Corporate Speak Thread_2019-03_Finalv7-GB.PPTX

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Gin Buckets, May 6, 2015.

  1. mizz1439

    mizz1439 Well-Known Member

    As silly as it sounds it makes a good point about how you can’t always throw resources at project to hit a deadline.
     
  2. Goose

    Goose Hi
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  3. BayouMafia

    BayouMafia this that slumdog millionaire Bollywood flow
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    That's exactly how I use it. To train someone to work in my department takes 4-6 weeks before they are even remotely useful, and 4-6 months before they are competent. I always love this exchange in project kickoffs:

    Me: Our analysis shows this will take 10 weeks
    Generic consultant: How long would it take if resources were not an issue?
    Me: 10 weeks
     
  4. HuskerInMiami

    HuskerInMiami Well-Known Member
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    Miami DolphinsNebraska Cornhuskers

    My mom is higher up in VISA and said she tries to work in FOCUS when she's annoyed in a meeting or talking to someone at work she hates..

    Fuck Off Cuz Ur Stupid. She said it's helped her rise through the company.
     
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  5. beist

    beist Hyperbolist
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    If I know I can get away with it, I'll say see you next tuesday all day long.
     
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  6. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    "Can you believe Q1 is already over"

    Yes bitch, I've heard that 15x this week
     
  7. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
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    That's just BAU.
     
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  8. racer

    racer Forecheck, Backcheck, Paycheck, buddy.
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    Yeah I can because calendars.
     
  9. racer

    racer Forecheck, Backcheck, Paycheck, buddy.
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    Have you guys been introduced to Cy Wakeman?
     
  10. BayouMafia

    BayouMafia this that slumdog millionaire Bollywood flow
    Staff Donor
    FulhamLSU TigersNew Orleans SaintsTexas Rangers

    we don't have meetings anymore, we have touchpoints
     
  11. racer

    racer Forecheck, Backcheck, Paycheck, buddy.
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    Touch-base
     
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  12. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    Things meetings are called in meeting invites

    Touchbase
    TB
    Regroup
    Chat
    Catch-up
    Session
    Work session
     
  13. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
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    Excited about an upcoming Kaizen event
     
  14. DriveByBBQ

    DriveByBBQ Well-Known Member
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    Thought ICP was initial contact point
     
    THF likes this.
  15. Corch

    Corch Cowboy hat from Gucci
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    What the fuck is the rest of the day called?
     
  16. racer

    racer Forecheck, Backcheck, Paycheck, buddy.
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    Working sessions are when you gather in a room or dial in and work in a group environment on one thing. IMO
     
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  17. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
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    Florida GatorsTampa Bay Rays

    :ding:
    “Hi, did someone just join?”
    “Debbie is here!”
    :silence:
    “Hello? Did someone join?”
    “Hi, guys. It’s Debbie. Sorry, I was on mute!”
    “Haha! No problem, Deb!”
     
  18. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    Tampa Bay Rays

    Every day
     
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  19. Icculus is a Bammer

    Icculus is a Bammer marco esquandolas took my job
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    I call them discussions
     
  20. THF

    THF Banned From Hogville for Being an Ass
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    Zoom has a great idea. When you start talking while muted, it flashes on the screen “press space to temp unmute yourself” its a great reminder.
     
  21. InZahnWeTrust

    InZahnWeTrust Well-Known Member
    Auburn TigersPhiladelphia PhilliesPhiladelphia 76'ersPhiladelphia EaglesPhiladelphia Flyers

    Seen a handful of kaizen parties. Every single one of them would bring great shame to Toyota
     
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  22. Kirk Fogg

    Kirk Fogg "Tell them what they've won Olmec!"
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    As a consultant I have so many thoughts / feelings about working sessions, or "design" sessions in our parlance. In my mind, the following cycle almost always occurs
    1. Float idea to executive sponsor to get all appropriate decision makers in a room to discuss the issue, executive stakeholder provides list of names that that's way too long and despite push back that no decisions will be made in a group that size, you are told to schedule the meeting as is
    2. Waste about 48 hours having my team of consultants work with admins to coordinate schedules for this design session
    3. The initial freak out from the "I'm always too busy" people when they see priority meetings take up most of their day; this leads to the "does this have to be an XX hour meeting? Jim is really busy with (insert some archaic process) right now, and I really need him focusing on that - maybe you could meet with him offline instead?" thus defeating the purpose of a meeting with all decision makers in a room to address an issue
    4. When the client says they'll own the agenda and communications, and do none of that so people show up unprepared for the meeting - or - when we are asked to own all of that, plus pre-read materials to ensure people come prepared and still people show up with no clue of what's going on
    5. The inevitable "why isn't so and so in this meeting, they're the one that knows all of this" (90% of the time they weren't on the list in #1)
    6. When you have 4+5, you always get the "let's just get the right decision makers in the room to focus on this and then we can report back to this larger group in a couple of weeks"
    7. The 50/50 chance of either being berated by the executive sponsor for "wasting my people's time" or getting applauded by the executive sponsor with "that was the best meeting we've had in a long time."
    8. Begin immediate prep for the "small group" meeting in #6, which was the intent of the idea in #1.
     
  23. MA

    MA Surprisingly normal looking
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    Saying something is 3 "x" instead of 3 "times".

    As in, "we're 3 'x' their size."

    Guy was doing it in meeting this morning and I'm still angry about it.
     
  24. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb A donut without a hole, is a Danish.
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    Use 3 "x" all the time discussing investment returns
     
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  25. CUgator

    CUgator Well-Known Member
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    We have an “acronym lookup” excel doc that I was told to get familiar with when I started. It has 260 of them.
     
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  26. SP1

    SP1 Ball State #1
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    You don't have any stand-ups? For shame
     
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  27. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
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    Florida GatorsTampa Bay Rays

    Let’s put a pin in that self-study. Frankly, I’m not sure the ROI is there. I’d suggest pivoting to something that can allow the firm to illustrate the value prop we provide to our clients. Have a think on where you might be able to plant your flag, but make sure it is action-oriented and solution-driven. We don’t have the bandwidth to spend on table stakes.
     
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  28. TC

    TC What a fucking tool that guy is
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    I've been using "9 women can't make a baby in 1 month" like it's going out of style
     
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  29. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    Never had one of those!
     
  30. DriveByBBQ

    DriveByBBQ Well-Known Member
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    Let’s schedule a call for 4 o’clock on the Friday of the Masters.
     
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  31. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
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    Florida GatorsTampa Bay Rays

    Spoken like someone who can’t see the forest from the trees.
     
  32. DriveByBBQ

    DriveByBBQ Well-Known Member
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    They didn’t actually say those words, but I just got an invite and I’m chapped.
     
  33. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
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    Value prop? It’s now CVP, thanks for asking.
     
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  34. Michael Scofield

    Michael Scofield Well-Known Member
    Donor

    nm
     
    #635 Michael Scofield, Apr 11, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2019
    Boo MFer! likes this.
  35. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    Tampa Bay Rays

    SQL’s anyone?
     
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  36. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay Rays

    Michael Scofield, you may want to remove that, bud. Have to think that’s proprietary material.
     
    CUgator likes this.
  37. Joe_Pesci

    Joe_Pesci How can less be more? It's impossible
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    Wolfsburg

    how dead inside were the people who wrote that thought control packet?
     
  38. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay Rays

    You made the right decision to take it down. :twocents:
     
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  39. TC

    TC What a fucking tool that guy is
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    South Carolina GamecocksSeattle Supersonics

    Michael Scofield likes this.
  40. Michael Scofield

    Michael Scofield Well-Known Member
    Donor

    Yeah but notice I spoilered it, so nothing to worry about.

    But really, good looking out. I’m dumb sometimes. Removed it.
     
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  41. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
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    Florida GatorsTampa Bay Rays

    :respek: Would hate to see you lose your job over it. At a former job, I saw someone get termed for posting pictures on Facebook of a training document.
     
  42. og543ss

    og543ss ready to party? by party I mean smoke cigarettes
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    That’s low
     
  43. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
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    That's fine, pencils down is EOD today.
     
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  44. tjsblue

    tjsblue I was right at the time
    Donor

    :cerealkiller:

    To be fair I did it with a female that doesn't watch golf. I'm DVRing.
     
  45. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
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    Florida GatorsTampa Bay Rays

    Nice humblebrag here.
     
  46. racer

    racer Forecheck, Backcheck, Paycheck, buddy.
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    Outlook Invite:
    HR touch base
     
  47. MA

    MA Surprisingly normal looking
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    Given the difference in likes between these two posts, perhaps you should consider no longer doing that.
     
  48. TC

    TC What a fucking tool that guy is
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    South Carolina GamecocksSeattle Supersonics

    Yours has 6 x the likes of his
     
    TDCD, Kirk Fogg, Boo MFer! and 3 others like this.
  49. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
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    Florida State SeminolesChicago CubsReal Madrid

    Just had my annual review. Written doc had some corp speak, but the accompanying convo was completely free of it.

    I was shocked.
     
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