woods

    “Putting the carrot before the stick”
     
  9. BayouMafia

    BayouMafia that slumdog millionaire Bollywood flow
    Staff Donor
    FulhamLSU TigersNew Orleans SaintsTexas Rangers

    non-business but the recent season of the Dissect podcast was on The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill and he kept playing a soundbite from an interview in which she said, "I couldn't see my hand in spite of my face"

    I was a high degree of triggered
     
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  10. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
    Donor
    Florida PanthersOrlando CityMiami DolphinsTennisWWEMiami MarlinsOrlando MagicMiami HurricanesUCF Knights

     
    Ty Webb likes this.
  11. Pharm

    Pharm Right Handed
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesAtlanta HawksAtlanta FalconsCalgary Flames

    What the fuck is agile and what do I need to look out for while running a team.
     
    Ty Webb likes this.
  12. Long Ball Larry

    Donor
    Alabama Crimson TideMiami Dolphins

    “Level set” is a term that’s being thrown around more these days at my company. Level set these nuts.
     
  13. Goose

    Goose Hi
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesCincinnati BearcatsCincinnati RedsCincinnati BengalsTiger WoodsFC CincinnatiBarAndGrill

    My company has two different types of software engineers. One group uses agile, the other doesn’t.

    The group the uses agile sucks complete ass and the group that doesn’t is good.

    That’s all I have
     
    momux, slogan119 and BayouMafia like this.
  14. Pharm

    Pharm Right Handed
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesAtlanta HawksAtlanta FalconsCalgary Flames

    I'm about to be assigned a team and trained in agile. From what I have gathered it's a lot of running around from one side to another
     
  15. Goose

    Goose Hi
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesCincinnati BearcatsCincinnati RedsCincinnati BengalsTiger WoodsFC CincinnatiBarAndGrill

    I have no clue what it is. I just yell when they don’t have stuff done on time and they make it happen.

    It’s like they don’t read schedules. I hate them
     
  16. Pharm

    Pharm Right Handed
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesAtlanta HawksAtlanta FalconsCalgary Flames

    It's what my company likes and the VP requested two new people to run a team and I was suggested so seems like a good way to ride up the corporate ladder if Im good at it.
     
  17. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
    Donor TMB OG
    Florida State SeminolesChicago CubsReal Madrid

    Valuable skill. I’m trying to read up on it and develop myself. Basically a way of managing projects by breaking them down into smaller tasks to speed up project completion, and getting as quickly as possible to a minimum viable product.
     
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  18. Pharm

    Pharm Right Handed
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesAtlanta HawksAtlanta FalconsCalgary Flames

    I was given the option to do this(only 2 spots available out of about 20 rph on my team) or transition to a more job that is more structured and monotonous. I like to do things myself so this will be a challenge for me
     
    slogan119 likes this.
  19. RegimentML

    RegimentML Eulalia
    Donor
    Oklahoma City ThunderOklahoma SoonersUnited States Men's National Soccer Team

    We use agile to just have iterative releases, faster turnarounds, etc. Reduces the amount of time wasted trying to get signoff on a change or new feature
     
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  20. Joe_Pesci

    Joe_Pesci How can less be more? It's impossible
    Donor
    Wolfsburg

    It's basically iterative development. Big things are broken down into smaller things to be done in short (2 weeks) periods of time. If you're looking at something that's going to take longer than 2 weeks, break it down more.

    This is in contrast to "waterfall," where you have a big project, work on it for a long time, and then submit everything at the end.

    Be prepared to learn to learn a bunch of vocabulary. Also somehow you're supposed to estimate the difficulty of a task relative to other tasks, rather than in terms of how long it's going to take.
     
    RegimentML likes this.
  21. SP1

    SP1 Ball State #1
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    Michigan WolverinesChicago CubsLos Angeles LakersChicago BearsWest Ham UnitedBall State CardinalsSneakers

    good project managers never need work
     
    slogan119 likes this.
  22. Marbles

    Marbles Trudging the road to happy destiny
    Auburn TigersAtlanta Braves

    Just had a meeting with my supervisors where they both contradicted each other and back tracked on what they told me and basically explained I’m not doing well at my job. Not because my results aren’t good( I’m ahead of schedule and on pace for a 50 percent increase from last year) but because I’m not documenting my outline for what I’m doing and not following the plan of my supervisor ( who failed his goal last year by 30 percent and still fell upwards). I’m just at an absolute lose. I asked if I failed at anything. They told me no. That in fact I’ve exceeded everything. But it’s just not the way they want because it’s different from what they are used to. End of vent.
     
    gus_chiggins, Sub-Zero, Goose and 3 others like this.
  23. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay Rays

    Do you work at SVR?
     
  24. Corch

    Corch Hey Joe Rogan, is it almost lunch time?
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesDenver NuggetsCleveland BrownsColorado State RamsCleveland CavaliersCleveland Indians

    In the top five all time worst corporate jargon
     
    Long Ball Larry likes this.
  25. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay Rays

    Deep dive
    Level set
    Take it offline
    Bandwidth
    Fully baked
     
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  26. Corch

    Corch Hey Joe Rogan, is it almost lunch time?
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesDenver NuggetsCleveland BrownsColorado State RamsCleveland CavaliersCleveland Indians

    Slide deck is in there somewhere
     
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  27. Sounds like you work for retards.
     
    Sub-Zero, Goose, PAHokie and 2 others like this.
  28. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington RedskinsAtlanta United

    Replying to Email

    ++xyz person


    That's all
     
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  29. tjsblue

    tjsblue I was right at the time
    Donor

    “This message is marked urgent”. I have never had a reason to mark anything urgent in my career.
     
  30. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
    Donor TMB OG
    Florida State SeminolesChicago CubsReal Madrid

    There is no such thing as an urgent email. Period.
     
  31. Koby Salman

    Koby Salman Well-Known Member

    If you're interviewing for a job internally do you wear a suit? Especially if you know the hiring manager and she sits 30 feet away from you, and you see her multiple times a day and say hi to her.
     
  32. TC

    TC Wake up, remember. We are born of one breath
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksSeattle Supersonics

    Express dress shirt/no tie/crisp undershirt showing IYAM
     
  33. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
    Donor

    First day in training be sure to ask "which is better scrum or kanban?" And just watch the jargon get spewed out.
     
  34. Goose

    Goose Hi
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesCincinnati BearcatsCincinnati RedsCincinnati BengalsTiger WoodsFC CincinnatiBarAndGrill

    This cock bag I work with sends read receipts 50% of the time. If I open it from my iPhone does it send one?
     
  35. Simon Templar

    Simon Templar Well-Known Member
    Kansas JayhawksChicago CubsSneakersBig 8 Conference

    Absolutely. The competition will.
     
    Koby Salman likes this.
  36. mizz1439

    mizz1439 Well-Known Member

    Carrot and stick

    “Mizz1439, if they’re unwilling to bite at your carrot approach I’m willing to come in and be the stick so you don’t disrupt your working team relationship”
     
  37. DriveByBBQ

    DriveByBBQ Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Alabama Crimson TideTiger WoodsBirmingham LegionPGAGrateful DeadUnited States Men's National Soccer Team

    “Horse trading” was a good one I heard the other day. Seriously, I think that’s a cool idiom in the proper context.
     
  38. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
    Donor TMB OG
    Florida State SeminolesChicago CubsReal Madrid

    Yes and here’s why - if there is an outside candidate, they’ll get credit for being in a suit and you won’t. It may not matter in the end, but why nit take a bit more time to show that you care as much as someone else with no current ties to your company?
     
  39. TC

    TC Wake up, remember. We are born of one breath
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksSeattle Supersonics

    Put it this way — the suit is the carrot. Pull out the stick if you need to
     
  40. Pharm

    Pharm Right Handed
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesAtlanta HawksAtlanta FalconsCalgary Flames

    Pretty sure we do scrum, I've seem it around when pulling tickets
     
  41. THF

    THF BITE THE NUTS, THUMB IN THE ASS!
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSan Francisco GiantsOklahoma City ThunderDallas CowboysSan Francisco 49'ersMontreal Impact

    The thread reminded me to watch some old episodes of Silicon Valley.

    Just fucking genius.
     
  42. InZahnWeTrust

    InZahnWeTrust Well-Known Member
    Auburn TigersPhiladelphia PhilliesPhiladelphia 76'ersPhiladelphia EaglesPhiladelphia Flyers

    Sorry I’m late. I know that we’ve been running laps in here around how we are going to take our vendors to the mat to deliver against our stretch goals, but can I get the reader’s digest version?
     
    MODEVIL, Sub-Zero, Baron and 6 others like this.
  43. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay Rays

    Clean bracelets, IMO.
     
  44. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
    Donor

    The conjoined triangles of success is a viable business model
     
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  45. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington RedskinsAtlanta United

    I just laugh repeatedly when I see my companies stretch budget.

    Here's our budget that we never fucking hit but let's throw out this absurd stretch budget cause whatever YOLO
     
  46. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
    Donor

    I hate how mine constantly changes the target that we should be hitting every day in sales. It's an arbitrary number they assigned and they update it daily, and never can hit it no matter how good sales are doing.
     
  47. HuskerInMiami

    HuskerInMiami Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Miami DolphinsNebraska Cornhuskers

    They need you to put it in a way they can take credit for your success. Just put together a bogus outline and give it to them.
     
    Marbles likes this.
  48. HuskerInMiami

    HuskerInMiami Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Miami DolphinsNebraska Cornhuskers

    Yes
     
  49. BayouMafia

    BayouMafia that slumdog millionaire Bollywood flow
    Staff Donor
    FulhamLSU TigersNew Orleans SaintsTexas Rangers

    I view absurd stretch budgets as a sign of immature leadership. I understand the idea, but it forces people to take immediate measures instead of putting proper sustainable processes in place.

    Along the same vein, a few years ago one of our logistics guys asked me if it was possible to make delivery times 10 minutes earlier to "fool" his drivers into not taking delays. When I refused he tried to take it to his upper leadership and got laughed out of the room.
     
  50. Marbles

    Marbles Trudging the road to happy destiny
    Auburn TigersAtlanta Braves

    My supervisor didn’t respond well when I asked him why his numbers didn’t match up to what he told me they were last year.