Corporate Speak Thread_2019-03_Finalv7-GB.PPTX

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Gin Buckets, May 6, 2015.

  1. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb A donut without a hole, is a Danish.
    Donor
    Nebraska CornhuskersChicago CubsChicago BullsDetroit LionsChicago BlackhawksTiger Woods

    Outside of that industry, it is dumb. In the industry, it is not.
     
  2. InZahnWeTrust

    InZahnWeTrust Well-Known Member
    Auburn TigersPhiladelphia PhilliesPhiladelphia 76'ersPhiladelphia EaglesPhiladelphia Flyers

    Cliffs?
     
  3. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
    Donor
    Iowa HawkeyesKansas City ChiefsVegas Golden KnightsArizona Hotshots

    Accountability for your capacity
     
    Boo MFer! likes this.
  4. tjsblue

    tjsblue I was right at the time
    Donor

    Long pole in the tent. I actually like that one.

    GBR
     
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  5. PCH

    PCH 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
    Donor
    Clemson TigersAtlanta BravesTiger Woods

    We're having a pow wow of a reply all email string.

    Just got the 10th email in 15 minutes. Someone has created an IT service ticket and somehow attached the entire company to it .10k employees.

    In addition to regular updates from IT on status updates, we also have people replying all to ask to be removed.


    5 more emails have been received since starting this post .

    7
     
  6. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! Creator of the 'Official Dads of TMB' thread.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay Rays

    “Hi, can everyone please stop replying all? Thanks!”

    “Oh, sorry!”

    “Oops, didn’t realize I was replying all.”

    “Guys, please stop replying all.”

    “Sorry, Deb!”
     
  7. PCH

    PCH 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
    Donor
    Clemson TigersAtlanta BravesTiger Woods

    Exactly
     
  8. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb A donut without a hole, is a Danish.
    Donor
    Nebraska CornhuskersChicago CubsChicago BullsDetroit LionsChicago BlackhawksTiger Woods

    We somehow had a company wide email at TD Ameritrade about a book club 10 years ago. Every single fucking employee. Hundreds of reply alls.
     
  9. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
    Donor
    Iowa HawkeyesKansas City ChiefsVegas Golden KnightsArizona Hotshots

    Memes on reply all are the worst of the worst.
     
  10. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! Creator of the 'Official Dads of TMB' thread.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay Rays

    LOL!!!

    36783DD4-CD7E-4E2D-80EF-81E588AAB62B.jpeg
     
  11. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
    Donor
    Iowa HawkeyesKansas City ChiefsVegas Golden KnightsArizona Hotshots

    [​IMG]
     
    Sub-Zero, tjsblue, slogan119 and 2 others like this.
  12. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
    Donor
    Iowa HawkeyesKansas City ChiefsVegas Golden KnightsArizona Hotshots

    You all have your inspirational quotes set up in your signature, right?

    Thank you,

    ”It’s about the amount of positive energy that you touch people with every day” - Himalayan Proverb.

    Racer
    the-mainboard.com
     
  13. tjsblue

    tjsblue I was right at the time
    Donor

    Yes,

    tjsblue
    cma, CPA, CMA, FSA, PMA, RSE, MBA, WTHYPOS, FOS
    -life is like a box of chocolates
     
    Kirk Fogg, Sub-Zero, PAHokie and 8 others like this.
  14. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! Creator of the 'Official Dads of TMB' thread.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay Rays

    Great posts!

    Boo MFer!, IMO IYAM GBR NFM
    Dad and Thread Starter
    The-Mainboard.com

    ***Please consider the environment before printing this email.***
     
  15. Drew63

    Drew63 Well-Known Member

    Do I need to give thirty days notice if my company asks for that? At a minimum I'm thinking 2-3 weeks but wanted to see if I should honor the 30 days
     
  16. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
    Donor
    Tampa Bay Rays

    I dont think 30 days is reasonable. 15-20 at the max.
     
  17. tjsblue

    tjsblue I was right at the time
    Donor

    I'm not the person to comment on this, but fuck no. 2 weeks is the usual standard. Unless you signed something when you were brought on or it was part of a written contract, no way beyond 2 weeks. I know when we hire someone, I'm not in the mood to wait around a month before they start so think about where you are going as well.

    My wife while she was there, they tried to have everyone sign a 30 day notice mandate. When she left I told her they can't enforce that as it was forced on them under duress. IE, if you didn't sign it, you'd fear for your job. Of course she did the 30 days anyway.
     
  18. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    Iowa HawkeyesKansas City ChiefsVegas Golden KnightsArizona Hotshots

    I think end of current month is fair if you’re wanting to go longer than 2.
     
  19. The Guglia

    The Guglia I Work in the City, and I Work Long Hours.
    Donor
    Clemson TigersAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta FalconsNew York RangersAtlanta United

    Amateur.

    Thoughts don’t need paper to take shape.
     
  20. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! Creator of the 'Official Dads of TMB' thread.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay Rays

    :roll:
     
  21. beist

    beist Hyperbolist
    Donor

    I signed an employment agreement that calls for 30 day notice. It specifies a severance package should I get laid off, otherwise I would have pushed back on signing it. It’s a standard agreement for my level. My company generally doesn’t hold people to it as far as I can tell.
     
  22. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! Creator of the 'Official Dads of TMB' thread.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay Rays

    Unless that’s a c-suite level, I would have told them to fuck off.
     
  23. beist

    beist Hyperbolist
    Donor

    I thought about it. It was definitely a shady move. The day I got promoted I got an email from GCO saying congrats on your promotion, here is your employment agreement. Sign it. I ignored the first two emails and they threatened to escalate. Ultimately I decided that if I left it would be to a competitor, in which case they would walk me out the door immediately, or to a client (I’m in consulting), in which case I’d become a potential customer and I’d have a lot of leverage. So I was willing to sign it to lock up the severance terms. Also if I quit and refuse to stay 30 days, I’m not sure what they could actually do to enforce it... maybe threaten to hold back accrued vacation or something.
     
    slogan119 and Boo MFer! like this.
  24. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! Creator of the 'Official Dads of TMB' thread.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay Rays

    “Sure, I’ll stay 30 days. And come in at noon and leave at 3:30 and fan my balls when I am there.”
     
    Kirk Fogg, FTK, tjsblue and 2 others like this.
  25. beist

    beist Hyperbolist
    Donor

    Shit I pretty much do that now.
     
  26. TC

    TC Tell me about your dream mosque
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksSeattle Supersonics

    Ball fanning’s an important part of the work day
     
    tjsblue likes this.
  27. beist

    beist Hyperbolist
    Donor

    It’s just a notch below playing phone games while pooping for me.
     
  28. HuskerInMiami

    HuskerInMiami Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Nebraska CornhuskersMiami HeatMiami Dolphins

    When I handed in my 2 weeks notice with a nice letter, they asked for my keys (company car/office) and if I had a ride home.
     
    Kirk Fogg likes this.
  29. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
    Donor
    Miami HurricanesUCF KnightsMiami MarlinsOrlando MagicMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersWWEUnited States Men's National Soccer TeamOrlando CityTennis

    have you hit all of the stages?

    1. people replying they don't know what it is
    2. people asking to unsubscribe to all
    3. sarcastic jokes and/or some Big Brain telling everyone not to reply to all.
    4. memes
    5. more unsubscribe requests
    6. someone chiming in they are having the same issue
    7. someone sarcastically chiming in they are having the same issue
    8. a few more unsubscribe requests
    9. some senior leader with a final unsubscribe request
     
  30. TC

    TC Tell me about your dream mosque
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksSeattle Supersonics

    Seriously though, why do people hit reply all :huh:
     
    PAHokie likes this.
  31. beist

    beist Hyperbolist
    Donor

    Honestly if I ever have to decide who gets laid off, I'm going back to the last reply all chain and starting with the people who reply. It's just horrible judgement.
     
    Ty Webb, slogan119 and PAHokie like this.
  32. TC

    TC Tell me about your dream mosque
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksSeattle Supersonics

    Related to reply all --

    Yesterday I got a Facebook invite to an event I won't be able to attend. Instead of writing my personal message on the event page for all to read like they give a fuck, I sent a text to the person inviting me. What a concept!
     
  33. THF

    THF Banned From Hogville for Being an Ass
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    Arkansas RazorbacksSan Francisco GiantsOklahoma City ThunderDallas CowboysSan Francisco 49'ersMontreal Impact

    I have one person in my office who is pretty insecure. She doesn't really have much to bring to the table from an insight/information perspective. So she overcompensates by trying to be more vocal. She "reply all" ANY CHANCE SHE GETS. I mean its most often, "Thank you!" or "Thats GREAT!".

    The President commented on a new logo design to say she liked the style, of course she responded "I totally agree!"

    Its infuriating.
     
  34. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
    Donor

    The people replying all asking to be removed should be the first to get boxes during layoffs
     
    PAHokie likes this.
  35. Goose

    Goose Hi
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesCincinnati RedsCincinnati BengalsTiger WoodsFC Cincinnati

    Goose, PMP

    :smug:
     
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  36. kslim

    kslim EMAW
    Donor
    Kansas State WildcatsKansas City RoyalsAtlanta BravesTampa Bay Buccaneers

    yep just lost everything in my computer reimaging including 7 bonuses I was writing for my guys
     
  37. Pasta88

    Pasta88 Canes, Bruins, Raps, Jays and Sunderland.
    Donor
    Miami HurricanesToronto Blue JaysToronto RaptorsBoston BruinsSunderland

    We have an “ask the CEO” portal where employees from around the world submit questions that the CEO answers every month or so.

    I hate browse it now and then and generally 75% of the questions are from employees in India. No, asking the CEO “what inspires you on a daily basis?” will not increase your chances of getting promoted/transferring to the US.
     
    Joe_Pesci, slogan119 and beist like this.
  38. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    Iowa HawkeyesKansas City ChiefsVegas Golden KnightsArizona Hotshots

    [​IMG]
     
    Ty Webb and gus_chiggins like this.
  39. PCH

    PCH 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
    Donor
    Clemson TigersAtlanta BravesTiger Woods

    Update : 170 emails in 3 hours.
     
    RegimentML, DriveByBBQ, Baron and 7 others like this.
  40. InZahnWeTrust

    InZahnWeTrust Well-Known Member
    Auburn TigersPhiladelphia PhilliesPhiladelphia 76'ersPhiladelphia EaglesPhiladelphia Flyers

    The best mass email chain that I’ve ever been on was when a customer emailed every vendor they had contacts with soliciting a quote but cc’d when they should have bcc’d. There were 100-200 vendors on the email, and when the first response provided a quote back, the rest of the chain proceeded to either talk shit about other vendors who said “this isn’t a good fit for us” or underbid each other in $0.01 increments until eventually someone dropped a link to their mix tape on soundcloud. This was in the freight brokerage world where only the utmost professionalism is to be expected.
     
  41. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington RedskinsAtlanta United

    "Please let me know your availability"

    "WED are you available Friday at 11am"

    LOOK AT MY FUCKING CALENDAR. IT IS PUBLIC AND SHARED WITH YOU. STOP ASKING ME 15 DIFFERENT TIMES AND PICK A SLOT
     
  42. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
    Donor
    Tampa Bay Rays

    It’s worse when someone just sends a blind meeting invite without looking or asking and then gets annoyed when you are booked.
     
    #692 War Grundle, Apr 17, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2019
  43. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
    Donor TMB OG
    Florida State SeminolesChicago CubsReal Madrid

    The amount of people who have ZERO idea of how to use calendars for requests is insane
     
  44. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
    Donor
    Iowa HawkeyesKansas City ChiefsVegas Golden KnightsArizona Hotshots

    People thinking it’s ok just to claim conference rooms but not book them in outlook is not ok.

    Idgaf if you usually use it now. I booked it because I have shit to do.
     
  45. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb A donut without a hole, is a Danish.
    Donor
    Nebraska CornhuskersChicago CubsChicago BullsDetroit LionsChicago BlackhawksTiger Woods

    You clearly don’t have something extra-important going on that the whole group just needs to know about.
     
    War Grundle and TC like this.
  46. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
    Donor

    And they'll always do this around lunchtime because everyone is usually available.. And send it like 4 minutes before noon. Fucking hate that shit. Leave your desk once in a while.
     
  47. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
    Donor
    Iowa HawkeyesKansas City ChiefsVegas Golden KnightsArizona Hotshots

    What’s an appropriate response time allowance before you start to loop in execs? 7 minutes? K thanks just wanted to validate.

    Give me a god damn second to review the issue before you + god damn everyone to escalate.

    /vent.
     
    Where Eagles Dare, TC, MA and 2 others like this.
  48. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
    Donor TMB OG
    Florida State SeminolesChicago CubsReal Madrid

    We’re a 7-day-a-week business, so my supervisors are off on Tues/Wed and Wed/Thurs.

    I know it’s not correct, but I feel like every issue waits until Wed to ask me instead of their supervisor. And they want face time with the bosses boss, thinking it’s good for them. The while time I’m thinking “Why are you fucking bothering me with this?”
     
    War Grundle likes this.
  49. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
    Donor
    Iowa HawkeyesKansas City ChiefsVegas Golden KnightsArizona Hotshots

    I manage teams that do support work for clients and their client management team and leadership go 0-100 in nearly every request.

    I’m about to use the 9 women baby thing on them.
     
    slogan119 and Boo MFer! like this.
  50. Pasta88

    Pasta88 Canes, Bruins, Raps, Jays and Sunderland.
    Donor
    Miami HurricanesToronto Blue JaysToronto RaptorsBoston BruinsSunderland

    The word “deliver” in a work context annoys me for some reason.