Corporate Speak Thread_2021-01_Finalv10-GB.PPTX

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Gin Buckets, May 6, 2015.

  1. bturns

    bturns a better poster than Bertwing
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    so i'm going to tell you what i'm not going to do...
     
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  2. Icculus is a Bammer

    Icculus is a Bammer marco esquandolas took my job
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    i wave every single time
     
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  3. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    They added pronouns to our client implementation forms, which is great, but the antiquated systems we use don’t have a spot to put them anyway.
     
  4. Simon Templar

    Simon Templar Well-Known Member
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    SHim?
     
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  5. TC

    TC It’s a lawless nation for the flamingo
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    Went with xe/xim/xer.

    (Jk, not trying to joke on anyone's pronouns)
     
  6. Simon Templar

    Simon Templar Well-Known Member
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    I googled to see if those were real.

    Spoiler: I’m an idiot
     
  7. BamaNug

    BamaNug The journey itself is the point
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  8. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    Oh man you ever take the pin out of something you put a pin? Euphoric
     
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  9. Capstone 88

    Capstone 88 Going hard in the paint
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    I was just on a conference call and said “we don’t need to recreate the wheel”. I’ll be killing myself now.
     
  10. Aurelius

    Aurelius This man, Lenny Pepperidge, AKA Lenny the Pep...
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    I work for a small company but our president is from some big corporation.

    I've heard that we're going to "backflush that out of the system" and "create synergies" at least 50 times in the past month
     
  11. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    I’m no plumber, but backflushing is the opposite of what you want. Unless what you want is 6” of standing poop water.
     
  12. Upton^2

    Upton^2 blocked just a park away, but I can't really say
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    “Let’s make sure we’re all 20:20 here” has infected a lot of my conference calls lately
     
  13. Pasta88

    Pasta88 Canes, Bruins, Raps, Jays and Sunderland.
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    My new corporate pet peeve is people who add “ex-TMB” to their name on Linkedin for all of their “high profile” past jobs. Get over yourselves.
     
  14. Upton^2

    Upton^2 blocked just a park away, but I can't really say
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    Veteran mainboard posters?
     
  15. Pasta88

    Pasta88 Canes, Bruins, Raps, Jays and Sunderland.
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    Also, “recharge your batteries”. Yes, I had a great weekend but can we please not pretend that I’m a mobile phone?
     
  16. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    Like Pasta88, Ex-Civil Engineer for the City of Austin, TX?
     
  17. Pasta88

    Pasta88 Canes, Bruins, Raps, Jays and Sunderland.
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    Sure, though I was thinking more ex-Google, ex-Deloitte, ex-*insert flashy start-up*, etc.
     
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  18. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    Great way to make people wonder why you left and when you’re going to do it again
     
  19. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    I’ve seen this once and he’s one of those executives where you’re not actually sure what he does.

    Douchebag McGee, ex-Siemens, ex-Booz
     
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  20. jbr

    jbr Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG

    I’ve been 100% wfh since Mar 10, 2020. It was an adjustment at first, but I don’t ever want to go back to the office now. Maybe 1 day per week at most.

    My boss just said there are rumblings of the company balking at keeping people at home past July.

    :ohdear:
     
  21. BellottiBold

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    my employer went from collecting feedback about our interest in remote and hybrid arrangements to "potential hybrid arrangements will be reviewed case by case at a later date" smh
     
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  22. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
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    It's not an original thing to do. All those Ex-Xerox people are just copying each other.
     
  23. jbr

    jbr Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG

    This is pretty much where we are at. Business operations weren’t impacted for 14 months, but let’s make people commute and fuck their flexibility anyways.
     
  24. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    The amount of companies who saw it work in a remote setting bc they were forced to, yet are Goin back to the old standard is really fucking annoying.

    A couple older guys in my company were talki G about how they were excited to get back to the office. Like.... ew no
     
  25. BellottiBold

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    I really don't think I'll be able to do it. Like if I get boxed into that I'll probably have to search for a different gig.
     
  26. jbr

    jbr Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG

    My boss is a 55 year old chud that subscribes to the “life is pain” mantra. He’s hyped to drive to/from downtown Atlanta everyday because butts in seats is the most important metric.
     
  27. jbr

    jbr Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG

    I’m going to get my dr write a note saying I can’t come back due to anxiety if it comes to that.
     
  28. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    Yeah my client to the end the year is out of Atlanta so I'll probably be remote until 22. Definitely not looking forward to going into the office after that
     
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  29. CUgator

    CUgator Well-Known Member
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    I don’t care about the 100% working from home. I do care about the no work travel that goes along with it until our offices are open again.

    Also, just had a zoom call with our office in Sydney and the guy had an office packed full of people behind him. Total mind fuck.
     
    #1479 CUgator, Apr 26, 2021
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2021
  30. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
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    I'm not looking forward to driving out to Alpharetta and back and dealing with everyone who hasn't regularly driven in over a year trying to drive suddenly.
     
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  31. BayouMafia

    BayouMafia slowly learning that life is ok
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    I told my department of 45 (used to be 70 :tebow: ) that after our official voluntary work from home period ends in June they are welcome to work from home rather than the office however much they are comfortable with. Personally I’ll go in twice a week because my boss misses me when we don’t see each other often but I expect I’ll only see most of my guys every blue moon.

    Manage people’s work not their time.
     
  32. Pasta88

    Pasta88 Canes, Bruins, Raps, Jays and Sunderland.
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    I’d be pissed if post-pandemic my work decided to be either fully remote or fully back in the office. Flexibility is key. That being said, once more and more people start going in to the office most of the week, I think the employees who want to permanently work from home will have more difficulty as time goes on.
     
  33. kinghill

    kinghill Well-Known Member
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    Same here. August, when our kids go back to school.

    I'm expecting some kind of hybrid thing.
     
  34. kinghill

    kinghill Well-Known Member
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    Our employee survey was 100% they want to stay home, aside from the handful of folks who are already in the office.
     
  35. THF

    THF BITE THE NUTS, THUMB IN THE ASS!
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    Yea our CPO (Chief People Officer) made the decision we will be returning in June as well when school gets out, however they have made a decision there will permanently be an option to work remotely. The idea is to encourage two days a week in the office, but they have decided if they require working from the office full time; it will reduce the quality of applicants and impact our ability to hire the best applicants. Managers will be encouraged to be in the office more frequently but not full time.

    The data has shown in almost all positions that remote employees have been more productive.
     
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  36. RegimentML

    RegimentML Well-Known Member
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    We’re already back. It sucks
     
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  37. hood b. goode

    hood b. goode im a lovely geezer
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    if these boomer executives think they can put the WFH genie back into the bottle :pffft:

    Especially in areas like tech where recruiting is cutthroat
     
  38. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    Going back 2 days/week starting in June. Recently started going in one day a week on a voluntold basis for some training meetings.
    The biggest thing I don’t like is that there will be a mask requirement. If you need to have a safety requirement like that, I don’t think it should be mandatory to return.

    Aside from the usual home vs office productivity and morale stuff
     
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  39. BamaNug

    BamaNug The journey itself is the point
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    I don't plan on ever going back into the office again. Never. I'll quit and/or take a paycut before spending 40+ hours/week in a shitty office, plus commute.

    Was doing some continuing education and it featured a discussion on Boomers vs Millennials. One thing a younger lawyer said that really resonated with me: "I don't want my job to consume my identity. Like, I'm trained as a lawyer and that's how I earn income, but I don't want my job to define me."

    Boomers expect your entire identity to be your profession, you must devote your life to your job. Fuck all that noise.
     
  40. Pasta88

    Pasta88 Canes, Bruins, Raps, Jays and Sunderland.
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    While I agree with the overall boomer sentiment, I don’t think working in the office means you have to devote your life to your job.
    Anecdotally it’s the younger people who suffer the most from WFH and want to be back in the office since younger people rely more on the social interactions and networking, and generally live in more cramped conditions that aren’t as suitable for a home office.
     
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  41. BamaNug

    BamaNug The journey itself is the point
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    I think the bolded is profession-specific. A lot of high-paying white collar jobs absolutely expect you to be on call 24/7. I've been told "this needs to be more than just a full time job" on several occasions.

    I'm also in a pretty toxic situation ATM, so I'm jaded.
     
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  42. Pasta88

    Pasta88 Canes, Bruins, Raps, Jays and Sunderland.
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    Yeah screw that noise, whether at home or in an office. 40 hours is far too much of the week as is.
     
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  43. BellottiBold

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    Oregon Ducks

    I didn't even have any kind of commute of note, and I liked all the people in my office...
    but I'm just so much more relaxed and able to focus when I control *all* of the variables for my environment.
    I might feel differently if I actually had my own office but I'm a cubicle guy, so being at home and on a whim deciding to blast music (or alternatively make it dead silent) has been fantastic. (And I promise not having to deal with headphones/earbuds is also superior in every way.)
    In engineering mode I'm also someone who talks to himself a lot, and not having to be self conscious about that has been kind of a revelation tbh.
    I'm just more capable on my own, and the collaboration tools of the moment are totally sufficient for keeping connected to my coworkers and not missing a beat communication wise.
    If I lose all of that I think morale will be irreparably damaged.
     
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  44. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    If you look at the office as a place to socialize and make more connections with your team - and not as a necessity for being productive - then it makes sense to me to go back smartly. But splitting up teams I think defeats the purpose. Our company has definitely suffered from the less interaction from a 'getting along' POV. It's easy to misread, misunderstand, and then talk shit about coworkers over the virtual workplace especially across departments. And we need to rely on collaboration and I feel its been harder this way.

    So even just to go to the office to have casual, social interactions I think is really the important thing. Cant look at it as a "more productive" in the office POV because thats not true.
     
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  45. Pasta88

    Pasta88 Canes, Bruins, Raps, Jays and Sunderland.
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    The pandemic also skews the debate a bit imo.

    1. of course being stuck at home when everything else in society is shuttered up increases the amount of loneliness and stir-craziness. In normal life maybe it’d be a lot more bearable.

    2. but on the other hand, it’s a lot easier to WFH when you already know the majority of your coworkers personally from pre-pandemic and when everyone else is WFH also, so you’re not “missing out” on anything by being at home. I think it’d be a lot different post-pandemic if you start a new job and decide to almost exclusively WFH when a large % of coworkers go into the office at least a few times a week.
     
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  46. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    I am 40% travel and half of my department is remote anyways. Never going back full time but will keep my office for days I want to go back in on. Which will probably be 5-10 times per year
     
  47. LetItSoak

    LetItSoak Well-Known Member
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    We are going back in September but only for 1-2 days per week and I love it. My desire to ever return to 5 days a week is 0.0%
     
  48. Capstone 88

    Capstone 88 Going hard in the paint
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    I think there’s going to way more of this than full time WFH
     
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  49. LetItSoak

    LetItSoak Well-Known Member
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    It's interesting because I was never a big wfh guy and now I love it. I'd imagine others are similar
     
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  50. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    Having a wfh desk setup vs just taking a laptop home is enormously different. People never understood that.