Honestly I have no clue how my dad made it through 24 or so years after my grandfather passed away. Tomorrow will be about 5 months after my dad died and it's hard to go a day without thinking about him. It might be easier if he'd had shit taste in music. Like if I caught myself saying "every time I listen to Mandrill I think of him" because who the fuck willingly listens to them? Or if I struggled to finish listening to a Carpenters song. But I don't listen to crap like that.
It's tough. Had my girlfriend pass away from cancer on April 4, 2020. Didn't post right away but hey folks keep your heads up. Things get better.
My dad passed away a few months before I was born, so it is certainly something that has shaped me and something that I’ve struggled with virtually my entire life for better or worse. I’m named after him and grew up hearing stories about how great he was, which put a lot of pressure on me to live up to his name and to be honest, made things worse. Thankfully I was fortunate enough to have wonderful grandads and some kickass uncles who helped with a lot of the normal dad stuff. My mom is also a complete badass, and I’ll never be able to thank her enough for what she did for me and my brother given the circumstances. Never complained or felt sorry for herself, just did everything in her humanly powers to give us the best and most normal upbringing possible. I think about my dad virtually every day and certain things bring back a flood of emotions that even as a 35 year old I still have little control over, and likely never will. It’s kind of bizarre having such deep feelings for someone you never met, but I try to live a life he would be proud of and I guess that’s all I can do.
Thanks man. She was great. It's been a little over a year and I'm in a good place with it. It's just hard to have a good relationship where both sides were happy be upended abruptly by cancer.
I don't think it's bizarre at all. Sounds like your family did a great job at instilling how important your father is.
Yesterday was 5 year anniversary of my dad passing. Cooked prime rib (his favorite) & had 2-3 drinks. (Makers Mark) Also favorite. Played some of his favorite music that can actually pull off. I'm not good enough for SRV or 99% Clapton lol These just seemed fitting..
I have a really small family so are very close. My aunt unexpectedly got sick over the weekend and died today. I’m very sad but mostly feel awful for her daughter (my only cousin) having to shoulder everything. She’s was already dealing with her own family problems, her son is a train wreck and my uncle isn’t really comprehending everything. My mom and their older sister are taking it very hard. They are about to make a long drive from Arkansas to Atlanta. This sucks
The dreams are the toughest part at this point for me. Father passed in 2009, mother passed in 2001 while I was in college. Those dreams hit hard, I see them (mostly dad) and it’s like, there you are, where have you been?! And you wake up to the realization over again. Sometimes it is a relief to know their gone, for reasons, but every time it’s heartbreak. Not ashamed to say I have woken up crying many times. Loss of parents is so hard, and now that I’m a father I can’t imagine how parents get through the loss of a child. nice to see a thread like this here :hugs:
Sorry man. That sucks and is tough. The only thing I can think to suggest would be to call your cousin, your mom, and your aunt - and to do so frequently over the next few weeks. Call your cousin the most. It may not seem like much, but just being there and being on the phone helps
After dad died, the phone call I got from a somewhat distant cousin ~3 weeks after the funeral (once the phone stopped ringing all day, every day) was one of the most meaningful. I now make it a point to call friends and family ~3 weeks after the funeral of someone close, as that seems to be about the time things return to normal for everyone else but is still traumatic/sad for the person suffering.
I've done the steps from this book and I will encourage anyone that's going though grief to read it. I had a therapist to work on it with me, not sure you can do it on your own but this book helps alot.
I think many here know my story, but my dads birthday would have been last month. He got me through my cancer and died from it 2 months later. He was one of the two most influential people in my life, my other being my mother who is battling late stage dementia. I can’t tell you things get better, but focus on what’s good right now and spend the bad days reliving happy memories. It’s tough but they would want you fulfilling your life.
The dad talk got me. My dad died a month after I graduated from HS in 2002 from a massive heart attack. He was 54. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. I've got a fishing trip saturday and he's all I'll think about. I honestly can't talk or think about him without tearing up to this day. I've never been the same.
Today would have been my grandmas bday and it’s the first one without her here. I’m not going to lie I teared up when I saw the notification pop up on my phone The best thing I’ve ever done is kept all of my voicemails from her and my grandpa dating back probably a decade now. I’m ready to get off of work and listen to them back
The best thing is, they weren’t just simple hey call me back voicemails. My grandpa would talk as much as he could until the voicemail would disconnect him, so basically I can listen back to stories about what was going on in his life lol
Unrelated to his previous lung issues, found out my dad has lung cancer. Don't have a prognosis yet, but "maybe a year or two" if they have therapies that can target what he has.
exactly how I felt after my wife’s mom passed. I wish I could take away her pain and make it mine. I know this might be frown upon but I feel wanting to protect is inherent to being a good man. I’m a couple months from the anniversary my son passing and it still kicks my ass. I hope your GF is doing better. Grief and mourning is different and personal for everyone. I won’t say I know how any of you Kats feel. I won’t pretend to understand your pain. I will say that if you need to reach out I’ll be there. My dad is fighting cancer right now and I wish we’d have a better relationship so I could reach out more and tell him how I feel. Unfortunately we aren’t very close and I can’t change that.
I don’t know y’all’s backstory, but it’s never to late to bury whatever hatchet there may be. Especially if it’s something that’ll live with you after he’s gone. Sorry to hear about all this.
I’m trying but it is 40 years of cultivating a relationship that has never been a close one. It’s not all him but it’s difficult for me to break the cycle especially when I know I’ll miss him when he passes. A quick example is I hadn’t spoken to him in close to a month. I see a missed call from him so I return it and after a month his reply was “sorry I didn’t mean to call you I was calling someone else and I miss dialed” I was like lol okay pops talk soon.
not even the same ballpark but I don’t know where else to put this had to put a dog down today. a good dog. dont know what else to say besides that something is missing now.
Found out a co-worker died yesterday. He had been at our place for years before I arrived and his GF and roommate both work with us. I wasn’t close with him at all, but seeing my coworkers hurting really hit me. pour one out for Jackson. He was only 35.
2019 I lost my grandma and her brother (great uncle) 3 months apart. 2020 lost my grandfather 2021 my father Dad passed a month after his cancer diagnosis. Never got a chance to start treatment. It's been a rough few weeks, but I think I'm in a relatively okay place. Okay as can be. Next week is his birthday, though. Then next weekend the whole family is going on a beach trip that was supposed to be a last hurrah trip. Really not sure how this is all going to go
My big sister (41) died ~3 weeks ago. It's been a very surreal time. Not sure what else to say. Feels like I'm still processing it, like I know it happened and it's real but it just hasn't fully sunk in or hit me fully.
It comes in waves and doesn't feel real, at least for me. I go to text him a lot and have to stop myself.
Idk how close you guys were but for me it was numbness for a long time.. for everyone I’ve lost over the past 3 years it’s been numbness.. those holes will never be filled for me.. It gets better I promise, time really does help but at some point we have to grieve. We have to get it it out of us because internalizing it and telling yourself you have to be strong for this person or that person just doesn’t cut it. It’ll come home eventually and it fucking hurts. I just cling to those memories bro and live as best I can to honor them.
There’s days where it washes over you. After time it becomes less frequent. But it never goes away completely. At least not after 4 years.
I had a dream the other night that I died and saw my family in some weird afterlife. My mom, my sister my dad.. all there waiting and smiling and happy to see me.. the problem was, I couldn’t find my kids anywhere and the dream ended with me waking up in terror because I was searching for my children in the afterlife. I went through the terror of dying, the joy of seeing my beloved family once again and the pain of losing my children all in the same dream. Grief is cruel and it will keep coming for you when you least expect it. You just gotta keep living. Gotta keep loving what you got and loving yourself. I ask myself more now “what would my mom think of this?” More than I ever did when she was alive and I try and make my decisions with her in mind. It’s the best I’ve got right now.
It’ll be 5 years in September since my younger brother (and best friend) died. Don’t go a day without thinking of him. Now I have a 5 month old and I see my brother in his face. A weird mixture of joy and grief. And we named his middle name after my brother. Don’t really have an overarching point to this, I guess. It gets easier to “manage” but grief is a motherfucker who will reach up and bite you when you least expect it even after time has passed.
We were close, not bff's - that was really her and my other sis, but the three of us were all really close. Numbness fits the bill for sure, and I have had to be strong for my mom, other sis, nephews, and to get thru the process of putting her to rest. Her celebration of life is Thursday, I organized basically the whole thing, thank God for my wife who has been amazingly supportive thru this whole process. I am giving her eulogy, it's going to be hard but I figured it's the least I can do to honor her memory. She was always there for me, everything I could ever had asked for in a sister, a friend.
Grief and college football poast. Mom's pretty advanced in her state of Alzheimers at this point. It's pretty hard to be with her. I think non-coincidentally, this is the first year in memory where summer rolls around and I could not give a single shit about what croots are comin to town, season projections, position battles, etc. Ditched all my subscriptions including my rivals one that I started back when I was 14 to "lmbo" at old Dale from Gretna. Could have something to do with Nebraska being awful, but moreso I just realize how this shit just does not matter. Curious if any of you have felt/done the same.
I've done the same. These last 2 years have made me realize how much stuff really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Well, that and having a 7 and 4 year old who are constantly doing/wanting to do stuff.
I got an email from Google photos about getting a picture for dad for father's day the morning after he passed.
We had my sister's Celebration of Life on the sands of Cocoa Beach today. I gave her eulogy, first time I've ever had to do that for anyone, it was very hard but felt healing. The service was nice, I think she was happy with how we sent her off. Now we look to move forward I guess, feels weird to be at this point.
Unexpectedly lost one of my best friends on Friday. He was a groomsman in my wedding, former roommate, and he had just taken me fishing last weekend. Fucking sucks.
This literally just happened to me last night. Best friend of 20 years. Was hit by a car while jogging. Leaves behind a wife and 2 daughters, was only 34. I am numb. It's just unreal.
Goddamn that’s awful. The main reason I don’t listen to music/podcasts while I walk run is that I don’t trust drivers at all. Hope you’re doing ok…I know how much his family will appreciate you being there for them.
Yeah we're offering any support we can. Making hard phone calls, providing lunch and dinner for the whole family. I just went thru this with my sister in May and I know just having people there providing support without having to ask was huge.
This was in the longform article thread but it's really really good on grief. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2021/09/twenty-years-gone-911-bobby-mcilvaine/619490/
Going to a funeral on Saturday for a little girl (well maybe she isn’t a little girl anymore) maybe better said a young woman who had the same genetic condition my son passed away from. She lived a lot longer then him but I don’t think it made it any easier for her parents. It brings up a lot of emotions.
Lost one of my greatest friends last night.. freak boating accident, wasn’t even 40 years old. So many fucking memories of my youth have him in it and I’m just heartbroken. Feels like it’s never ending