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Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Gin Buckets, May 6, 2015.
Also why don’t we hear jargon like this thrown around in sports? And if we do what are some examples?
Not sure if srs
matriculate down the field irritates the shit out of me.
it doesn't sound like jargon to you because you're used to it and you know what it means. maybe this is how corporate speak works for some people.
Our new CEO presented at an all company meeting today. He specifically had a slide saying great companies are ones who can speak normal language and without corporate jargon to each other. I couldn’t believe what I heard.
Think he's on here?
It would be incredible and terrifying all at the same time.
He won’t make it a year before the board ousts him
They all say this shit. Then they start level setting, circling back, thinking outside the box, running point, deep diving and looking at things from 30,000 feet.
I think most of us have a person that we've worked with that basically personifies this thread.
Mine is the AVP from my first real job. She was a nice lady but her vocabulary was at least half corporate jargon.
My vocabulary is 100% TMB jargon. "Hello at the show. Everyone choose your favorite Coke, then get in there and make his ass quit!!!!!"
We'll take this back and sharpen our pencils
I’ll pencil you back in tomorrow to put our heads together and touch base.
Let's connect offline and gain some alignment so we can move this up the ladder. Should have something by COB EOW.
Conf call just now:
“We need to analyze this with weblogs and other data to understand why customers are doing this.”
“Why don’t we just reach out and ask them why?”
“Yeah, that’s prob great to get quantitative and qualitative data. Good idea.”
No. Fucking. Shit.
Quant and qual*
“You can’t make a baby with nine women in one month”
A “voice of the customer” analysis is a great idea. Let’s get this ball rolling ASAP with a check point next week
Saw two new acronyms today.
We were discussing the customer journey.
Anyone care to take a guess?
Ah the old "just do stuff like Apple, duh" motivational speech
No idea so I'm guessing.
Insight consumer profile
Consumer first learnings
Close but not quite. Those are damn good guesses though.
It’s for sales.
Brands into religions.
Kill them all.
Insane Clown Posse
Canadian Football League
I’ve used this
"What if the brand is true religion? "
"Shut the fuck up Doug."
I like SalesForce’s product but dear lord the amount of people I see in airports with all the “Trailblazer” stickers on their laptops is insanely lame
"The more you look, the more you see."
Actually happen to like that one though. Applied to the futility of trying to "assess" everything perfectly through "data"
Imagine going on vacation only to realize it's during DreamForce.
cheated and used google. Man I was close on ICP.
CFL is fake because it doesn't even come up when I google CFL Sales. All I get is info on compact fluorescent lamp lightbulbs.
Lol what the hell even goes on at Dreamforce?
100,000 people cheer about being in sales? I honestly have no idea. All I know is they take over a city and San Francisco had no hotels and only like 6% of AirBnBs were available.
And people at Alcatraz were way too well dressed and had too much hair gel.
One of my sales guys says this and it drives me nuts.
Customer For Life
I know this because my title is Dir of Customer Success. In our Danish HQ, they call their customer reps “Customer For Life Managers”. They wanted us to call our reps that and my team laughed.
Buddy works for SalesForce and said first two times was fun but now hates it.
You guys aren’t going to believe this, but the first quarter is among the most important of quarters. Learned this little nugget today.
I would say it’s at least top 4
And we have a winner.
By the way Boo MFer! I mentioned the fact that the acronym for “Ideal Customer Profile” is in fact the same as the band “Insane Clown Posse” in the meeting where it was discussed. I figured you would appreciate that.
Our avatar for an ideal customer we’re targeting isn’t actually our best existing customer. It’s amazingly dumb but marketing can’t tell me why it is.
If that was my title, I would attach this GIF to every email I sent.
Gonna be balls deep in Internal and External Stakeholders here soon enough
Gonna hold their stakes and fuck ‘em real good like
Have you guys executed on your nonnegotiables yet today?
"Ok let's make a lookalike profile of our best customer and call it our Best Customer Profile....whos our best customer?"
"Fuck? Jim? Seriously? That guys sucks ass"
"Uhh....well he's our best customer. So I will make up that BCP..."
"No no no no no no. I don't want more Jims. Jims suck. Ideally we would have something else. Someone cooler. Make it an Ideal Customer Profile. Then if someone asks questions blame it on market inefficiency opportunities. Hell yea Im a great CEO."
What’s your 3-cone?
Give-a-shit-o-meter is an all time fave of mine.