Corporate Speak Thread_2020-03_Finalv9-GB.PPTX

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Gin Buckets, May 6, 2015.

  1. Mitch Cumstein

    Mitch Cumstein yells at cloud
    Donor
    Boston BruinsTampa Bay BuccaneersBoston Red SoxMinnesota Golden GophersNew England PatriotsFlorida State SeminolesBoston CelticsJacksonville Jaguars

    And there I was just rambling on and on
     
    tjsblue, Bay Bandit, Sub-Zero and 2 others like this.
  2. BayouMafia

    BayouMafia slowly learning that life is ok
    Staff Donor
    FulhamLSU TigersNew Orleans SaintsTexas Rangers

    I had an employee from Puerto Rico once who had a very good but not 100% grasp of the English language. In a meeting he told a senior Vice President "we can take it outside" rather than "offline." Hilarity ensued
     
  3. steamengine

    steamengine I don’t want to press one for English!
    Donor
    Houston AstrosHouston RocketsLiverpoolTexas Tech Red Raiders altHouston Oilers

    I was over here just talking to myself!
     
  4. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
    Donor
    UCF KnightsMiami MarlinsOrlando MagicMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersWWEOrlando CityTennis

    You guys wouldn't believe how smart I sounded!
     
  5. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    Oh God, that is perfect.
     
  6. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
    Donor
    UCF KnightsMiami MarlinsOrlando MagicMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersWWEOrlando CityTennis

    A good free space would be "it's (insert name)" on a conference call with 4 people where everyone knows each other's voices. You know what I mean. The person who says it before every comment they make like we don't know who you are.
     
    AHebrewToo likes this.
  7. TDCD

    TDCD Handling the Fisher account
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesConnecticut HuskiesBoston Red SoxNew England Patriots

    I've never seen anyone screenshare without a 'can everyone see my screen?'
     
  8. J.R. Bob Dobbs

    J.R. Bob Dobbs Fan of: Firing Coaches, Cutting Players

    any of you corporate types hiring JDs for anything?
     
  9. Gin Buckets

    Gin Buckets Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Virginia Tech HokiesIndiana HoosiersAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta Falcons

    Probably time for a thread title update.
     
    Joe_Pesci likes this.
  10. Kirk Fogg

    Kirk Fogg "Tell them what they've won Olmec!"
    Donor TMB OG

    Are you owning the master right now?

    Also the only square I can think that's missing from the Bingo is "Hey ______, could you stay on the line for a minute after we wrap up?"
     
    tjsblue, Capstone 88 and Gin Buckets like this.
  11. The Guglia

    The Guglia I Work in the City, and I Work Long Hours.
    Donor
    Clemson TigersAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta FalconsNew York RangersAtlanta United

    Any of the LCD departments of the Big Banks will hire JDs. Wells Fargo probably has quite a few MRAs they need to clean up.
     
  12. TDCD

    TDCD Handling the Fisher account
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesConnecticut HuskiesBoston Red SoxNew England Patriots

    Not quite what this thread was about, but wanted to vent on these terrible 'inspirational' quotes I keep seeing on linkedIn.

    Here's the latest:

    'If you think waking up, grabbing a warm cup of coffee, getting into the office around 8:30, checking your fantasy league & going home by 6 is working hard, then congratulations - you're going to be average the rest of your life.'

    I would argue that quantifying someone as 'average' based on them not working 100 hours a week and having interests outside of their career would be a much worse outcome than the above. Also, does posting/reposting quotes on linkedIn count as part of these people's 100 hours?
     
  13. Joe_Pesci

    Joe_Pesci lying dog-faced pony soldier
    Donor
    Wolfsburg

    i feel like people who post that shit are just trying to justify working a job they don't like very much

    plus there's some irony in taking a shot at fantasy football while shitposting on linkedin
     
  14. J.R. Bob Dobbs

    J.R. Bob Dobbs Fan of: Firing Coaches, Cutting Players

    just to make sure LCD = Legal and Compliance right?
     
  15. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
    Donor TMB OG
    Florida State SeminolesChicago CubsReal Madrid

    Sorry you're not good enough to get your work done in the lesser amount of time that I am.

    I always tell people "Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better."
     
    Prospector, tjsblue, Sub-Zero and 2 others like this.
  16. Gin Buckets

    Gin Buckets Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Virginia Tech HokiesIndiana HoosiersAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta Falcons

    The people posting that shit are definitely justifying, and I doubt they are much above average. You don't see folks who've "made it" it posting shit like that unless there's some ulterior motive to make the people working for them work harder.
     
    Kirk Fogg, Sub-Zero and Joe_Pesci like this.
  17. Gin Buckets

    Gin Buckets Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Virginia Tech HokiesIndiana HoosiersAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta Falcons

    Anyone watch the movie "The Circle" yet?

    Obvious issues with the movie aside, I'm bringing this movie up for when things are going well. So much cringe.
     
    Tony Ray Bans likes this.
  18. Gin Buckets

    Gin Buckets Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Virginia Tech HokiesIndiana HoosiersAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta Falcons

    Also, while searching for this thread, I found a thread I started that featured this video. This is while I was an ECLP intern at GE back in 2011. :facepalm: :loldog:

     
  19. Zebbie

    Zebbie Hey Mike, guess what I have in my underwear?
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersChicago CubsLos Angeles ChargersTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    Shoulda replied with something like "Just wanted to be the first to congratulate you on the inevitable work burnout coming your way"

    Life's too short to constantly be working 70-80 hour weeks, fuck a load of that shit.
     
    tjsblue, Mookie Blaylock and TC like this.
  20. Tony Ray Bans

    Tony Ray Bans Most Overlooked. Most Overbooked.
    Texas Tech Red RaidersDallas Cowboys

    It did an ok job capturing some of the bad things about where I work but the movie was in general pretty shitty.
     
  21. pbfp2008

    pbfp2008 Angry Ol' Man
    Donor
    Kansas JayhawksKansas City RoyalsKansas City ChiefsArmy Black KnightsBig 8 Conference

    Conversely, the 200 employee department conference calls when a person calls in and says "so and so has joined." Dumbass, there are two hundred people on the call.
     
    Sub-Zero likes this.
  22. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington Football TeamAtlanta United

    Nothing annoys me more than people who call in and don't properly assign their call in to the user name.

    Call in #1
    Through
    Call in #14

    Jesus fuck, webex is not that hard
     
  23. Mitch Cumstein

    Mitch Cumstein yells at cloud
    Donor
    Boston BruinsTampa Bay BuccaneersBoston Red SoxMinnesota Golden GophersNew England PatriotsFlorida State SeminolesBoston CelticsJacksonville Jaguars

    I know this one well. We have two weekly calls that half my team fails to use properly. And, even more annoying is that the "call me" feature is available. Log in and hit call me. Nope.
     
    tjsblue and Where Eagles Dare like this.
  24. TDCD

    TDCD Handling the Fisher account
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesConnecticut HuskiesBoston Red SoxNew England Patriots

    I don't like how the 'mute' and 'toggle video' buttons are right next to each other on webex

    Was wfh today shirtless in bed on a call. Accidentally turning my video on would not have been cool.
     
  25. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    Had a similar thing happen once, but I was wearing basketball shorts and a shitty t-shirt. I was home, sitting on my couch and tried calling someone with my soft phone. I could hear she picked up, but couldn't hear anything else, so I kept calling. Finally I gave up and emailed her, to which she replied, "Sorry we couldn't connect. The weirdest part was I could see you talking over your camera, but couldn't hear you."

    A post it note immediately went over the camera.
     
    tjsblue likes this.
  26. oknole

    oknole MC OG
    Donor TMB OG
    Florida State SeminolesTexas RangersOklahoma City ThunderTampa Bay Buccaneers

    PPTX has been the file extension since Office 2007, so I agree.
     
    steamengine likes this.
  27. OHW

    OHW Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG
    Nebraska CornhuskersSan Francisco Giants

    Being WebEx morons in 2017 is unacceptable.

    "OK Jim, I just passed control over to you."

    "Yup yup, now how do I share my screen again?"

    :facepalm: 5 minutes of walking dipshit Jim through how to share his screen

    He ends up sharing an application on two different monitors so you can't tell what he's actually sharing.
     
  28. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington Football TeamAtlanta United

    "Of course the document I'm opening opened on my wrong screen"
     
  29. dukebuckeye

    dukebuckeye P.G.I.T
    Donor TMB OG
    Ohio State BuckeyesCleveland BrownsColumbus Blue JacketsCleveland CavaliersCleveland Indians

    Email I just received. Flooded with corporate speak.

    "Thanks for catching me up to speed on this. For that particular issue we are working to re-align with the manager and get a few items straightened out so we’re not going to be adding any fuel to the fire at this time.


    I would be happy to stay in touch with you should that change and feel free to circle back with us in about a month to check in.This is a very high priority in our organization but we need to get a solid foundation established first.


    Best,"
     
  30. Hail Southern

    Hail Southern GATA Eagles!
    Donor
    Atlanta BravesAtlanta FalconsAtlanta UnitedGeorgia Southern EaglesUnited States Men's National Soccer Team

    Someone has been watching our thread it seems
     
  31. steamengine

    steamengine I don’t want to press one for English!
    Donor
    Houston AstrosHouston RocketsLiverpoolTexas Tech Red Raiders altHouston Oilers

    "I think that's right" in response to literally everything when someone doesn't know the answer is an emerging one in this political and corporate climate where less and less people have any clue what the right answer is.
     
    ohhaithur, Redav and Bruce Wayne like this.
  32. TDCD

    TDCD Handling the Fisher account
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesConnecticut HuskiesBoston Red SoxNew England Patriots

    Jira is such a pos application

    it's slow as hell, the ui is not intuitive at all and it goes down all the time.
     
    RegimentML and OHW like this.
  33. OHW

    OHW Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG
    Nebraska CornhuskersSan Francisco Giants

    Once you get the hang of it, it's pretty useful. The problem is that it takes for fucking ever for most people to understand all the functionality and the logic behind how everything works. My team prefers TFS even though it has a lot less functionality, but it's Microsoft so the logic is familiar.
     
    RescueWho??? likes this.
  34. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
    Donor
    UCF KnightsMiami MarlinsOrlando MagicMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersWWEOrlando CityTennis

    Alright guys let's be proactive with our approach this year so we aren't putting out fire drill after fire drill in 2018. Let's get some time on the calendar to set up some planning working sessions.

    [sets calendar]

    [punts on working session to put out fires]
     
    Smalldo, Kirk Fogg, Corch and 7 others like this.
  35. TDCD

    TDCD Handling the Fisher account
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesConnecticut HuskiesBoston Red SoxNew England Patriots

    The slowness kills me. Also the comment pop-ups every time I update a ticket status. Is there a way to turn that off?
     
  36. OHW

    OHW Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG
    Nebraska CornhuskersSan Francisco Giants

    You pry have a newer version because we don't get popups. We have email updates though, which I filter to the trash.
     
  37. TDCD

    TDCD Handling the Fisher account
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesConnecticut HuskiesBoston Red SoxNew England Patriots

    I need to do that. I wake up every morning with 20 emails informing me that a ticket was moved to test, then done, then back to ready for review, then reassigned, etc. :chan:
     
    DuffandMuff likes this.
  38. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    I don’t know what you guys are even talking about.
     
    Kirk Fogg and Baron like this.
  39. BellottiBold

    Donor
    Oregon Ducks

    Jira is an Atlassian product for project management.

    TDCD are you using it hosted?

    Also one thing to note is that workflows are fully customizable but that a lot of people in my experience suck at doing *that*.
     
  40. TDCD

    TDCD Handling the Fisher account
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesConnecticut HuskiesBoston Red SoxNew England Patriots

    What do you mean by hosted?
     
  41. Redav

    Redav My favorite meat is hotdog
    Donor

    Lol I do this with a lot of emails that I can't get people to quit sending me. So efficient.
     
  42. $P1

    $P1 Ball State #1
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    Michigan WolverinesChicago CubsLos Angeles LakersChicago BearsWest Ham UnitedBall State Cardinals

    Ding ding ding...if you don't have a JIRA administration expert in house, you're never going to get it anywhere near optimized. It's a really shitty product unless you have people that know how to make it functional for different business needs. I use it as a workflow tool for my team, as does our IT department, but we also use it for project management, department websites, and various other things.
     
    BellottiBold and OHW like this.
  43. TDCD

    TDCD Handling the Fisher account
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesConnecticut HuskiesBoston Red SoxNew England Patriots

    Also why does 'test' go before 'peer review' on the agile board?

    For us, 'test' means something is in our testing environment, meaning it has already been peer reviewed.

    If this can be changed let me know. It would really make my day
     
  44. BellottiBold

    Donor
    Oregon Ducks

    Oh sorry.
    Basically does your organization use it as a service hosted by Atlassian or do you run your own install of it in-house.

    I don't totally remember at the moment but there may be differences in the level of available customization between those two.

    Anyway my workplace uses it, but we have our own install and heavily customized workflows.
     
  45. TDCD

    TDCD Handling the Fisher account
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesConnecticut HuskiesBoston Red SoxNew England Patriots

    Our own version

    The domain is jira.<company name>.com and our logo is all over the site
     
  46. BrickTamland

    BrickTamland You're not Ron...
    Donor
    Florida State Seminoles

    Currently 28min into a training module entitled, “Understanding and managing your Unconscious Bias” with 19min still remaining.

    Micro-advantages...

    Micro-inequities...

    [​IMG]
     
  47. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    Sounds like macro-fun. :yolo:
     
  48. Born Again Lefty

    Born Again Lefty Respect The Pouch
    Donor TMB OG
    Miami HurricanesNew England Patriots

    Today was day one of a 12 week Dale Carnegie course. One of the questions was how to deal with self doubt — Xanax was an answer.


    Class is going better than expected.