Sorry man, that is terrible. My vet came to our house, took him, and cremated him for us. Is that not an option? If not, I would try to find that. I felt like gus was more comfortable in a familiar place and I personally was in no shape to be in public. One thing that really helped me after was the creation of an amazon photos/google drive folder with every photo and video that me and my wife had between us. It reminds us of the good times and amazon still does a popup of various days in history that I still love, even a year later.