Corporate Speak Thread_2024-01_Finalv11-GB.PPTX

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Gin Buckets, May 6, 2015.

  1. Tommy Callahan

    Tommy Callahan Well-Known Member
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    I think a lot of it depends on the company. I left a place that the VP of sales and borderline de facto president would watch people on camera coming through the parking lot to see when people came and went. I was basically setup to take his job eventually and it shocked them but just so fed up with it left and feel much better. 1200 person company to the new one 700. Generally same amount of revenue a year

    Still in the office every day, but work good hours with nobody watching when you come and go. I guess my point is some office jobs are different than others
     
  2. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
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    Fair, and I totally get it. Couple reasons why I wanted to go back. First, the volatility out there has been really bad for me mentally. I’ll lose clients due to them pulling back on spend, then gain new ones. But the uncertainty lately has just really been a lot for me. Also, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I have some fears about AI like ChatGPT talking away at least part of my business (I’m a writer and PR guy). Lastly, I figure I have 25 years of working left. I just can’t imagine doing my own thing for that long.
     
  3. heelfan

    heelfan Well-Known Member
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    Have the sales titles gotten just out of control anywhere else? Can't throw a stone in my company without hitting someone who is a strategic director of X vertical.
    Is there a customer in the world that cares about this stuff?
     
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  4. mangler

    mangler Well-Known Member
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    I work for a small family owned company with ±25 employees. We have an owner/president who is also our top sales person by a wide margin, a VP of Global Sales and Marketing and and VP of New Business evelopment.

    Both of the VPs are absolutely nothing more than sales people and they are not capable of working together on anything, mortal enemies.
     
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  5. Tommy Callahan

    Tommy Callahan Well-Known Member
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    Chairman of the Board, President and CEO all being the same person says hey
     
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  6. goblue31602

    goblue31602 Well-Known Member
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    100%

    I design the shit that's wrong and the programmers have to fix it.
     
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  7. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    Not sure if it’s me but I feel like Business Development as a title has gotten broader and bit more unclear. Not sure if others experience that at bigger companies
     
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  8. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    Can understand that being tough. Have this happen in consulting a lot....I'd love to run a small specific shop but the volatility and uncertainty would be crushing
     
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  9. Corch

    Corch My son got the Denver Nuggets jeans
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    I love this idea.
     
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  10. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
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    It’s mentally and emotionally exhausting. With new clients, I write a 30 day notice to sever ties into the contract. That at least gives me a month to scramble and try and find ways to replace the income the next month. But I’ve been burned a couple of times when no contract was in place. Usually these are relationships with old colleagues or friends of old colleagues who were referred to me and I’m too nice to be stern about it. Happened in late February when a client that was a $3,000 retainer told me they were pulling back immediately. It’s 100% my fault for not having stringent contract terms in place, but that doesn’t help the mental anguish.
     
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  11. hood b. goode

    hood b. goode with the mandem
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  12. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    Is there a way to disable reply all functionality for specific people in Outlook? Cause I work with some folks that hit reply all every time they take a breath in.

    ***email that I’m copied on for informational purposes***
    Reply all: Thanks!

    At least 100x per day.
     
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  13. goblue31602

    goblue31602 Well-Known Member
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    Do you otherwise need emails from those people? You can write a rule to put their emails in a different folder.
     
  14. ohhaithur

    ohhaithur e-Batman
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    I once wrote a rule that if [person who was useless] was cc'd on the email, immediately delete it. I figured if someone was telling him about it, it couldn't possibly be important. Never burned me in four year

    For jbr I would probably write the rule as "from: replyall person" and "includes: someone in another department" automatically delete
     
  15. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
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    I've tried to ignore VPs that all they sent me were unimportant emails.

    I did not have permission to ignore those users
     
  16. ats

    ats Well-Known Member

    Thanks

    Wayne
     
  17. ats

    ats Well-Known Member

    I had a DVP forward me the notification that I deleted his email without reading it

    I deleted that after reading it so I could show progress I guess?

    Was I supposed to respond?
     
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  18. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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  19. beist

    beist Hyperbolist
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    I'm about 6 months into a new job, and someone just directed me to the "firm policy library" in response to a question I had about our 401k. My search for "401(k)" turned up zero. My search for "retirement" turned up a document called [Company Legal Name] Policy on Policies. In manually scrolling through the 100+ documents to see if anything felt relevant, I came across a Policy Creation Policy document. I guess the Policy on Policies does not cover when to create a policy.

    Still haven't found anything that touches on my question.
     
  20. Whammy Business

    Whammy Business Well-Known Member
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    Sounds like a bang up HR department.
     
  21. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    When I run my own company that my dad gives to me, my 1st rule is going to be if you ever create an offline copy called "_version###" and not used sharing capabilities.... I will fire you on the spot
     
  22. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    The worst is when people create new versions of shared files they know for a fact other people will collaborate on
     
  23. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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  24. kinghill

    kinghill Cool American Flavour
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    came here to post this lol
     
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  25. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    Big fan of "can't milk the cow from the inside"
     
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  26. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    Our admin went on a mission trip to Guatemala last week and every day this week when people walk in she greets them with "Grand Risings!" and "Bright Blessings!"
     
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  27. AHebrewToo

    AHebrewToo Albino Hebrew Extraordinaire
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    I don't want that energy, but I cannot fault her for trying.
     
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  28. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    She's mid-20s and full of life. She means well and is good to work with. I have just seen some guys roll their eyes as they walk by.
     
  29. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    You work for a church?
     
  30. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    His aversion to sucking dick would make a lot more sense
     
  31. hood b. goode

    hood b. goode with the mandem
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  32. CC

    CC Waiting for moments that never come
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  33. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    We could have a thread dedicated to LinkedIn cringe but I don’t want my face to melt by it’s existence
     
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  34. Nug

    Nug MexicanNug
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    r/LinkedInLunatics is a great subreddit.
     
  35. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    "Cycles"

    New buzz word I've been hearing wrt if you have any "time"....because we can't just say time.

    "Do you have any cycles available??" Is this an agile term I just haven't heard/
     
  36. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    Not familiar with cycles but if it is cliché and catchy I am sure my execs will start saying by the end of the year.
     
  37. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    It used to be "do you have any bandwidth" which was bad enough.
     
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  38. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    Isn’t this how they refer to time in Tron?
     
  39. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    Hear it every day.
     
  40. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    Yeah, bandwidth is def a thing
     
  41. JohnnyChimpo

    JohnnyChimpo This man, Lenny Pepperidge, AKA Lenny the Pep...
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  42. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    I’ve worked in IT for 20 years and have heard cycles for at least 10+ of those years. It’s a reference to cpu cycle.

    The real nerds will reply with some kind of comment about switching eating up cycles.
     
  43. Nug

    Nug MexicanNug
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    I use bandwidth regularly :ohdear:

    Have never heard cycles except when yoga chics can't do certain poses because they're on their moon cycle.
     
  44. pratyk

    pratyk Arsenal FC, Rutgers Scarlet Knights
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    How are we going to operationalize this fucking workstream?
     
  45. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    “How do we make this easy for the idiots doing the actual work?”
     
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  46. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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  47. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    As someone in marketing i am now flooded with everyone feeling to need to make some deep point about Barbie and how we can all learn from them.
     
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  48. Corch

    Corch My son got the Denver Nuggets jeans
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    Bandwidth doesn't bother me, mostly because it actually makes sense.
     
  49. Marty Kaan

    Marty Kaan By any means necessary
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    I use capacity
     
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  50. Marty Kaan

    Marty Kaan By any means necessary
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    I heard cycles more in consulting than I do currently. Never truly understood it. What is the measurement of time for a cycle? One hour, one day, or one week?