Corporate Speak Thread_2024-01_Finalv11-GB.PPTX

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Gin Buckets, May 6, 2015.

  1. hood b. goode

    hood b. goode B I O I N B I O
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  2. OHW

    OHW Well-Known Member
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    This is going to lead to some horrific legislation where employers can search your tax returns or some shit.
     
    beist likes this.
  3. pratyk

    pratyk Arsenal FC, Rutgers Scarlet Knights
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    Quite a few companies already report your salaries / employment history to credit unions. That gets covered in background checks.
     
  4. PAHokie

    PAHokie Can't a bitch living say I bought her Michael Kors
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    I don’t understand how there are jobs people have to do like nothing for.
     
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  5. OHW

    OHW Well-Known Member
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    Ikr, how can there be inefficiencies in the free market?
     
  6. honestlee

    honestlee Well-Known Member

    I don't understand why people tell on themselves like this. If I did found out how to successfully do something like this, I wouldn't be broadcasting it over the internet...anonymously or not.
     
    AubCabs, beist, RegimentML and 5 others like this.
  7. Marty Kaan

    Marty Kaan By any means necessary
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    this is def a troll
     
  8. Marty Kaan

    Marty Kaan By any means necessary
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    we fire people like this with a quickness now
     
  9. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    Dude in a meeting today: I think it’s just a fiction of his imagination
    Me: A what?
    Dude: A fiction of his imagination…like made up
    Me: Ironic
    Dude: What?
    Me: Nevermind
     
  10. ohhaithur

    ohhaithur e-Batman
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    Only the ones you catch, you capitalist pig-dog!
     
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  11. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
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    What if they're doing their job?
     
  12. Marty Kaan

    Marty Kaan By any means necessary
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    it is unlikely a person could maintain working on my team having multiple jobs
     
    fattus likes this.
  13. momux

    momux AFAM Scholar
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    hey everybody, don't go working for this capitalist pig Marty Kaan
     
  14. racer

    racer Yuma, where I work in software.
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    goheels10 likes this.
  15. Marty Kaan

    Marty Kaan By any means necessary
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    I am a great boss. I throw a pizza party for them every time I have the team work overtime on a holiday.
     
  16. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    Feedback feedback feedback feedback

    A PM just said ‘feedback’ 40 times in an hourlong meeting

    Thanks for the feedback
    Do you have any feedback
    I’m looking for feedback
    How much feedback is expected
     
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  17. goblue31602

    goblue31602 Well-Known Member
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    You should have said nevermind it's a moo point. Or mute.
     
  18. pratyk

    pratyk Arsenal FC, Rutgers Scarlet Knights
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    I hope someone said something along the lines of, Am I the only one on the line who's hearing some feedback?
     
    fattus likes this.
  19. hood b. goode

    hood b. goode B I O I N B I O
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  20. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    Me when my Belarusian teammate asked me this multiple times a day instead of just chatting on Teams.
     
  21. Corky Bucek

    Corky Bucek Placeholder for a Custom Title
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  22. BayouMafia

    BayouMafia Thought Leader in Posting
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    I almost never get on LinkedIn anymore, but I was having lunch with a good friend/former coworker who is now a consultant.

    He mentioned that he knew I was in a big strategy meeting a few days ago because someone posted a picture of themselves presenting at said meeting and I was in the background.

    I went on a mini-rant about how dumb it is that people make posts like “so proud to present at my company’s meeting” like it’s the work version of posting pics of your kid’s trip to the pumpkin patch on Facebook and he got a weird look on his face like if slapped him or something.

    After the lunch I checked his LinkedIn and he has at least one post a week of him presenting in meetings. Oops
     
  23. Jimmy the Saint

    Jimmy the Saint The future is a benevolent black hole
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    You shouldn’t feel bad because he’s a weirdo.
     
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  24. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    LI is fucking Instagram for people like that, as well as FB-esqie stuff like "this is what a working mom/dad looks like!"
     
  25. Simon Templar

    Simon Templar Well-Known Member
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    Gallup Pulse Survey results on employee engagement and accountability was released to people leaders today. It’s an amazing bloodbath and people are freaking out.

    [​IMG]
     
  26. hood b. goode

    hood b. goode B I O I N B I O
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    Lately I've been torn between making fun of influencers and beginning to realize that if i post content in niche, ill get better job offers / consulting opportunities
     
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  27. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    My job is pretty flexible and I always have a lot of work to do in a vacuum (i.e. the schedule doesn’t matter and I’m working alone).

    My favorite part of still wfh is waking up at 4am, not being able to go back to sleep, and knocking out a half day of work by 8am. I’ll take a shower soon then probably nap for a few hours. Hit my kids thanksgiving feast at his school and finish the day by 4pm.
     
  28. BayouMafia

    BayouMafia Thought Leader in Posting
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    Does not compute
     
  29. Thoros of Beer

    Thoros of Beer Academy Award-Winning Actor, Tim Allen
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    Getting up early with a head of steam is such a great feeling. Flow baby
     
  30. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    My sleep is forever fucked up from kids. The past 7 years have been waking up multiple times per night to deal with one thing or another.
     
  31. Bruce Bowen

    Bruce Bowen Well-Known Member
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    Second week working somewhere very corporate. I feel like I'm in meetings 90% of the time...how does anyone get anything done? Actually I know just keep delegating down the chain and you never actually have to do anything.
     
  32. DuffandMuff

    DuffandMuff Well-Known Member
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    I’m very fortunate. I’d say I work about 8 hours per week. There’s about two months a year where that gets bumped up 25, but smooth sailing otherwise.
     
  33. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
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    I prob do 8-10 real hours of work a week
     
  34. kinghill

    kinghill Cool American Flavour
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    I probably do 40 real work and another 20 thinking about ways to do more work so mentally working

    but I’m on a short break right now and also earlier when posting on TMB and checking my FF lineups
     
    PAHokie likes this.
  35. hood b. goode

    hood b. goode B I O I N B I O
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    I picked the wrong indusry, been averaging 55 - 60 hrs a week at this new gig for 5 months now
     
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  36. racer

    racer Yuma, where I work in software.
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    Having a little bit of a rough time in my current role. It’s easy and I know the systems and stuff well, but I’m not suited to it. Background: I left my last job on this same industry due to burnout. Got a few months on and needed something, so I jumped into a role at a large financial services firm who offers ancillary services. They license the software platform that I used to work (one job prior, left 3 years ago) at and was a manager. I know the process and product very well. This place is more concerned with following process (saving checklists, email return SLA, other admin functions) moreso than providing a better experience. Which is fine. I’m just terrible at organization and stuff.
    I knew I shouldn’t have dipped back into the industry, but I chose security. About to hit the search again after my 1x1 just went exactly how I’d expect. Clients are generally happy, the builds and offerings are great, but internally I’m missing what I see as arbitrary markers.

    /rant
     
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  37. Nug

    Nug MexicanNug
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    Form over substance approaches always irk me. I get it man.

    No sense in staying if you think you can get on with someone else.
     
    racer likes this.
  38. BrickTamland

    BrickTamland You're not Ron...
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    Any of you knuckleheads have experience with Cognos sales evaluation software?
     
  39. Marty Kaan

    Marty Kaan By any means necessary
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    If the work is just repeatable process/checklist of work--could you offload the work to a digital assistant without telling the company? Sounds like you could handoff or automate a lot of that work and go get a 2nd job like people were promoting in this thread earlier?
     
  40. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    Been off work for two weeks.

    I’m still laying in bed with the scaries…not from drinking…but from the thought of “hey do you have a minute for a quick Teams call” starting up again.

    :donotwant:
     
    Bruce Bowen, Baron, PAHokie and 4 others like this.
  41. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    Definitely know that feeling, usually it's with jobs I hate though.
     
    jbr likes this.
  42. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    I don’t hate my job at all, I’d just much rather not have to work and two weeks off reminds me of that.
     
  43. Tommy Callahan

    Tommy Callahan Well-Known Member
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    Hell my old job cared more about being in your chair than what you actually got done
     
  44. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    That’s the boomer “butts in seats” management style. Three years into 100% wfh, there are still some holdouts in my org who go from 6 to midnight when mentions of return to office are made. They’d rather make their own lives worse as long as it means they get to police the cube farms like the boss from Office Space again.
     
    LetItSoak, FTK, Henry Blake and 4 others like this.
  45. hood b. goode

    hood b. goode B I O I N B I O
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  46. pratyk

    pratyk Arsenal FC, Rutgers Scarlet Knights
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    Surprised this take from Kagan is getting so much attention. The man's a bit of a shit stain anyway.
     
  47. Bruce Bowen

    Bruce Bowen Well-Known Member
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    Old job my boss (and coworkers) would video me without any notice. That was fucking hell. New job no one ever turns their video on and unless there is an emergency that is already popping off in the chat there are no spontaneous calls. :blessed:
     
    jbr likes this.