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Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by 2, Jan 1, 2020.
What is this person's age? Do they not have experience with the issues alcohol can cause?
32. She’s been through me going through withdrawal and everything back in 2018 so she understands. I’m not shaking and puking my guts up everyday now so I think she feels I’m not as bad regardless of what my doctor and I tell her.
For reference all of this started because I open up the fridge this morning and there are 2 bottles of wine and a bottle of vodka in the freezer. I called and had a talk with her about how I can’t have this sitting there all day with me at home and she says she understands but doesn’t understand how I don’t drink unless she buys it and brings it home. I’ll never get in my car and go buy booze. Never. I just won’t, so the only way we have it here is her getting it and bringing it home. If I have access to alcohol I’ll drink all of it but if its not right in front of me I won’t.
I understand, I'm same way. Best way to not drink is not bring it home. I can keep liquor around indefinitely but cold beer calls to me
Opposite. I honestly can’t let anything sit. I’m halfway through the vodka and it’s only 8:30.
Pour it down the drain my dude!
Can’t. I know I should but I can’t. It’s dumb as shit I know. I’m not denying that it’s a big deal I can’t just pour it out. I had to take the rest of the day off work because of it which sucks. It’s not her fault. I’m the one with the issue but it’s so easy for me to stay sober if there isn’t any alcohol brought to me. I simply won’t drink if I don’t have anything to drink
Also I’ve been talking to her about it all morning as well. Im just venting here. Im just asking for her to not have it in the house. I can go out and have a drink and be fine. We went out for Mother’s Day and I had 2 drinks and that was it. It’s when I have it in abundance at my own home that I go nuts and it’s a problem.
Yep. It’s very easy to “just have one more” and then the pours get even bigger and then “hey why not just one more?”
But you might make your point more convincingly to her if you pour it out this time. Why not give it a try?
Yeah I’m not to the point I can do that yet. I hope to be at that point for sure but I’m just not there yet. I’m cool on beer and wine. Yes I’ll have a few but I can handle that and not just go overboard. The issue is hard alcohol which is my go to favorite.
Drinking enough beers to get drunk sounds painful.
Why can’t you exactly? Is it the principle of wasting money/resources or are you afraid that if you pick it up you’ll just pour it into a glass or drink right out of the bottle? I’m curious to the why, because it does seem like pouring it out is the simplest solution (well, other than your wife reading the room and not bringing home bottles of booze, of course).
Because I want to drink it. I don’t want to pour it out because I’d rather drink all of it.
I figured that was part of it, but are you afraid that once you put the bottle in your hands then the alcohol is going on your mouth instead? Logically it seems like the easiest solution is to eliminate the temptation through pouring it out instead of having it hover in plain sight, but I know logic doesn’t apply when addiction is present, so I was wondering more about the exact thought process.
Either way, your wife needs to be way more considerate. What you’re going through is brutal enough without her introducing obstacles.
You are seeming pretty dense
How, exactly? I’m genuinely curious.
There's a chance I'm the one off base too, maybe it's just me.
Idk, I feel like I can understand what Hoss means without him elaborating too much. He clearly has some addiction issues with alcohol
It does seem very inconsiderate of your wife to keep the booze out of the house. What if she kept it in the garage or something? If it must be cold, what if she got a wine cooler or something? Would you still be tempted to drink it if it were in a fridge you never opened? What if she locked it up?
I'm not qualified to speak on addiction or having an inconsiderate spouse but is a mutual agreement where she keeps it in a location you don't know about out of the question? Vodka doesn't need to be in the freezer
Well, yes, I know that. I stated that in the post you quoted. I am the type of person who will simply try to eliminate a problem to reduce the temptation instead of having to see it constantly, so I’m trying to gain perspective on a thought process that’s different from mine. Not judging at all.
I’m not Hoss, but if I knew my wife was hiding booze somewhere in the house and I wanted it, I would probably tear the place up looking for it.
I would do this.
My wife stopped drinking probably 9 years ago. We agreed to keep an open dialogue about the ‘rules’ since I still drank/drink and that kind of dynamic can be tough. I definitely took her into consideration when making alcohol related decisions for a while (including keeping it out of the house).
9 years later and she just doesn’t drink. Everything else is normal: alcohol in the house, I booze regularly, friends/neighbors drink around her, etc. She has no desire to consume alcohol anymore.
I think getting a solid base to work from is the best way for long term success. You guys are married with a kid so it should be a family decision. (She isn’t doing you a favor by being more flexible with your requests. She is helping the whole family succeed.) A little flexibility on her end to help ensure the health on your end is the very least you all can do.
He's doing what you say you would do by asking his wife not to keep it in the house. He's also stated that he doesn't have the power to remove it on his own. That's the part that's probably hard for a lot of people to understand. If you've never read up on AA, I encourage you to do so. Step one is admitting you are powerless over alcohol. I give Hoss a lot of credit for recognizing his weakness (hard liquor) and trying to get his wife on board with helping him.
I’m definitely not trying to be critical or judgmental. Was just trying to get more perspective, but I’ll stand down.
Never said you were....you asked for perspective and I gave you perspective - nothing was negative towards you. It is hard to grasp unless you've experienced it. Take some time and read about it.
If I was Hoss's wife i'd hide a shot-sized bottle of vodka up my ass and tell him the only way to get it out of the house is to eat it out of there.
J/K I feel your pain i'm like that with alcohol, and after a few drinks I do the same with food. My weight wildly fluctuates depending on whether i'm sober or not.
Hoss Bonaventure I am happy for you identifying issues that contribute to you being in a place that you acknowledge you don’t want to be. That’s an awesome first step.
Continue to talk with your wife and be honest with yourself. Hoping the best for you…
I’ve been talking to her all day about it. It’s just not something I can handle right now and honestly I don’t want to fuck with. I don’t want to drink, but if it’s right there then I will so we just have to work on it not being in the house.
i honestly wish you the best. Hopefully you two can work something out.
hoss do you think she’d be open marriage/family therapy centered around addiction?
Just because your alcoholic spouse has completed a rehabilitation program does not mean that the challenge of achieving recovery is over. Maintaining sobriety is a daily struggle, and the alcoholic in your life is going to need your support.
Whether or not to keep alcohol in the house is an issue you will need to discuss with your partner, but there are a number of reasons why it’s best to remove any temptations that can result in a relapse. As the spouse of a recovering alcoholic, one of the best gifts you can give is making sure that your home is a positive environment conducive to living a sober lifestyle.
If your spouse is a recovering alcoholic, keeping alcohol in the house can be problematic for the following reasons:
Having easy access to alcohol makes it very tempting to start drinking during times of stress. It’s one thing to resist the urge to pull into a liquor store on the way home from work, but knowing that alcohol is always just a few steps away can quickly drain an alcoholic’s willpower.
Having alcohol at home increases the chances of secretive drinking. After all, sneaking a few ounces of vodka can easily be disguised by adding a bit of water to the bottle.
Even moderate drinking on your part can trigger cravings in your alcoholic spouse. Part of the struggle with maintaining sobriety is keeping alcohol out of sight and out of mind. A seemingly innocuous glass of wine enjoyed at dinner can reignite the compulsive thought patterns of a recovering alcoholic.
Hosting a party at your home where alcohol is being served reinforces the idea that drinking and being social go hand in hand. If your spouse is the only one at the party not drinking, they can begin to feel isolated from friends and family.
Learn as much as you can about what your spouse is going through, and what it means to be an alcoholic in recovery. By talking with your spouse, you can get a better understanding of what their triggers are, and how they can be avoided.
Depending on your partner and their specific history and situation, it may not be unreasonable for you to decide to keep alcohol in the house, but you should speak with your partner about taking the necessary precautions. Perhaps they’re fine with you keeping a bottle of wine out in the open, or they may prefer you keep any alcohol locked up and out of sight. Your spouse may request that your home be completely alcohol-free, in which case it is up to you to decide whether or not you are willing to make that sacrifice.
Maintaining an ongoing dialogue with your spouse about the role alcohol plays in your life is a necessary step in reaching compromises. For example, there may be special occasions where serving alcohol at home is non-negotiable. In these cases, you can make sure that there are plenty of non-alcoholic beverages available for your spouse to enjoy. You could even agree to abstain from alcohol yourself during these events so that your spouse will not feel like the only sober person in attendance. If your spouse is simply unable to face the temptation of having alcohol in the home, you should be understanding of their decision to skip the event.
Living with a recovering alcoholic can be challenging, and may require you to make lifestyle changes of your own, but by being honest and supportive of your alcoholic spouse you can help them achieve full and lasting recovery.
So far so good!
I see it's that time of the year again.
I’m planning on no beer for the year. Not dry, but no beer.
Starting tomorrow after the Sugar Bowl tonight, will go an extra day into February.
I think I lasted between 1-4 days last year hopefully I’ll beat it this year
I made it half way through February last year. Plan to do the same this year.
Made it every day last year. Plan on doing the same this year.
Giving up alcohol improved my quality of life.
starting when I go back to work on Tuesday.
Entire month of January minus the night of the natty for me.
Starting Monday. Made it 21 days last year. I feel like this January will be easier to deal with without drinking.
I may or may not participate again starting tomorrow. I dropped like 10 pounds doing it last year. I need to drop 10 pounds again.
I’m doing it again starting today. Goal is to make to Valentine’s Day.
I’ll be going drier January, need to reset the balance after the holidays.
Been dry since June 1, gonna keep this train rolling
But what about not drinking?
great plan, switch from beer to vodka