Corporate Speak Thread_2020-03_Finalv9-GB.PPTX

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Gin Buckets, May 6, 2015.

  1. Corch

    Corch Hmm surprised you didn't know that
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    I fucking ripped my boss to death on our employee engagement survey.
     
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  2. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
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    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    Jan Levinson-Gould: Sports metaphors are one of the ways women feel left out of the language of the office. Now, I know this might sound silly, but many women ask to go over it, so, "fumble" means...
    Phyllis: Mistake.
    Meredith: Slip.
    Jan Levinson-Gould: Right. "Par for the course" is a golf term. It means "right on track." "Below par" means "worse." Wait. That should mean better. That doesn't make sense.
    Kelly Kapoor: What about "second base"? Like, if Michael said he got to second base with you, does that mean you, like, closed a deal?
    Jan Levinson-Gould: Excuse me?
    Kelly Kapoor: I mean, that's a baseball term, right?
    Jan Levinson-Gould: I don't know what Michael was talking about. I don't know.
     
  3. Redav

    Redav My favorite meat is hotdog
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    Some in our organization got certified.
     
    #253 Redav, Jul 9, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2019
  4. Bruce Wayne

    Bruce Wayne Billionaire Playboy
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    Michigan Wolverines

    How much work is involved getting certified? Is it worth it?
     
  5. Redav

    Redav My favorite meat is hotdog
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    Like a week of classes. I don't really use. I guess it depends on what your company wants to do with it
     
  6. Mr. Bean

    Mr. Bean Well-Known Member

     
  7. Zebbie

    Zebbie Hey Mike, guess what I have in my underwear?
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    I'm insane now
     
  8. BellottiBold

    Donor
    Oregon Ducks

    You have got to be kidding me
     
  9. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    Thats amazing.
     
  10. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    Saw this comic. Thought of this thread.

    [​IMG]
     
  11. OHW

    OHW Well-Known Member
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    tech company term that's really starting to get to me - calling the testing environment the sandbox

    "Is that through QA yet?"

    "It hasn't made it there, it's still in our sandbox."

    *shoots up office*
     
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  12. leroi

    leroi Rival Shark Boat Captain
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    i can top that, i think

    when i joined my current org i realized everyone referred to the testing environment as the "production environment," like where people "produce things."

    i tried to explain that the term "production environment" typically refers to the live environment and is explicitly not for testing, and got: "Uh well that's what we call it here."
     
  13. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    my biggest pet peeve term right now is the misuse of the word "insight".

    I'm sorry creative department...but you googling shit and coming back with "Millennials use their smart devices a lot" (or some other readily available common knowledge) isn't insightful and doesnt make you sound smart. Apparently we have a lot of people by saying "we provide insights" makes them sound smarter.
     
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  14. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    That makes no fucking sense
     
  15. Tony Ray Bans

    Tony Ray Bans Most Overlooked. Most Overbooked.
    Texas Tech Red RaidersDallas Cowboys

    That is hilarious. They could have chosen any weird name to call test/dev but they chose the only word that literally means the opposite of what they mean.
     
  16. Baron

    Baron Well-Known Member
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    do you work for a startup?
     
  17. leroi

    leroi Rival Shark Boat Captain
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    nope
     
  18. Larry Sura

    Larry Sura Tuyuq. Fratzy
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    It's all about that problem, insight, solution.
     
  19. OHW

    OHW Well-Known Member
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    seems like it's only a matter of time until this causes a big problem with someone new
     
  20. BayouMafia

    BayouMafia slowly learning that life is ok
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    I mean you can do some fucked up shit and be like what the fuck but test is test and production is production
     
  21. Tony Ray Bans

    Tony Ray Bans Most Overlooked. Most Overbooked.
    Texas Tech Red RaidersDallas Cowboys

    I feel bad for people new to the industry that work there and will have learned things totally backwards. Not to mention how hard their job has to be when they call customers and sound like they have no idea what they are talking about because they switch those terms. I feel like it wouldn't matter how hard you insist Production is test/dev lol
     
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  22. Flagpole

    Flagpole ps your cunt is in the sink
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    Can't believe it is already March! Wow!
     
  23. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    Agree our developers say it. Started putting it on marketing materials forcing us to have to explain what the fuck that means at conferences and meetings.
     
  24. BellottiBold

    Donor
    Oregon Ducks

    You can't be a developer without using "sandbox" regularly. But yea I can see how it is annoying as fuck
     
  25. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
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    This thread needs to be more lean. Who wants to oversee a kaizen event to find muda and identify some areas ripe for process improvement? Where are our Six Sigma blackbelts. Are you all in?!
     
    dukebuckeye, Redav and Corch like this.
  26. OHW

    OHW Well-Known Member
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    You know what works better than Kaizen to find inefficiency? Give the task to the laziest member on your team. They're the best at finding steps you can skip. <3 lazy team members so much
     
  27. Baron

    Baron Well-Known Member
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    These are all hot button items.
     
  28. OHW

    OHW Well-Known Member
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    Nebraska CornhuskersSan Francisco Giants

    "When do we need this by?"

    "End of March, but our drop dead date is 4/15."

    "So 4/15, but 3/31 if possible? Got it."
     
  29. Corch

    Corch Hmm surprised you didn't know that
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    Even though I'm out of corporate I hate how much I still relate to this thread
     
  30. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
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    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    You're not in corporate? Maybe stay in your swim lane.
     
  31. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    Well who's got the bogey on this then? We can take this offline.
     
  32. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
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    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    Thread title still makes me laugh whenever I see it.
     
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  33. ohhaithur

    ohhaithur e-Batman
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    Time flies when you're having fun amiright!
     
  34. pbfp2008

    pbfp2008 Angry Ol' Man
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    Each team has a silo'd approach when we'd get far better ROI if there was a cross-collaborative effort across the enterprise.
     
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  35. dukebuckeye

    dukebuckeye P.G.I.T
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    Sent: 3/29/2017 4:37:44 PM
    Subject: Caution!! Buliding 2 / Building 3 Courtyard

    To All Building 2 andBuilding 3 Tenants:

    A Canadian goose has laid her eggs in the courtyard between the buildings near the pond. Unfortunately, we cannot displace the eggs at this time because of the Federal Law, the Migratory Bird Act, as well as the Ohio Revised Code. We will need a permit from ODNR to move eggs and we do not have one as of yet. Please use caution if walking in or through the courtyard, as you may know, geese are known to be aggressive if they feel threatened. We have been told the geese may stay there for approximately 40-45 days. We apologize for this inconvenience.

    Thank you.
     
  36. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
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    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    Thank you for sharing this. It's about time that we start cross collaborating on communication instead of working in silos.
     
  37. Fecta23

    Fecta23 Well-Known Member
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    Taking this "offline" doesnt even make sense. One of my top 5 least favorite.
     
  38. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
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    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    Wut? It's related to conference calls. Take it off the phone...off the line...offline.
     
  39. Fecta23

    Fecta23 Well-Known Member
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    I hear it used in person 90 percent of the time. Someone asks a question during the meeting and they say " I can answer this offline", which doesnt make sense because you were not on the line.
     
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  40. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
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    Right. It's colloquially used now to mean in a later setting.
     
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  41. steamengine

    steamengine I don’t want to press one for English!
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    Sometimes it's necessary to let the team know you're playing devil's advocate before you declare that it may indeed need to be taken offline.
     
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  42. Mitch Cumstein

    Mitch Cumstein yells at cloud
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    a lot of blocking and tackling today
     
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  43. Mitch Cumstein

    Mitch Cumstein yells at cloud
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  44. Mitch Cumstein

    Mitch Cumstein yells at cloud
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    swim lanes
     
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  45. Mitch Cumstein

    Mitch Cumstein yells at cloud
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  46. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
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    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    This guy clearly doesn't have enough skin in the game. Team, let's level set and work on a PIP (performance improvement plan) for Mitch.
     
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  47. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

  48. OHW

    OHW Well-Known Member
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    Nebraska CornhuskersSan Francisco Giants

    When we have to put an emergency bug fix or something else into production, it's called an Emergency Deployment. Everyone calls it an "emer" for short. Just in the past couple of weeks, I've seen people writing it in emails as E-mer. It makes me feel angry.
     
  49. Mitch Cumstein

    Mitch Cumstein yells at cloud
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    Sorry. I was on mute.
     
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  50. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    "HAHA! We were wondering if you fell asleep on us!"
     
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