Corporate Speak Thread_2019-03_Finalv7-GB.PPTX

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Gin Buckets, May 6, 2015.

  1. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! Creator of the 'Official Dads of TMB' thread.
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    Nice.
     
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  2. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    Yup
     
  3. AHebrewToo

    AHebrewToo Albino Hebrew Extraordinaire
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    Why do we take people seriously that talk like that?
     
  4. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    I don’t
     
  5. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    Oh God that's obnoxious
     
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  6. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    Check out this doozy.

    "Our second set of priorities ... involves becoming more capable, leaner, more agile and less bureaucratic," CEO Ramon Laguarta said. "In doing so, we will drive down cost and that enables us to plow the savings back into the business to develop scale and sharpen core capabilities that drive even greater efficiency and effectiveness creating a virtuous cycle."

    https://www.businessinsider.com/pepsico-layoffs-begin-restructuring-plan-kicks-off-2019-2
     
  7. Henry Blake

    Henry Blake No Springsteen is leaving this house!

    PepsiCo also recently announced plans to restructure the organization and "relentlessly" invest in automation.
     
  8. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
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    I’m going to need to digest that
     
  9. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
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    Ping me when you get a chance to jump on a WebEx.
     
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  10. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
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    Know what else would cut costs? Not advertising all over Atlanta for the super bowl. But nah, make the company small so you can show revenue growth again. The consultants will be happy with that.
     
  11. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    Related. One of the biggest failings in corporate America is letting senior leadership get away with corporate speak about agility and efficiency when referring to layoffs (as that PepsiCo quote does). you know what makes things more agile and more efficient? More resources. I know there are cases for automation but generally speaking, you hear that shit all of the time for layoffs even in places where you actually just need people to do work. Cutting teams smaller does neither make things more efficient nor agile.
     
    #411 Sub-Zero, Feb 25, 2019
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2019
  12. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    Hear that phrase easily 2-3 times a day. That or GoToMeeting.


    Happened at my company last year. New VP comes in, lets go 25% of the staff, everyone else's plate gets bigger and working more hours and the work has suffered. We grow maybe 5% and then he gets rewarded for better profits for our investors. Meanwhile no one got raises last year and we worked longer hours to meet their growth demands. We ended up having 2-3 really talented people leave at the end of the year because of it.
     
  13. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
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    Holy hell - the cascading goals from my bosses boss and my boss are a verbal word vomit/diarrhea salad. No specifics or metrics.

    I’m getting an education in how to fail upwards. It is not lost upon me.
     
  14. Kirk Fogg

    Kirk Fogg "Tell them what they've won Olmec!"
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    Heard in a meeting today with a potential outside vendor: Right now you're driving a go kart, but just got asked to drive in the Indy 500, and you need someone to come in and at least make sure your wheels don't fall off during the first lap.

    For context, I'm an external consultant and have been asked by my client to sit in on conversations to help vet potential vendors...
     
  15. momux

    momux AFAM Scholar
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    I’m not going to deny that sometimes good performers get let go during these cutting seasons but I swear 20% of the staff at any F500 company I’ve worked with is basically useless at best and actively harming the org at worst.
     
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  16. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    Oh my god this
     
  17. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    I get that too but these also typically come with hiring freezes or limited or no headcount in times I've witnessed it. Layoffs have to come across departments to share instead of identifying those bottom performers straight up.

    I also noticed people will convince themselves that some let go are worse than they really were. A way of justifying it mentally I guess. Not that I blame anyone for that.

    Anyway my point was more about companies are more "agile" with more resources. You cant move quickly when people are overloaded. In my agency life they would talk about a.smaller office as "agile and can move quickly!" Which never made sense since they didn't have bandwidth to do new/more things.
     
  18. Corch

    Corch Take my energy.
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    I'm here to say GoToMeeting is a fucking garbage tool.
     
  19. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    We used to use Webex and never had any problems. After we got bought they tried to shove Skype/GoToMeeting down our throats. We bitched and complained hard enough and got it replaced with Zoom.

    Seems pretty good so far
     
  20. Joe_Pesci

    Joe_Pesci How can less be more? It's impossible
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    Zoom is awesome

    My only complaint is that when you join meetings, sometimes it automatically turns your webcam on, even if you have restricted application access to your webcam through your operating system
     
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  21. Corch

    Corch Take my energy.
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    We've talked about going to Zoom but I've never used it.
     
  22. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    Weird. I had this problem on webex but never have on Zoom
     
  23. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    Imagine a GoToMeeting that actually works and is user friendly
     
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  24. Corch

    Corch Take my energy.
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    That would be a relief. I've had to interview interns using GTM for the last two weeks and probably spent ten hours troubleshooting the fucking thing.
     
  25. Joe_Pesci

    Joe_Pesci How can less be more? It's impossible
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    It has to do with the way you join, I can't remember exactly. Some of the professors at my school use it to broadcast/record lectures. One time this woman didn't realize her webcam was on when she was "attending lecture remotely," so basically it was a live stream of her doing her makeup and shit getting ready to go out for the night. Awkward.
     
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  26. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
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    We’re a tech company, but every tech presentation is a shitshow, no matter the platform. It’s amazing.
     
  27. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    GoToMeeting hasn’t given me too many issues. I don’t care fir Skype for Business.
     
  28. BellottiBold

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    Any of your workplaces using teams?
    Good fucking hell do I loathe it
     
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  29. Simon Templar

    Simon Templar Well-Known Member

    We moved from Webex to google meet and that platform is so ducking awful. Audio is garbage.
     
  30. Drew63

    Drew63 Well-Known Member

    Yes I do. Why the hate? Works really well for me and my team
     
  31. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    We are on the Google platform so everything is a hangout. Works pretty well TBH.
     
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  32. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    I’m with you. Skype and email isn’t enough. Let’s add one more place I have to check for messages.
     
  33. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
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    We had Google, moved to Outlook. The switch was anything but smooth and the platform is awful, comparatively.

    But the savings were great - except we purchased Slack because Skype sucks, so any savings are likely a wash.
     
  34. Hatfield

    Hatfield Charlie don’t surf
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    Got asked this morning to develop some new SOPs for naming documents before saving them to our company server....:ceelo:
     
  35. IrishLAX2

    IrishLAX2 Dude's car got a little dinged up
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    Zoom is the goat. And there’s a toggle within settings to default keep camera off when you enter a meeting.
     
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  36. rcragg82

    rcragg82 Well-Known Member

    I'm a fan of Zoom. We were acquired so our tech stack is changing quite a bit. Going in a bad direction though:
    Zoom to WebEx
    Gmail to Outlook
    Gchat / hangouts to Jabber (awful)
    Concur to having to book flights/hotels through Concur
     
  37. Baron

    Baron Well-Known Member
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    Saw something about Microsoft Teams the other day, is that new?
     
  38. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    We use
    • Skype
    • Slack
    • Teams
    It's a lot of fun
     
  39. IrishLAX2

    IrishLAX2 Dude's car got a little dinged up
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    Zoom
    Slack
    Jira
    Confluence
    Workday
    Anaplan
    Expensify
    Salesforce
    Skilljar
    Tableau
    Greenhouse
    Outlook
    ...and even others based on department


    Literally all of the apps
     
  40. Corch

    Corch Take my energy.
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    We use Teams.

    Wish it was Slack.
     
  41. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    Our software engineers use slack.

    I hate how Skype chat clears out convos
     
  42. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    We use slack for just one department and it's actually a link to our regional counterparts. So it's like a side group. For that it works well. Basically a message board for a specific discipline.
     
  43. BellottiBold

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    The threading is infuriating to me. I hate how the threads collapse and expand. I hate the way "activity" works and how if you check a conversation update you won't see the previous conversation activity, just the message that triggered the alert (so you'll see that most recent message with no included context until you go back into the team). Etc
     
  44. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
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    Legit same boat, other than Jabber.

    Forgot about the hellish beast that is Concur
     
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  45. TC

    TC [expletive] strong ass post
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    We have a TMB PM that we all use and a Chatzy as well
     
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  46. Joe_Pesci

    Joe_Pesci How can less be more? It's impossible
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    i have this off and windows configured to ask my permission before using the webcam. it still turns on automatically sometimes. i think it's when i join via a link to the meeting rather than through zoom itself, but it's been a little while since i've used it.
     
  47. THF

    THF Banned From Hogville for Being an Ass
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    Zoom is the goat.

    Teams is shit compared to Slack. We loved Slack but they didn’t have a way to track enough of it so they moved us to Teams. I hate it.

    Expensify is the goat expense platform. I hated concur but expensify is so easy.

    Fuck Goto and that garbage POS.
     
  48. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
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    Used to also have it on WebEx and then it was updated. Now it doesn't.

    Also team concur sucks, don't get why sap bought them instead of one that doesn't suck.

    Jabber is.. Eh it's there.
     
  49. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
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    No okta or twillio?
     
  50. IrishLAX2

    IrishLAX2 Dude's car got a little dinged up
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    Microsoft for single sign on.

    Twilio looks funky. Could probably use this for client comms.
     
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