Corporate Speak Thread_2021-01_Finalv10-GB.PPTX

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Gin Buckets, May 6, 2015.

  1. DuffandMuff

    DuffandMuff Well-Known Member
    Tampa Bay Lightning

    I wanna know how many old bastards out there simply want to get back into their office to get a break from their shitty home life.

    Just because you dread spending all day with the wife and kids doesn’t mean I should be parking my ass in chair at the office for 40 hours a week.
     
  2. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
    Donor

    Right they expect that despite being in upper management and not really doing any work. Fuck that.
     
  3. steamengine

    steamengine I don’t want to press one for English!
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    Houston AstrosHouston RocketsLiverpoolTexas Tech Red Raiders altHouston Oilers

    This was my number one suggestion when they put me in the “return to work task force”. If we’re going 2-3 days a week hybrid, the equipment needs to be in place where people can move between seamlessly.
     
  4. PAHokie

    PAHokie Can't a bitch living say I bought her Michael Kors
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    I never WFH and our company has been back regular since like June last year.
     
  5. hood b. goode

    hood b. goode im a lovely geezer
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  6. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    Florida State SeminolesTampa Bay Rays

    Starting next month I will be going back in 2-3 days a week and my wife 1 day a week. I think it’s important to be in the office and interact with people but it’s not necessary five days a week.
     
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  7. Jimmy the Saint

    Jimmy the Saint It's like the Weimar Republic in that place
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    Penn State Nittany LionsGreen Bay PackersChelseaHartford WhalersPhoenix Rising

    Rumor is we're going back in July. As a department we're going to do 2-3 days a week WFH whenever it ends up being.
     
  8. momux

    momux AFAM Scholar
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    North Carolina TarheelsCarolina PanthersChelsea

    I think this would be my ideal, unfortunately it's looking like we will be fully back in the office come September.
     
  9. DuffandMuff

    DuffandMuff Well-Known Member
    Tampa Bay Lightning

    Think about how many hours an average 40 hour a week employee spends on their job:

    Work: 40 hours
    Lunch five days a week: 5 hours
    Commute (30 mins each way): 5 hours
    Dressed/breakfast/morning routine (hour a day): 5 hours

    55 hours a week you commit to your job and related responsibilities. Until I start getting paid during that commute or getting ready, I'll be working from home.

    That hour lunch break at work is now spent working out, cooking a healthy lunch at home, quick grocery store trip, laundry, cleaning, etc. Simply eating on my back deck or outside is much more pleasurable than the employee break room. No more rushing in the morning and having to grab breakfast on the way or not having enough time to make lunch, which results in going out for lunch $$$

    Average American drives 160 miles a week to and from work. 50 weeks = 8,000 miles at 25mpg and you're looking at 320 gallons of gas a year to drive to and from work. That's about $1,000 in gas per year you can save.
     
  10. BamaNug

    BamaNug The journey itself is the point
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    Fucking PREACH
     
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  11. ono

    ono Well-Known Member
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    I lost about 20 lbs during Covid just because of the spare time I had to squeeze in a workout, cook a healthy lunch and dinner, etc. Hard to do any of that when you're in an office 9 hours a day then have to deal with kids on the front and back end of that day.

    And I'd argue I became a more efficient employee simply to having some of the, um, less technology-inclined co-workers be forced to adapt to using modern software to collaborate.

    Needless to say, not super happy we were forced back into the office on 3/1. As I sit here in my mask typing away.
     
  12. DuffandMuff

    DuffandMuff Well-Known Member
    Tampa Bay Lightning

    Just had our Executive Leadership Team discuss company wide topics via Zoom.

    The CEO started off by talking about WFH. Says we won't return before mid-June and we will have at least 30 days notice. She made sure to mention that certain people will have to be back in the office full time or part time. They are still working on what the official telecommuting policy will look (jesus christ- it's been over a year).

    CEO said she can't wait to be back in the office and see everyone. Yeah, your job is to walk around and meet with external stakeholders every day. Meeting here and meeting there. You aren't pounding through data and contracts at your desk day in and day out.

    Can't wait til they announce a formal WFH policy that is probably telecommute on Fridays only. Hope it's a mass exodus.
     
  13. kinghill

    kinghill Well-Known Member
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    Miami HurricanesMiami MarlinsMiami DolphinsMiami Heat

    Take a shot every time someone says:

    "I'll share my screen"
    "Can you see my screen?"
    "Sorry I was on mute"
     
  14. BellottiBold

    Donor
    Oregon Ducks

    lol weird how bosses "can't wait to return to the office!"
     
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  15. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    I don’t have the hard drive space
     
  16. kinghill

    kinghill Well-Known Member
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    never heard this one lol
     
  17. jbr

    jbr Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG

    Is anyone else’s Outlook slow?
     
    Capstone 88 likes this.
  18. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington Football TeamAtlanta United

    Who the fuck says this?

    The cloud is forever expandable
     
    steamengine likes this.
  19. OZ2

    OZ2 Well-Known Member

    I work in sales so I’m out and about, but let’s just say my divisional leadership REALLY dropped the ball this year and we are about to have a mass-exodus.

    One guy, after close to 10 years, is going into a new field and our bosses boss, on a conference call, said ‘we are going to find a way to all socially distance and get beers at a bar next Friday, we will figure it out to send Mitch off on his new adventure.’

    This guy is probably my best work friend and I call him after, ‘um, did you know they are throwing you a party and do you A) have time to attend B) want to make a commute from your house 45 minutes away for said party for bosses you hate.’

    Him, ‘dude I was told I wasn’t even supposed to work this next week, why the fuck do I want to see that asshole try to save face when we all know we hit our objectives and they never throw parties for people that leave. Fuck that, I’ll have you and co-worker 1 & co-worker 2 over and we can have beers and grill out when it works for all us.’

    That kind of lack of communication & transparency is how a division is forced to fire 40% of their base after you just hit your sales team goals by over 8% in a 3 year period. Oh, my state also has record surges in covid cases and this co-worker just lost his uncle to covid. So, let’s all get together so we can give our entire team the chance to get covid together! (Some are vaccinated, some haven’t got chance yet)
     
  20. DuffandMuff

    DuffandMuff Well-Known Member
    Tampa Bay Lightning

    It’s Saturday
     
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  21. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    I read it as take a screenshot
    see above, it was a bad joke about how those quotes happens a lot
     
  22. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    I reset my computer once a day it seems
     
  23. jbr

    jbr Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG

    I sent two emails today

    Really wasn’t feeling work

    The MLK Day to Memorial Day corporate death march is almost over
     
    jorge likes this.
  24. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    I wish outlook shared inboxes had a viewing thread section so I could see who was also in there.
     
  25. Skiddly

    Skiddly Well-Known Member
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    Kansas State WildcatsChicago BearsChicago FireUnited States Men's National Soccer Team

    Reading this thread makes me realize just how much my company sucks.

    We had WFH for 2 weeks last March, then everyone mandatory back in the office.

    Had an office potluck last month and another one this month.

    We're in a mask mandated state, basically no one wears a mask ever.

    I hate it here.
     
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  26. rcragg82

    rcragg82 Well-Known Member

    That is crazy. I'll go about 19 months (last March to this October) before I'll step foot in an office and even then, I'll go from 5 days to maybe twice a week if I want going forward. I do miss traveling for work though.
     
  27. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesWashington Football TeamAtlanta United

    :laugh:

    Where are you? I can't imagine having community food with multiple hands touching serving spoons. That's a no form me.

    My wife has been at the office almost full time except when she was out on maternity. But they at least wear masks
     
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  28. Skiddly

    Skiddly Well-Known Member
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    Kansas State WildcatsChicago BearsChicago FireUnited States Men's National Soccer Team

    Rural Colorado.

    It's a shit show.
     
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  29. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    [​IMG]
     
  30. Skiddly

    Skiddly Well-Known Member
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    Kansas State WildcatsChicago BearsChicago FireUnited States Men's National Soccer Team

    Not in her district at least.

    #blessed
     
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  31. DuffandMuff

    DuffandMuff Well-Known Member
    Tampa Bay Lightning

    Do you work for Pfizer or moderna?
     
  32. racer

    racer Fuck Tucker, Tucker sucks.
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    The cfo of my company (who is a big husk, so this makes sense) was just bragging to people outside her office how she lied to someone getting on a public elevator that she was vaccinated so they’d get on. Jfc.
     
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  33. Skiddly

    Skiddly Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Kansas State WildcatsChicago BearsChicago FireUnited States Men's National Soccer Team

    We are having an in-person whole plant meeting today.

    100+ people in the same room. Almost no one wears a mask and I'm guessing the vaccination rate is well under 50%

    [​IMG]
     
    BellottiBold, OZ2, racer and 4 others like this.
  34. OZ2

    OZ2 Well-Known Member

    Corporate speak in review:

    ‘Nobody is working hard enough right now, **proceeds to tell me how many hours he puts in** we are cashing it in.’

    Literally 5 minutes after my goals are discussed.
    ‘We expect 15% up and you are 20% up on one and 30% up on another and you hit 75% on this one expecting 70% and are at 96% on this one and the 95% is the goal. You are kicking ass.’

    Felt like I was taking crazy pills that I hit EVERY goal (which they said are high so we shoot high, another cringeworthy comment) they wanted but I’m not working hard enough. It was a very 1-sided talking review because I about quit on the spot.
     
  35. BellottiBold

    Donor
    Oregon Ducks

    unacceptable and should be reported

    Like I don't view riding an elevator with someone to be a serious risk factor but that's just disgusting underhanded shit that should not be tolerated and it's certainly no way for a leader to be behaving.
    I'd find a way to out this.
     
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