Father-in-law things

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by GoodForAnother, Jul 6, 2015.

  1. herb.burdette

    herb.burdette Meet me at the corner of 8th and Worthington
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    Ohio State Buckeyes

    My father in law called the cops to tell them to stop investigating the theft, because it was a practical joke.

    The cop who answered the phone had no idea what he was talking about, which caused my father in law to confide to me that he didn't think the cops were working too hard to investigate the theft of his Christmas decorations.
     
  2. NDfanPSUgrad

    NDfanPSUgrad Well-Known Member
    Penn State Nittany LionsNotre Dame Fighting Irish

    FIL is not exactly up with the technology (had me searching eBay for a Motorola flip phone last year) and correct acronym usage.

    He loves to tell a story that ends like this:
    FIL: well you know what I'd say to him
    Me: what? (Even though I've heard this a million times)
    FIL: (half smile) NFB
    Me: (puzzled what look)
    FIL: (full smile) None of your fucking business

    Even funnier when he gets mad and uses "NFB" in a sentence like everyone knows what it means.
     
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  3. ~ taylor ~

    ~ taylor ~ Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG

    My FIL raises and races pigeons. Wonderful guy who I get along with great, but we don't talk sports.
     
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  4. jltperson

    jltperson Making The Mainboard Great Again
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    [​IMG]
     
  5. I<3privatedances

    I<3privatedances enjoys himself in the champagne room
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    My FIL is the shit. He works his ass off as a mason and has a great sense of humor. The only thing I've got for him is when he took his family to Washington DC he spent an afternoon checking how symmetrical the bricks and blocks had been laid on buildings and occasionally talking shit when he saw what he considered a mistake.
     
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  6. Verbal Kint

    Verbal Kint Well-Known Member
    TMB OG

    don't know why but I find this hilarious
     
  7. BuckeyeRiot

    BuckeyeRiot Team Nicki
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    My FIL is one of the most personable and easy to be around people I've ever met. He's also one of the most gullible and easily manipulated people I've ever met. Great guy, fun to around, enjoys golf, beer, and football. I don't have anything else to add.
     
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  8. Futureman

    Futureman Check you later kemosabe
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    My FIL is pretty chill. He used to race horses and essentially taught Bob Baffert how to pick a horse in the early 80's. He will casually name drop celebrities he met in his training days but they're usually hilariously 80's celebrities. "So me, David Hasselhoff and Alfonso Ribiero are watching Bob race a few horses at Santa Anita..."
     
  9. Phil Connors

    Donor TMB OG
    Alabama Crimson Tide

    My FIL was cool as shit. Died very unexpectedly of a massive heart attack the day Terrance Cody blocked the two kicks to beat Tennessee. Got the call at halftime. Shitty day. Lost a great man & I missed the end of the game. Didn't even know Bama had won until much later that night.
     
  10. herb.burdette

    herb.burdette Meet me at the corner of 8th and Worthington
    Donor
    Ohio State Buckeyes

    Have you ever thought about subscribing to Pigeon Racing magazine, in an effort to build a better rapport with your father in law?
     
  11. Big Meech

    Big Meech I like turtles
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    After careful analysis, it's poster's use of the word "confide."
     
  12. AIP

    AIP Team bush
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    love his reaction
     
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  13. rcragg82

    rcragg82 Well-Known Member
    Donor

    My FIL passed away about a month before I met my wife.

    I'm jealous of my friends who have cool FILs that take them golfing,fishing, etc. Or just someone to have a beer with during the holidays. It could be worse, no family drama from my MIL or her side of the family.
     
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  14. BasementCrew22

    BasementCrew22 Well-Known Member
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    Michigan WolverinesSneakers

    My FIL is a boss. Old school farmer that works 2 jobs, never complains, and always is around when he is needed, no matter what the hour is. He works third shift at a local soy bean plant and then goes and does his morning chores at his farm until about 11:00 a.m, only to go to bed for about 5 hours and get up to start the cycle all over. He's pretty quiet, but is quite funny when he does speak. I enjoy chatting with him a lot because he usually says meaningful things instead of the constant noise my MIL makes.

    He is going to quit the 3rd shift job as soon as his house is paid off, which should be within the next few years. Luckily, he raised his daughter with that old school farmer mentality and she works hard, which isn't as common as I thought.
     
  15. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    We same
     
  16. El Tiburon

    El Tiburon Well-Known Member
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    Florida Gators

    My FIL is a great guy, but he (and my MIL, for that matter) is the most secretive person I know. And not even about anything in particular. They just do not share any information about anything...ever. He (they) accomplish this by answering every single question you ask -- no matter how benign -- with another question. It's like:

    Tiburon: "Are you taking the day off today?"
    FIL: "Why would I take the day off?"
    Tiburon: "It's, you know, Christmas."
    FIL: "Oh? What did you want to do for Christmas?"
     
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  17. Lyrtch

    Lyrtch My second favorite meat is hamburger
    Staff Donor

    on trains, had a hospice patient I went to visit that was using the hospital bed we got him to set up his train set because he could raise it to eye level to work on it, peak FIL right there

    my FIL? died a little over five years ago, wife(gf at the time) and I had been spending the nights sleeping on chairs in his hospital room after he fought prostate cancer for 15 years, probably the most emotionally devastating moment of my life. I'd already known him 5 years or better at that point, one of the last things we talked about before he wasn't really there anymore was that I'd take care of his wife and both his daughters.
     
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  18. El Tiburon

    El Tiburon Well-Known Member
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    Florida Gators

    Foursome?
     
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  19. London Humphreys

    London Humphreys The next Julian Edelman, obviously.
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    Im in tears and my wife thinks im crazy.
     
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  20. Lyrtch

    Lyrtch My second favorite meat is hamburger
    Staff Donor

    knew as soon as I posted it that'd be one of the first comments so you get the like, but could have been better
     
  21. kennypowers

    kennypowers Big shit like a dinosaur did it
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    Don't have a lot in common with my FIL. He doesn't watch sports, doesn't drink, kind of in his own world. But he's a super nice guy and raised a really good family.
     
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  22. DUCKMOUTH

    DUCKMOUTH People don’t you know, don’t you know
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    My FIL asked if we would get him a dog so we did. He then sent me 3 years worth of vet bill the day before Christmas via The United States Postal Service.
     
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  23. GoodForAnother

    GoodForAnother I’d rather be down the allotment
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    what
     
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  24. Arkadin

    Arkadin inefficiently efficent and unclearly clear
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    Hahahaha
     
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  25. DUCKMOUTH

    DUCKMOUTH People don’t you know, don’t you know
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    Southern Mississippi Golden EaglesNew Orleans SaintsGrateful DeadPoker

    Yep. Said we needed to reimburse him for the care of the dog.

    Got in my car drove an hour north gave him about 600 dollar check and made him give me the dog. I hated that damn dog.

    He was like a child... Very manipulative and sneaky as he got older. I think he was a pretty good dude until his divorce from my MIL(whose awesome by the way) but that was long before I met him.
     
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  26. Whammy Business

    Whammy Business Well-Known Member
    Donor

    You wrapped them up and gave them back to him on Christmas morning, right?
     
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  27. Whammy Business

    Whammy Business Well-Known Member
    Donor

    Fuck that.
     
  28. DUCKMOUTH

    DUCKMOUTH People don’t you know, don’t you know
    Donor
    Southern Mississippi Golden EaglesNew Orleans SaintsGrateful DeadPoker

    He was doing it because we invited him to our Christmas Party a day after his sons and his ex wife got the invite. His feelings were hurt and it was how he lashed out. Like I said he acted like a child.

    He also got blacklisted from Christmas dinner that same day.
     
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  29. NineteenNine

    NineteenNine Divers are, in fact, wankers. It's science.
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    my FIL refuses to talk about any subject that could be remotely touchy in public (money, politics, etc). So basically all we ever do is drink beer and talk sports. Works for me.
     
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  30. Festus McBadass

    Festus McBadass Cool ass dog and 5 star recruit
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    Never got to meet my FIL. He was murdered by the Medellin Cartel in 1990. (He ran security and was the driver for El Mexicano)
     
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  31. Whammy Business

    Whammy Business Well-Known Member
    Donor

    Your father-in-law is a smart man.
     
  32. ashy larry

    ashy larry from ashy to classy
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    South Carolina GamecocksAtlanta BravesWu-tang

    soon to be FIL put a NewSpring bumper sticker on bffs car unbeknownst to her
     
  33. Hogview

    Hogview Fan of the Green board, Razorbacks
    Donor TMB OG
    Arkansas RazorbacksTiger WoodsPGA

    My FIL actually came over and replaced my garbage disposal today while the wife and me were at work. :mulletsmug:
     
  34. NDfanPSUgrad

    NDfanPSUgrad Well-Known Member
    Penn State Nittany LionsNotre Dame Fighting Irish

    I like when my FIL says things like "can you Skype her on Facebook now so we can share this moment with her?". In reference to my sister in law not being there and wanting me to FaceTime.
     
  35. BuckeyeRiot

    BuckeyeRiot Team Nicki
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    My In laws came over on the 3rd for a BBQ since we were going to my family's on the 4th. To pay us back for the food he came back on the 4th while we were out and trimmed up our azaleas and forsythia in the front yard. I was talking about needing to do it but having no free time to get it done while he and I were standing around drinking a beer and grilling corn.
     
  36. Hugo Boss

    Hugo Boss The poster formerly known as CarolinaRPh
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    I like that. I think I'll start sprinkling social media malapropisms in my conversations.
     
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  37. Tobias

    Tobias dan “the man qb1” jones fan account
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    i hope to have a father-in-law one day
     
  38. DelapThrows

    DelapThrows Comforter, Philosopher, and Lifelong Mate
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    Florida State SeminolesAtlanta BravesDallas MavericksStoke City

    a post about my FIL's anal lube is now more popular than any other post I've made on TMB, including one about one of my kids being born.

    Never change, you guys.
     
    #139 DelapThrows, Jul 7, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2015
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  39. HatterasJack

    HatterasJack Is your refrigerator running? It's Mike Hunt.
    Donor

    This is my ex-FIL, who was a Grade A prick, similar to his daughter. He was your classic "one-up" type who always had a slightly better story that everyone else. We all know that guy. I think he was especially insecure when it came to me because I was inserting my penis into his daughter's vagina, and mouth and occasionally b-hole. If you drove from point A to point B in 3 hours, he did it in 2.5. If you caught a 10 pound fish, he caught an 11 pound fish, etc.

    It got so bad I started interjecting absurd stories to see if he would try to one-up them, and of course he always did. One of my favorites was when, while eating dinner with about 10 people, I told him I bought stock in Koch Industries at $30 or something. He immediately claimed he bought it at like $25. After a couple questions to nail him down on buying the stock I said "whoops, I mean I bought X stock...Koch is a privately held company." The death stares from my ex were just heart warming.
     
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  40. Druce

    Druce Fuck football.
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    FIL is an alcoholic who was drunk at my fiance's son's 5th birthday party. He was trying to get me to race him in my M3, he drives a GMC Sierra. He also managed to tell his 12 year old niece he had lung cancer and was going to die in 6 months. Turns out he just had a mass that was being tested on his lung. Tests were negative, he didn't and doesn't have cancer he's just a piece of shit. After going a year without seeing or talking to him, he's trying to convince my fiance he's now clean and sober, but has yet to really apologize for what he's done to her family. I really won the lottery with this asshole.
     
  41. AIP

    AIP Team bush
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    I must read this story...
     
  42. DelapThrows

    DelapThrows Comforter, Philosopher, and Lifelong Mate
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    1st page.
     
  43. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    Well, if you would have taken his hint you wouldn't have to be messing with the kids now would ya?
     
  44. DelapThrows

    DelapThrows Comforter, Philosopher, and Lifelong Mate
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    Florida State SeminolesAtlanta BravesDallas MavericksStoke City

    Already had a couple by that time. Too late, I guess.
     
  45. 941Gator

    941Gator TMB's resident beach bum
    Staff Donor
    Florida Gators

    a future FIL at one point got arrested for sexual assault. This was a very normal family and a good marriage. He claimed he let the random girl crash in his hotel room and she claimed she was assaulted. He did a few months in county to a lesser charge and when he got released he went into husband of the year mode.

    One day I'm getting shit talked to me by the gf and compared to the FIL and I let out "of course he does all this thoughtful shit for your mom, he raped a bitch." I don't think the gf really grasped what he was accused of and what he went to jail for. They weren't allowed to talk about it. She was really taken back.
     
  46. jhooked

    jhooked It's the way you go na, na, na
    Donor TMB OG

    Is it safe to assume that this relationship didn't last? That's kind of a hard one to walk away from, though she had to be pretty ignorant to try and pull the "you should be more like my dad" card knowing you had that one waiting in your back pocket.
     
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  47. BuckeyeRiot

    BuckeyeRiot Team Nicki
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    [​IMG]
     
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