Dealing with Depression Thread: an even safer place than the original

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by MK 3rds, Apr 11, 2015.

  1. Mr Bulldops

    Mr Bulldops Jet fuel cant melt dank memes
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    My (now) wife moved to the other side of the country and we were apart for almost 3 years at one point while we were still dating. We would take turns flying to one another every couple months. It sucked but if it’s meant to be, it will work itself out
     
  2. CTownND

    CTownND Well-Known Member

    Quick update from me.

    Feeling generally better on a day to day basis. Medication seems to be going alright I would imagine. Therapy has been extremely helpful.

    Example: I broke up with the GF last Sunday, she told me the next day that she had already found a place across the city and was planning to move out next weekend (so what would be today). Since then, she has been extremely nice to me, offering to cook dinner when I come home late, etc. - stuff she wouldn't do when we were together. She has since been kind of delaying the move out ("oh, we're still working through the lease" "oh, the land lord is being unresponsive, etc.") and I had put a hold on the only vacant one bedroom in my apartment building, making the move out logistics super easy - but something was keeping me from pulling the trigger. I met with my therapist Wednesday and she said I better walk out of this room, immediately call the landlord and say I am signing on the spot (not just a hold) and tell the GF I am moving out ASAP. I wasn't expecting that kind of immediate action recommendation from her, but it was extremely helpful. So now, I'm moving into a one bedroom in my same apartment complex next weekend, which should make the move easy and thinks have been as amicable as possible with the GF in terms of moving out.

    On Girl #2, we've still been talking and hanging out a lot. She told me she is actually still on a break with her current BF. We've been getting along better now that she sees proof I am breaking up with my GF (she had trust issues and thought I was telling her I was breaking up with GF to try to sleep with her). She is simultaneously telling me I need to be single for a few months before we can do anything, while also talking about how excited she is for our next stage while I have my own apartment.

    Either way, I'm glad that 1. I made this decision independent of her so even if nothing ever happen I thank her for being a catalyst to getting me out of the bad relationship with a GF, and 2. We're treating each other a lot better recently as things are ending with the GF. I'm a little anxious to be single again and still have some tough self image / imposter syndrome issues, but excited to continue moving forward.
     
  3. Zebbie

    Zebbie Master of Nothing
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    Good for you man - just take it a day at a time with Girl #2
     
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  4. mc415

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    Girl #2 sounds kinda crazy and that if you got serious with her it’s going to be high drama stressful shit......will put you thru another hell when the lows get low......I think you need a clean slate and find a nice well grounded chick who’s not going to mind fuck u over and over
     
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  5. JohnnyChimpo

    JohnnyChimpo This man, Lenny Pepperidge, AKA Lenny the Pep...
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    I’m not trying to be insensitive but this part threw me for a loop
     
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  6. CTownND

    CTownND Well-Known Member

    Do you guys drink on your anti-depressants?
     
  7. Zebbie

    Zebbie Master of Nothing
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    I do but I usually only have beers on Saturdays & don’t really touch it the other 6 days of the week - what are you taking?
     
  8. JCort

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  9. CTownND

    CTownND Well-Known Member

    10 mg of Lexapro. I usually have one heavy drinking day a week (6-8 drinks) and one light drinking night (1-3 drinks).
     
  10. Zebbie

    Zebbie Master of Nothing
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    That’s what I’m on too - just be careful with it for the first few weeks you’re taking it to see how/if the medication affects how you feel, and try to avoid tying one on for a few weeks if possible.
     
  11. southside

    southside Well-Known Member
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    I took lexapro for about 2 years, same dose. Drinking had no affect that I could tell. I did go completely sober though the first 2-3 months I was on it
     
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  12. TC

    TC I don't do it for the gram, I do it for Compton
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    Yeah. I try to be an adult and limit my drinks these days but when I do go beyond just a few I feel like the SSRIs cause me to reach the "hammered" stage faster. Like I'll wake up the next day, realize how inebriated I was, and be like hmmmm I didn't used to get that drunk off 6-8 beers. Could also just be because I'm old now
     
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  13. TC

    TC I don't do it for the gram, I do it for Compton
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    On the subject of not sure if bc old or the medicine...anyone experience weight gain with these?
     
  14. Zebbie

    Zebbie Master of Nothing
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    My psych said Paxil is pretty known as a weight gainer - my weight’s gone down a little on Lexapro, but I think it hasn’t gone down more because of the stress of the divorce I’m in the middle of at the moment.
     
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  15. CTownND

    CTownND Well-Known Member

    Yeah, this is how I feel. Been on it for like 4 weeks now. When I'm like two beers in, I already start to feel a little buzzed when previously it had no effect (I'm 230 pounds). When I'm like 6-8 beers in, I'm fairly hammered when before it would just kind of be a decent buzz.

    I guess that's all stuff I'm able to manage - drink slower at the start, drink less - but I was more just worried if there's any exacerbated kidney/liver/etc. damage with it.
     
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  16. TC

    TC I don't do it for the gram, I do it for Compton
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    I honestly haven't read up on that -- I figured the warnings not to drink on it had to do with alcohol being a "depressant" and it could upset your balance. Overall I don't think heavy drinking is conducive to a mentally healthy lifestyle for me anyway at this age so that's not a concern for me; just an extra incentive to drink a little less
     
  17. Pharm

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    Things have been a little weird for me lately. Things are going well and I'm generally pretty happy but I just get super down in the dumps recently. I have a history of substances abuse and I really am not crazy it, but I just get quick to anger and super down randomly. Dr. Thinks I might need to be on a low dose anti depressant. Just kinda worried how my wife will take it.
     
  18. JCort

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    For the symptoms you’re describing, I’d try some therapy first. If these things aren’t around the clock issues medicine may not be needed. Ultimately, life is going to throw these moments at you and figuring out ways to cope with or reframe your thoughts will be better in the long run. Best of luck.
     
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  19. Pharm

    Pharm Right Handed
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    I'm in therapy for my addiction which basically is how to cope with what life throws at you. It's just life is pretty good right now and i notice I'm getting down more.
     
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  20. JCort

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    Ah, I gotcha. If you’re already talking about those things with your therapist there, and not just solely addiction focused, then medicine would be another idea for augmentation. Typically best outcomes are seen with a little of both (meds + therapy).
     
  21. CTownND

    CTownND Well-Known Member

    Quick update on my situation.

    -Think I need to change my depression medicine dosage. I'm feeling really high highs and really low lows. Thought about suicide for the first time a couple weeks ago on the first night I spent in my one bedroom which kinda scared the shit out of me. As much as I hate to say it, I think I'd rather be on a medicine that numbs everything then gives me these crazy intense moments.

    -Ex-gf is treating me ok. Move-out was fairly uneventful. We text once in a blue moon but nothing crazy. She spent the holidays with her family in Canada and told me she is "going to move home soon" which I think was just to get a rise out of me, but may be true. I felt a bit shitty afterwards, but overall think I'd be fine if she's gone. Transition to being friends is kind of ok actually.

    -Everything about my relationship with Girl #2 is becoming "more." We've had sex a couple times now. Our fights are getting more intense. Feelings are getting more intense. She said she's still working things out with the BF and doesn't think there's "a pathway for us to be in a relationship RIGHT NOW," but I've heard shit from her friends that leads me to believe she may be more with him then without him. I confronted her about it last night and she blew up on me - "fuck you forever, never talk to me, I'm blocking you" type shit. It's the same cycle - big fight, 2-3 days of no talking, 2-3 days of normal, 2-3 days of 24/7 talking, hook up, and repeat. I need to ween her out of my life but I'm co-dependent on her right now. She makes me feel validated.

    -As in other girls, feel like my life is in neutral. Moved out weekend before Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving weekend with family, had to work over a weekend a lot, this weekend I crashed after a work trip, etc. I feel like until I just get out there, get drunk with my buddies, and meet a couple girls, I'm going to be stuck on Girl #2. When I flew back to LA after Thanksgiving, we landed in a terminal where you have to take a bus back to the main terminal. There was a cute girl on the flight across the aisle from me, and when I got on the bus, she sat down in the seat next to me. She started talking to me and I found out she lives near me, just moved from Dallas, works 5 blocks from where I work, etc. Somehow when we got to the parking lot after 10-15 mins of talking, I didn't ask her number, and I don't know her name. It was partially being stuck on Girl #2 + partially self confidence / depression + being neutered by the GF all these years, but I've been kicking myself for 2 weeks about this.
     
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  22. southside

    southside Well-Known Member
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    Your new girl is textbook borderline personality disorder. Fucking run man. Fast. Read the book I Hate You dont Leave Me, it’s about he
    Be patient with yourself brother. That’s the biggest key, you have had a lot of churn
     
  23. JCort

    JCort oiling and lotioning, lotioning and oiling
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    I don’t know about borderline, but likely some cluster B personality traits to go along with dependence issues. Toxic regardless.
     
  24. Zebbie

    Zebbie Master of Nothing
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    Not sure how many of you followed my saga in the divorce thread, but I move out Saturday...divorce should be final probably sometime in February. Been feeling pretty shitty about myself for the last week or so, between all of the feelings/memory flashbacks I’m having as I pack up my stuff, to feeling sad because I’ll only see my son half of the time now instead of every day, to feeling sad more because I don’t know how often I’ll see the dogs since the ex is keeping them...it’s just a lot of shit to deal with at once.

    Not really looking for any advice or anything, just needed to get that outta my head.
     
  25. DuckKin

    DuckKin Well-Known Member

    Maybe he should also be looking for the reason why he is attracted to toxic personalities as well.
     
  26. Wu

    Wu LKY did nothing wrong
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    Update: just found out I got a permanent job at one of the biggest companies in the world.

    Was literally numb and trembling for a few minutes I’m so pumped.

    Just a reminder to you all that believe in yourself if nothing else.
     
  27. Fecta23

    Fecta23 Well-Known Member
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    That sounds awful man. Especially not being able to see your kid all the time. Keep your head up.
     
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  28. Room 15

    Room 15 Mi equipo esta Los Tigres
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  29. CTownND

    CTownND Well-Known Member

    The holidays kinda sucked. First, I went to visit my best friend from Friday to Sunday (21st to 23rd). We almost never fight, but we got into a big fight Friday night because I told him I did a bunch of drugs the weekend before (and he hates drugs), and then another big fight Saturday night. He was dating this girl for ~4 months who moved away and it ended badly, and she was in town that night and we went out of our way to go to a bar she was at (solo) and I felt super awkward and out of place as he tried to smooth things over with her, while me - his best friend - just kinda stands there. I kept telling him "dude, I can leave" as he was trying to hit on her, and then he kept on getting upset that I was being distant at the bar and we got into a big fight after she took off.

    Then I go home to visit my parents. I had never talked to them about depression / mental illness before a couple months ago. I get home and it's like I can do nothing right. "Maybe that music you listen to is depressing you... maybe your job is depressing you ... maybe your friends are depressing you ... maybe you wouldn't be depressed if you moved home..." etc etc. I know they had good intentions, but it kept calling up being depressed and trying to act like there's a quick solution, like taking cough medicine to cure a cough. We also have distant relatives in my city and my mom TOLD MY RELATIVES I'm "depressed and should start going to church with them" to feel better. I was furious.

    Then my other buddy - another one of my best friends - put me in a shitty situation over New Years. He just moved to a new city with his girlfriend, but has been hooking up with a girl on the side. After JUST MOVING OUT OF TOWN with his gf, he planned a new years trip with the side chick back home. He begged and begged me to go, and I transparently realized he just wanted to "use" me for pics and a cover story, so he could show his gf he was with me on this trip vs. with someone else. I dropped out at the last minute when I realized what was going on and he got super upset at me.

    In the background, stuff with Girl #2 keeps chugging along at an insane roller coaster pace. She told me a few weeks ago things are going a lot better with her "ex"-bf and she thinks she's going to get back with him and may even get engaged in the spring - something about pushing him away once, but he's stuck loyal to her while she's been in this fling period with me and doesn't want to lose him for good if she pushes away again. So she said, we have to be done, she feels guilty about hooking up with me - it's over. But then, surprise surprise, we've had sex twice since that conversation and she keeps on dropping weird comments in conversation about planning a summer vacation with "two friends" (vs. her boyfriend), etc. where it sounds like she's trying to get me to believe there's a chance again.

    I know what I need to do - ask her what the fuck is going on, and cut her off if she says "well nothing's changed, I'm just fine with cheating now." But I feel like I just got into these two massive fights with two of my best friends, have had issues with my family, and FOR ONCE things are kind of stable with her even if its a pseudo-fake relationship, so I'm trying not to fuck that up too because I feel like I'm fucking up everything. So I've had a really tough couple days, being pretty lonely and depressed as all this seems to be caving in. Spent New Years Eve alone in my apartment and that kinda fucked me up too. Slept about 30 minutes last night.
     
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  30. southside

    southside Well-Known Member
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    1. Your friends are melodramatic and kinda shitty. You ain’t fucking anything up.
    2. Your parents probably won’t help with your depression. You’re their kid, and seeing you hurting they’ll grasp at anything to try to fix it because that’s what they’ve done their whole lives for you growing up.

    My mother did the same type of stuff with different words, despite her you know...actually having been diagnosed clinically depressed before. I expected she would know how to deal with it with me but she wasn’t, and it was an unrealistic expectation I had to drop and move on from.

    3. That girl still sucks and is not a loyal chick you want to hitch your wagon to.
     
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  31. mc415

    mc415 Hella
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    This chick is going to fucking destroy you! It’s painful for me to watch it from here and I don’t even know you guys.
     
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  32. The Hebrew Husker

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    I know we typically post our own issues in here, but anyone have any “advice” on how to deal with a GF who basically won’t even help herself out when it comes to depression/mind state?

    As in, she knows “what she needs to do” but just never does it.
     
  33. adephoi

    adephoi 803

    The only thing worse than going through it yourself is watching someone you care about go through and not be able to help. Feel for you. Ultimately she has to care enough about herself to try and fix it. Maybe she can get started with seeing how it impacts you/her family and that would start the process. At some point it has to become about her health but see if you can make it about you to start. "Hey, I need you to go exercise with me so I'm motivated and will do it" Small steps. Hope she turns the corner.
     
  34. The Hebrew Husker

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    Yeah, it’s always tough when dealing with someone else too. I probably shouldn’t post this, and maybe I already have, but 7-8 years ago I let my depression build to the point where if my dad didn’t show up at 3am to my apartment I would be dead. That said, from that point forward, I’ve always kind of told myself “if you’re going to be alive, at least figure this shit out”. So I have learned what to do, and how important it is to handle it when it creeps up.

    I can definitely have patience and understanding of depression and anxiety, but my biggest issue is the how to communicate it.

    I’ve tried helping with as much as humanly possible, with like tangible things that’d be an improvement to quality of life. But I can’t do everything.

    I’ve tried to say sometimes it effects me and starts to ruin my mental state. That just makes her feel bad and she gets worse.

    If I nicely say “hey maybe this weekend we can do (insert something that she claims she needs to do)”...it’s like “yeah maybe”

    If I get a little bit more direct like “hey let’s just go handle some shit”, she basically acts like I’m screaming bloody murder. Will like legit cry, which I’ll admit annoys me.

    I know I’m probably making it look worse than it is, but I’m just losing patience and as someone who basically dug myself out of my own grave, I have a ton of patience but also am quick to lose it due to my own “experience”

    I know that got long, but it’s easier to rant here than vent to my friends and family that might “judge”.
     
  35. Mr Bulldops

    Mr Bulldops Jet fuel cant melt dank memes
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    Oh wait, am I your GF?
     
  36. wtx

    wtx you don't want zero problems big fella
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    as someone that’s been on the not doing what i need to many times over in relationships, i can only offer advice from my experience

    i knew what i needed to do each time but i was too stubborn to do anything about it. i watched countless girls try to fix me or help me and it took a huge toll on their own mental health. so much so that they all left me in the end. now i’m not saying you should leave her or anything, but doing everything you can in order to help her fix HER problems will likely put you in a rough mental state as well. when you’re both in a bad mental state, it amplifies whatever relationship problems you may have x1000. i have mutual friends with my last gf, and i’ve been told that she’s still recovering from her bad mental funk after dating me. i didn’t physically or mentally abuse her, but it seems like her having to worry each day about whether i was going to be alive really dragged her down.

    if she knows what she needs to do but refuses, my only advice is to be there for her but don’t try to intervene too much in her problems. it’ll just add more stress to whatever problems you may deal with daily. ultimately it’ll be up to her and distancing yourself from it some may be the best way for her to realize she needs to change.
     
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  37. The Hebrew Husker

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    Yeah this makes sense. I know sometimes I don’t respond well to other people too.

    Just gets frustrating, and my fear is that if I don’t “help” it’ll just never get better and one day I’m just going to wake up like “hey....I gotta go”
     
  38. wtx

    wtx you don't want zero problems big fella
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    my best advice for you is if she starts fighting with you or getting defensive about it, take a step back and say something along the lines of i’m always here for you if/when you want to talk about it and letting her be. if she’s similar to me at all, she’ll be more receptive to that than you trying to intervene even though you’re just trying to help. it’ll likely be much more productive in the conversations that you do have about it as well if she feels like she’s talking about it on her own terms.

    as far as leaving goes, hope it doesn’t get to that point for you man. but if it does, i can say with 100% certainty that my exes are much better without me. take that however you’d like.
     
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  39. The Hebrew Husker

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    Yeah luckily it never really is a fight. It's either like a complete shutdown where she will be silent and in a funk for like two hours, or she will cry, and then I am just sitting there doing the Waka Flocka OK meme haha
     
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  40. Mr Bulldops

    Mr Bulldops Jet fuel cant melt dank memes
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    As another person who knows what they need to to help themselves I’m not that way because I am being stubborn or don’t like being told what to do or anything. My wife tries to help me as best she can as well. she has researched good local therapists/psychologists offices and even opened up request an appointment online forms on my phone so all I would need to do is just fill out a couple fields and make myself an appointment. That tab stayed open on my phone for so long that the last time I looked at it, it refreshed and came back as no longer existing. The fucked up thing is that I actually really wanted to but for whatever reason I just couldn’t motivate myself to actually do it.

    I guess all I’m saying is that even though she may know what help she needs and may actually really want to help herself, she may not be not following through with it for and logically reason. for whatever reason she might really just be physically (mentally) unable to make herself do it
     
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  41. Can I Spliff it

    Can I Spliff it Is Butterbean okay?
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    Everyone doing all right?
     
  42. Daniel Ocean

    Daniel Ocean I only lied about being a thief
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    Never got this tag. Wish I had. Thanks.
     
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  43. DuckKin

    DuckKin Well-Known Member

    I've spent more years depressed than happy, but I've been happy in more consecutive years than I ever have. It's hard, and though I look at my life as a major improvement, that depression still lingers. The big steps to change my life was easy, now the little specific stuff is difficult to work on. My wife said I was a "martyr" last week. After a few hours of being angry at her, I really thought about it. She is right, and it's because I am not honest with her, nor myself. I still hide my emotions if I can, and it boils over inside (I am an inward destroyer, not an outwards one). So my next goal to help is honesty.
     
  44. TC

    TC I don't do it for the gram, I do it for Compton
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    I've read a few books that deal with this:

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    First one ("Daring Greatly") is by a blonde mother from Texas so might not be our typical first choice in the TMB demographic but I connect with her message. She is well known for different books and TED Talks and such. Second one ("The Four Agreements") is by a Native American guy and talks about wisdom from the Toltec tribe. Taught me some stuff about self honesty.
     
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  45. Zebbie

    Zebbie Master of Nothing
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    Brene Brown is great - at least watch her TED Talks if nothing else, they were a huge help. I’ve always struggled with vulnerability...
     
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  46. GamecockInCbus

    GamecockInCbus Well-Known Member
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    No, but I don't see how talking about it here or in front of a professional would do any good. My mind just feels so disorganized and everyone around me seems to think therapy is easy and a panacea.
     
  47. Zebbie

    Zebbie Master of Nothing
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    Getting that shit out of your head helps a ton (or does in my case)
     
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  48. Can I Spliff it

    Can I Spliff it Is Butterbean okay?
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    Glad youre mostly doing all right
     
    #1198 Can I Spliff it, Jan 28, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2019
  49. TC

    TC I don't do it for the gram, I do it for Compton
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    It helps in everyone's case. I took a counseling class in grad school and that's literally all you're learning, how to get the other person talking. The counselor hardly has to say anything. GamecockInCbus not sure if you were being serious or maybe just having a cynical/dark moment but it absolutely works
     
  50. blotter

    blotter Aristocratic Bum
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    In Buddhism they say the first step to using an antidote to an afflictions is confidence, specifically that the situation is actually workable.

    As far as disorganization/distraction/disorder goes I like the idea called knowing by the antidote to gain confidence in eventually eliminating them. Basically when one comes up you balance it with its antidote..disorganization with orginaztion, nondistraction with distraction etc. Whatever feels like the counterpoint in your mind of these things, you can see in a simple thought experiment it is workable, or can be brought into check somewhat at least momentarily. Which makes it easier for us to have confidence in using these tools, seeking help etc
     
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