Corporate Speak Thread_2021-01_Finalv10-GB.PPTX

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Gin Buckets, May 6, 2015.

  1. TC

    TC Recruiting has been good
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    "Engaged with": cc another person
     
  2. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    Today we named our meeting rooms in our office to "Insightful" and "Agile".
     
  3. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! Better than Burrow last year good.
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    Who were the players involved in the rebrand? Was a RACI performed as part of the process?
     
    Name P. Redacted and slogan119 like this.
  4. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    Oh man, I imagine that your developers are going to be way less productive when they’re forced to use insightful methods instead.
     
  5. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    We have a new CEO who started two months ago. He was formerly a VP of a management consulting firm. He has no backgorund in our industry. Hence we have a 90 person team building event on Wednesday where we have cards with "Integrity" Agilie" "Insightful" "Connected" and we have to label different aspects of how we do business.
     
  6. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    Quit my old job. Start new one on Monday.
     
  7. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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  8. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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  9. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    Unicorn Stay-tuss
     
  10. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    I host a daily standup :smug:
     
  11. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    Florida State SeminolesTampa Bay Rays

    Love new job but my COO informed all department heads to not refer to their department as a team because the company is one team.
     
  12. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    Call it a ‘room’ like football teams.
     
    PAHokie, petey23, TC and 3 others like this.
  13. Hatfield

    Hatfield Charlie don’t surf
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    And that’s why he gets paid the big bucks folks
     
  14. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
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    When I go to you asking “Hey, what’s your calendar look like for this project in early Dec?” it doesn’t mean “Please call our customer and ask if they would like it done in early Dec.”

    Fucking idiots.
     
  15. og

    og ready to party? by party I mean smoke cigarettes
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    oof
     
  16. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    People kept saying this on a call just now. I’ve never heard it used. They were all at least 50.
     
  17. petey23

    petey23 Well-Known Member
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    My Boss uses this on occasion.
    Former Media Guy so he has a few good ones.

    Now we are cooking with gas!

    We need to pick up sales are we will be having wiener water soup.
     
  18. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    Pee or cum?
     
  19. Skiddly

    Skiddly Well-Known Member
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    Just heard a "I'm glad you brought that up" which I took to really mean "This is the last thing I wanted to address you dipshit"
     
    prerecordedlive likes this.
  20. kinghill

    kinghill Well-Known Member
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    TABLE THAT FOR TOMORROW, FOLKS.

     
    THF likes this.
  21. TC

    TC Recruiting has been good
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    Nice to put a face with a name
     
    bturns, $P1, Pasta88 and 2 others like this.
  22. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    Corporate Speak Thread - You're on mute
     
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  23. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    Gonna parallel path this one and see what we have bandwidth for in our perimeter
     
  24. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
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    Happy path or sad path?
     
    Sub-Zero likes this.
  25. BellottiBold

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    :donotwant:
     
  26. Bay Bandit

    Bay Bandit Cabral Univirsity
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    Dear lord.
     
  27. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    So the guy who said that...our team has been keeping a secret list of "-isms" he says. Trying to get our creative team to design a poster with all of his quotes

    Just yesterday in the same meeting we got hit with "you want to buzz the tower on that"... "we're going to feel a little bit of chop"...and "we may need to pull the ripcord"
     
  28. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    Yuck, yuck, and more gross yuck.
     
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  29. BellottiBold

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    Oregon Ducks

    Hostile workplace
     
  30. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    “We’re in the early innings here of our strategy plan.”
     
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  31. Corky Bucek

    Corky Bucek Placeholder for a Custom Title
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  32. Corky Bucek

    Corky Bucek Placeholder for a Custom Title
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    Also CEO is a triathlete :roll:
     
    slogan119, mizz1439, PAHokie and 8 others like this.
  33. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Holy fuck RACI charts aren’t just an abomination my company developed? I hate it so much.
     
  34. BellottiBold

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    got me too
     
  35. Pasta88

    Pasta88 Canes, Bruins, Raps, Jays and Sunderland.
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    Even ignoring that saving the vacation liability being the reason 99% of companies do this, unlimited PTO is the stupidest shit. If I can’t take the next five years off then there’s a limit in there somewhere.
     
    slogan119, PAHokie, LetItSoak and 3 others like this.
  36. The Hebrew Husker

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    The place I work just switched to this but called it something like “flexible time off” trying to sell it as we have more freedom to take days off (we pretty much did before) to distract from the fact the 50+ hours I had saved up are now just gone. Technically I don’t need to “use” PTO anymore but that would have been paid out whenever my time at the company was done, now it won’t.
     
    slogan119 and PAHokie like this.
  37. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! Better than Burrow last year good.
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    Oh God no. RACIs have been around forever. And have always been equally as dumb.
     
  38. bturns

    bturns a better poster than Bertwing
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    The “long story short” or “in a nutshell” has been getting a lot of traction in my meetings...

    And the “does that make sense” is also being used quite frequently for “this isn’t fucking hard, figure it out”
     
    racer likes this.
  39. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    I can’t count then number of times I’ve started a sentence “So, basically, what’s happening is...” and followed it with “Does that make sense?”

    Most people have no idea how technology works. They can just see that something isn’t what they wanted to see. They’re logically and technically stupid. So, basically, my job is to know how all of the parts and pieces work together on the back end to get to a certain outcome. Does that make sense?
     
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  40. TC

    TC Recruiting has been good
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    Rockstar!!!!!

    Stfu
     
    Pasta88 likes this.
  41. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    Teamwork makes the dream work.
     
  42. Pasta88

    Pasta88 Canes, Bruins, Raps, Jays and Sunderland.
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    The absolute worst of the words/phrases to emerge the past few years.
     
    War Grundle likes this.
  43. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    I catch myself saying "does that make sense" too often and I feel like I'm talking down to the client
     
    bturns and racer like this.
  44. Josey Wales

    Josey Wales Well-Known Member
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    Worst case scenario is you listen to someone expound on shit you don’t care about. Keep it simple.

    “Let’s not boil the ocean here”
     
    petey23 and bturns like this.
  45. LetItSoak

    LetItSoak Well-Known Member
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    One I've heard recently is "we need an athlete in this role" which mostly means "you'll do a bunch of shit that's not your job"
     
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  46. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    Never heard that one.
     
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  47. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    Worst case scenario is also used a shitload.
     
  48. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    Since the rise of zoom and WFH.....

    "Oh guys, it seems like we have a quorum, let's get started"
     
  49. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    I’m torn between glad the world was introduced to my daily remote work life, and annoyed, wishing it was just left to the experts like myself.
     
    steamengine likes this.