Corporate Speak Thread_2021-01_Finalv10-GB.PPTX

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Gin Buckets, May 6, 2015.

  1. Barves2125

    Barves2125 "Ready to drive the Ferarri" - Reuben Foster
    Donor TMB OG
    Alabama Crimson TideAtlanta BravesManchester CityBirmingham LegionUnited States Men's National Soccer TeamPoker

    I manually add "All the best." And I mean it!
     
    Mookie Blaylock likes this.
  2. TC

    TC It’s a lawless nation for the flamingo
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksCarolina PanthersSeattle Supersonics

    Do you guys have pronouns in your sig?

    And which Bible verse are you all using
     
  3. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesTampa Bay Rays

    Just said "Fuck the Police" and changed mine to Thanks. Wonder how long until someone tells me to change it back.
     
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  4. TC

    TC It’s a lawless nation for the flamingo
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksCarolina PanthersSeattle Supersonics

    Tell them you had it vetted by a guy who's an expert in online rhetoric
     
    racer and War Grundle like this.
  5. Eric The Viking

    Eric The Viking Nitro, the All Knowing
    Donor TMB OG

    At first I did it to mock Chad Simmons since he did that a lot early on, but eventually realized that it pissed off someone on the old Rivals Main Board who I didn’t like, so I kept at it. Then it became habitual. Petty and shitty reason, but...

    -Oh well
     
  6. BellottiBold

    Donor
    Oregon Ducks

    lol I use "best" for everything (well aside from times when I'm familiar enough and the reply is short enough such that I just sign my first name) and I'm not particularly worried about anybody interpreting it poorly
     
  7. Simon Templar

    Simon Templar Well-Known Member
    Kansas JayhawksChicago CubsSneakersBig 8 Conference

    95% of my emails start - Hey there,

    customers, internal IDGAF
     
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  8. beist

    beist Hyperbolist
    Donor

    I once told a kid that works for me when he went with Thanks! that he only gets one exclamation point per year. He later mentioned to someone else that I gave him email anxiety so I had to apologize and pretend I was kidding even though I wasn’t. And I now use Thanks! as often as possible, but I’m being passive aggressive about it.
     
  9. TC

    TC It’s a lawless nation for the flamingo
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksCarolina PanthersSeattle Supersonics

    You can’t think of anything better than “hey there”?
     
  10. Simon Templar

    Simon Templar Well-Known Member
    Kansas JayhawksChicago CubsSneakersBig 8 Conference

    I’m not a smart person, nor wildly successful
     
    a.tramp, Barves2125 and Boo MFer! like this.
  11. Barves2125

    Barves2125 "Ready to drive the Ferarri" - Reuben Foster
    Donor TMB OG
    Alabama Crimson TideAtlanta BravesManchester CityBirmingham LegionUnited States Men's National Soccer TeamPoker

  12. Barves2125

    Barves2125 "Ready to drive the Ferarri" - Reuben Foster
    Donor TMB OG
    Alabama Crimson TideAtlanta BravesManchester CityBirmingham LegionUnited States Men's National Soccer TeamPoker

    "Excuse me but"
     
  13. Barves2125

    Barves2125 "Ready to drive the Ferarri" - Reuben Foster
    Donor TMB OG
    Alabama Crimson TideAtlanta BravesManchester CityBirmingham LegionUnited States Men's National Soccer TeamPoker

    "Yo!"

    All fun options!
     
    racer likes this.
  14. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! Better than Burrow last year good.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    I use “Hey there” a lot. It’s warm, friendly and approachable—like me. :D
     
  15. TC

    TC It’s a lawless nation for the flamingo
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksCarolina PanthersSeattle Supersonics

    “Hey there” is like touching someone with a 10 foot pole. You can feel them holding their nose as they greet you
     
  16. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesTampa Bay Rays

    I don’t like when people end emails with “.....”


    Our IT guy ends every Teams chat or email with that and it makes it sound super passive aggressive.

    Thank you Scot.


    You’re welcome.....
     
  17. Simon Templar

    Simon Templar Well-Known Member
    Kansas JayhawksChicago CubsSneakersBig 8 Conference

    Im possibly the least successful person you’ll meet. I’m never the smartest person in any room.
     
    a.tramp and Boo MFer! like this.
  18. TC

    TC It’s a lawless nation for the flamingo
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksCarolina PanthersSeattle Supersonics

    Are you sure you’re on the right website?
     
    War Grundle and Boo MFer! like this.
  19. Simon Templar

    Simon Templar Well-Known Member
    Kansas JayhawksChicago CubsSneakersBig 8 Conference

    Im just a humble average Joe
     
  20. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesTampa Bay Rays

  21. Jimmy the Saint

    Jimmy the Saint It's like the Weimar Republic in that place
    Donor
    Penn State Nittany LionsGreen Bay PackersChelseaHartford WhalersPhoenix Rising

    I had a manager who loved using ellipsis more than anything. Every fucking e-mail, IM, whatever. He was a great guy to work with but that became infuriatingly annoying over that year.
     
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  22. mizz1439

    mizz1439 Well-Known Member

    One of our senior leaders took a new job, and now one of his former reports is encouraging (pressuring) everyone (200+ ppl) to record and submit a personal video thanking him for his time and wishing him well. So now I guess I’m going to do it so I don’t look bad...
     
  23. petey23

    petey23 Well-Known Member
    Chicago BlackhawksUSA RugbyMaryland TerrapinsPhiladelphia FlyersMinnesota WildMilwaukee Brewers altNebraska Cornhuskers

    Same....sometimes I even throw an exclamation point behind it....but never more than 1
     
  24. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
    Donor
    Florida State SeminolesTampa Bay Rays

    Da fuck?
     
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  25. og

    og ready to party? by party I mean smoke cigarettes
    Donor TMB OG
    Pittsburgh PenguinsPittsburgh SteelersPenn State Nittany Lions

    literally run yourself through a sausage maker if you do this because you have become nothing more than a byproduct of the corporate grinder
     
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  26. Whammy Business

    Whammy Business Well-Known Member
    Donor

    My boss and our division director spent an hour debating three sentences in a five-page legislative bill analysis. The bill will go nowhere.


    Respectfully,

    Whammy Business
     
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  27. TC

    TC It’s a lawless nation for the flamingo
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksCarolina PanthersSeattle Supersonics

    Hey there,

    I’m not sure I would do this....

    Best, TC.....
     
    #1427 TC, Feb 18, 2021
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2021
  28. mizz1439

    mizz1439 Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I did it. I think most people weren’t too stoked. I guess the nice thoughtful email isn’t good enough these days!
     
  29. bturns

    bturns a better poster than Bertwing
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksAtlanta FalconsAvengersPGAGame of Thrones

    We have a manager who ends every email with “Thanks...”

    like is this saying he’s not done or he’s wanting for us to thank him back?

    everyone thinks he’s a creep or psycho though so everyone just ignores it at this point.
     
    Doc Louis likes this.
  30. Marty Kaan

    Marty Kaan By any means necessary
    Donor

    I know someone that constantly uses ellipsis. Multiple people hate working with him because of it
     
    Doc Louis, slogan119, bturns and 2 others like this.
  31. Pasta88

    Pasta88 Canes, Bruins, Raps, Jays and Sunderland.
    Donor
    Miami HurricanesToronto Blue JaysToronto RaptorsBoston BruinsSunderland

    The absolute worst are people on Teams/Skype who include the small talk as separate messages before asking their question.

    Person I’ve never met before: “Hi Pasta88”

    Me: “Hi”

    Person: “How are things?”

    Me: “Not too bad. You?”

    Person: “Good thanks. So I am writing you about...”
     
  32. bturns

    bturns a better poster than Bertwing
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksAtlanta FalconsAvengersPGAGame of Thrones

    This is even more awkward when you are a couple minutes early for a teams meeting and someone who you barely know and talk to starts talking more than the courtesy hello and wants to "chitchat". I have learned the best way to avoid this nonsense is to show up between 1 minute before and 1 minute after the meeting starts or keep myself on mute and not say anything when they say hello (semi-rude but effective) so they think maybe I'm not there or didn't hear them.
     
  33. TC

    TC It’s a lawless nation for the flamingo
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksCarolina PanthersSeattle Supersonics

    Don’t forget to lead off with a “Happy Friday!” today folks
     
  34. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
    Donor TMB OG
    Florida State SeminolesChicago CubsReal Madrid

    Yes, continue.
     
    War Grundle likes this.
  35. PAHokie

    PAHokie Can't a bitch living say I bought her Michael Kors
    Donor
    Virginia Tech HokiesPittsburgh PenguinsAtlanta Braves

    Happy Friday!!!

    Thanks....
    -Wayne
     
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  36. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington Football TeamAtlanta United

    And ending early with "Well it looks like we can give everyone 15 minutes back to their day"
     
  37. Capstone 88

    Capstone 88 Going hard in the paint
    Donor
    Alabama Crimson TideAtlanta BravesTennessee TitansNashville Predators2pac

    My old boss did this and it drove me fucking insane
     
  38. Capstone 88

    Capstone 88 Going hard in the paint
    Donor
    Alabama Crimson TideAtlanta BravesTennessee TitansNashville Predators2pac

    This happened yesterday. Someone said “am I calendered for that meeting?”
     
  39. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington Football TeamAtlanta United

    That's not fucking right. Just say scheduled. Stop making shit up to sound a certain way
     
  40. TC

    TC It’s a lawless nation for the flamingo
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksCarolina PanthersSeattle Supersonics

    "Reach out?" What's wrong with contact
     
  41. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington Football TeamAtlanta United

    That one isn't too bad
     
  42. TC

    TC It’s a lawless nation for the flamingo
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksCarolina PanthersSeattle Supersonics

    Not near as bad I agree, but people overuse "reach out" and I want to push back
     
    Where Eagles Dare likes this.
  43. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
    Donor
    Iowa HawkeyesKansas City ChiefsLas Vegas Golden KnightsWatfordSneakersOlympicsTravel

    I say get ahold of
     
  44. Pasta88

    Pasta88 Canes, Bruins, Raps, Jays and Sunderland.
    Donor
    Miami HurricanesToronto Blue JaysToronto RaptorsBoston BruinsSunderland

    Reach out is more personal, while contact is something you’d see on a help page or something.
     
  45. BayouMafia

    BayouMafia slowly learning that life is ok
    Staff Donor
    LSU TigersTexas RangersNew Orleans SaintsFulhamWrexham AFCDulwich Hamlet

    Working for a European company I usually shrug off most things due to language difference, but this thread has me noticing everything now.

    If an e-mail is being sent to two people, especially in reply, it's very common to see "Hello Both," as the salutation r u srs rite now

    I never even notice "Best", "Best Regards", or even "Kind Regards" as closings because they so common from the Euros. However, a great number of Americans in our company who don't interact with anyone outside of the US have "Best Regards/Mit Freundlichen Grüßen" as their built-in closing :gross:
     
  46. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington Football TeamAtlanta United

    I just say thanks
     
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  47. bturns

    bturns a better poster than Bertwing
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksAtlanta FalconsAvengersPGAGame of Thrones

    Love the beginning of the year Q1 goal setting. Pretty sure the most popular saying at this point is "ROBUST" for anything needing an adjective.
     
  48. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
    Donor
    Iowa HawkeyesKansas City ChiefsLas Vegas Golden KnightsWatfordSneakersOlympicsTravel

    I want to exit the corporate world and work with my hands. Wfh and job security during the pandemic is really nice, tho. I need something with like 50% field work and the other half not needing to communicate with any of the other bozos at work.
     
  49. TC

    TC It’s a lawless nation for the flamingo
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksCarolina PanthersSeattle Supersonics

    Do you have pronouns in your email sig? Just added them to mine. Hoping to make everyone feel more comfortable. Wondering if I'll get any jackwagon responses
     
    slogan119 likes this.