Corporate Speak Thread_2020-03_Finalv9-GB.PPTX

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Gin Buckets, May 6, 2015.

  1. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    Lol 69
     
  2. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington Football TeamAtlanta United

    You call into the dial in before you've opened the meeting.

    So you've called in, but haven't associated your number with a name
     
    goose likes this.
  3. BayouMafia

    BayouMafia slowly learning that life is ok
    Staff Donor
    FulhamLSU TigersNew Orleans SaintsTexas Rangers

    We use Arkadin as our teleconferencing software and it's great because you can upload your Outlook contacts and it will tell you who is talking based on phone number, which is especially useful when dumbasses forget to put their phone on mute and you have to publicly shame them.
     
    Arkadin likes this.
  4. ~ taylor ~

    ~ taylor ~ Boom... head shot.
    Donor TMB OG

    I just had a partner accidently refer to the client as "shorty" in an email to the client, and our receptionist suggest I check out the burgers at Fuddrucker's. Fucking Fuddrucker's!
     
    BellottiBold likes this.
  5. Hail Southern

    Hail Southern GATA Eagles!
    Donor
    Atlanta BravesAtlanta FalconsAtlanta UnitedGeorgia Southern EaglesUnited States Men's National Soccer Team

    if it's the same system we run then it's because he forgot his audio key
     
  6. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington Football TeamAtlanta United

    Make sure you get a milkshake
     
  7. ~ taylor ~

    ~ taylor ~ Boom... head shot.
    Donor TMB OG

    I'm not going to Fuddrucker's.
     
    AHebrewToo likes this.
  8. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington Football TeamAtlanta United

    Missing out on a great Burger and shake, bud
     
    AHebrewToo and Walt Disney like this.
  9. ~ taylor ~

    ~ taylor ~ Boom... head shot.
    Donor TMB OG

    I can't believe I'm going to Fuddrucker's.
     
  10. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
    Donor
    UCF KnightsMiami MarlinsOrlando MagicMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersWWEOrlando CityTennis

    Anyone in marketing/business ops/advertising/agency follow Adweak on twitter? It's so well done if you get it.

    ADWEAK ‏@adweak 24h24 hours ago
    BREAKING: Agency President Proudly Announces Office Will Close Early At 4:45 On Christmas Eve

    ADWEAK ‏@adweak Dec 14
    BREAKING: Client's IT Guy Tired Of Helping Agency Connect To The Fucking Projector

    ADWEAK ‏@adweak Dec 14
    BREAKING: Page In Presentation With Handful Of Social Media Logos Clearly Demonstrates Agency's Vast Social Expertise

    ADWEAK ‏@adweak Dec 9
    BREAKING: AdAge, Adweek Announce Plan To Continue To Use Word "Programmatic" As Often As Possible Next Year

    ADWEAK ‏@adweak Dec 9
    BREAKING: Client Just Nods As If She Understands What The Fuck Agency's Branding Diagram Means
     
    Joe_Pesci, 42yard, CC and 9 others like this.
  11. Hoss Bonaventure

    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    Has the incorrect use of "caveat" been discussed?
     
  12. Fancy

    Fancy thanks, i hate it
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    Oregon DucksSeattle MarinersSeattle SeahawksSeattle SupersonicsSeattle Kraken

    I work in FinTech so we have mandatory compliance meetings every now and then.

    Today the word "extrapolate" was used six (6!) times in a brief exchange between two people.
     
    BellottiBold and Hail Southern like this.
  13. Gin Buckets

    Gin Buckets Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Virginia Tech HokiesIndiana HoosiersAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta Falcons

    Not sure if I've mentioned it in this thread, I work for a pretty big retail company and sit in HQ. However, we don't call it "Headquarters" we call it the "Store Support Center." What grinds my gears about that is that they use "supporting the stores" as an argument to why we get literally the bare bones, legally allowed paid holidays. I've heard "It's our job to support the stores, so we have to be open when they are open in order to do that properly."

    I've never, not a single time, had to do anything that directly affects the stores.... However, I'll check into this thread on Christmas Eve when I'm diligently supporting the stores. :chan:
     
  14. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
    Donor
    UCF KnightsMiami MarlinsOrlando MagicMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersWWEOrlando CityTennis

    That's so fucking shitty. About as good of an example of "look at us smart leadership buzz words" as I've ever seen.

    Because I'm sure it really eats at cashier Linda that Joe in Marketing may not be in today.
     
    Boo MFer! and Gin Buckets like this.
  15. Goose

    Goose Hi
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesCincinnati BearcatsCincinnati RedsCincinnati BengalsDayton FlyersTiger WoodsFC CincinnatiBarAndGrill

    I know where you work :peekaboo:
     
  16. Gin Buckets

    Gin Buckets Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Virginia Tech HokiesIndiana HoosiersAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta Falcons

    :welpseeyalater:
     
  17. Gin Buckets

    Gin Buckets Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Virginia Tech HokiesIndiana HoosiersAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta Falcons

    What's the format of everyone's signature at work? I hope no TMBers have anything about being green in it.
     
  18. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
    Donor
    UCF KnightsMiami MarlinsOrlando MagicMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersWWEOrlando CityTennis

    NAME IN BOLD ALL CAPS
    TITLE CAPS

    COMPANY NAME BOLDED CAPS
    #### ADDRESS STILL IN CAPS
    SMYRNA, GA #####
    T: ###-###-#### | C: ###-###-####
    OURWEBSITEALLCAPS.COM | @SOCIALINCAPS
    @Mysocialnotincaps

    (Logo for being an Atlanta Top Workplace)
     
  19. Redav

    Redav My favorite meat is hotdog
    Donor

    They made us all go to a uniform one recently.

    Name I Position I Department
    Office Phone | Email
    Office Street Address I Office City, State and Zip I Company website
    *Company Logo*

    All of my emails go to other employees so no idea why most of that shit is necessary.
     
  20. Goose

    Goose Hi
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesCincinnati BearcatsCincinnati RedsCincinnati BengalsDayton FlyersTiger WoodsFC CincinnatiBarAndGrill

    Name
    Title
    Company

    Phone
    Cell
    Fax (I have never used a fax machine)
    Email

    Various links to our website, FB, etc

    Slogan
     
    Corch likes this.
  21. skiedfrillet

    skiedfrillet It's not a lie if you believe it.
    Donor
    Clemson Tigers

    Company Logo/Tag line
    Name Title

    Company Address
    City, State, Zip
    email
    office # cell #
    website

    everyone has the same here
     
  22. Fancy

    Fancy thanks, i hate it
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    Oregon DucksSeattle MarinersSeattle SeahawksSeattle SupersonicsSeattle Kraken

    **my first name in script**


    SUPERSICK | Full Name
    COMPANY | Title
    LOGO | Email
    HERE | Phone

    Privacy disclaimer n legal stuff


    I know, I know...

    [​IMG]
     
    Flagpole likes this.
  23. Kirk Fogg

    Kirk Fogg "Tell them what they've won Olmec!"
    Donor TMB OG

    Name
    Company
    Cell#
    Email address
    Company Social Media Icons
     
  24. Tony Ray Bans

    Tony Ray Bans Most Overlooked. Most Overbooked.
    Texas Tech Red RaidersDallas Cowboys

    Name - Company name Security Specialist
    Company Name - Company Divison - Security Solutions
    email address
    Work number - Mobile number
    Address
    Links to various products I sell
     
  25. KJROD20

    KJROD20 the ends will justify the means.
    Boston Red SoxBoston CelticsNew York RangersSeton Hall Pirates

    Name
    Title
    Company
    Address
    Number | Email
    Logo
     
  26. ohhaithur

    ohhaithur e-Batman
    Donor

    My Name
     
  27. Corch

    Corch Hmm surprised you didn't know that
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesDenver NuggetsCleveland BrownsColorado State RamsCleveland CavaliersCleveland Indians

    Name, designation
    Job title
    Company
    Email
    Phone, Fax
    Address
     
  28. Gin Buckets

    Gin Buckets Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Virginia Tech HokiesIndiana HoosiersAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta Falcons

    Gin Buckets

    MANAGER
    [COMPANY]
    Indiana (Kelley) 2012 MBA Graduate
    upload_2016-3-30_22-0-28.png (But actually me)
    777 Cleveland Steamer Court (But real address)
    Atlanta, GA 30***
    Phone: (70*) 28*-****
    DOB: January 15, 19**
    Interests: Work, College Football, Surfing, Modeling
    Favorite Food: Roast Beef ;-)
    Favorite Color: Clear
    Dislikes: Going SLOW in the FAST lane.
    I am a hardworking A+ professional with a desire to fill your needs like a champion.


    ** Be GREEN and think TWICE before printing this email message. And slowly but surely, one step at a time, together WE will save the world **
     
    Name P. Redacted likes this.
  29. Baron

    Baron Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Cincinnati BearcatsAlabama Crimson TideCincinnati RedsCincinnati BengalsTiger WoodsFC Cincinnati

    I always wanna punch the person who likes to use the word "bake".

    "I really think we should bake that into the current process."
     
  30. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    This post isn't fully baked, IMO. Let's level set here, bud.
     
    Baron and Sub-Zero like this.
  31. Corch

    Corch Hmm surprised you didn't know that
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesDenver NuggetsCleveland BrownsColorado State RamsCleveland CavaliersCleveland Indians

    I started my job a little over a month ago and "deliverables" is our ridiculously overused buzz word.
     
  32. Gin Buckets

    Gin Buckets Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Virginia Tech HokiesIndiana HoosiersAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta Falcons

    By the way... I made this to make fun of a friend in a listserv who had a ridiculously over-the-top signature... The one I'm required to use is uniform across the company and pretty standard.
     
  33. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington Football TeamAtlanta United

    Oh and a big fuck you to all the pieces of shit out there that don't put your phone number in your signature or have zero reply signature.

    I know you do that specifically so people can't call you, you lazy fuck wit
     
  34. leroi

    leroi Rival Shark Boat Captain
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksCarolina PanthersChicago BearsGrateful DeadUnited States Men's National Soccer TeamFiorentinaSoutheastern Conference

    yeah fuck those people

    :welpseeyalater:
     
    Sub-Zero and Where Eagles Dare like this.
  35. infected donkey

    infected donkey Arkansas Razorbacks
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksChicago CubsAvengersBarAndGrillSoutheastern Conference

    Ehh my phone number is in outlook, or you can just page me via outlook you lazy fuck.

    ***disclaimer if it's an internal email which 95% of mine are otherwise you get my office phone# only**
     
    #135 infected donkey, Mar 31, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2016
  36. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington Football TeamAtlanta United

    But if you're not in the same company. ....
     
    Gin Buckets and goose like this.
  37. Goose

    Goose Hi
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesCincinnati BearcatsCincinnati RedsCincinnati BengalsDayton FlyersTiger WoodsFC CincinnatiBarAndGrill

    Can't do this if they work for a different company
     
    Gin Buckets likes this.
  38. Redav

    Redav My favorite meat is hotdog
    Donor

    I've never understood why we have to include our email address in our signature. If you're getting an email from me, you have my email address.
     
  39. Gin Buckets

    Gin Buckets Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Virginia Tech HokiesIndiana HoosiersAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta Falcons

    I've never thought of it like that. I think it's the formality. That and it doesn't always say the email address, it says your name. If you had to give it to someone, you wouldn't have it as readily available as just scrolling down to a signature? :idk:
     
  40. Koby Salman

    Koby Salman Well-Known Member

    Thoughts on people that do this

    Jim Johnson CPA (inactive)
     
  41. Tony Ray Bans

    Tony Ray Bans Most Overlooked. Most Overbooked.
    Texas Tech Red RaidersDallas Cowboys

    I really don't like when people have some quote in their signature. Like company slogans etc I totally get but when JUST Janice from accounting has ""A road runs both directions" - Russian Proverb" at the bottom of every message, I always think its corny af
     
  42. infected donkey

    infected donkey Arkansas Razorbacks
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksChicago CubsAvengersBarAndGrillSoutheastern Conference

    Put my disclaimer in there. Had to hop in shower
     
  43. Redav

    Redav My favorite meat is hotdog
    Donor

    ~If you fail to plan, plan to fail~

    ^at the bottom of an email I got from an upper level manager one time
     
    Sub-Zero and Tony Ray Bans like this.
  44. Gin Buckets

    Gin Buckets Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Virginia Tech HokiesIndiana HoosiersAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta Falcons

    Yes. Terrible.
     
    Tony Ray Bans likes this.
  45. leroi

    leroi Rival Shark Boat Captain
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksCarolina PanthersChicago BearsGrateful DeadUnited States Men's National Soccer TeamFiorentinaSoutheastern Conference

    I could only approve of it if the quotes were ominous and anti-establishment.

    e.g.

    "A fish always rots from the head down" - Russian Proverb

    "Let us wage a moral and political war against the billionaires and corporate leaders, on Wall Street and elsewhere, whose policies and greed are destroying the middle class of America." - Bernie Sanders

    "Freedom in capitalist society always remains about the same as it was in ancient Greek republics: Freedom for slave owners." - Vladimir Lenin
     
    Joe_Pesci, TC, Craig Pettis and 2 others like this.
  46. Capstone 88

    Capstone 88 Going hard in the paint
    Donor
    Alabama Crimson TideAtlanta BravesTennessee TitansNashville Predators2pac

    I received an email one time from a woman that put BS/BA in her signature. Congrats on the Bachelor degree, maam
     
    eHo, Baron, Sub-Zero and 2 others like this.
  47. Gin Buckets

    Gin Buckets Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Virginia Tech HokiesIndiana HoosiersAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta Falcons

    The idiots in my business school basically did all of these things mentioned itt.
     
  48. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
    Donor
    UCF KnightsMiami MarlinsOrlando MagicMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersWWEOrlando CityTennis

    i still make fun of anyone who puts MBA in their signature past maybe the first 6 months cause you're excited.

    it's on my resume, that's it.
     
    ramszoolander and Goose like this.
  49. Pirasea

    Pirasea Well-Known Member
    Donor
    East Carolina Pirates

    One of the partners here has multiple certifications. She makes sure every damn one is listed in her email and anything else she signs her name on, shit looks like alphabet soup behind her name.
     
  50. Goose

    Goose Hi
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesCincinnati BearcatsCincinnati RedsCincinnati BengalsDayton FlyersTiger WoodsFC CincinnatiBarAndGrill

    People here do the PMP. I saw a "Douche Bag, MBA, PMP" the other day